Updated on August 5, 2025
A very common question dumpees ask is, “What should I do if my ex is in a rebound relationship? Should I block my ex and move on, or is there any hope left for me?” Before we talk about the game plan, you need to understand just how common it is for dumpers to monkey-branch into another romantic relationship.
Many, if not most, dumpers are so tired of their (long-term) relationship not making them happy that they eagerly connect with someone new and try their luck with that person. They don’t consider their branching immoral because they think they deserve happiness with a partner who understands them and vibes with them. That person happens to be their new romantic interest. They don’t know much or anything about him or her, but they nonetheless decide to give him or her a try.
Their partner’s or ex-partner’s feelings don’t matter to them because they think they’ve suffered enough and that it’s time for them to put themselves first.
In their mind, they can do anything they want, even if they appear happy while their ex is miserable and end up hurting their ex’s feelings. All that matters to dumpers who are in a new relationship is that they’re happy and that they don’t have to worry about making their ex happy.
Since your ex is moving on with someone new already, your ex has probably hurt you badly and affected your self-esteem. He or she made you think that you’re solely responsible for the end of the relationship and that your ex will have a better chance at having a successful relationship with the new person.
What you need to understand is that no matter who your ex is with, your ex’s chances of success won’t be much different from what they were with you. Deep inside, your ex will remain the same person. He or she will face similar, if not the same, issues, plus some new ones. They won’t have a perfect relationship even though they appear to be a match made in heaven.
How happy they are when they first get together is irrelevant. What matters is their long-term compatibility, something they’re bound to discover when they stop feeling infatuated and get to know each other fully. That’s when their chances of turning their new relationship into a long-term one won’t be any higher than yours.
Like any couple, they’ll have to learn to work together, practice healthy communication, express gratitude, forgive each other, grow together, resist temptations, and much, much more. They won’t have it easy just because they’re in love and enjoy spending time together..
Finding someone to love is the easy part. Making the relationship work is much harder.
Your ex may feel victimized and blame you for the end of the relationship now that you’re exes, but that doesn’t mean you’re solely to blame for the breakup. Relationships consist of two people who need to give their absolute best. When someone stops investing in the relationship and prioritizes other people or things, the less-giving person makes the other person anxious and tends to take his or her efforts for granted.
That often leads to a loss of feelings and the demise of a romantic relationship.
So if your ex is in a rebound relationship and makes you feel insecure, anxious, or depressed, don’t blame yourself for your ex’s actions, mistakes, and flaws. Feel free to acknowledge your mistakes so that you can work on them and fix them, but don’t think you’re more to blame than your ex.
You were both equally responsible for maintaining the relationship.
But unlike you, your ex decided to give up when things got tough and began pursuing a new relationship with a person he or she knew nothing about. Your ex’s decision to date this person wasn’t rational, but rather, highly emotional. Emotions told your ex to quickly get involved with another person and avoid engaging in reflection (growing from the failed relationship).
Your ex didn’t want to spend any time working on him/herself. He or she considered self-improvement a waste of time and decided to move on to the next person instead. This new person excited your ex, so your ex jumped into a relationship without thinking it through.
By forming a new romantic connection shortly after leaving you, your ex took a risk and showed that to him/her, dating was more about finding the right partner than fixing the existing relationship.
In this article, we’ll discuss what it means if your ex is going through the stages of a rebound relationship and what you can do about it.
What is a rebound relationship?
If the person who dumped you started dating someone else right away, you need to understand something very important. You probably won’t like what I’m about to say, but you need to hear it anyway.
It’s unlikely that your ex’s new relationship is a rebound relationship. A rebound relationship is not something dumpers normally find themselves in.
It’s much more common for dumpees to get into a rebound relationship because they still have feelings for their ex and can’t emotionally disconnect from their ex or forget about their ex. Dumpees have a hard time regaining their emotional independence and moving forward with someone new because everything reminds them of their ex and triggers their cravings for their ex.
Dumpers, on the other hand, don’t have any cravings. They’ve already gone through the detachment process and let go of their ex. They took their time to detach prior to breaking up with their ex as they focused on doubting the relationship and convincing themselves their ex smothered them, hurt them, or made them unhappy.
Since they’re over their dumpee ex, they typically don’t miss their ex in their new relationship. Sure, they occasionally compare their ex to their new partner and wonder what their ex is up to, but because they’re limerent with the new person, they’re more than happy to continue to self-prioritize.
Unlike dumpees, dumpers don’t struggle to connect or stay connected long-term. They don’t have such problems. Keeping the bond going isn’t an issue for them because they’ve made space in their heart for a new person. They did this weeks or months prior to the breakup when they decided they were going to leave the relationship.
Some dumpers also feel a bit guilty. This tends to happen when they’ve gotten through the infatuation stage of a new relationship because that’s when they realize they acted selfishly and refused to consider their ex’s feelings. If they don’t know how to stop feeling bad for hurting their ex, they reach out despite being in a new romantic relationship.
They don’t usually directly express that they’re sorry for how things turned out, but they do ask their ex how he or she is doing and try to convince themselves that their ex is doing okay. By seeing their ex handling the breakup well, they relieve their guilt and move forward with a clear conscience.
So no matter how badly you want your ex’s new relationship to be a rebound relationship, try to think of your ex’s relationship as a normal relationship. If you think your ex will have a hard time connecting with another person like you, you’ll stay hopeful and keep waiting for your ex to return to you and make you feel loved.
And that’s not good because you’ll feel stuck in the past and hinder your moving on process.
As badly as you want your ex’s new relationship to be a rebound, remember that dumpers are mentally and emotionally prepared for a new connection. They might not be mature enough for it, but when it comes to emotions, they feel ready to open their hearts up to a completely new experience.
On the other hand, dumpees struggle with replacing their ex because they look for someone to look, act, and feel like their ex. They don’t allow their new dating prospect to have a different way of showing affection, dealing with problems, and enjoying themselves. That’s the reason why they rebound so often and miss their ex more because of it.
What if my ex really is in a rebound relationship?
If your ex’s new relationship is a rebound relationship (an attempt to get over you and forget about you), your ex will most likely return when the rebound relationship comes to an end. He or she won’t be able to stay away from you for long because your ex will badly want to be a part of your life again and feel loved and validated.
Your ex might try to feel loved and needed by someone else, but it will probably backfire on your ex and hurt your ex. As long as your ex is still attached to you and wants your love (not someone else’s), your ex will struggle to form a meaningful romantic bond and end up rebounding.
If your ex is in a rebound relationship, your ex feels emotionally unfulfilled around the new person and craves your affection more than ever. That implies your ex is dating for the wrong reasons and that it’s only a matter of time before your ex realizes that he or she has made a huge mistake.
Instead of addressing his or her feelings, he or she chose to replace them with the help of another person.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “The best way to get over an ex is to get under someone else.” I don’t know who came up with it, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Feelings can’t simply be pushed aside by getting physically involved with someone new. They require appropriate actions and months of time to work through.
Those who try to replace their ex with sex or forced affection tend to realize they still love their ex and that they aren’t ready to be with anyone else. This realization forces them to stop running away from their problems and start facing them.
So if your ex is dating someone new just days after leaving you, and you’re certain that your ex still has feelings for you, know that your ex’s rebound relationship won’t last forever. Eventually, your ex will get tired of pursuing an unfulfilling relationship and may even start arguing with his or her new boyfriend or girlfriend. Arguments and general unhappiness will prove that the relationship isn’t working and that it’s a ticking time bomb.
How do I know if my ex will return after the rebound relationship?
No one can guarantee that your ex will come back after dating someone else, not even if your ex’s relationship is 100% a rebound. Rebound or not, your ex might not believe in reconciliations with former partners or might be too resentful or immature to work through negative feelings.
If that’s the case, your ex will probably move from one person to the next without reflecting and growing.
The only way you can tell that your ex is on his or her way back to you is if your ex initiates conversations, admits to making a terrible mistake, asks for forgiveness, and expresses the wish to get back together. That may indicate that your ex’s new relationship is ending or has ended—and that your ex realized your worth and wants to be with you.
Your ex may have realized that the new relationship isn’t as great as it first seemed and that you’re much more compatible with your ex. That implies that your ex is thinking about you and that his or her perception of you has improved significantly since the breakup.
Your ex might not be 100% done with the new person and ready to come back yet, but eventually (if things continue to hurt or disappoint your ex), your ex’s relationship will probably end. When it does, your ex may seriously consider jumping straight into a new relationship with you—just like he or she did with the new person.
Another sign that your ex’s new relationship may soon end is frequent, unhealthy fighting with the rebound partner. Ugly fights that occur just months into a relationship prove that a couple can’t function properly despite the relationship being new. They don’t see eye to eye on things or lack the skills to communicate respectfully.
As a result, they’re bound to break up when issues overwhelm them and force them to reveal the worst parts of their personality. Modern relationships can’t continue to exist forever if the people operating them are unwilling or incapable of adjusting to each other.
If you notice that your ex is arguing with his or her new partner a lot, it’s unlikely that your ex will stay in that relationship for a long time. Your ex could persevere for a while, of course, but he or she will probably eventually get tired of constant ups and downs and decide to call it quits.
If your ex gets hurt a lot by the new person and/or if your ex does a lot of thinking, your ex might remember that you used to be quite supportive and that you might be able to help him or her deal with pain and regrets. In other words, your ex might come back when he or she realizes that you can make his or her life much better than the other person can or could.
No matter what happens, you need to let your ex’s rebound relationship run its course so your ex can figure out what he or she truly wants from romantic relationships and life. If your ex wants you, your ex will return to you when dating and dealing with problems becomes exhausting.
What if I was the rebound?
If your ex dated you soon after being dumped by his or her serious/long-term partner, you’re at a disadvantage. You’re most likely someone your ex dated to distract him/herself and cope with the post-breakup blues.
Your ex probably didn’t fall in love with you in the short amount of time he or she was with you. Instead, your ex likely just faked the relationship to keep his or her anxiety under control and get over his or her dumper.
Once your ex felt accepted by you, your ex felt happy and validated. The relationship seemed to work as it moved in a desired direction. But when problems occurred and the pace slowed down, your ex began to think about his or her partner and felt exhausted by the relationship.
Your expectations tired your ex, so your ex put less and less energy into it. Things felt unnatural, so your ex eventually stopped seeing a reason to continue dating you and decided to quit. Your ex then went back to his or her ex, to someone else, or decided to take a break from dating to heal once and for all.
It’s unfortunate, but many dumpees get involved with someone new shortly after the breakup. They feel abandoned and unloved, so they find a person who can make them feel loved and take their pain away. For a while, the relationship works because things are new and require no effort. But when the relationship starts to evolve and get serious, they learn that they can’t reciprocate their partner’s feelings and be fully invested. That’s when they admit that they aren’t happy and that they won’t be happy as long as they’re spending their energy on another person instead of themselves.
So how can I tell I was a rebound?
To make it simple, you were your ex’s rebound if:
- your relationship ended quickly (within half a year)
- your ex appeared tired, lazy, distracted, and confused
- your ex got easily irritated
- your ex was seldom in the mood for affection and sex
- your ex didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything
- your ex talked about his or her ex a lot
If you were your ex’s rebound partner, it’s not your fault your ex didn’t love you and stay with you. Your ex should have been honest with you from the start instead of giving you false hope and making you think you were going to be a long-term couple.
Rebounds happen because people get into new relationships without letting go of their exes. They essentially use their new partners to deal with their rejection pain, self-esteem problems, and lack of happiness. Because their new partners can’t help them get over the breakup quickly enough, they end up breaking up and focusing on themselves.
What should I do if my ex is in a rebound relationship?
Whether your ex is in a rebound relationship or a regular relationship, you mustn’t try to win your ex back through persuasion and perseverance. Your ex doesn’t want to be persuaded because your ex has lost feelings for you and decided to give someone else a try.
If you try to meddle with your ex’s romantic life, you’re going to look weak, needy, and demanding, as you’ll refuse to accept the breakup and give your ex time to do what he or she wants. You’ll make your ex resent you or resent you more because your actions will put immense pressure on your ex.
Always remember that denial isn’t attractive and that your ex won’t take pity on you if you beg and plead and show how loyal you are to him or her. Begging isn’t something your ex wants to see. Your ex wants you to accept that the relationship is over and that you won’t try to change his or her mind.
As difficult as that is to hear, you must be strong and accept it. You don’t have a choice because resisting the breakup is only going to make things worse. It won’t convince your ex that you’re worthy of another chance, but that you’re desperate for love and that you lack the strength to get out of denial and move on with your life.
So if your ex is in a rebound relationship and you’re wondering what to do about it, leave your ex alone. Go no contact with your ex and mind your own business so that your ex doesn’t develop extremely negative opinions of you and say or do something you’re not ready to see or hear. Your ex could do a lot of inconsiderate things to hurt you. He or she could get angry with you, call you names, say that the new partner is better than you, ignore you, or tell others you’re desperate and trying to break them up.
In all honesty, you shouldn’t have even found out that your ex is dating someone else already. You should have started no contact the moment your ex broke up with you, and, by doing so, avoided learning things about your ex that destroyed too much of your reconciliation hope at once.
Now that your ex is in a new relationship, you must stay away from your ex and act as if you don’t know or don’t care that your ex is dating again. That’s the kind of message you want to indirectly send your ex. And you can send it by ceasing all communication and focusing on yourself.
Of course, your ex won’t care what you think of him or her dating again, but your ex might become more curious about you if you don’t communicate anymore. Your ex might also start to miss you when the relationship progresses and encounters problems.
Your job is to keep moving forward and remember that you’ll receive a text or call if your ex regrets leaving you. Your ex will reach out of his or her own accord and put in the work.
If this truly is a rebound relationship, it will eventually end. It might happen weeks or months after they first started dating. This depends on their compatibility, personality, patience, communication, and opportunities to leave. Most rebounds end when couples exhaust the relationship and learn that they could be happier on their own or with someone else.
Do exes come back after a failed rebound relationship?
Exes come back after a failed rebound relationship. They tend to realize they’ve taken their ex for granted and that they needed to learn their lessons the hard way – by failing miserably and engaging in reflection.
The reason why exes come back after failing with someone else is that they realize their ex was a lot better than their rebound partner, and that the relationship with their ex had problems that were manageable and could have been resolved with a healthier mindset. Such dumpers take responsibility for their actions and come back to fix what they’ve broken.
Before your ex comes back, your ex might stalk you online, message your friends and family, or breadcrumb you. Your ex might want to check if the door is still open and if he or she needs to return quickly before someone else takes his or her place.
Most dumpers, however, return quickly. They branch from one relationship to the next to obtain validation and support and minimize pain. Once your ex is back in a relationship with you, your ex doesn’t have to ignore his or her feelings and pretend that he or she is happy.
Your ex can just focus on getting relationship benefits and building a healthier foundation with you.
How to steal your ex from his/her new rebound partner?
Many dumpees experience immense amounts of abandonment pain. They feel so abandoned and hurt that they contemplate attempting to steal their ex from his or her new romantic partner. They completely forget that their ex can’t be brought back with willpower and effort alone.
They can’t just force their ex to see their amazing qualities and forget about the person they’re with. Life doesn’t work that way. When we try to force things, people often consider us manipulative, disrespectful, or pushy and fight back.
I wish you could just call your ex and encourage your ex to want you back, but try to remember that nothing you say or do will break your ex’s attraction to the new person and bring your ex back. The only thing that can bring your ex back is time, problems, and the realization that he or she was happier with you.
Something bad has to happen to your ex to change his or her perception of you. Something like relationship problems or a breakup.
So forget about stealing your ex from his or her new partner. Since you lost the ability to influence your ex, you must give your ex space and let his or her new partner do the dirty work for you. The new partner must essentially fail to provide the things your ex needs and expects from the relationship—and make your ex see that you were the best romantic option.
When that happens, you won’t have to steal anything. Your ex will come running back to you on his or her own simply because you made him or her feel the safest and the most fulfilled.
So if you’re thinking of competing with your ex’s new partner, my advice is, don’t. You won’t impress your ex or outshine his or her new partner—at least not until your ex starts questioning his or her decision and opens up to the idea of getting back with you. At the moment, your ex is probably happy dating this new person and wants to see how the relationship unfolds. Don’t try to stop your ex from getting to know the new person and being happy.
Your ex won’t tolerate it because you’ll make your ex feel trapped and annoyed.
As difficult as it is, let your ex’s new relationship develop and wait for your ex to come to you. That’s the only way your ex will ever respect you and want to be with you again. Any other technique or manipulation tactic will only make you look desperate for attention and tell your ex that you’re incapable of controlling your emotions and respecting your ex.
Always put yourself in your ex’s shoes and ask yourself what you’d expect from your ex if the roles were reversed. After some thinking, you’ll likely agree that you’d want your ex to respect your decision and let you focus on the new person.
You must do the same. Give your ex the space the new relationship requires and focus on detachment and growth. If things don’t go well for your ex, your ex could remember that you were always there for him or her and run back to you.
What if your ex’s rebound relationship failed, and your ex started dating another person?
If your ex’s relationship failed and your ex soon moved on to someone else, you need to understand that your ex didn’t discover your romantic value. He or she didn’t improve his or her negative perceptions of you and develop the belief that you were a good romantic partner.
Because of that, your ex moved forward with someone new rather than backward with you.
I don’t want to give you hope, but some exes need to go through multiple breakups to realize their ex’s worth. They need to get involved with someone they really like and have their hearts broken. That’s the only way their self-esteem can shatter and force them to reflect on their behavior and good memories.
If they don’t fall deep in love with someone who breaks their heart, they tend not to see the point in getting back together with their ex. They hold on to negative views of their ex and hold their ex responsible for the breakup.
It may be best to let go of an ex like that. Let go of your ex as soon as the breakup happens, so you don’t wait around for your ex to have an epiphany. You don’t know if your ex will ever have one, so don’t waste your time hoping that he or she does.
It could take your ex many years before your ex gets into a serious relationship and experiences a painful separation. You don’t have years to wait for your ex to see your worth.
You have to detach and move on so that you can find a person who won’t forget your importance and need to date other people to realize what you bring to the table. You’re better off without someone like that, as waiting for something that may or may never happen is a waste of emotions and time. Instead of waiting, work on detaching from your ex and finding purpose without your ex.
You’ll be glad you got over your ex as fast as you could when you understand how relieving it feels to be free of your ex.
How long do rebounds last?
A rebound relationship can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to 6 months. After a few months, your ex will probably have known the other person well enough to see his or her true colors.
That’s when your ex will decide whether to continue the relationship or let it go. If the relationship lasts longer than 6 months, though, it could mean that your ex isn’t in a rebound relationship and that your ex will likely keep dating this person.
That doesn’t mean they’ll live happily ever after, but that their chances of success will be about the same as any other couple’s. It’s impossible to say how long they’ll last because you don’t have insight into their new relationship. But the good thing is that you don’t need any insight.
If you keep tabs on your ex, you’ll just analyze your ex and look for hope in everything your ex says and does. You’ll stay obsessed with your ex and waste your precious time.
So take the rules of no contact seriously and completely remove your ex from your life. The breakup will be much easier to cope with if you focus on yourself and the people who care about you.
Can no contact work if your ex is in a rebound relationship?
Some people doubt the no contact rule because they fear their ex will move on and forget about them. Although the dumper might move on, you mustn’t let your fears cloud your judgment. You must stay calm and sensible and focus on activities that distract and uplift you.
Such things will require immense willpower and self-control, but they’re necessary for you to boost your self-esteem and look more attractive in your ex’s eyes. I encourage you to learn more about breakups and dumpers’ behavior so that you don’t think you must actively do something to prove your worth to your ex.
The only people who try to prove their worth to their exes are those who aren’t sure of themselves and seek external validation. They consider themselves to be undesirable, so that’s the message they unwantedly send to their ex.
You need to understand that no contact is the best thing you can do now that your ex is in a rebound relationship. By following a strict regimen of no contact, you’ll show your ex that you’re in control of your thoughts and actions and that you won’t chase after your ex. That will help you keep your remaining respect and value and allow you to disconnect from your ex.
So what do you do now that your ex is in a (rebound) relationship?
You do nothing. You let your ex focus on dating the new person and do your best to detach and get over your ex. It will probably take some time to take your ex off the pedestal, but make sure to persevere and focus on yourself. That way, you’ll soon regain your enthusiasm and stop obsessing over your ex and his/her new partner.
You’ll see that your ex isn’t worth waiting for and that your health and well-being are much more important than any relationship or ex-partner.
For now, learn to trust the no contact rule and be prepared to give your ex as much time as he or she needs. I promise that it gets easier the longer you stay in no contact and the busier you get.
Is your ex in a rebound relationship? How are you coping with it? Let us know what worked for you and what didn’t in the comments section below.
And if you’d like to talk about your ex’s rebound relationship with us privately, click here to sign up for 1-on-1 coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan,
Your blog has been so helpful in my post break up phase. I couldnt thank you enough for this. I do have a burning question though, I initially broke up with my ex when I found out he has been talking to this guy from abroad. He said he has been speaking with this guy for weeks prior to my confrontation and told me he would wanna give this guy a shot. I begged and pleaded for him to stay after I said that I wanna break up with him and took my words back but he said we should just break up. Couple of weeks after, we saw each other as I didn’t reinforce no contact rule and he told me theyre a couple already. We even slept together for couple of times after that. I’m sure there is no chance anytime that theyll see each other physically soon but would you still consider this a rebound? I’m trying to get over him because I know this is the best move for me but reading about rebound relationships gives me so much hope.
Please advise! Much appreciated!
How do I change my name on the comment? Sorry I’m so silly
Hi Kenneth. I changed it for you. 😊
Hi Kenneth.
I don’t think it’s a rebound because he simply accepted the breakup and branched straight onto the next person.
I strongly suggest that you let him date this person while you focus on yourself.
It’s your best chance at reattracting him if his relationship doesn’t work out.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex and I dated for a little over 2 months. We had the most amazing connection on every level, almost like we met in previous lives (he said I was his soulmate after we broke-up, which I do believe). When we first started dating we both agreed that we wanted kids (he already has 2, who I met at almost 2 months in the relationship), but out of nowhere he started getting confused of what he wanted. He was previously married and it didn’t end well… I really feel like his issues and confusion are due to his past traumas and that’s why he’s scared to trust again and engage. He was the one talking kids and marriage, always initiating topics about us living together and our future. We broke up a little over 2 months ago because this was a big deal breaker… anything else we would have managed to find a solution but he didn’t want me to wait around if he wasn’t sure he was gonna change his mind about this. I’m still devastated about our breakup… we still maintained a sporadic contact through texts after our breakup, but this week after I sent him a selfie during my vacations (we haven’t seen each other since our breakup) he told me that it wouldn’t work out us being friends. That he needed to move on and that he’s now interested in someone else. He also mentioned that if I didn’t want kids, we would have worked out and that we had a great relationship and connection… The weird part about this is that since the very beginning of our breakup, he told me he would give up on dating, that he wasn’t interested in developing any connection to anyone else because he knew he would never find what we had, he couldn’t handle it, etc… I’m very sad about this but I never let him know… I wished him all the best and will not contact him again.
I don’t know if his new relationship would enter in the “rebound” criteria since he basically said that he’s getting into a relationship to move on…Please advise.
Also, would it enter into the “rebound” criteria if we dated for a short period of time but it was very intense and full of love? Do rebounds still apply in short relationships?
I was in a relationship with my ex within 1 month and half. He walked on me which it is negative pregnant test and it was his fault. No men do that to women if she had a negative test. A year later he found rebound wife within less than year. He told me that we had little common and he asked me to move on in the separate way which left me upset. I left no contact within about 5 months. His wife has previous son from another man. Why did he hurt me like that he treat her better than I was? He rubbed my face that his wife was better than I was. I was disapproved of his rebound relationship with her. I felt used and I was nothing to him.
My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me about 5 months ago, reasons she felt like i wasnt giving her enough attention and was not visiting her house( i had problems or her dad had big problems with me). We broke up i didnt contact her for about 4 months and i was actually doing good getting over it and starting to move on. On day i was coming back home from work and i seen her when i came in the house, apparently she was visiting my grandma wich she got really well along with. We talked for about 30 mins since me being mature enough not to make things weird i didnt mention anything about our breakup and talked like normal people, when we were done i said i needed to go out and she said she was going to leave too and turned around and asked me for a hug!! that was the catalyst for her to remember me constantly.
Fast forward to yesterday 11/1/2019 5 months after, i was close by her house and asked her if i could come by and have conversation so i went, we talked for about 5 hours and she confessed to me that when we broke up she went into this relationship with her neighbor for like 1 month and that she had confused her feelings since he was always there. She also confess that they had sex during that time(killed me in the inside) and thats when she felt horrible because she found out that it wasnt love and she ended up breaking the relationship with him and apparently he hates her now.
I stayed there listening to her all the time and told her things happened, its normal to make mystakes and ive done a few myself. She started crying and also confess that she thought she had a connection with this other guy but theyve never talked about being in a relationship with him, so i ended up telling her that i still loved her and still care about her and gave her good advice, to be careful who she ends up with. Later she ended telling me that her heart belonged to me, that i was her first love and her first man, and she procceeded to kiss me and we made out. Now i have a problem, what if she is just using me as backup just in case things dont work out with whoever she has a connection with? I told her that i was moving forward regarless, we could give it another chance or we could move on the way we have been doing, and she procceeded to kiss me again and hugged me. In the end i left told her to have a good night. We never set thing straight. I dont know what to do since i still have feeling for her but im not sure if she has the same type of feelings for me and i dont want to get hurt again. Any reply or any advice would be great. I am 26yrs old and she is 24yrs old. Thank you in advance!
Hey Zan!
Dated my ex for a year and half. We had a very solid and loving relationship. We didn’t fight much at all, but I began to take her for granted and never considered her feelings and never caught her signs toward the last 6 months of our relationship. I was selfish and it backfired on me. She broke up with me in late May. It was a very emotional, but clean breakup. We did not end on bad terms. And we decided to stay friends. (Didn’t now anything different at the time) Anyway, about a month passed and I still had her locations on and she was going to this house that I had never seen before. So I was dumb and asked her if she had been seeing anyone else. She said yes. It killed me to hear that. But I said ok and that I’ll leave you alone and respect your new relationship. I unfollowed her on social Media so I didn’t even risk seeing them together because it was just make me sick. A few weeks later I called her and spilled my heart out like an idiot we be both cried and she just didn’t know what to do. After that I went into no contact until August 21st a few days before college started back. I followed her back on instagram and she followed me back as well. Every time I posted she liked it. And she liked my tweets as well. ANYWAY > I texted her and asked how she was and if she was nervous about school. We continued to text for a several weeks. Coincidentally the first person I see when I walk in is her. I was super nervous and so we talked and stuff and she seemed really receptive. We met up after class as well and we made that a routine for about 2 weeks or so. On my birthday September 5th, I walked her to her car and asked for a birthday hug and she declined . So we kinda looked at each other for a second and I said “what?” And she said “it’s just you” and I was like “What do you mean” and she said “ever since you followed me back on Instagram I knew you wanted to get back with me.” And I was like “well of course” In that time of no contact I reflected on what I did wrong in the relationship and I expressed that to her In that conversation on my birthday. We both began to cry and she said she doesn’t know what to do and that she is confused. So I let her have her space and time and I made sure she knew I was doing that for her. Eventually I lost my patience and asked if she had thought about it. And she said she has a lot going on in her life and that she still doesn’t know. I texted her later that day and the topic went to us and she said she couldn’t do it again. So I begged and pleaded like a fool and it got me no where. A few days Later I asked if we could meet up and get some closure about us and she declined because she has a lot going on in her life. So I let that be. We continued to meet up before and after class for about another 2 weeks or so. And In those moment I tried showcasing my change to her. And I think I did a good job. She let me compliment her and she seemed receptive to everything I did. I texted her again trying to clean up the situation and asked her if I was wasting my time. She said that she still cared about me and thanked me for helping her through some things she was going through and that she gives second chances when she feels like it’s right. And she said that if God puts us on the same path then it could happen again. (Made me super happy to hear) anyway, We have mutual friend and my ex was talking to her about how she still loved me and cared about me. And how she was in a bad spot. She said that she was going to give me another chance but was scared that it would go back to how it was after a couple of months. Keep in mind she started dating him September 19th. She also said that her new boyfriend didn’t like that She was talking to me. So I stopped texting her out of respect. (Side note: they haven’t posted about each other at all. Which is unusual because that’s what us milineals do these days) until recently she posted a picture on her Instagram story and her twitter of a ticket stub of a pumpkin patch that her bf took her too and she mentioned his name. And that just made me sick. So
I just unfollowed her for my own sake. And I’m sure she saw that I did that. At this point
I still want her back. I love her so much and I don’t want to give up but I can’t keep waiting at the same time. She is in a classic rebound relationship and she never gave herself time to heal properly. Btw we are both 19
And her new bf is the total opposite of me. And it turns out that he is a heavy drinker and he smokes weed. And I know she doesn’t like that at all because she got onto me for vaping… So now I’m at the point where idk what to do. Should I keep talking to her at school And continue to showcase my change and just wait for the relationship to end or just stay away from her completely until the relationship fails, Do NC and let her miss me and realize what she lost and hope she contacts me?
P.S. I’m
So sorry that is the longest lost post you’ll read ever. I’d love a reply. It would help
Tremendously.
THANK YOU!!!
Was in a brief relationship in the past with my ex.. i screwed up really bad so he left me. After some time I apologized n he said he forgave me n he even gave me back his number. After 2 years he messaged me all of a sudden saying hes gonna give me a 2nd chance.. was happy but he disappeared for a month n to my surprise he got with another girl n ensured i saw by viewing my posts on social media. Tht was his revenge. This as been going on for more than a year..cnt say i dnt deserve it but even now he seems set on hurting me. He got the girl pregnant. I dnt know wht to make of this situation… why is he still doing this? Ud think tht after 2 years he’d move on n focus on his new girl but no.. hes set on hurting me n making me jealous.
Hi Sarah.
Your emotional well-being is your responsibility.
If he’s after you as you say, distance yourself and delete or unfollow him on social media.
Protect yourself at all cost and you’ll be alright.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex of 6 years left me 10 months ago. For 6 months we still dated twice a week, untill I found out he is seeing a woman 10 years older. He blocked me on everything, then he unblocked me and we started talking every day again. Untill I bombarded him and wanted more. We had a huge fight a week ago and he has said the most hurtful words, he wont sit and talk to me all he says is give me space and I’ll be in touch. I am really struggling, I am so ill. It hurts to breathe, especially him being with this woman, he has moved in to her flat after 4 weeks!! I know she isnt the one for him and I cant give up on us I know we can get through this but every time I make contact he goes mad saying if we are gonna fix it needs to be naturally not on my terms.. its been 1 week now. I am really struggling. In 10 months this is the longest Ive gone. Everyone is saying give him time to miss you and realise what hes losing! Shall I carry on and stick at it ?
Hi Abbi.
Your ex has given you golden advice about what you need to do.
Wait for him and don’t force him to hate you.
Stay in no contact and let his relationship go down its course.
And if he still likes you when their relationship ends, you will hear from him and might be able to rebuild your broken relationship.
Best,
Zan
This is super helpful! My ex is in a relationship with someone who also just finish a relationship, like a double rebound I guess. Would that make things worse for them?
Hi Charlie.
A double rebound sounds catastrophic. 😲
It certainly can’t be good!
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan
I was with my ex 5 years. We broke up 14 mos ago but we are in constant contact due to business. She startedtalking with an ex friend 2 weeks later snd got together last October but they broke up in December. We started tslking again but I couldnt get over the resentment. We fought a lot. Come feb 13,2019 She tells me shes back with him after lying that she stopped talking to him. They break up again and we talk.
I felt something wrong so I set a trap and she was caught. She admitted shes back with him and loves him. 3x this shit happens. She betrsyed me by telling this guy what i said snd it led to fights between us guys.
Why does she keep doing this? What the hell do I do?
Hi Jay.
She is more attracted to him than you at the moment.
I suggest you give up on her for now or she will continue jumping back and forth.
Best,
Zan
Well. My ex finished his rebound relationship (with his co-worker that is the total opposite of me) to start a LDR. I mean wth! he left me because he couldn’t stand a LDR! And now the same thing. Two years after he left me with a broken heart, now he starts a new LDR (with a girl that look pretty much like me!). I need some clarity pls.
My life has changed a lot this last two years, I learned languages, traveled a lot and started the medicine school. In other words I’m working on myself. Even I still love him, I will not break the no contact rule. His last message two years ago on my B-day was to wish me luck and asked me for friendship…how could he asked for friendship after he overlapped our relationship with his coworker?.
So here is my question. Any chance he comes back? I would like to see his face once again and reply: no hell.
Thank you!
Hi Confused.
He got attracted to his coworker and left you because of GIGS; the grass is greener syndrome.
He could come back, but if you want him to return just so you can say “no” then you may as well forget about him now.
Kind regards,
Zan
It would be nice to consider the situation where the dumpee also finds a new perhaps rebound relationship.
The dumpee still has feelings for the ex, that will remain so perhaps even a year. The dumpee is open about it towards the new one.
Hey
I broke uo with ex on 29 march
But on 15Aug we talked
And i was again getting crazy about him
Again i fell in love with her
But on 5sep she is in relationship with another guy
What shoukd i do now
She said me you were late
Now i can’t do anything
Hi Zan,
I’ll try and keep it short and hope you can give me some advice.
I was dating my boyfriend for 3 years. He’s older (will be 50 next year) and I’m mid 30s.
Anyway, basically just over 2 months ago he broke up with me. No definitive reasons. Just didn’t want this anymore.
I managed to get him to admit to me he had been dating someone else for a while. I predict about 2 months before he ended it (from his behaviour).
So it seemed he left me for her. Although he insisted he was single and she is not his girlfriend as yet.
I managed to go NC for 2 months. I then broke no contact by calli him for advice about something. He seemed normal and chatty and happy to help me. He even made a point of saying he still cared about me.
I didn’t bring up the breakup or the past and I didn’t ask him if he is still seeing this new girl.
It didn’t seem like he missed me at all and it’s been a few days since.
I am pretty sure he is still seeing her possibly weekly but still no change on his social media and still shows single.
One of his mutual friends didn’t seem to know about this girl either.
So the fact he is taking it slow with her… is this a bad sign?
He seemed friendly when we spoke so there is no hard feelings it seems. But maybe that’s worse?
Apart from going back to NC, do you have any advice?
I really do miss him and would love to up my chances of him reaching out one day.
Many thanks.
Hi Limiya.
As long as he’s with this girl, you won’t be able to crawl back into his heart. You likely already know that, so keep your dignity and stay in NC for as long as you need to.
Love takes time to develop so I can’t say how quickly his relationship will become serious. But I’d say that if it lasts longer than 6 months, then it’s likely working out for them.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi zan,
My ex of almost 10 years left me two weeks ago. He told me he needed time to find himself. However the other night I found out he has been on a date with another woman. It hasn’t even been two weeks. They are constantly flirting on social media too which by the way he has never used social media the entire time we were dating. The girl he is talking with is a mutual friend to his best friend and his girlfriend. I know they are pushing this relationship to work. Is this a rebound relationship? I am in complete shock. Our mutual friends are in shock and never thought he would move on this fast. Is there any chance of getting him back?
Hi Sadie.
I think it’s a loss of attraction due to GIGS.
If their relationship fails miserably, then he might come running back.
Stay strong and focus on yourself in the meantime as it’s the only way you can recover from this ordeal.
Best wishes,
Zan
Hey Zan,
My ex and I were together for 1 1/2 years and she broke up with me almost 2 months ago now because she was “unhappy” and “didn’t see a future with me.” I didn’t lose my cool and kept calm when she did it and I tried to convince her this isn’t right. There were absolutely no signs that could’ve alluded to her leaving. She planned herself a trip to Disney with me in October just 4 days before she left.
She was experiencing changes in her life all at once. Her home life was rough a lot of arguing and she wasn’t allowed to see me because of her dad for a whole month. Kinda weird grounding a 19 year old. She had enough and moved out and left me in the process.
We ended up seeing each other 2 weeks after the breakup and I explained myself and she was very emotional and holding me tightly but said there was someone else. She changed her answer to “I’ll think about it.” We ended up kissing and she mentioned having a baby with me and said how happy I make her and genuinely meant it. We ended up having sex and I went home feeling great like I had it in the bag.
Next week she goes with the other guy on a trip to a city 5 hours away. She comes home and I called her and she said how happy I make her and how much she loves me and my family. Our talking started to fade she wasn’t saying she loves me as much or giving me as long of answers anymore. She goes back to the same place they went a week later and says she’s with her new boyfriend and I left it on read and she asked if I was okay and I said I’m fine (obviously not).
She comes back and I say we need to meet and talk and she agreed but won’t give me a date. I wait a few days and she seems more eager to see me and planned to see me a week earlier than what I proposed. She gets cold feet on that day (seemingly anxious) so we plan for 4 days later. I’ve been not contacting her this whole time going 3-4 days without any contact.
That day we meet comes and she said she can’t stay long because her boyfriends staying with her. She wasn’t showing any emotion towards me and I gave her a book I was working on for the last 5 months for our 2 year anniversary when I was going to propose. She was genuinely surprised and was gently turning each page saying she wants to read it more thoroughly later. I then gave her a letter I wrote her and one my mom wrote her and she was crying pretty hard. I gave it all to her and she hugged me and left with her boyfriend. The next morning I was devastated and she texted me making sure I made it home okay.
A week goes by and she’s posting very depressing stuff and I saw where they break up. I took my chance and being subtle saying I’m checking on her and she responds pretty vague but asks how I was doing and ended the conversation. Ever since we broke up she’s been out partying, drinking, going everywhere and not really being herself. I can tell she’s sad. After posting about a party that weekend she sent me a picture of her with nostalgia. I responded and she just left me on read. A week later she posts a picture with that guy she broke up with 2 weeks ago and it destroyed me. I initiated no contact and I can tell she’s still not happy even posting pictures with the guy it looks like she’s trying to smile.
I want to wait on her because I genuinely love and care for her and believe she’s made a mistake. I’ve been improving myself and being a better person and everyone that knows her and knows how I am really believe it’s not over. Yes she’s hurt me immensely, but she’s honestly the one I want. I was very good to her and she lives an hour away and I drove at least once a week to go see her and take her to the places she wanted, bought her the things she wanted and gave her a ton of love and affection which she loves. Is this GIGS or a rebound relationship. I think she’s very confused but I’d like your input.
Hi, crownthx.
She probably met this person while she was dating you. So if that’s the case, she lacked a lot of self-control and cheated on you.
What you must do is be your best self and leave her alone. Once her new relationship starts having issues, you will most likely hear from her. Don’t mention getting back together. She will do so herself once/if she wants to.
And if that happens, I suggest you get her the help she needs.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I was in a weirder situation. Me and my girlfriend were together for a year and a half, very good friends before that.
We broke up in January but had a huge holiday booked for 6 and a half weeks. She said she had no interest in dating anyone else. For the first few months things still happened between us, but then she decided she wanted that to stop. We remained friends and she then started dating a co worker who recently moved away and was the classic “he’s nothing to worry about” person when we were together. She kept saying it was just casual. Now we are on the holiday it has turned out it is serious and at times I haven’t reacted the best to seeing things.
I am going to implement no contact when I am gone, but is there anything I can do before that?
Thanks
Greg
Hi Zan,
Great post!
I was with my ex for 4 years; we lived together the last two. We loved each other immensely and even when he broke up with me he said he still loved me and never stopped. We went thru some issues the last year of our relationship, a lot of which stemmed from work-related depression and issues encroaching into our personal lives.
When he broke up with me and moved out, he continued to reach out and talk to me, as well as leave things behind so he had to keep coming back to get them and see me. He would be nostalgic, say he missed things we did and said, etc… but when trying to work on things together came up he basically believed we both needed to work on things separately. We are since entirely moved out and each in our own spaces. I have implemented no contact since our lease ended, since we had to speak during thar time.
I’ve since been taking care of myself and reflecting on the faults I added to the relationship as well as my own self-care.
Now, my question is: should I maintain no contact (it’s only been a week or so). Additionally, IMMEDIATELY after we broke up, he started reaching out to an ex girlfriend he dated before me, but was still contacting me. (They were together 2 years on and off, but the reason for their breakup hasnt changed. I also know their relationship was not as deep as ours, as he said he neither loved her as much as me nor did they become best friends. She is very “small-town” which is what he does not want and led to their breakup originally. He wanted to grow and she did not, and still does not). Now, my second and main question is: is this still considered a rebound? Do men commonly rebound with women from their past? If so, are your strategies the same? Mdeve
my ex boyfriend and i are co-workers. He left me for somebody else and as i do the NC and so decided to move on from all of these, my ex would bring his girlfriend to our office. I am trying not to get affected but really it shows how disrespectful these two are. Any suggestions how i should handle the situation?
Hi Cora.
They are being incredibly disrespectful. When you see the two of them together, distract yourself so you don’t have to see what you don’t like. Talk to someone in your office, make a phone call, listen to music, play solitaire, send an email, do online shopping. Anything that gets you busy and takes your mind off them is a good idea.
Kind regards,
Zan
Good post! I’m a guy and have been split up with my ex of 2 years for a little over 3 months now. She began dating someone about 1.5 months after we broke up. I did contact her once with a written letter not asking to get back but acknowledging my mistakes, and telling her how I have been working to get better. She texted me asking if we could talk a few days later. She called and told me she had a boyfriend and that I should move on and thanked me for the letter. She had her new guy listening to our conversation because “she didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable” about us talking. I asked if we could talk privately, she said no. I told her I didn’t want to interfere with her relationship, and that she had asked to talk to me. She insisted she couldn’t I kind tried to keep asking her if she would talk privately and I may have crossed the line a bit into begging and getting angry a bit (told her it sounded like there are some trust issues for them to work out) I ended the conversation and texted her that I was shocked that he didn’t trust her enough to speak with me, after all she has asked to talk to me. I sent her a few more texts basically just saying that I wish we could talk, and that I felt that her actions were rude towards me, reminding her that I went above and beyond in the relationship by helping her when her 6 year old son was hospitalized for mental illness, and that I thought I’d at least earned 5 minutes of her trust and respect.
She called me about 10-15 minutes later we spoke for maybe 10 minutes privately where I asked if we could set aside our differences and continue on as friends. She said sure so long as I understood that if I contacted her she wouldn’t be able to talk out of respect for her new relationship. I politely declined that offer. I did tell her a few things mainly how I attributed our break up to us not resolving our differences (we had about a three month break where I broke up with her from Dec to Early March, the break up I am referring to earlier was at the end of June) I told her that it is a shame it had to come to this for me to improve, and that I know she still had strong feelings for me (she scoffed at that and said she didn’t in an angry tone). I told her exes could be friends as I am now on friendly non-romantic terms with one of my previous exes before her (she gasped at that) I ended the call telling her that I did think of our relationship as being serious and that it was my intention all along to eventually marry her.
After the call I sent her a final text telling her I appreciated her time, thanking her, letting her know the door for friendship is open if she changes her mind, and that I wanted to send one last good text so I have a fond memory of her. My last line was telling her I wish her the best. No response from her since that evening now almost a months and a half later.
I have seen her driving around town but that’s it. She is still with her new boyfriend for about 2 months now, no idea how it is going, don’t really try to know either. A friend told me that she was recently distant and sad, however the same friend told me that they are still together. I believe they may have been on poor terms for a week or so as I can still see her Facebook profile picture in messenger ans she changed it from him and her to just her for about 3 weeks. But all that’s really speculative and could just be coincidence with her seeming sad. They are still together as her picture Is back to him and her, and they were at a mutual friends wedding together this past weekend.
Like I said I have only contacted her once in the past 3 months about a month and a half ago, nothing from her since. I am on the fence if I would want her back as I believe she suffers mildly from Borderline disorder and anxiety. Our breakup was not the best, she did it over text and i responded angrily.
I know this is a lot of text, lol my thumbs are very tired, I hope that if anything my story serves an example to someone in a similar situation and what not to do.
This all being said: Did i screw this up irreparably? Any advice on what to do?
Thank you!
Hi Jacob.
I apologize in advance if I may sound like I’m criticizing you. I sincerely hope you recognize some of the mistakes you’ve been making, and stop doing them immediately. Doing so will significantly increase your chances of reconciliation.
Your story is a great example for those who believe the time prior to the break-up is more prominent than the time after the break-up.
I’m very happy about the fact that you are acknowledging your faults and have taken the time to resolve them. Since your ex doesn’t quite feel the same, she instead chose to carry on, and jumped into another relationship with the “it’s you, not me” mentality.
The letter does work sometimes (such as in your case), as long as you don’t completely obliterate your chances by getting emotionally overwhelmed by resorting to anger, depression, threats right after the break-up. The letter is a subtle way to tell your ex that you aren’t trying to win him or her back, and that you wish to be on “friendly” terms in the future. You also tell your ex that the break-up has taught you a few useful lessons and that you have your emotions under control.
In my honest opinion, you have made a few little mistakes already (but then again, who doesn’t?) Try not to get angry next time and tell her you wish her all the best. You also said you don’t want to interfere with her relationship, and that’s very noble of you. Try to match the words with your actions as well. Don’t ask her to speak privately, because you know she would be going against her own moral principles to speak behind her new boyfriend. She wants to be trustworthy. If you ever get back with her, you can rest assured she has that quality, and feel much more secure knowing it won’t happen to you.
Also, she knows how you contributed to her relationship. Try not to have certain expectations of her by trying to make her feel guilty, as if she owes you. You merely helped her son, because you’re an amazing person, and you don’t expect anything in return. Yes, it would be nice if you were shown appreciation and respect in return, but asking for it will make her respect you less, and hate you more.
I wouldn’t ask to be friends with her. Settling for anything else than what you’re prepared to bargain for is disgraceful. It’s going to hurt you listening to her talk about her new partner. Distance yourself instead, and continue working on yourself. The time will come when they hit a rough patch, and you will seem like a better option. Stop telling her how you want to marry her and give her the world. She doesn’t deserve it right now, so give great things to yourself instead.
You haven’t screwed it up. You’re on the back-burner right now, and she knows that. Focus on moving on and being happy without her. That will indirectly invalidate her. She’s tired of breaking-up and getting back together. Doing so more than once in my opinion doesn’t work out in the long run. BUT, because you are actually taking the time to become a better person, I believe your chances are pretty high. Reduce the amount of mistakes you are making when you interact with her by simply asking yourself “is this the right thing to say and do? Is it going to help me in the long run?”
You should stay in no contact and wait for the relationship to start falling apart. When she willingly reaches out to you is when your relationship flaws need to be sorted out, so waste not a second and take this time to yourself seriously. She will probably contact you when she misses the things you provided for her. Your worth is something only you are aware of at the moment. She needs time to realize what you bring to the table, and it starts with you respecting yourself.
Your biggest challenge will be patience and finding a way to showcase your improvement through actions. I say you indirectly show her what you’re capable of by using social media. Just don’t overdo it 🙂
Yours truly,
Zan
Thanks Zan! No worries about the criticism, I didn’t handle the break up well and got angry, but that’s in the past. Nothing to be done.
I haven’t contacted her at all or spoken to her in the past 1.5 months since the phone call after the letter. I do see her from time to time driving around, but that’s it. Overall no contact with the exception of the one call in the past 3 months. They’ve been together about 2 months now I suppose. She did move really fast with him, as they were bf/gf after the second date. Took us a few months to do that.
She’s the anxious type so I’m not surprised really that she jumped into a new relationship, she can’t stand to be on her own.
She did block me on all social media, though I never tried to contact her through it or in any other way other than the letter and her asking to speak to me after she got it. So not sure how much a social media campaign may help, inwasnt active in the relationship on social media, and for a bit afterwards I was posting something fun I was doing maybe once a week, haven’t posted in a few weeks as I felt it was fake.
So yeah overall no contact except the once. Any ideas about what kind of things to post in social media to showcase changes? Maybe a good article opportunity there for you!
Thanks for your insight!
Jacob
Hi again Jacob.
I’m glad you are able to take the positive criticism so gracefully. You’re most definitely right about not worrying about the past. The old you doesn’t have to be the new you.
If you’re going to start a social media campaign, do it little by little. Start by posting once a week, and slowly move on to twice a week (I wouldn’t do it more often than that. There’s only so much you have to tell the world).
That said, post as frequently as it seems natural to you. If you’re the type without even a profile picture, be very careful how you approach this. Since it’s been three months, it’s time for you to have a few upgrades. Post only the best of the best at first, as you want to show people how amazing you’ve been. This includes accomplishments, improvements, life changes, well-being. In other words, you want to post pics with new friends, new hobbies, improved physical state, hanging out with the opposite gender (get tagged), anything fresh and positive that shows you are unaffected by the break-up.
Your ex is rebounding, so you have to allow her relationship to run its course. During this time you should perfect your life as much as possible to make as many positive changes as possible. There’s really no end goal here, as there is always something to work on.
I encourage you to dig deeper and not forget about your mental and emotional improvement. These are the hardest to prove merely through pictures. Perhaps you will find a way to break bad behavioural patterns and show her as well.
Now that you are aware of some of the mistakes you’ve made, it’s time you put a stop to them, and leave them in the past. It’s okay to feel angry sometimes, as it serves to let out the steam. It won’t help you get back with her though. You have got to appear unhurt by her jabs, and put on a big smile instead. Happiness is attractive, anger and negativity is repelling. Same goes for you ex. If she can see how her actions have no effect on you, she will eventually want to know where your happiness comes from.
It’s hard to gain such control over emotions under normal circumstances. This is the reason why it’s a huge misconception to believe that people don’t change. The ones with a weak motivator behind the reasons to change, surely don’t.
Break-ups though, are highly emotional states that can help you achieve great things. Desperation can take you far if you are prepared to use it to your advantage.
Observe your thoughts, feelings and actions for a day. You will notice they are all interconnected and strongly reliant on one another. Each and every day can be a lesson to you. You can quickly begin to correct your unwanted demeanour by asking yourself the following questions when you feel overwhelmed “why am I feeling this way? How is feeling angry/sad/depressed going to help me achieve my goal? What can I do right now to feel better?” These are simple, yet extremely functional questions that will ease your anxiety in any given situation. With enough practice, you develop great self-awareness for your brain to automatically seek pleasure and avoid pain.
Self-improvement is key to any successful reconciliation. The focus has to be brought upon you. Your existence is called “your life” not your ex’s life for a reason. Once she feels she is no longer a priority, her ego is going to hurt, whilst yours is going to bloom. This imbalance of value between the two of could serve you greatly if you still wish to patch it up when she is ready. When that happens, chances are, you won’t be feeling the same way.
Zan
Hi Zan, Me again! Your blog is awesome btw! I’m curious, Would you consider this scenario, which I’m about to explain, a rebound? And why?
Guy with girlfriend meets new girl on FB group. New girl pays guy a lot of attention which guy is flattered about. Guy meets new girl in person finally and then decides to dump his long-term girlfriend and enters into relationship with new girl 10 days after his breakup. Is this new girl a rebound? Wouldn’t it be considered more of an affair since new girl and guy were engaged in an emotional affair (online flirting) while guy and his now ex-girlfriend were still in a relationship?
Would love your thoughts on this! Thanks Zan!
Sorry, I should have added that guy and new girl were “talking” for a couple of months before meeting in person.
Hi there, and thank you for your kind words.
A rebound relationship is just a term, used when a broken-hearted person is looking for a quick fix.
In your described situation it’s more of a GIGS. The guy slowly detached from his long-term partner and entered a new relationship once he felt more attracted to the new person
He feels like this new girl is going to be more emotionally-fulfilling than his long-term gf. As mentioned in the article, people take for granted things they’ve had for a while. That’s why it’s important to express gratitude when in a relationship with your loved one.
Needless to say, the guy’d been emotionally cheating until he wanted to get physically involved as well. He kept stringing this girl along for months, till he was sure he could monkey branch from her onto a new girl. Why let go of something while it’s still of use to you, right?
Relationships are tough, and this new girl is going to bring her own problems to the table. Because people are habitual beings, chances are the guy is going to do the same with another girl in the future. Honestly, he’s got some serious personal-improvement to do. Knowing that this could happen to the new girl at any time in the future, isn’t the most relaxing feeling for her. If I were her, I wouldn’t feel content with myself nor at ease.
Hope my opinion helps,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Your articles are really eye opening and amazing. These articles help me understand my situation more and also help me on how I can improve myself. I just want to know what is the difference of a rebound and left for someone else. Can you make an article specific for “partner left you for someone else”. Thanks in advance for the great information you are sharing to people like us who are in deep depression and hard times.
Hi Chiller,
Thank you very much for your encouragment. You’re the best!
Technically, a rebound relationship is the relationship that follows shortly after a long-term relationship. It’s meant for the dumper or the dumpee to mend the wounds and feel desired again.
When your ex jumps into another relationship shortly after leaving a long-term relationship, he or she puts a lot of hope in the next relationship. Your ex partner puts everything in this new relationship without dealing with all the past issues, so it normally quickly backfires, leaving your ex more wounded than before when things don’t go as planned. Suddenly there are two failed relationships to digest, and it can be a lot to cope for some people.
When someone leaves you for another person, a similar concept applies. The new person is seen as a person of higher value at the beginning — hence the decision to leave you. When his or her dreams don’t manifest, and the new rebound person is full of flaws, your ex comes to a realization.
Whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to the new person. It’s self-destructive, so instead compete with the old and the future you. Try to leave the old you in the dust.
I hope this brought some clarity. I’ll write an article titled, “my ex left me for someone else” next. Thank you for the recommendation!