What Is Considered Cheating In A Relationship?

There aren’t any written rules about what is considered cheating in a relationship, but cheating is any physical or non-physical connection with another person that is stronger than that of a friend. If you feel drawn toward someone and you’re letting the connection grow simply because it feels good, you’re cheating because you’re prioritizing your feelings and ignoring your partner’s.

Cheating is a serious offense, but people who cheat tend not to take it very seriously. Deep inside, they know that what they’re feeling and doing is wrong, but despite being aware of it, they don’t do anything about it. They continue enjoying the way it feels to benefit from the new person who pays them attention and excuse their actions by saying things like, “You can’t help what you feel and who you’re attracted to.

Although it’s true that everyone likes feeling attractive and wants to feel at least a little bit validated by people outside of the relationship, it’s also true that if they were in love with their partner and did their best to maintain the relationship, that they would never look at any other person than their partner. They wouldn’t let others’ interest in them captivate them and confuse their feelings for their partner because they would focus solely on their spouse and make sure that their relationship is tip-top.

But why don’t they fix things while they still can? They have enough time to back off and prevent their relationship from losing value and failing.

Well, time isn’t an issue because cheaters have plenty of it to think things through. They have more than enough chances to admit they have a partner and that they’re committed to him or her.

The problem is that they don’t want to say that. They don’t have a strong moral compass to guide them and keep them on the right path. We could say that they don’t care about what counts as cheating and that they lack an understanding of how to prevent cheating when temptations arise.

Cheaters never learned the importance of being faithful because they:

• never got cheated on by someone they loved
• never faced the consequences of cheating (got away with it)
• always blamed others for their actions
• always excused their cheating rather than condemn it

It’s human nature and tendency to look for emotional fulfillment. That’s why people have to learn or be taught that they need to avoid hurting others in the pursuit of happiness and be grateful to those who accept them. They have to develop a good understanding of right and wrong so that they’re fair to others and receive fair treatment in return.

Yes, sometimes good people get cheated on, ghosted, manipulated, abandoned, and go through such painful experiences no human being should ever go through.

But that happens because they can’t singlehandedly maintain relationships and control things that others do. They can only make sure that they’re as fair as they can be and that they take their time to get to know the person they like and wish to have as their life partner.

You see, human beings have the capacity to take everything for granted, starting with our physical and emotional health, food and water, shelter, work, freedom, friendships, and people’s kindness. Over time, we tend to get comfortable and distracted and start valuing and craving different (usually superficial) instant gratifications.

This explains why we forget about things that were extremely important to us not too long ago and think that something more exciting in the present moment can give us more happiness now as well as in the future.

This is, unfortunately seldom true. We tend to learn it the hard way when we realize that the stable things we’ve replaced aren’t much (if any) better at all. They’re just different.

So if you’re curious to know what is considered cheating in a relationship, bear in mind that cheating is when a person becomes attracted, obsessed, and dependent on someone else for romantic or sexual gratifications.

There are many types of cheating and situations that count as cheating, so that’s what we’re going to discuss in this article.

What is considered cheating in a relationship?

You don’t need to be a relationship expert to know what cheating is. Every teenager knows that cheating is forming an emotional or sexual connection with another person when you’re already in an exclusive relationship with someone else. Cheating is when you temporarily or permanently lose sight of your partner in a committed relationship and care only about fulfilling your needs.

That makes you look selfish and incapable of watering your relationship and expressing your wants and needs maturely.

A person who cheats doesn’t necessarily cheat sexually (although that does happen quite often). A man or woman can also cheat emotionally by over-confiding in someone else and feeling valued and understood by that person.

By feeling emotionally fulfilled, the man or woman places his or her trust in the new person and continues to expect things from that person. He or she expects validation, support, companionship, or entertainment without boundaries.

This soon creates a strong emotional bond and in turn, weakens the bond the cheater has with his or her partner. If the cheater doesn’t detect cheating and do something about it (cut the new person off), it’s only a matter of time before they get close (too close) and physically cheat as well.

It’s almost inevitable because they would keep getting comfortable with each other and putting each other in situations in which something could happen between them.

So if your partner or ex-partner ever told you “we’re just friends, don’t panic,” know that you had every right to panic and be suspicious. People who don’t deal with their temptations and bonds properly are at great risk of crossing their friendship boundaries and doing something despicable.

Something that devastates their partner.

If I had a nickel for every time a person (usually a guy) told his partner she’s overreacting and being jealous for no reason just to later cheat on her with that same person, I’d be swimming in a pool of nickels.

I’m not saying every person with a friend of the opposite (or desired) gender is going to cheat, but I am saying that those who lack moral values, love, loyalty, and strong relationship boundaries are much more prone to cheating than those who value their partner and care about their actions.

Here are some reasons why people cheat in relationships.

All in all, cheating says bad things about a person. It says that the cheater is emotion-driven and unprepared for a serious romantic relationship. A cheater should first reflect and figure out what drove him or her to cheat.

If the cheater defends himself by saying or thinking he was not happy with his partner/ex-partner, that’s not a good excuse. He won’t learn anything from it and will likely cheat again when his new relationship gets old and encounters problems.

Once a cheater, always a cheater is a line people often say. But what it actually means is that those who blame others for their actions don’t learn anything from their wrongdoings.

They keep making the same or very similar mistakes (if you can call cheating a mistake) in the future.

Only cheaters who feel guilty and ashamed of their cheating tend not to repeat it. But that’s only if they consciously decide they don’t want to hurt people anymore and feel very guilty about it.

Let’s now finally talk about what is considered cheating in a relationship. Here are 6 examples.

Flirting with someone else

Flirting while you’re already in a committed relationship is obviously a huge breach of trust. It shows you don’t respect your partner, let alone yourself, and that you can’t refuse to entertain other men or women who are interested in entertaining you.

Lots of people actually consider flirting harmless. They have a “what harm could it do” mentality and flirt from time to time. This is wrong not just if it turns into regular or physical cheating, but also if it happens one time. Flirting is wrong on many levels because it shows a lack of consideration for the (long-term) partner.

It shows that the person flirting is more focused on the new person than he or she is on the long-term one.

So if you’re wondering what is considered cheating in a relationship, flirting is definitely one of them. It’s a strong indication that respect is gone or was never there. There’s not much you can do to prevent someone from flirting.

The best you can do is talk about relationship boundaries from the beginning so that you break up with the man or woman if he or she flirts with someone else. You don’t want to tolerate flirting and have your heart crushed later.

Kissing, touching, hugging, slapping butt

Let’s not sugar-coat it. Any kind of display of romantic and sexual affection is considered a sign of infidelity. You simply shouldn’t be touching anyone other than your partner. You should be keeping your hands and other body parts to yourself. If you can’t keep them to yourself, you have a big problem because you can’t control your actions and reactions.

That means that sooner than later, your lack of self-control and understanding of cheating will destroy your relationship and hurt your partner. If you don’t want that to happen, tweak your thinking and behavioral patterns and start acting maturely. Your exclusive partner will appreciate honesty and commitment.

Talking to an ex you have feelings for

Talking to an ex who dumped you and made you crazy obsessed with him or her can also be considered cheating. It’s unfair to your new partner because you’re using him or her for support and various relationship benefits.

The same goes for your partner. If your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife is talking to an ex he or she has romantic feelings for and emotionally depends on, your partner is cheating. Your partner may be with you physically, but emotionally, his or her heart belongs to the ex.

Your partner is, therefore, relying on you for self-love and loneliness and will break up with you if his or her ex has a change of heart. Know that you won’t be insecure and controlling if you ask your partner not to (frequently) communicate with your ex.

It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been friends. If they’re too close (closer than you’re comfortable with), you should express that to your partner and remind your partner that you’re the person he or she committed to and should listen to.

A person who loves you may not be happy about cutting his or her ex off, but your partner will do that anyway out of love, care, and respect for you.

Talking to a crush and hiding it

As I mentioned, any kind of emotional investment in another person is generally considered cheating. People who find each other irresistibly attractive just shouldn’t be talking to each other, period. They should be focusing on their own relationships and figuring out why they don’t feel that attracted to their partner.

If the relationship is no longer new, it’s normal for couples not to be all over each other. They’re used to each other and must start watering their relationship (going on dates, improving communication, expressing gratitude, etc.). If they think the relationship will maintain itself, they lack relationship knowledge and will likely develop a crush on someone who makes them feel special again.

And that could cause them to break up.

So if you or your partner are talking to someone you have a crush on and hiding that person or downplaying the “friendship,” you’re essentially emotionally cheating. You’re keeping things from each other even though the relationship itself prohibits secrets.

Yes, this is another one of those hidden rules, but you should know it or learn it if you want to be in a successful romantic relationship with your partner or anyone else for that matter.

Talking to a person your partner disapproves of

It also counts as cheating if your partner is jealous or uncomfortable with someone you speak to, but you continue interacting with that person because you’re too afraid to get rid of that person. That kind of behavior shows you’d rather keep that person in your life than show your partner you care about his or her feelings and prove that with actions.

The point is that your understanding of your partner is lacking whereas the attachment to the new person is too high. You may not have any feelings for this person (yet), but because you’re going behind your partner’s back to speak with him or her, you’re being shady and distrustful.

You should consider your partner’s anxiety and fears and keep in mind that you’re causing the same kind of distrust and pain a person who physically cheats would.

Forming an emotional/sexual bond with someone online

I won’t go into detail too much about this, but some people (again usually guys) like to follow Instagram models and watch online “performers.” I personally don’t consider adult content as cheating as it’s impersonal. There’s no communication that would bring the viewer and the actor/actress closer. Too much of this stuff, of course, creates obsessive patterns and unrealistic expectations, but that’s a topic for another time.

The problem I’d like to focus on today is that some people take it a step further with these internet personalities (or the people they meet online) and engage in conversation with them. They already have a crush on them which as I mentioned is not good, but then they also try to get to know them on a deeper level.

This makes them more attracted and attached to those people than they are to their partner and puts their relationship in grave danger.

It sounds black or white, but the only person you should fantasize and obsess about is your partner. If you notice that you’re losing interest in your partner and gaining interest in someone online, you’re forming an emotional connection with that person and should either work on your relationship or break up and be single for a while.

Monkey-branching straight into another relationship won’t help you improve and do better in your next relationship. It will just make you go through another infatuation stage and then force you to face the same problems.

What do you consider to be cheating in a relationship? Let me know your interpretation below this post.

And if you prefer to speak privately about your relationship, sign up for coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.