Final Text To An Ex-boyfriend Who Dumped You

If your ex-boyfriend dumped you and you’re in a lot of pain, I strongly dissuade you from sending your ex a final text message. Messaging your ex after you broke up is not only seen as a weak and desperate move, but it’s also counterproductive in terms of appearing confident and impressing your ex.

That’s because a final text to your ex-boyfriend will tell your ex that you’re in a lot of pain, make your ex feel sorry for you (or annoyed by you, depending on your ex’s personality), and prevent your ex from wanting to communicate with you now and in the future.

The final text is often seen as a kind gesture in tv shows and movies, but in real life, it’s anything but. If you consider the fact that most dumpers are so done with the relationship they can’t even think about their ex without feeling some unwanted emotion, you should understand that sending your ex a final text won’t make him feel any stronger about you.

Sure, the text will show you’re a decent person (unless you lose your patience, argue, and accuse your ex of things), but other than that, final texts, breakup letters, and gifts are the most harmful things dumpees can send to a person who left them and needs time to heal. These things show that dumpees have expectations of their ex and that they need their ex to feel secure and fulfilled as human beings.

Because dumpees who text their ex after the breakup heavily rely on their ex for validation, they often make their highly emotional ex feel pressured guilty, or both. They prove that they’re not ready to be single, which, in turn, makes the dumper want to avoid being forced to communicate and brings out the worst in him.

Some dumpers get so frustrated with their ex that they ignore and block their ex. They’d rather not receive any texts that make them feel miserable for breaking up and prevent them from looking after themselves. After the breakup, they expect to be rid of negative reminders and emotions and feel relieved, elated, and free to do what they want.

If they can’t be free, there’s a chance that they’ll perceive the dumpee as the culprit and themselves as victims.

So if you’re contemplating sending a final text to your ex-boyfriend, bear in mind that texting your ex is not a good idea. Anything that makes your ex notice you and think about you isn’t because there’s a decent chance your ex will feel trapped and think poorly of you.

Most dumpers think poorly of their ex when their ex forces them to feel emotions they didn’t expect and don’t want to feel.

You can send your ex-boyfriend a final text only if you haven’t had a chance to talk about shared finances/belongings, kids, and things you need to figure out as an ex-couple. In such cases, you should communicate about these things right away so you don’t have to break no contact weeks or months later and encounter a painful emotional setback.

Today’s article explains why sending a final text to an ex-boyfriend who dumped you is considered a post-breakup mistake and what you should do to ease the temptation to reach out to your ex. As a bonus, we’ll also throw in a final text example you can copy to discuss unfinished business with your ex.

Final text to an ex-boyfriend

If your ex-boyfriend dumped you and isn’t communicating with you, sending him a final text message is probably one of the worst things you can do. The only thing worse would be calling him, apologizing, begging, and trying to make him see your worth and get back with you.

That would completely annihilate his respect for you and severely reduce the chances of redeveloping feelings and wanting to get back with you.

So keep in mind that texting your ex after the breakup won’t magically make your ex develop romantic cravings. It won’t make your ex want to talk to you either. If your ex is empathetic and sympathetic, your ex will care about you and perhaps even offer to help you find closure. But if your ex is like most dumpers, he’ll probably find your behavior annoying and avoid you like the plague.

By avoiding you, he’ll be able to avoid dealing with difficult breakup emotions and enjoy life without any responsibilities. You have to understand that your ex isn’t asking for a final text message from you. Your ex doesn’t need one and nor does he expect one.

You’re the only person with anxiety, questions, and lots of things you want to say. That means you’re trying to get things off your chest for healing purposes while your ex has already said everything he wanted. He had the breakup talk with you (unless he ghosted you or refused to talk bout it) and isn’t interested in exchanging emotional texts.

Emotional texts weigh your ex down and make him doubt his actions. And doubt doesn’t feel good because it puts him in a situation in which he can’t move forward nor backward.

Your ex might cry while reading your texts, but if that happens, it won’t be because of love and regret. Your ex would probably cry out of shame, guilt, and self-blame. You should keep that in mind so you don’t immediately assume that dumpers cry and show interest because they want you back. Some dumpers just struggle to accept their behavior and forgive themselves for hurting you.

If your ex is one of those dumpers, your ex could start to breadcrumb you after a while and keep an eye on you to see how you’re coping with the breakup. He would make sure that you’re strong enough to deal with the breakup or that you forgive him for breaking up with you.

A final text, therefore, won’t fix the problems between you and your ex. It will create new problems that your ex might try to resolve at first. But after giving it a try, he’ll most likely give up on them and self-prioritize again. Your ex just won’t have the determination to self-reflect and risk being unhappy again.

With that said, here are some things you must remember if you’re thinking of sending your ex-boyfriend a final text.

Before sending a final text to your ex-boyfriend, ask yourself what the purpose of sending that text is. Does it intend to win your ex’s trust and love back or is its sole purpose to make you feel better? Once you understand why you’re thinking of sending a goodbye text to your ex, you should be able to stop yourself from pouring your heart out to an ex who doesn’t want to hear from you. At least not in the manner that you’re thinking of reaching out in.

So keep in mind that your emotions are yours to process and that unloading them onto your ex won’t make your ex happy to hear about how you feel. Your ex isn’t receptive to your feelings (especially if they’re directed toward him) as your ex would rather stay away from emotional situations that require him to invest emotions in you and help you cope with the breakup.

Most dumpees just don’t have the patience and emotional intelligence it takes to handle final texts and letters. They’re emotionally burnt out due to poor coping mechanisms and need to distance themselves from dumpees who want something from them.

By getting some distance, they can avoid dealing with negative post-breakup emotions and live their life the way they expect to live it after the breakup.

When should I send a goodbye text to my ex?

You can (don’t have to) send a goodbye text to your ex when the breakup is amicable and you’re both certain that breaking up is for the best.

But if you decide to send the text, try to avoid talking about the problems and the way breaking up has made you feel. If you talk about feelings, it could make things difficult for both you of. By “difficult,” I mean that it could confuse your ex and make your ex say and do confusing things in return.

So text your ex only if the breakup was amicable, if your ex is still receptive to you, if you have unfinished business with your ex, or if you want to thank your ex for treating you well during and after the relationship. These are all good reasons for reaching out to your ex.

On the other hand, it’s probably not a good idea to reach out for any other selfish reasons that have something to do with you feeling broken-hearted and wanting to make your ex feel sorry for you and fall back in love with you. If you place your romantic expectations on your ex, you’ll quickly learn that it was a huge mistake and that your ex can’t give you what you’re looking for.

In other words, you’ll feel rejected and have no choice but to restart your healing process.

So whatever you do, don’t send an emotional message filled with expectations to your ex-boyfriend. Your ex won’t like it because it will overwhelm him in the worst ways imaginable.

You can send him a goodbye text if you’re still on good terms (haven’t started no contact) and you think that your ex should know he’s a good person and that you appreciate him. Many dumpees want to tell their ex that, but they want to do it for the wrong reasons – to get their ex to care about them. They don’t consider their ex’s feelings or the lack of them.

If this is your plan, you mustn’t go through with it. You must remember that your dumper ex is going through different emotional processes and that it will hinder your growth and self-esteem if your ex crushes your expectations.

And the chances of your ex crushing your expectations are high.

Should I send a final text to my dumpee ex-boyfriend?

If you broke up with your ex and wish to say goodbye to your ex, this is rarely a wise idea. The reason for that is that your ex is currently healing from rejection and shouldn’t receive texts from you. If your ex does hear from you, it will reopen his wounds and probably make your ex extremely anxious.

So much so that your ex considers abandoning his healing plan and trying to boost his self-esteem by communicating with you instead. This might be okay with you, but your ex will get a lot of false hope from it and self-sabotage his emotional health and well-being.

So don’t send a final text to your ex if your ex isn’t speaking with you or if your ex seems anxious. Remember that your ex can’t benefit from your texts. Your ex can just get his hopes up and analyze every single word you write.

That’s what breakups do to dumpees. They make them crazy obsessed with their ex and prevent them from moving on. If you’re going to text your ex, make it strictly about the unfinished business.

Examples of a final text to an ex-boyfriend

If you wish to speak about something urgent with your ex, you can just text your ex in one of the following ways.

• Hi. Sorry to bother you. I know we haven’t spoken recently, but I just wanted to see what time I can drop off our son.
• Hey. You’ve still got some of your clothes at my place. You can pick them up this weekend. If you’re busy, please tell me the address and I’ll have them delivered to you. I don’t mind sending them, but I need space urgently.
• Hi. Hope all is well. I was informed that our lease is ending soon. Since you want to be taken off the lease, you should contact the landlord and get it sorted.
• Hi (ex). I just wanted to thank you for handling the breakup maturely. It probably wasn’t easy, but I’m thankful for it. I wish you lots of happiness and success in life. Take care.

People think that the final text should be a 5-page essay, but that’s not a final text. It’s a closure message/letter/email that tells your ex way too much information. Everyone knows that a person who feels secure wouldn’t be sending paragraphs of texts to an ex. He or she wouldn’t be contacting the dumper at all.

So if you must send your ex a text, make it concise. There’s no need to go into detail about your thoughts and feelings. If you’re hurting, you should sign up for therapy, rather than flood your ex with texts about your realizations and problems. I know this sounds harsh, but your ex isn’t your go-to person after the breakup.

Your friends, family, and therapists will let you vent.

Were you thinking of sending a final text message to your ex-boyfriend? If you were, what were you going to send? Share it with us below.

And if you’re not yet sure whether staying in no contact is the right thing to do, get in touch with us and we’ll analyze your relationship and devise a plan.