I Want To Sleep With My Ex But I Have A Boyfriend

If you want to sleep with your ex but have a boyfriend, you’re probably still in love with your ex. You have feelings for your ex and want your ex to make you feel validated and loved.

The reason you’re still in love with your ex while you’re in a new relationship is that you rushed into a new relationship too quickly.

You didn’t take the time to heal and get over your ex, so you met someone new (intentionally or unintentionally) and used that person to distract yourself and get over your ex. At first, it probably worked because you liked getting attention and reassurance from another person.

The breakup shattered your self-esteem, so seeing that someone wanted you exclusively empowered you and boosted your ego. It made you feel a sense of optimism after hitting rock bottom.

Sadly, this empowerment lasted only temporarily. You couldn’t keep relying on the newness of the relationship to solve your self-esteem problems forever.

At some point, you needed to reflect on the broken relationship, accept that the relationship has ended, and fall back in love with yourself. The right time to do it was after the breakup. But because you found someone new, you skipped the self-reflection phase and rebounded with someone who kept you busy during a difficult time.

A rebound relationship typically lasts a few weeks to a few months. It ends when a person goes through the infatuation phase and stops feeling validated and empowered by the new relationship. 

This is probably why you eventually reverted to your hurt post-breakup self and began to crave your ex’s validation and love. You got nostalgic and wanted to feel the way you felt when the relationship was at its peak.

This was when pain caught up to you and showed you that you weren’t ready for a new serious relationship yet. You still craved the person who ripped your heart out and made you obsessed with him.

Due to unresolved problems, you soon realized that you still found your ex emotionally and sexually attractive and that it might be worth considering betraying your boyfriend for a chance to be with your ex again.

At the moment, you clearly don’t appreciate and love your partner very much. If you loved him, you wouldn’t even think about sleeping with your ex-partner. You’d knock such thoughts out of your head the moment they appeared and protect your relationship at all costs.

Since you’re not protecting it (you’re entertaining sexual fantasies), it’s obvious that you find your ex more alluring than your new partner and that you need to do something about it quickly.

You only have 3 options.

1. Go back to your ex.
2. Find a way to eliminate cravings for your ex.
3. Or leave your partner and work on yourself.

Sleeping with an ex when you’re in a new relationship is one of the worst things you could do. Not only will you betray someone loyal, but you’ll also brand yourself a cheater for life. You’ll become someone who uses others for selfish gain and abandons them when a better opportunity arises.

Of course, a better opportunity may only look better from afar. When you get back to your ex, your ex could do the same to you (use you). He could sleep with you but not offer any love and stability (a relationship).

Therefore, your reunion could be short-lived and filled with tons of uncertainty and suffering.

The real question is why do you want to sleep with your ex? Are you still in touch with your ex or does your new partner not satisfy you physically and make you miss your ex that way?

If you’re talking to your ex, the answer is obvious. You weren’t able to stop craving your ex because you kept him close to you. 

If you hadn’t been in touch with your ex, though, you needed more time to process the breakup and get over your ex. And if you’re over your ex but think your ex was better in bed (a strange comparison), you need to talk to your partner about your sexual preferences and work on your sexual connection.

Express your desires and try to match each other’s energy. Sex is something you can work on unless the sexual chemistry is just totally different. 

Most people who jump into new relationships weeks after a serious relationship has ended aren’t sexually incompatible. They just expect their sex life to match the passion of their previous relationship and to be exactly like it.

They aren’t open to new or different ideas and personalities. 

So if you want to sleep with your ex but have a boyfriend, figure out why you want to sleep with your ex. Is your ex still available or do you wish he was? You need to get to the bottom of this issue before you attempt to resolve it and move forward.

In today’s article, we discuss why you want to sleep with your ex when you have a boyfriend and what you should do about it.

I want to sleep with my ex but I have a boyfriend

Most dumpees (people who have been dumped) have urges to be with their ex. They may not admit it (especially if they’re with someone else), but they feel drawn toward their ex for validation purposes.

They want their ex to tell them or show them they’re important and needed and that they don’t have to suffer and work on improving their self-esteem the hard way.

Dumpees want to skip the healing and self-growth phase by jumping back into a relationship with their ex. A relationship with their ex solves their problems and takes their pain away whereas other distractions (other people and activities) only keep them busy for a while.

That’s why they crave their ex more than anything and anyone and stay hooked on their ex for months. Most dumpees need 8 months or longer to fully process the breakup. Those who get into a new relationship before they’re over their ex tend to think about their ex a lot and realize they don’t love their new partner.

They’re with him just to not feel alone and undesirable. That’s very selfish on their part as they’re not honest and fair to the new person. They just want what’s best for them, which is to string the new person along for their selfish gain. 

So if you want to sleep with your ex even though you have a boyfriend, keep in mind that you didn’t or aren’t doing something right.

You’re most likely not with your partner for the right reasons (out of love) but because you want him to help you mentally and emotionally. You want your boyfriend to be like your ex-boyfriend even though that’s never going to happen.

He is his own person with his own traits and personality. As long as you’re recovering from the breakup, he’ll fail to reach your expectations and make you happy because he’ll make you nostalgic about your ex and make it impossible for you to reciprocate his emotions and actions. 

In other words, he’ll invest in you way more than you’ll invest in him and make you lose interest. He could also lose interest himself, of course, but it’s much more likely that you’ll quit first because you’ll detach quicker.

You’re not a bad person for having feelings and sexual urges for your ex. But you have made some bad decisions. You dived into a new relationship before you got your ex out of your system and opened your heart to new people.

The new relationship has initially helped you feel better, but it’s also delayed your healing and made your partner develop feelings and expectations.

No matter how this ends, your actions will likely hurt your partner and cause him long-term problems. Problems like anxiety, confidence, self-esteem, and trust issues.

The guy will feel used if you leave and uncertain about himself and the relationship if you stay. He might also not get hurt if you just hide it from him, but that wouldn’t be right. He deserves to know what you feel or don’t feel so that he can prepare himself for the worst if needed.

You don’t want to blindside him and make him wonder what he did wrong.

Now that you feel the desire to sleep with your ex-boyfriend, figure out why you feel that way and what you want to do. If you want to be with your ex, you probably shouldn’t be with your boyfriend. You should be on your own, doing your best to work through the breakup.

However, if you discover you love your boyfriend and that you don’t want to throw away the relationship for your ex (especially if you broke up with your ex a long time ago), stop conversing and bonding with your ex.

Admit to yourself and your partner that you emotionally cheated and that you’re determined to cut your ex off and work on rebuilding love and trust.

It won’t be easy to admit to cheating, but you must be honest now and in the future. Relationships require truthfulness and transparency. If you hide things from your partner, you’ll reduce relationship boundaries and start a relationship on bad terms.

So give it some thought before you decide to impulsively sleep with your ex. Think about the consequences your actions will have on you and your partner.

The only person who might not get affected is your ex. And that’s only if he doesn’t want you back. If he wants you back and sees that you left your partner for him, he could have a hard time believing you won’t do the same to him.

With that said, here’s what you should do if you want to sleep with your ex when you have a boyfriend.

So what do I do?

If you want to sleep with your ex while you’re with someone new, you need to make a decision. Do you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend or break up with him and get over your ex?

This is a personal decision, so I can’t tell you what to do.

But if you think that you won’t get over your ex and stop feeling sexually attracted to your ex anytime soon, it may be best to break up with your boyfriend and focus on yourself. Stringing your boyfriend along for months just because you’re emotionally unfulfilled is extremely selfish and unfair.

You’ve used your partner long enough. It’s time to come clean and either cut your ex off and recommit to your partner or leave him. As things are, you don’t deserve to be with your partner, (a person who loves you). You haven’t earned his love.

So determine whether you have the desire and willpower to invest in yourself and your partner.

If you’re not sure if you have it, you may as well leave right now. You won’t redevelop feelings and appreciation for your partner in the near future.

But if you love your boyfriend and merely got tempted to cheat because your relationship encountered problems, then it may not be too late to bond with your partner and invest in your relationship.

All you need to do is stop thinking about your ex. If this means you must cease contact with your ex, do that. Prioritize your new partner over your ex and you’ll stop feeling pulled toward your ex.

Give it some time and you’ll see that occasional temptations and doubts are normal as long as you detect them and prevent them from controlling you.

Do you still want to sleep with your ex? What made you want to do it? Share your experience in the comments section below.

However, if you’re looking for 1-on-1 help with your relationship and/or breakup, sign up for coaching with us. We may be able to help you understand what went wrong and what you can do.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.