How To Win Your Ex-girlfriend Back Through Text?

I know that texting your ex seems like a great method for winning your ex-girlfriend back, but to be completely honest, texting, calling, or interacting with your ex in any way, shape, or form doesn’t contribute to the development of romantic feelings.

It just puts pressure on your ex and makes her see that you’re in denial and way too dependent on her. That’s because your ex is in a very sensitive state after the breakup. She’s exhausted from investing time and energy into the relationship and now wants a break from it. If you don’t give her that well-deserved break, you’re most likely going to see what your ex is capable of.

You could see her:

• ignore you
• appear disinterested and cold
• respond late
• block you
• get upset with you
• threaten you
• or tell you things like, “I lost feelings, move on, I’m dating someone else”

If you receive any of these reactions, you have a sign that you’re being inconsiderate of her feelings and that you should follow your ex’s lead rather than she yours. Her lead entails following no contact and doing that which the breakup demands – separating from her emotionally and physically.

That’s how you can tell her that you understand what she needs from you and that you’re not going to pester her about it.

Many dumpees think that winning their ex back is their responsibility and that they need to reestablish frequent contact through text, but I think that most of them only think that way because they get bombarded with all the “Text your ex back scams” on the internet. They put their faith in people who claim they’ve learned to manipulate dumpers’ feelings even though all those people did was find ways to take advantage of hurt and desperate dumpees.

This is why they promise them what they want to hear (not what they need to hear) and give them nothing but false hope. And as you likely already know, hope doesn’t make things better. It keeps you obsessed with your ex, attached to your ex, and unbelievably desperate for love and affection.

I know this because I experienced it firsthand. I too thought it was possible to win my ex-girlfriend back through text if I just played my cards right. I thought that my ex would feel something for me if I avoided talking about the breakup and pretended everything was okay.

But instead of making her feel something for me and winning her back, I got extremely hopeful and forced her to hurt me with her cold and unconcerned response. That’s when I knew that reaching out was a mistake and that I should have given her more space and focused on myself.

I know that my ex isn’t the same as yours. But if there’s one thing dumpers have in common it’s that they all need time and emotional distance to process the breakup. They need it whether their relationship was short-term, long-term, abusive, healthy, or destroyed by third parties such as friends and family.

The truth is that even those dumpers who are ready to be friends need emotional distance. They can’t handle dumpees’ expectations and unreasonable demands, so they usually run for the hills or communicate their needs in a frank manner. What they do depends on how developed they are as people.

The more developed they are, the kinder, less reactive their response is.

So if you’re keen on texting your ex to get her back, bear in mind that texting your ex is okay only when you have kids or need to talk about something important. It’s not, okay, however, to stay in touch when you still have expectations and feelings for your ex. Feelings are going to make you come on too strong and suffocate your ex.

So instead of pushing your ex away and hurting yourself in the process, give up on winning your ex-girlfriend back through text. There is no such thing as “winning” an ex back because that would mean you would need to chase after her and rationalize with her when she’s incapable of being reasoned with.

If anyone needs to win anyone back, it’s your ex-girlfriend. She’s the one who gave up on you and needs to prove her worth by winning your trust back. Remember that so that you can slowly let go of the urge to impress your ex and convince her you’re worthy of her love.

In this post, we’re going to talk about how to win your ex-girlfriend back through text the right way – when she reaches out and appears interested in speaking with you again.

Wait for your ex to reach out

If you keep texting your ex first because she never reaches out, that obviously isn’t working. It’s giving your ex power and decreasing her interest in you. You’ll have to take a different approach. One that allows you to stop communicating with your ex and distance yourself from her. Going MIA will tell your ex that you’re breaking a pattern and that you’ve found something or someone else to focus on.

The point of no contact isn’t to manipulate your ex and make her jealous, but to make your ex realize you’re moving on with life and that you’re stronger than she may have thought. It’s your strength and a lack of interest in her that will improve her perception and feelings for you, not texting.

Texting will achieve the opposite as you’ll appear emotionally dependent and directionless.

So forget about learning how to win your ex-girlfriend back through texts, calls, or in-person meetups. You’ll have a very hard time making your ex feel something for you that way because your ex will smell your desperation and feel repulsed by it.

Always remember that you and your ex have different emotional needs. You want your ex’s affection because she’s not paying much attention to you whereas your ex has too much of your attention and wants space.

To even this out, you must start no contact. That’s the only way she’ll feel more like you (more interested) and you more like her (more detached). I know it’s hard to start no contact because your heart is telling you to take the initiative and go in guns blazing, but you mustn’t act on emotions. You must take a more passive approach with your ex-girlfriend and let her go through the breakup stages naturally without pressure.

Most dumpers eventually reach out – even those who cheated and ended the relationship on bad terms. So wait for your ex to cool off, find reasons to reach out, and actually reach out. You never know. You might not even want your ex back anymore when that happens.

Feelings change when you detach and see your ex for the person she is.

Be patient

Most dumpers want to win their ex back fast with text messages and other methods. They don’t understand or want to understand that no contact is a waiting game and that they and their ex have lots of work to do. While they have to get over their ex and regain their independence, their ex has to stop feeling smothered, repulsed, angry and improve her perceptions of them.

And perceptions, aren’t easy to change. More often than not, they require a powerful emotional incentive (pain) that forces the dumper to abandon her old ways of thinking and adopt a new mentality.

So while your ex is refusing to work on herself and possibly dating other men, keep in mind that the only way she can learn a thing or two is through failure. Failure (romantic or any painful kind) may hurt her in ways that steer her off the path she’s on and cause her to reflect on her mistakes.

If she reflects for long, chances are that she’ll also start missing you and feel something for you again. And that’s when she could decide to check up on you to see if you’re doing any better than her. If you are, her curiosity and interest in you could increase.

And if you’re not, well… it could decrease.

So what does this tell you? It tells you that you mustn’t text your ex-girlfriend and try to win her back through coercion. Even if you get lucky and get back with her, coercion is not going to let her reflect, improve herself, and repair her damaged perceptions of you. It’s just going to open the doors back into the relationship and let her remain the way she is.

So all in all, there’s a reason you must leave your ex alone. That reason is that she must learn her lessons on her own and invest in areas of her life that need investing. Without evolving, she can’t be the partner you need her to be even if she was good to you when you were with her. The problem isn’t necessarily her pre-breakup behavior. It’s her new opinion of you that may have destroyed her respect for you.

You have to understand that she could come back just to take from you. And if she takes without giving much in return, she can slowly lose interest and leave again.

This happens to dumpees who naively take their ex back without putting their foot down. They accept their ex back, thinking how lucky they are when the lucky one should be their ex. That’s why they lose themselves in the relationship, prevent their ex from feeling the need to invest, and get broken up with again

You see, not all exes come back to give it their best. Some come back for the wrong or not good enough reasons.

Such dumpers lack love and willpower, so they tend to leave when:

• they get what they’re after
• old issues recur
• or new perceptions damage the relationship.

To avoid this, you must put your faith in no contact and wait. Wait for your ex to make a move because that’s when she’ll finally want to text. I can’t promise that she’ll want you back, but at least you’ll know she’s texting you because she wants to and not because you want her to.

Here’s why winning your ex-girlfriend back through text is likely not going to get the results you want.

Figure out why she’s reaching out

Dumpers tend to reach out for so many reasons, starting with guilt, curiosity, and boredom. They don’t always reach out to get back together, which is why it’s in your best interest to figure out what your ex wants. Doing so will help your text response gain you some respect and make your ex more curious about you.

If you just reply without thinking and talk to your ex for hours on end, you shouldn’t expect your ex to respect you for it. You should expect your ex to get what she wants and disappear afterward. And when she disappears, she’ll make you analyze the whole conversation over and over again and probably make you wonder if you said something wrong.

Before you respond to your ex, you should first discern whether your ex’s message is a breadcrumb. Basically, does your ex need something from you? If she just wants to talk about things that are not related to the relationship, that’s obviously not what you want. It’s something your ex wants.

But if she appears apologetic and invites you out, then that’s something you can both work with. It’s not 100% clear she wants you back, but at least she’s initiating texts and putting effort into them.

When that happens, you can ask your ex why she wants to meet up and depending on her answer, accept her invitation or politely reject it.

What if my ex wants to catch up and/or be friends?

You already know that winning your ex-girlfriend back through text and friendship is going to be difficult. Not only will you feel hungry for your ex every waking moment, but you’ll also stop yourself from moving on and enjoying life again.

That’s why the best thing to do when your ex is eager to converse with you for no apparent reason is to do that which is best for you – stop communicating with your ex.

Of course, ignoring your ex or telling your ex to buzz off would be rude, so you should find a better way to deliver the news.

One way is to tell your ex you’re not ready to communicate yet and that you need more time to process everything that’s happened.

However, if it’s not the first time your ex reached out, you can just say, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I think it’s still too early for us to communicate. I need time to myself to focus on things I’ve been focusing on. I have trouble doing that if you keep reaching out. So please, don’t message me anymore. I’ll message you when/if I’m ready to talk. Is that okay?”

This will tell your ex friendship is off the table and that you’ve got better things and people to worry about.

But won’t that push your ex away forever, you ask?

It won’t push your ex away more than staying in touch with your ex. It will just put an end to unnecessary texts from your ex and make you feel at peace with yourself. I know it’s hard to stop communicating with your ex (especially if you’d been waiting for your ex to reach out for a long time), but texting your ex whether your ex is willing or unwilling to talk won’t help you.

It won’t win your ex back and it won’t make you feel better. So you may as well respect yourself and leave with dignity. At least your ex will see you respect yourself.

I hope you’ve learned that winning your ex back with text messages is a bad idea. If you’d like to share your experiences and thoughts with us, publish them in the comment box below.

However, if you’re not yet convinced that no contact is the way to go or you think your story is too unique for the advice in this article, click on this link to book coaching with us.