My Ex Is Being Influenced By His Friends. What Can I Do?

If your ex is being influenced by his friends and you feel disappointed, you need to understand that your ex listens to his friends more than his own judgment and does what his friends tell him to do.

Your ex does this because he lacks autonomy (the ability to act on his own interests), so he allows his friends’ feelings and opinions to affect his personal judgment.

It goes without saying that a self-governing person wouldn’t permit his friends to speak ill of his girlfriend. He’d have respect for himself and his girlfriend and would instead defend his relationship by authoritatively telling his friends to respect his romantic choices as well as other life choices.

He would tell his friends and those who oppose him that he needs their support and that if they can’t or don’t want to support him that they must at least not be so judgmental and make things worse.

The reason why a guy with strongly influencing friends needs to stand up for himself is not just because he’s being a pushover. He needs to do it is because long-term persuasion can have an effect on his perception of his relationship by weakening his resolve and causing his uncertainties to destroy his faith in his partner.

I’ve said this in other articles before and I’ll say it again. Nothing can damage a relationship more than doubt. A little bit of doubt is okay and normal as most people (especially new couples) experience some doubt from time to time.

But continuous doubts, possibly caused by friends and family can play with a person’s mind. They can make a guy or a woman wonder, “What if my partner really is the wrong person for me” and cause him or her to play with the idea that their relationship is not living up to their expectations.

At first, an idea is just an idea and poses no risk. But when a couple argues or faces various challenges together, that idea can quickly turn into a conviction. It can transform itself from a thought which is rational to a feeling which is emotional.

And that’s when doubts caused by friends assure them that their friends may be right and that there is indeed something wrong with the relationship.

In this post, we’ll talk about why your ex is being influenced by his friends and what you can do about it.

Why is my ex so easily persuaded by his friends?

Oftentimes, our friends care about our well-being and want us to break up with our partner because our partner is no good for us.

But other times, our friends want to break us up for selfish reasons. For reasons that have nothing to do with the relationship, but rather with their own opinions of our partner.

Such friends want to split us up because they want to:

• distance themselves from the person they dislike
• feel that their opinions matter and that they make a difference in our lives
• feel less insecure (jealous, possessive)
• have more alone time with us

It’s unfortunate, but people often don’t do anything about friends with unhealthy agendas. They don’t tell them to stop giving them their biased opinion because they’re afraid of rejecting their help and bringing a bad reaction out of them.

Opposing their friends would make them look rude and inconsiderate of their help, so they don’t do it. They instead just listen to their friends’ advice and hesitantly agree with their opinions.

This is why they’re partially responsible for the breakup. They may not agree with them initially, but because they listen to their advice day after day, they eventually agree with certain parts of their reasoning and use that reasoning to convince themselves that their relationship is not good for them.

I think talking to friends about relationship difficulties can be both a good and a bad thing. The good thing is that your friends can give you an unbiased opinion and the motivation to resolve your relationship struggles with zeal.

The bad thing, on the other hand, is that your friends can immediately take your side and jump to your rescue by suggesting that your partner is immature, controlling, or mean and that he doesn’t deserve you.

A lot of times, people complain to their friends about their partner’s behavior. They say they’re having an argument and that they feel unhappy. In return, they receive their friends’ unconditional, biased support which is the opposite of what their relationship needs to thrive.

They don’t need to hear things like, “He’s uncaring, immature, not a good match for you…” Such statements may feel supportive to the person struggling, but they also breed victim mentality and doubts.

They get in people’s heads and cause long-term damage to their willpower and commitment.

What people in healthy relationships with relationship difficulties need is encouragement. I’m talking about words like, “I understand what you’re going through. I’m here for you. When my boyfriend and I argue, we resolve our issues by…”

These kinds of comments not only support a person but also give him the drive to handle conflicts better and faster next time.

With that said, here are 5 reasons why your ex gets easily influenced by friends.

What can I do if my friends influence my ex?

If your ex’s friends influence or manipulate your ex into thinking you’re bad for him, you have to understand where your ex’s loyalties lie. You have to understand that your ex values his friends above you and that you’re going to have a difficult time convincing your ex to turn his back on his friends.

This is because your ex is now on his friends’ side and doesn’t want to side against them anymore. He’d fought against them long enough—and now thinks it’s best to respect his helpful friends.

This is the first issue your ex will have to overcome before he returns to you.

The second, even bigger issue is that your ex had grown unhealthy associations for you. He doubted your ability to make him happy for so long that he disconnected from you emotionally and made it difficult for him to see your positive traits.

Because of this, your ex now refuses to give you the recognition you’ve earned throughout the relationship. He refuses to do that even if he noticed you’ve improved a lot since the breakup because deep inside, he still sees you as the person you were when his friends influenced him.

As I mentioned before, your ex’s opinion of who you are and what you do is very hard to change. But what’s even harder to change is your ex’s accumulated negativity that is reinforced by third parties.

In your case, your ex doesn’t just have certain negative opinions to deal with. Your ex is also being influenced by his friends which makes it hard for him to ignore his friends and go back to a person he promised to leave behind for good.

Your ex would much rather just start fresh with someone his friends don’t disapprove of.

So if you’re wondering, “What can I do if my friends influence my ex and hinder him from getting back with me,” the best advice I can give you is to learn your worth and stop trying to convince your ex to get with you.

Your ex is an adult, so you shouldn’t need to compete for your ex against his friends. It’s humiliating, to say the least, because your ex should have valued you and told his friends to stop interfering with his romantic life.

In all honesty, your ex’s friends should have known this. But because they were strongly opinionated and/or only listened to your ex’s side of the story, they gave your ex one-sided advice.

I admit I have told a few clients of mine that they shouldn’t be with their ex and that I won’t help them get back with their ex. But this is only because they were in unhealthy or abusive relationships and wanted their ex back even though their ex was treating them horribly.

Can I get my ex back if his friends are against me?

It’s very, very difficult to get an ex back when your ex has friends breathing down his neck, controlling his every movie. His friends constantly remind him that he must stick with his breakup decision and not look back no matter what.

They probably tell him he can be happy now that he’s single and that they will always look after him. By doing so, they keep your ex on the path that they’ve paved for him and make sure your ex doesn’t change his mind.

I know it sounds strange that people would go to great lengths to make sure your ex stays away from you, but your ex’s friends aren’t doing this just because they dislike you.

They’re advising your ex on what to do and what not to do because doing so gives them a sense of power and belonging. It makes them feel valued as friends and respected as people.

For your ex to go against his friends’ advice, something significant would have to happen to your ex.

Your ex would have to:

• lose his friends
• make new friends and receive selfless advice
• change his environment
• get hurt a lot and look for someone familiar to connect with
• or decide to be independent, break his old patterns, and start making his own decisions

Can one of these things happen to your ex while you’re broken up? Sure it can. Your ex can get tired of having other people boss him around and decide to stand on his own two feet.

But for that to happen, something influential has to happen to him first. Something that inspires or forces your ex to make some internal and external changes. I can’t say if that will ever happen to your ex because breakups caused by friends aren’t very common.

It’s far more common for parents or other family members to disapprove of relationships.

But I can tell you that your ex isn’t worth crying over because if he’s easily persuaded and dissuaded by friends, he’s most likely going to have a hard time making decisions when his friends are not around.

Think about that for a minute.

Do you really want your ex back when he and his friends are against you? Would knowing that your ex is being controlled by his friends make you happy?

Something tells me you don’t want that. You want your friends and your ex’s friends to approve of your relationship and support you—and not work against you.

Can I change my ex’s friends’ opinion of me?

As you know, begging people to change their opinion of you and ask them to like you is not only self-degrading but also a complete waste of time. It’s pointless because no matter what you say or do, most people will never be pleased.

You can be extremely nice and people will say you’re mean. You can be smart and educated and people will nitpick and disagree with you. And you can be a great partner and an amazing friend and they will still call you selfish and arrogant.

If you go above and beyond for your ex’s friends and apologize to them, they may forgive you. But even if they forgive you, they still won’t like you because liking someone takes a lot more effort. It takes effort and commitment, which is something most hateful people don’t have.

Not when they’ve gotten into a habit of talking badly about you and disapproving of you.

For them to like you, they’d need to let go of months of anger and resentment and make a lot of effort to respect you. We’re talking about a lot of effort. Probably way more than they’re are willing to put in.

So if your ex’s friends are looking for flaws in you, don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to change their opinions of you. Keep in mind that they’re being stubborn and that even if you apologize, they won’t be able to forgive you because they won’t be able to get over their deep-rooted beliefs.

The best thing you can do about such people is to forget about them and focus on your own friends and family.

Was your ex heavily influenced by his friends? What did your ex say to you when he broke up with you? Post your story below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.