What Is The Best Revenge After A Breakup?

Did you ever want to prove your ex wrong and make your ex regret dumping you and/or being with someone else?

I know I did. I wanted my ex to see I learned from the breakup and that I could make her happier than any other person. I wanted her to know I was emotionally intelligent, in good physical shape, financially secure, socially adept, relationship-focused, and capable of maintaining a romantic relationship with her or anyone else.

But because my ex was completely unreceptive to the changes I was making, I felt ignored and unimportant. I couldn’t believe she would shamelessly ignore my efforts and treat me so poorly after years of being together.

At some point, I even thought she was being influenced by her friends and that they have manipulated her and changed her into a different person. It felt like the things she was saying didn’t sound like her at all.

Although that might have been the case as she had plenty of support, it probably took me a couple of weeks to understand that she hadn’t changed into someone different. She was still making her own decisions and was who she’d always been.

She was always capable of the things she said or did after the breakup.

I just never realized it because she had feelings for me and hope for the relationship. She saw a future with me and wanted as well as needed to be on her best behavior.

Her demeanor changed only when she stopped seeing a future with me. That was when she started prioritizing her interests, protecting herself from being talked back into a relationship, and doing dumper-like things, such as going out a lot and looking happy on social media.

Seeing her act that way was excruciatingly painful, but I eventually got out of denial and began to feel emotions of power such as anger and resentment. This change in internal strength was a sign of detachment and emotional progress for me. It told me I was betrayed and disrespected and to some degree even humiliated.

That quickly instructed me to stand up to the injustice I suffered and to take revenge on my ex.

At that point, I didn’t know that revenge in the form of punishing my ex was wrong and that it wouldn’t have achieved anything.

Yes, it probably would have told my ex to be more careful the next time she broke up with someone, but when it came to getting back together and me respecting myself and dealing with reconciliation hope, it would have made things much more difficult.

That’s why despite being tempted to fight back and feel some sense of control, making my ex regret crossing paths with me wasn’t an option, nor the solution I was looking for.

I have to admit, it wasn’t easy not to hurt my ex back and get even. It was the first time I was dealing with rejection, so all these dark thoughts and difficult emotions were completely new to me. I had no idea what to do with them, so my initial thoughts were to react to them just like my ex did.

But had I done that, I’d soon realize I went too far and would force guilt to stay with me for a very long time, maybe forever. Who knows, but the guilt would occasionally remind me I tried to alleviate my pain by seeking revenge on my ex. And that would have been difficult for me to live with and explain to those around me.

So if you’re in the early stages dumpees go through and you feel tempted to get back at your ex for hurting you, know that you have the right to feel hurt and angry. Your ex probably said or did things he or she shouldn’t have and hurt you more than you deserved to get hurt.

But regardless of how hurt and angry you feel, you mustn’t hurt your ex back. If you take the law into your own hands, you won’t be any better than your ex because you’ll be dealing with difficult emotions by not dealing with them at all.

You won’t take any responsibility for your actions because you’ll justify your behavior with “But my ex made me feel that way.”

If you’re reading this article, you probably already know this. You’re open to ideas and growth and won’t let your ex’s actions bring out the worst in you. You won’t let your ex destroy who you are because you have the know-how, moral values, and self-control to make intelligent decisions.

Deep inside, you know that by acting irrationally, you’d make yourself look easily controlled by your ex and that you’d set yourself up for failure. And failure cannot lead to success.

As long as your method of uplifting yourself entails bringing people down, you’ll remain stuck on the same level of awareness and maturity. That means you’ll react to stressors rather than understand them and improve on them.

Today’s post is for dumpees who want to learn what the best revenge is after a breakup. We’ll discuss how to portray yourself in a way that could potentially make your ex see and envy the changes you’ve made.

What is the best revenge after a breakup?

The best revenge after a breakup has always been and always will be success. Success has many definitions, but in breakup terms, it means that you stop caring about what your ex thinks and feels about you and accomplish great things without your ex.

Dumpees can achieve success in many areas of their life. They can identify and improve their thought and behavioral patterns, communicate better, improve their relationship skills, expand their social circle, upgrade their wardrobe, get in shape, find a (better) job, learn new skills, discover their childhood issues and shortcomings, become independent, and find someone they vibe with.

Although society (especially men) often assumes success has something to do with finances, that’s not entirely true. Money buys comfort, options, and freedom, but it’s just one of many components of a fulfilling lifestyle. Money is essential, but it’s saved very few relationships compared to good communication, emotional maturity, and purpose in life.

So if you want to be successful, don’t just focus on superficial things that you can show off. Buying a new car or house won’t make your ex green with envy. On the contrary, it probably won’t make any difference at all. Especially if you always cared about money and were good at making it.

Post-breakup success is not just about improving the things you were always good at. Many people get this wrong because they feel inclined to focus harder on their strengths as they are the easiest for them to improve.

Oftentimes, they do improve in those areas, but in doing so, they also neglect other (often more important) things and waste their essential post-breakup time. Dumpees only have a few months to gather the determination and work on the reasons the breakup occurred.

If they spend those initial months feeling sorry for themselves, they may not reflect on important matters and realize what they need to work on. They could just wait the breakup out and grow only in ways that breakup pain forced them to grow in.

For many dumpees, this includes behaviors that triggered (not led up to) the breakup.

So if you want to be successful after a breakup, reflect on your mistakes, flaws, as well as strengths—and do a little bit of everything. The breakup is the best motivator you could have asked for.

Yes, the first few weeks will be challenging as that’s when pain is the highest. It will probably be hard just to get out of bed and focus on your daily tasks. But the good thing about the world we live in is that everything bad is good for something. In your case, the pain you feel can help you stay committed to growth.

Provided you want to grow and avoid making the same mistakes in the future, pain will help you memorize the things you read and see. It will leave you with no choice but to analyze the breakup and learn where you went wrong.

Many dumpees improve by reading online breakup material and self-growth books. By reading an hour or more a day, they absorb more information in a few weeks than they’ve absorbed throughout their whole lives.

Breakups are true blessings in disguise. They give dumpees the kick in the rear they need to disable autopilot and take back control of their life.

Dumpees who take the wheel are technically already successful as they’re trying to be better partners and human beings. To achieve positive results they must work on their flaws, lackings, and interests and remember that life rewards people who do the work and stay grounded.

Those who brag, seek revenge, and pretend to be fine usually have the most work to do.

Detach from your ex

If post-breakup success is the best revenge, then the second best revenge is detachment. Detachment proves you were able to find happiness and internal peace on your own, without the help of your ex. That is one of the biggest forms of success as it indicates you’ve regained emotional independence and stopped caring about your ex.

You’ve learned to care about yourself and those who truly matter. And that allows you to focus on yourself and reach your full potential.

So set a goal to detach from your ex and lose hope. A goal to heal is necessary because it will help you get out of denial and be independent. It will also show your ex that your life doesn’t revolve around him or her and that you know when you’re not needed and that you know what to do about it.

Detachment takes time, so you won’t immediately feel that you’ve recovered and got revenge by escaping the pain your ex made you feel. But if you do no contact and avoid making mistakes dumpees often make, you should feel slightly better every day.

The longer you stay away from your ex and the busier you get, the more you’ll detach and the stronger you’ll feel. Eventually, you’ll heal to the point where you realize you’re much happier than you used to be and that you wouldn’t get back with your ex if that meant forgetting all the lessons you’ve learned.

When you detach, you’ll probably still want your ex back. But despite that, you’ll understand that your ex made mistakes too and that getting back with your ex would be risky.

This is because your ex won’t make any significant changes as a dumper and could leave you again. Many dumpers come back just to leave again because they don’t improve themselves and the way they perceive their ex.

Unlike dumpees who usually take the time to reflect, they typically feel relieved and do things that decrease the chance of making their relationships work.

That takes us to our final point.

Don’t let the breakup ruin you

It can feel tempting to sulk and engage in self-destructive behavior such as drinking, partying, and taking revenge.

These behaviors are often among the first solutions that come to mind as they bring immediate justice and take away the need to process difficult emotions and go down the moral path.

Sadly, many dumpees lack patience and take shortcuts in life. They’re used to getting things right away, so they drown their sorrow in alcohol, think of the breakup as competition, and compete with their ex. They often do that by hurting their ex and making themselves look and feel better.

Little do they know that the decisions they make due to pain prevent them from reflecting and developing themselves into people their exes could admire or pity.

As a dumpee, you must refrain from causing yourself or your ex emotional or physical harm. I know this is obvious, but emotions often overwhelm people. They make them so anxious and desperate for validation that they throw people off guard and force them to say or do hurtful things.

Those things then prove that they haven’t been focusing on themselves and that their ex’s ghost still controls how they think and act.

The simplest advice I can give you is to avoid behaving in ways that you wouldn’t want your family and children to behave in. If you wouldn’t want them to take revenge and pretend to be better than their ex by hurting their ex back, don’t do that.

Simply focus on improving your new life and ignoring your ex’s provocations. That’s the best revenge after a breakup whereas actual revenge is the worst revenge.

What do you think is the best revenge after a breakup? How would/did you take revenge on your ex? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you want to discuss “revenge tactics” with us, visit our coaching page to get in touch.