If you think that writing long paragraphs to get your ex-girlfriend back is a wise thing to do, you’re mistaken.
Talking, crying, begging, threatening, apologizing, and pouring your heart out to your ex, unfortunately, can’t make your ex fall back in love with you. It can’t do it because she’s not emotionally ready to take you back and give the relationship another chance.
If exes came back that easily, people would easily get their exes back and live happily ever after until the end of time. But sadly, reconciliations don’t work like that because writing paragraphs to get your ex-girlfriend back smothers your ex more than you can imagine and forces her to feel guilty, angry, sad, or depressed.
The kind of emotions that long texts evoke really depends on each dumper. Some depressed dumpers who’d been waiting to become single for ages become even more depressed, whereas dumpers who’d left for someone else become angry and resentful.
Almost all dumpers, however, experience unwanted emotions such as anger and guilt—and feel extremely suffocated by their dumpee’s presence and perseverance.
So if you’re thinking of writing paragraphs to your ex-girlfriend to get her back, hold your horses for a minute. Try to understand that exes aren’t receptive to paragraphs, texts, and calls because they need time and silence to miss you. They need to be left alone whether the relationship was healthy, abusive, or somewhere in between.
This article will explain why conversing with your headstrong ex after the breakup is a bad idea. It will also encourage you to avoid making the typical post-breakup mistakes and provide you with information on how to handle the breakup confidently and maturely.
There is no such thing as paragraphs to get your ex-girlfriend back
If you’ve been browsing the internet in hopes of finding the perfect text or paragraph to get your ex-girlfriend back, you’ve unfortunately been wasting your time.
You’ve been looking for a solution that doesn’t exist and most likely never will.
And that’s because no trick or technique will guide your space-deprived and determined ex back into the relationship with you. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve realized your flaws and become someone your ex always wanted you to become.
Your ex just won’t get emotional (happy, nostalgic, or regretful) about the paragraphs you’re thinking of sending. Not even if you write them down in the most perfect way imaginable and show your ex how committed you are to improving yourself and working on the broken relationship.
The unfortunate truth is that your ex has developed certain negative perceptions of you that she doesn’t want to get rid of. When she looks at you, she sees flaws in you and immediately feels discontented, offended, or repulsed by you.
Your flaws may not be a part of you anymore, but they still remain in her mind as associations. They remind her that you’re not good for her and tell her why breaking up with you absolutely needed to happen.
So if you’re still thinking of writing paragraphs to your ex-girlfriend or using devious text your ex back texts that scammers on the internet charge money for, know that you’re wasting your time, money, and emotions.
You’re far better off focusing on accepting the breakup and doing your best to let go of your ex for good. At least this way, you’ll let go of high expectations of your ex and intelligently as well as emotionally comprehend that you don’t possess the power to get your ex back.
Not even if you write sentimental love paragraphs and pull off some grand gesture. Love can’t be brought back that way. When it’s gone, the only thing that can spark it is some kind of realization. That realization needs to create a very specific type of longing that only ex-partners can fulfill.
Here’s what paragraphs to get your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend back do.
Don’t leave voicemails, write texts, or send letters to your ex to get her back
As long as your ex-girlfriend’s heart is protecting itself from your words and actions, you can’t get past its defenses no matter what you say and do.
Your ex first needs to process her smothering feelings and associations for you and actually want to speak to you. And this is something that could take a lot of time.
I don’t know how much time it will take your ex before she’s ready to speak to you about non-relationship matters because every dumper is different. But I do know that about half of you reading this and following no contact will hear from your ex 3 to 6 months into the breakup.
If you try to rush your ex’s emotional progress by writing letters to your ex, showing up unannounced, or buying your ex expensive gifts, you’re not going to melt her heart like people do in the movies.
On the contrary, you’re going to trigger the aforementioned unwanted negative emotions that she developed for you prior to the breakup, ruin her emotional progress, decrease her remaining respect for you, and possibly even bring a bad reaction out of her.
That’s why you need to stop thinking about writing paragraphs to get your ex-girlfriend back. You have to forget about them altogether even if your ex-girlfriend is the most perfect person you ever dated and fell in love with.
Your number one priority as a dumpee should be finding ways to stop holding on to hope and getting rid of the unhealthy one-sided attachment that you still have with your ex.
Once you’ve severed the bond that makes you obsessed with your ex, you’ll see that it’s not your ex-girlfriend that you desire. It’s your old, anxiety-free self that wasn’t emotionally dependent on love and recognition.
Examples of paragraphs that won’t get your ex-girlfriend back
Keep in mind that the longer and more emotional your paragraphs are, the more damage you’ll cause to your emotionally exhausted ex-girlfriend. Instead of making her see your caring side, you’ll show her how impatient, needy, disrespectful, or selfish you can be.
Let’s now look at some different types of ex-back paragraphs you should avoid sending your ex at all costs.
We’ll start with the “desperate I love you text.”
The desperate I love you text
The purpose of this ex-back paragraph is, of course, to charm an ex-girlfriend and make her feel special. But, unfortunately, it very, very rarely works. It just can’t work on an ex-girlfriend who’s given up on the relationship and finds highly emotional situations extremely tiring.
It only works on girlfriends who are receptive to such heartwarming professions.
The apologetic text
Some dumpees use this ex-back paragraph to apologize for their mistakes. They write it 1) to feel better about their inconsiderate pre-breakup or post-breakup behavior and 2) to make their ex feel positive love-like emotions for them.
Dumpees who want to write apologetic texts need to understand that when a girl is done for good, there is no apology sincere enough that could bring her back. And that’s because she’d made up her mind and is consciously or subconsciously protecting herself from being vulnerable around the same person again.
The convincing text
The purpose of the convincing text is to inculcate doubt into a person’s mind. Dumpees use it because they think they can reason with their ex and win their ex’s love back by explaining things to her. Little do they know that explaining things to the dumper (an emotionally unreceptive person) is like reasoning with a rock.
It doesn’t work because dumpees can’t be reasoned with. They are in an unreasonable state of mind as they’re convinced that they need to stay away from their dumpee and finally be happy.
The depressed text
This “get your ex-girlfriend back paragraph” is essentially a manipulative text that guilt-trips and smothers the dumper.
Depressed dumpees or dumpees with low self-esteem need to understand that their ex most likely left because of their lack of personal happiness and independence. Their ex won’t come back if they try to prove that they’re even more miserable without them.
They must instead get the help they need and improve their emotional well-being and wait for their ex to check up on them.
The moving on text
This sneaky reverse psychology paragraph may have the highest probability of success among all the “get your ex-girlfriend back paragraphs” because it exudes strength and high self-esteem. But all in all, it’s still just another long paragraph.
It shows that you feel the need to express your feelings to your ex-girlfriend and that you require her recognition when you should be doing your best to move forward without your ex. When dumpees try to prove they’ve accepted the breakup, they normally prove the opposite – that they’re still hurt and that they’re not over their ex yet.
A person who doesn’t need his ex back for validation purposes wouldn’t be sending moving on/closure paragraphs. He’d be staying in no contact and enjoying his life.
Dumpers tend to smell desperation and sneaky intentions a mile away. So why tell your ex that you’re moving on when you could be quiet and let the power of silence after the breakup do the talking for you?
Instead of sending your ex-girlfriend paragraphs of unnecessary text, send her your absence
Your ex is your ex which means that she doesn’t deserve your love and recognition. All she deserves is time and emotional distance from you because that’s what she’s asked for. If she didn’t ask for it and hoped to stay friends, then she should have known that friendship is not something you want. Not only do you not want it, but you also deserve better.
So instead of empowering your ex with obnoxiously long text messages, give your ex some space to breathe. Let her deal with her post-breakup suffocation on her own because that’s how she chose to deal with it. She decided to go solo, so you must respect that and focus on your own problems. You have plenty of things to work on now that you’re single.
If you focus on your ex, deny her the freedom that she craves, and get in the way of her happiness, things probably won’t end well for you.
You’ll likely meet a very dark side of her you never even knew existed. That’s when you’ll regret interfering with your ex’s need for space and suffer an emotional relapse.
On that note, keep in mind that getting your ex-girlfriend back doesn’t involve sending her needy, smothering, and highly emotional paragraphs. In all honesty, it doesn’t require anything that shows her you need her to validate your brokenhearted feelings.
The best way to make your ex want you back is to follow the rules of no contact and let your ex be as free as the bird.
Letting her go will make your chances of reconciliation as high as they can be, increase your self-esteem, and eventually, help you find happiness and purpose in life again. Just make sure to trust the indefinite no contact rule and stay loyal to it even on days when not talking to your ex is killing you.
You’ll probably find no contact extremely challenging at first, but that’s precisely the reason why its chances of success are so high.
The hard work you put into exercising self-control will gradually allow you to fall back in love with yourself and encourage you to make a lot of personal improvements.
If you’re not convinced about no contact yet, read the article about 7 dumpees who broke no contact.
You might realize that reaching out to an ex who doesn’t wish to speak to you won’t help you get your ex back. It will just make you more emotionally dependent on your ex and prolong the time it takes to get over your ex and find happiness.
How to stop yourself from writing paragraphs to your ex-girlfriend?
It’s okay to write paragraphs or even chapters of your post-breakup thoughts and feelings. In fact, I encourage you to do so as it can have a very therapeutic effect on you.
It can ease your separation anxiety and help you regain your emotional strength.
But whatever you do, don’t send the paragraphs once you’ve written them to your ex-girlfriend and expect her to understand you and sympathize with you.
If she’s staying away from you, she likely doesn’t care much about how you’re doing. She’s focusing on her life, so she’s perfectly happy with the way things are between you two.
She’s at peace.
But don’t let her yearning for peace hurt your self-esteem and inspire you to send her romantic, acceptance, or any of the aforementioned get your ex-back paragraphs.
To stop feeling the urge to reach out, there’s a better way to go about it. Simply surround yourself with people and activities—and get so busy that reaching out won’t cross your mind anymore.
And if it does cross your mind despite overloading your mind with various hobbies, activities, and things you like to do—remind yourself why you mustn’t reach out to your ex and develop the willpower to stay away from your ex.
You’re probably hurting on the inside and feel that life isn’t fair, but pain isn’t a good reason for you to reach out to your ex. In fact, it’s not even a reason.
Pain is a warning that getting validation from the person who likely won’t give it to you is a bad idea because it’s going to hurt you. It might even traumatize you if you can’t stop begging and pleading with your ex for another chance.
So whenever you’re having a difficult time and miss your ex like crazy, remember that your life can get much worse if you send her paragraphs of texts.
It can get so bad you’ll reset your healing and put your ex even higher on a pedestal.
Do you think that writing paragraphs to your ex-girlfriend can help you get your ex back? Have you ever thought of pouring your heart out to her? Post your thoughts and experiences below the article.
And if you’d like to talk to us privately, visit our coaching page to learn more about our services.
Hi Zan,
The prevalent theme in your blogs is always NC and no begging. I was certain at no stage had I begged but I did break NC a couple of times.
While I’m still sure I didn’t ‘beg’, having read this it seems certain my breaking NC would be seen by her as begging and I sent some of those messages screenshot above but far longer musical versions!
I’m still on an emotional rollercoaster and taking each day one at a time but I think it is so worth saying that I value the work you’ve done because your articles preach impartial expectations and hope for the future – whether that be reconciliation or not.
For now I go on a lads holiday tomorrow where I will drink too much, party too hard!
Thank you,
G
Hi G.
I’m glad the articles have been able to help. You may not have begged, but it’s possible your reach outs smothered her. Enjoy your holiday and stay safe!
Zan
edited.
Hello Zan.
First of all, thank you for this articles that made me completely hold my self from pushing the send button. i am glad to come here before making a bad decision in my current relationship state.
somehow, there is one circumstances that is going on with me and her which is that I lend her money last month and she want to pay me back slowly until the debt is done which eventually going on for another couple of months. I had stop texting her since last week, honestly I broke the NC before when she wanted me to leave her alone and told me that she do not love me anymore, obviously I know I made her feel worse because of that. but today, instead I text her again with all the pity admitting mistakes and all the heartfelt apologies, I texted her about not wanting her to pay me back the money instead feel FREE from it because of my sincere intention of not wanting it back from her. Its a pretty long messages but I tried to keep it really cool without all the negatives stuff yet just wishing her to be happy with life aheads. now I wonder is it something good or bad like how would it make her feel about it? I honestly intent to just telling her that I really dont want her to pay me back. I did mentioned about all the struggles she faced on her new jobs and environment but in the same time i mentioned that its never the reason for me to not asking it back because I know she somehow can handle it and how much i trust her capabilities without no judgement at all, its just that i stated how i just remember, aware and deeply feel her struggles. again my question is how do you think she will take it? is she going to feel all the guilt and more negatives perception because of my text messages wanted to be clear regarding that? and also, since she just ignored my message, what if she still sending me the money in months ahead? should I break NC again to state how i really insist i want her to keep that? please help, and thank you so much for your time.
Hi Brien.
If she wants to pay you back, let her. It’s something she might want to do for herself to clear her conscience. If you message her about it, she likely won’t like it as she’ll feel cornered. From now on, you shouldn’t message her anymore. You’ve already told her you don’t want the money back, so it’s up to her if she listens or not.
Stay in no contact and heal.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hey Zan,
Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate it. So yes I told her my intention of not wanting it back, and she had read my message and just ignored it. but from there i stopped reaching out and will commit Indefinite NC.
actually here is another confusing situation for me that I would like to ask from your perspectives and experiences, and i hope you have some insights.
so the very last thing she told me is that she can’t force herself to love someone who she do not love anymore. I don’t know if there is someone else that attracted and influenced her made her get the GIGS and honestly this thought is really killing me, but so far she just seem like want to have spaces and times. actually what Im really confused about is that she still keep our photos in her Instagram, she using the app quite often but until now she still didn’t remove our photos instead removing some old and other photos of her. while I do keep ours too in mine. my question is, what is probably her intention by keeping that? and as for our photos that I have in my feeds, what do you think the best that i can do about it? I honestly don’t feel like removing it since I believe nobody is replaceable especially her as my past that gave me so much pain and eventually taught me a lot of things so i tend to keep it and leave it that way in my feed while keep moving on. but I wonder what does that made her feel when i still keep her photos too?
thank you for your time in advance.
dumpee brien-
Hi Brien.
She will eventually remove those photos. It’s not a matter of if but when. She’s probably just waiting for some time to go by so she doesn’t delete them impulsively while emotions are raw.
I don’t think she cares that you’re keeping her photos online. After a few months of no contact, you can delete them as it should help with letting go of hope.
I hope this helps.
Zan
Hey Zan,
I’m literally sat here writing a letter to my ex, I took a break and came across this article.
I’m at a point where I am writing this letter for me to express myself and my feelings. I am writing the letter with no expectations of a reply. I’m in a pretty deep depression and I need to get some relief from all this which I hope sending this letter will bring.
Do you still think this is a bad idea?
Hi Jam.
Writing a letter to your ex is a bad idea. I suggest you finish writing it but don’t send it. Use it as a means of expressing yourself. It will help you get your emotions out there and heal.
Best regards,
Zan
Great article. I wrote to my ex a few times after they suddenly ended things with me and then ghosted me when I tried to talk about why. I spent a lot of time crafting emails, trying to say the right things, etc. I was ignored every time and felt worse about myself as a result. I would never make that mistake again.
Thanks for all the great content! My therapist also suggested a letter to get all my emotions out and left it up to me on whether to mail or not. I am struggling with that decision. I have been in no contact for 6 weeks. Writing the letter made me feel better but I am unsure of whether it was the act of writing the letter or the potential of her reading it that made me feel better. I am going to give some time or thought to this dilemma but was hoping for your words of advice. Many thanks
Zan,
Thank you for your great advice. I can’t express that enough. My question is with regard to dishonesty – my ex is very angry with me and our last conversation she gave up because I was again, dishonest. She has made very clear that truth is a strong core value to her, and my feelings are telling me that I should tell her the truth about what I was doing. We’ve broken up about this same problem before (me cheating with my previous partner) and I was again dishonest with her. I feel that my lying on this ‘last ditch’ attempt of hers to get some honesty out of me will make it easier for her to just think I’m always a bad person and give up on me. I obviously have work to do on myself, but will no contact have the same effect if what she wants is honesty? Thanks again for everything
Hi James.
If you already promised her that you’ll be honest and you tried to reason with her after the breakup, you probably won’t be able to get her to trust you again regardless of whether you use no contact.
My advice is to stay in NC for now and talk to her when she reaches out to you.
Best,
Zan
Thank you Zan!
Hello Zan.
Long time since I checked in here. I see you still are doing “Gods” work 😂💪🏼👍
I agree with what you have written here… I have made every single mistake any dumpee has ever made 😂. Nothing works. I got wiser the hard way.
Dumpees really have to look inward for answers.
Anyway… just wanted to suggest a great book you might be interested in:
“Love between Equals” by Polly Young-Eisendrath.
Thanks for your work… and have a nice day ❤️
Hi SCV-rush.
Thanks for checking in.
It’s okay if you made made mistakes after the breakup because even if you didn’t make any, things would likely have unfolded the exact same way.
Your ex would still think poorly of you and wouldn’t see a reason to reconnect with you.
Thank you for the comment.
Kind regards,
Zan
Very very helpful Zan! Thank you as always 🙏🏻
Thanks a lot, Linda!
Hi Zan,
I need your advice. I made the mistake of breaking no contact after a year. She didn’t respond. I expected her to be able to at least communicate after such a long period of time, but no. I thought that she would at least treat me with some decency?I was wrong again. Why does someone behave like that when they are the ones who have hurt you? Does that mean that no contact hasn’t had any effect on her and she hasn’t gone through the stages of the dumper. That she has not missed me or experienced any nostalgia or sadness?Or guilt? I won’t contact her again. Does no contact just not work on some people no matter how long it has been?Thank you in advance for your reply.
Hi Guy.
Your ex developed negative associatons toward you and feels repulsed. That’s why it’s safe to say that she follows her instincts which tell her that she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Although it would be nice of her to respond to you, she’s unfortunately the kind of person who thinks that ignoring others is okay. Her moral values are not high enough in that regard.
Also, no contact has not had the kind of effect on her that you hoped it to would. It couldn’t because she kept viewing you in a negative light and created feelings of disgust.
My advice to you is to never reach out again. You ex has to be the one to express an interest in you. So until that happens, focus on yourself, improve your shortcomings, and enjoy every moment of your life.
Kind regards,
Zan
I can accept that her emotions towards me are still negative, even after a year. Thanks for responding and keep up the good work! God bless you, Zan.
PLEASE HELP ME I’m 18. I actually did this but with my ex boyfriend. I wish I found your blog 3 months ago when I sent him an ESSAY, it was so long that one of those arrow things popped up on iMessage that take you to another page to read it. I fell into the scam blogs, 30 days no contact then reach out bs. I didn’t beg or profess my love but I just explained my side of the relationship and some personal things I thought he deserved to know. I thought he’d understand and we could talk but obviously I got ghosted. We literally have not spoken at ALL since we broke up since my both my efforts were ignored. I don’t know what to do, I’ve just been in indefinite no contact since I got ghosted. Did I ruin all my chances???
Hi Zara.
Even though you shouldn’t have sent the letter, it’s your ex who chose not to respond to you. He’s the one who decided to ignore your feelings, so don’t blame yourself. You merely said what was on your mind.
The best thing to do right now is to stay in indefinite no contact. If he ever wants to speak to you, he’ll let you know. But if he doesn’t, that’s okay too. You’ll get over him and won’t need him to come back.
So try to get your cheerful self back and everything will go back to normal.
Best,
Zan
Thank you. I’m trying my best to move on and I feel a lot better compared to when I sent that letter months ago.
I had a question, do teens have a higher chance of reconciliation with their ex after a long term relationship? I read in another blog of yours that you usually hear from an ex in the first 6 months but it’s been 5 for me with zero communication.
I know i shouldn’t care but I think my ego is hurt and I don’t understand how my ex hasn’t felt any remorse yet. He’s done some stupid stuff to get a reaction out of me (but couldn’t) and that’s about it.
Thanks Zan.
I just passed the one year anniversary of my ex moving out. I never heard from her but I’m mercifully gotten to the point where I no longer expect or care if she reaches out.
Thanks for all your helpful content.
Hi Trevor.
Great job on detaching from your ex.
Unless your ex wants you back, you’re better off not hearing from your ex. She’d most likely just reopen your wound and string you along for no reason.
Best regards,
Zan
Thanks for all the great content! My therapist also suggested a letter to get all my emotions out and left it up to me on whether to mail or not. I am struggling with that decision. I have been in no contact for 6 weeks. Writing the letter made me feel better but I am unsure of whether it was the act of writing the letter or the potential of her reading it that made me feel better. I am going to give some time or thought to this dilemma but was hoping for your words of advice. Many thanks
My ex finished with me suddenly 4.5 months ago saying he never loved me (2 hours before the breakup he’d held me and told me we’d get through the pandemic together). I’ve written him two letters but not texted or phoned. The first letter was ~3 weeks after the breakup. My therapist encouraged to me to send the first one saying that it was about doing what I needed to heal and not about my ex’s feelings. Nether letter begged or reasoned just explained my feelings. But, as you explain so eloquently, my ex doesn’t want to hear any of it, it’s still vying for attention. For that reason I regret the second letter, that was being weak. All I can do is keep in indefinite no-contact. It’s so ridiculously hard, but the right thing to do. Thanks for your ongoing wisdom Zan, your articles are so full of sensible, truthful advice
Hi Cat.
Your ex told you that you’d go through the pandemic together because he was trying his best to stay with you. He wanted to feel something for you, so he made a promise that could make him feel more for you. Unfortunately, it didn’t. It just convinced him that he doesn’t feel anything for you.
Even though your ex didn’t want to receive a letter from you, it’s still okay, Cat. You were hurt and wanted the letter to make you feel better.
Kind regards,
Zan
If you “want to feel something” for a person, you dont tell them you love them. That is flat out lying and playing with the other person’s feelings.
That is NOT trying your best to stay in a relationship.