One Thing All Cheaters Have In Common. Brace Yourself!

If there’s one thing all cheaters have in common, it’s that they’re all opportunists. They all make premeditated emotional decisions that serve their emotional and sexual needs and hurt those who care about them.

You may think that cheaters don’t think before they cheat, but the truth is that they do. Deep inside, they know that cheating is wrong and that they shouldn’t betray those who love them.

But if they know that cheating is wrong and are aware of the consequences of cheating, then why do they do it? Why put someone who loves them through pain and suffering?

The reason cheaters cheat, liars lie, and thieves steal, is very simple. They commit these sins because they haven’t done the work on themselves to develop their character and reduce the degree to which temptations affect them.

They always just listened to their urges and as a result, never gained control over their emotions.

Look, we all have urges and intentionally and unintentionally hurt others. We do things that benefit us emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially—and often choose not to care about others as much as we could or should.

It’s called being human and we’re not perfect.

But only those with poor moral values and poor empathy, inadequate self-awareness, and low respect for themselves and their partners look for emotional and sexual satisfaction from someone other than their partner.

That’s the indisputable truth because no cheater is ever forced to do something he or she doesn’t want to do. Everybody has freedom of choice and is responsible for his or her actions.

This includes emotionally-driven cheaters and narcissists who love no one but themselves.

This is why you need to understand that before cheaters cheat, they inwardly agree with what they’re about to do. They agree with the terms and conditions of cheating, tick multiple “are you sure you want to cheat” checkboxes in their heads, and only then commit the deed.

These checkboxes look like this.

Is it okay for me to cheat on my partner?

My partner will get hurt. Am I okay with that?

I might not be able to fix my relationship. Should I cheat and take the risk?

We could pity cheaters for lacking the ability to stop themselves from cheating all day long, but we shouldn’t feel bad for them. If we went easy on them, we’d have to go easy on murderers and other wrongdoers too.

We’d have to trust them that they’ve learned their lessons and that they’ll never hurt us or others again.

Although some cheaters learn their lessons and never cheat again, many cheaters in fact don’t. They can’t learn and improve because they lack the incentive to do so.

They just aren’t regretful and patient enough to stick with the self-improvement plan.

You see, cheaters, just like criminals have had plenty of time to identify and correct their unhealthy thinking/behavioral patterns. They’ve had all their lives to do some soul-searching and be the people they needed to be for themselves and others.

But they chose not to.

That’s why it’s unlikely for them to suddenly become virtuous. People don’t change that quickly. They need much more self-reflection and positive thinking/planning.

In this post, we’ll talk about impulsivity which is the one thing all cheaters have in common. Brace yourself for a revelation.

One thing all cheaters have in common

5 things cheaters usually have in common

Now that we’ve discussed the one thing all cheaters have in common, let’s discuss other personality traits that define a cheater.

On top of impulsivity, cheaters also have poor self-control as they lack the ability to control their temptations. Because of this imperative lacking which stems from childhood, poor moral values, or unhealthy thinking patterns, cheaters tend to rely purely on their emotions for guidance.

They follow their primal instincts and engage in activities that feel right rather than look right. This is why they often conflict with rational people and cause problems for those around them.

Another noticeable trait cheaters have is a lack of gratitude. They don’t value their partners the way their partners value them, so they fall out of love the moment someone new and exciting comes along.

This new person doesn’t necessarily have to be better than their partner. He or she just has to be different. Different in looks and personality—which every person is.

Since cheaters are underdeveloped as people and unaware of the dangers of bonding with someone outside of the relationship, they oftentimes take a liking to someone completely opposite of their partner.

They develop feelings for him or her and start to obsess about that person because he or she makes them feel stronger emotions than their partner.

Consequently, they build up mutual trust and respect and eventually get so close to the new person that they create an opportunity to cross the friendship line and cheat.

I’d like to point out that most people who develop feelings for another person and cheat don’t cheat because they wanted to cheat from the beginning but rather because they keep talking to someone they think they like as “just a friend.”

They simply don’t realize that talking to other men or women while they’re in a relationship is wrong and often very dangerous.

Here are 5 things all cheaters have in common.

5 things all cheaters have in common

Can anyone cheat?

Everyone—and I mean absolutely everyone is capable of cheating. But only certain kinds of people let their emotional affairs develop to the point where they get an opportunity to physically cheat.

Why is that?

I believe that there are people in this world who are more prone to cheating than others. Of course, they aren’t prone to cheating because they’re cheaters by nature or because they were made into cheaters by some external force in the universe.

That would be absurd because every behavior stems from somewhere or someone—including cheating. It doesn’t just mysteriously appear out of thin air and possess us.

It may certainly feel that way because temptations can feel seductive, but if we prepare for them in advance (which we should) and hold strong personal values (which we also should), we have nothing to worry about.

A few temptations every now and then can’t make us cheat because we know that a bit of attraction toward another person doesn’t mean that he or she is our ideal partner.

All it means is that we got used to that person and that we’re looking for something in him or her person that our partner doesn’t have.

It’s our responsibility to find our partner’s flaw and fix or accept it so that our partner can remain our favorite person. If we can’t find our partner’s/relationship’s lacking and we don’t know how to stop feeling attracted to another person, however, then there’s only one thing left to do.

We have to part ways with the new man or woman—and by doing so, put all our attention onto our partner.

This is the part where most people make a mistake. Instead of saying goodbye to the person they’ve started to develop feelings for, they simply keep talking to him or her and tell their partner that he or she is just a friend—someone who cares about them.

Needless to say, people who do nothing at this point grow even more attached to the new person. They keep talking, meeting up, doing things “friends” do until they eventually get so close to the new person that they fall in love (or feel confused) and take the opportunity to cheat.

They see the new person as a savior to their problems, unhappiness, or unfulfilled emotions—and cheat with him or her the moment they get a chance to do so.

You have to understand that many cheaters consider themselves to be victims in the relationship.

They think that their partner is neglecting them, so instead of communicating their problems with the person they committed to, they confide in someone new, feel understood in return, and ultimately, choose to fulfill the emotional and sexual needs that their partner hasn’t been willing or able to fulfill.

That’s why we can say that people cheat because they:

  • haven’t gotten to know the new person yet and only see the positives in him or her
  • feel emotionally and sexually unfulfilled (unhappy) and feel that the new person can make them happy (either temporarily or long-term)

One thing people should do before they cheat

The sooner a person discovers that he or she has feelings for another person, the sooner he or she can do the one and only thing necessary to prevent cheating.

All a person needs to stop himself or herself from cheating is to actually want to stop cheating. Sounds simple, right?

Well that’s because it is.

People need to exercise their minds more and stop listening to what their impulses tell them. If they do this simple task throughout the relationship, they can easily overcome their impulsivity and remind themselves that they’re responsible for stopping the feelings they have for another person.

Feelings, connection, infatuation, love, or whatever you want to call the force pulling you to another person doesn’t develop on its own. It develops because you like it and aren’t doing anything to stop it.

So if you’re with someone right now and you love him or her, keep thinking positive relationship thoughts. Think of your partner as the most attractive, smart, kind, humble person you know and adore your partner.

Keep your love strong.

But if someone new comes along and confuses you, don’t think the same way about him or her. If you think positive thoughts and allow yourself to feel the kind of emotions your partner makes you feel, you could end up becoming emotionally dependent on this person for reassurance and happiness.

You could lose sight of the person who really matters and consider the new person to be your partner’s upgrade.

When you become friends with your colleague or get close to a classmate, make sure to control how close you get to him or her. Do so by eliminating flirting, meeting in private, going to parties, and doing anything that could confuse your feelings for your partner.

The key to staying committed to your partner is to always, always, always prioritize your partner and think of your partner as your number one person.

That way, you’ll make sure that your partner remains your partner and feels secure and content in the relationship as well.

So once more, be aware of your feelings and cravings. If you realize that your partner isn’t the one you’re confiding in and thinking about most of the time, then it’s probably already too late to control how close your friend gets to you.

He or she is already too close.

In that case, the only thing left for you to do is to end your friendship and be the loyal person you need to be.

Do you agree that the one thing all cheaters have in common is impulsivity? Have you ever cheated on your partner before? Did you get cheated on? Leave your comment below this post.

6 thoughts on “One Thing All Cheaters Have In Common. Brace Yourself!”

  1. Thank You Zan, excellent post again!

    I’ve had my share of cheating in relationship and based on how well i knew (did i, at all…) then partners i ended up in similar conclusion, only not that well dissected and sophisticated.

    I had to admit to myself, that those partners who cheated were well underdeveloped and in a sense were kind of a teenagers. They were not too well detached from their parents or older siblings, but the senior family members had quite a lot of power to them. Also they both hard times to cope with their personal plans for future, like career planning and they both rather stayed as a students, just changing their primaries once in a while as they had possibility. Looking back, that alone is impulsivity.

    Keep up excellent work, i have learned so much from You and Angela in just couple months!

    Reply
    • Hi randombypasser.

      Thanks for the comment.

      Cheaters are indeed underdeveloped. If they were mature and possessed strong personal values, they wouldn’t cheat on the person they claim to be faitful to.

      If they think the relationship is making them unhappy, the very least they could do is break up with their partner first and then get together with someone new.

      Best regards,
      Zan

      Reply
  2. Another insightful article. Thanks.

    I’ve heard from many people in unsatisfying relationships who say that cheating is an option, and they don’t regret it or feel bad when they cheat, since they blame their mate for their own sins. They justify cheating because their unsatisfactory mate ’caused them to cheat’. They should break up before cheating, stand firm and not stay when their unsatisfactory mate begs and pleads, because if they stay in the relationship, they will eventually cheat.

    And there are many people who are never satisfied but don’t want to be alone, including elder adults, so they find and settle on an unsatisfactory mate. But that mate won’t satisfy them so they eventually lash out subconsciously.

    People are more desirable to the opposite sex when they’re in a relationship so it’s inevitable for these unsatisfied types to constantly look for greener pastures. These types won’t leave their unsatisfactory mate, since they don’t want to be alone, so they become more miserable and will eventually cheat.

    Many people fail to understand that the meaning of life is the never-ending pursuit of happiness (or contentment) and self-improvement, and the few that do achieve happiness don’t suffer from the “grass is greener syndrome”. If you cannot settle down and be content with what you have, then you’re more likely to look for greener pastures, so ultimately you’re more susceptible to become a cheater, or be miserable throughout your entire life.

    Reply
    • Hi Mike.

      I completely agree with you.

      Some people are never content with what they have, so they always look for something new. Little do they know that no relationship is perfect and that all they have to do to be happy is to invest in themselves and the relationship.

      Such people fail to realize that relationships or people, in general, require work. So what they do is that they chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and neglect the people around them.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

      Reply

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