The Psychology Of Making Your Ex Chase You

You’ve probably read a lot about making your ex chase you. You’ve read about ignoring your ex, going no contact for 30 days, and looking really good in front of your ex and making your ex jealous. All of these things are very common breakup tips on the internet.

But despite them being common, you should forget about them.

They’re not going to reattract your ex as the psychology of making your ex chase you doesn’t work that way. You can’t manipulate your ex into chasing you by abandoning your morals and playing dirty. Not when your ex feels smothered by you and thinks you’re incompatible as a couple.

Playing games with your ex is just going to make you look weak and boastful—and that’s not going to impress anyone. Especially not your ex because your ex already knows you. He or she has a good understanding of your personality and behavior, so any sudden flexing (personality change) is going to make your ex question your intentions.

It’s going to cause your ex to raise an eyebrow and make you look… strange to say the least. Manipulative and desperate are probably much better ways to describe pretentious behavior. This is because your ex is highly sensitive after the breakup and can’t handle behavior that forces your ex to think and feel negative emotions.

Your ex wants to feel positive emotions. And the only way your ex can feel such emotions is to disassociate with you completely and enjoy the post-breakup freedom while he or she feels relieved. Once relief and relation wane, your ex will naturally become more receptive as your ex will see it’s safe to communicate and catch up.

So don’t even try to make your ex chase you by waging a psychological manipulation war against your ex. If you’re the dumpee, it’s never going to work because your ex isn’t ready for it to work. Your ex first needs to go through the dumper stages and improve the way he or she perceives you.

This means your ex needs time to process the breakup at the speed that he or she is capable of processing it. Depending on your ex’s coping mechanism, maturity, and perceptions of you, it could take your ex a week to process things or a year or longer. No matter how long it takes, your post-breakup plan should remain the same.

You need to wait for your ex to contact you because the person who reaches out has certain expectations and shows interest. It may not be a romantic interest, but at least it shows that he or she is ready to talk again.

When your ex reaches out, you can decide what the next step will be (whether it’s to stay in contact or go back to no contact).

But while you’re waiting for your ex to contact you, keep in mind that you can’t force your ex to do something your ex doesn’t want to do. You can only give your ex space to spend time with other people, cool down, and message or call you when your ex is ready to talk to you.

Try to understand that your ex will do what your ex wants to do. At this moment, he or she doesn’t need you and won’t let you breathe down his/her neck. Your ex would rather push you away and focus on more enjoyable things and people.

This post is for anyone who’s trying to learn how to make your ex chase you with psychology.

Make your ex chase you psychology

If you want to make your ex chase you as badly as you want to chase your ex, the very first thing you must do is make your ex curious and interested in speaking with you again. You must let your ex realize that you know your worth and that you’re not going to chase someone who dumped you.

In fact, you’re not even going to show your ex that you miss him/her because that would show that you’re struggling with the breakup.

You can do that by going indefinite no contact and letting your ex come to you.

As the name suggests, the indefinite no contact rule is indefinite (never-ending). You can never break it because the moment you do, you show interest, lose the power you’ve accumulated during no contact, and kill your ex’s curiosity, worries, and desires. You might even lose your ex’s respect if your ex is still in the early stages of a breakup and needs more time to enjoy the breakup.

Your job as a dumpee, therefore, is simple. Leave your ex completely alone. You will have days when you feel anxious and extremely tempted to text your ex, but you must remain strong and in control of your actions. Emotions won’t be easy to control because your brain will be deprived of happy hormones, but no matter how hurt, sad, or depressed you are, you mustn’t act on pain.

Pain is a sign of detachment and healing. It doesn’t give you the permission to ditch common sense and embrace behaviors that carry inherent risk. Risky behaviors might work for some dumpees, but they won’t work for the majority. Most dumpees will get rejected by their ex and suffer a heartbreaking relapse.

The rejection could be so painful that they contemplate begging and pleading and/or experience suicidal thoughts. And that’s extremely dangerous.

If you feel that you’re losing control over your actions and wish to engage in self-harm, seek professional help. A professional will prescribe medication and may be able to dissuade you from chasing your ex and seeking your ex’s approval.

Another thing you need to do is learn to let go of control. The fact that you want to make your ex chase you shows you’re in a lot of pain and that you’re trying to reduce your pain by making your ex want you back. Although there’s nothing wrong with wanting your ex back, the problem is that you want your ex back before you recover emotionally.

You want your ex to help you rather than help yourself, which means that you’re looking for assistance from someone who has hurt you and may not care about you. Putting hope in someone like that is insanely risky. If your ex ignores you, blocks you, or does something you’re not ready for, you’re going to get rejected again and suffer.

That may set you back big time and prevent you from moving on.

So instead of making your ex chase you to feel better, confide in a person (or people) who care about you and want you to feel better. This can be a friend, family member, coworker, or therapist. It doesn’t matter who it is as long as he or she is empathetic and doesn’t give you any crazy advice.

Advice like, “You only live once. If you don’t contact your ex, your ex won’t know how you feel and might move on.” 🤦🤦🤦

The truth is that an ex who dumped you has already moved on. He or she thought about leaving you for so long that the breakup seems like the only viable option now. It’s not even an option. It’s the solution to your ex’s biggest problem – suffocation.

That’s why confessing your feelings when your ex feels emotionally drained is just going to overwhelm your ex and make him or her run for the hills. You won’t even know your ex is distancing himself or herself away from you because your ex will pull a Houdini on you and make you extremely disorientated and anxious.

That’s what going YOLO after the breakup does. It makes the dumper feel unwanted emotions and forces him or her to respond to them. And I can tell you that most people don’t respond very well to pressure. Most dumpers feel a strong need to escape a smothering situation rather than deal with it by talking about it.

So go no contact with your ex right away. You don’t need to tell your ex that you’re going to stop reaching out as that will tell your ex what you’re doing. It’s much better to just go no contact without saying a word. It will make your ex wonder where you are and what’s changed.

Your ex might even get curious and miss you enough to check up on you online and breadcrumb you. I can’t predict how your ex will feel and react to no contact, but if anything ends up impressing your ex, it will be your ability to handle the breakup confidently as well as giving your ex what he or she wants (lots of space).

The psychology behind no contact lets your ex be free and independent.

It gives your ex a chance to:

• get emotional space
• focus on himself/herself
• stop resenting you or thinking poorly of you
• forget about some of your mistakes and shortcomings
• engage in introspection
• compare the present to the past
• figure out what kind of relationship he/she wants

No contact is a passive approach to an active problem. It’s the slowest, yet the best, and probably only method for leaving your ex to his/her devices and regaining control of your emotions. Yes, its success isn’t guaranteed, but what does guarantee that your ex will get in some kind of trouble and start desiring you again?

Nothing guarantees that your ex will process breakup emotions in healthy ways and chase you. Especially psychological manipulation techniques as your ex would have to care about you to drop what he or she is doing and run after you.

So if you really want to make your ex chase you, know that it could take a lot of time for your ex to do that. It could take months or years for your ex to get involved with someone he or she gets dumped/hurt by.

You can’t force your ex to go through unpleasant/painful experiences quicker. Your ex has to do this of his or her own accord. That’s the only way your ex will learn important lessons and make some necessary changes.

Here’s how psychology can maximize the chances of making your ex chase you after the breakup.

Improve yourself and stay busy

Improving yourself won’t make your ex chase you right away because let’s be honest, your ex doesn’t care about your growth. If your ex cared, your ex would have stayed with you and encouraged you to be the best version of yourself.

Your ex will care about the things you improve about yourself only when your ex’s mentality changes. And your ex’s mentality could change (not saying it will) when your ex encounters some kind of problem.

This could be depression, another separation, a loss of job, or anything that makes your ex reflect. Things like these could encourage or force your ex to finally start thinking back and wondering if staying with you could have helped your ex avoid feeling so miserable.

If your ex discerns that getting back with you could indeed have made him or her feel loved and secure, your ex could once again want to be with you. The psychology of wanting what gives your ex safety and happiness could make your ex chase you again.

But that’s only if you present yourself as a highly valuable individual. You don’t need to become the next Bill Gates, but you do have to show you’ve got your life under control and that you’re staying busy doing things that give you purpose.

Confidence and a busy lifestyle are the biggest things ex-partners find attractive as they want an ex they can rely on and benefit from. They don’t want someone who wants them more than they want him or her. They want a partner who can help them cope with their lackings or problems.

Such a partner can accept them for who they are and also offer a strong shoulder to lean on.

You can do a lot to improve yourself after the breakup. You should probably start by figuring out what went wrong and what you could have done better. Once you’ve realized your flaws, don’t stop there. Make sure to actually improve the things that need improving.

You can do that by reminding yourself that if you don’t grow now that you won’t have successful relationships with anyone, not just your ex. You’ll face the same issues and probably break up again.

A great way to prevent history from repeating itself with the next person you date (your ex or someone else) is to journal your thoughts, desires, and improvements. Journaling them can help you keep track of your progress and encourage you to keep growing.

Give up on trying to make your ex chase you

Your ex won’t chase you or keep chasing you if he or she sees you’re desperate for a connection. Your ex will chase you only if you remain in control of yourself and stop trying to make your ex chase you.

I’m not saying you need to pretend you’re not interested in your ex and hurt your ex on purpose, but you must give up on trying to control the breakup. If your ex sees that you want to get back together during no contact, your ex will think you’re being desperate.

And desperation doesn’t attract dumpers. It repulses them. Especially those who haven’t found a good reason to see dumpees’ worth and come back to them.

So give up on trying to make your ex chase you. Your ex will chase you when your ex’s post-breakup expectations come crashing down on your ex and force your ex to confide in a familiar person. That person could be you if you use no contact psychology to your advantage.

How do you use psychology effectively?

Simple, you detach from your ex and get over your ex. That’s how you become the most attractive you can be as you have no more expectations of your ex and don’t care about impressing your ex and making your ex love you.

You’re perfectly comfortable with the way things are without your ex.

I hope you’ve learned a thing or two about the psychology behind making your ex chase you. If you have any questions, express them to us below the post. We’ll get back to you soon.

And if you wish to talk with us 1-on-1, sign up for a breakup coaching session.