What To Say To Someone Who Just Broke Up?

Many people don’t know what to say to someone who just broke up. They don’t know how to actively listen and stay patient with that person until he or she has healed. This is because they don’t know or remember how it feels to get dumped.

All they know is that it’s emotionally draining to be around someone who’s obsessed with an ex—so they only support their friend or family member for as long as they have the patience to do so.

When they run out of patience and get tired of talking about the same subject, however, they tend to forget their supporting role and either abruptly change the breakup subject or give cliche replies such as “You’re better off without your ex. The breakup happened for a reason. Move on.”

Replies like these don’t help a person going through a breakup. They aren’t empathetic, so they usually just make the dumpee feel unheard and uncared for. They actually make the dumpee even more anxious because the dumpee realizes that he can’t even express himself to a person who’s supposed to be supporting him.

So if you have a friend, a family member, or someone you care about and that person is going through a rough patch, remember that this person needs you now more than ever. He or she wants your patience, support, and your willingness to help so that he or she can heal from the breakup and become independent again.

There are many things you can say to someone who just broke up with an ex. But before we talk about that, you need to know that there are also many things you can do to make that person feel better. You can take the initiative, encourage that person to stay active, and be with that person even if he or she isn’t much fun to be around.

It’s not easy to be around someone who can only think and talk about his ex, but life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes people go through difficult times and they need you to sympathize with their problems. They may not ask for your sympathy directly, but if their actions show that they’re suffering, you have to stand by their side until they let go of their ex, redevelop strength and self-esteem, and become their regular anxiety-free selves.

It could take a long time for them to do that, but if you truly care about the person going through a breakup, you should not even have to force yourself to help that person. You should willingly want to help him because helping him should feel very rewarding.

Many dumpees have told me that they don’t feel supported by their friends and family even though they’re going through the most difficult time of their lives. They say they feel abandoned by their ex as well as their family and friends. This is why I wrote this article to encourage people to be mindful of others’ pain and suffering.

At first, I’ll talk about what to say to someone who just broke up with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend, husband or wife. And later, I’ll give you some tips on how to join this person on his or her journey to recovery.

What to say to someone who just broke up?

If you want to support someone going through a breakup, you must know that you don’t need to have a lot of breakup experience or say something a mental health expert would say. You just need to listen and respond compassionately from time to time.

You can do that by saying reassuring things like:

• I understand that you’re in a lot of pain. It breaks my heart to see you suffer. I want you to know that I care about you more than you can imagine.
• Breakups suck. People can be really mean sometimes. I want you to know that I’ve got your back. Please reach out to me whenever you get anxious and start thinking about your ex. Just shoot me a text or call me. It can be at any time, even at night. I’m your friend and I won’t let you down.
• It’s okay to be sad and express that you’re hurt. Take your time to grieve and get it out of your system. You can tell me anything you want. I’m not your ex, but I’m here to listen.
• I’ve been through a breakup before, so I know how difficult breakups can be. They rip your guts out and force you to put your ex on a pedestal. But hey, if someone like me got through it, you will too. You have my support until the end.
• What your ex said/did was cruel and unforgivable. It may not be any time soon, but one day when your ex crosses paths with the wrong person, he’ll get hit by karma. You probably won’t care about it when it happens—and that’s good. You’ll be back to the cheerful person that I’m used to and have better things to worry about.
• You don’t want to hear this right now, but soon, you’ll see why the breakup happened and how it can help you grow and find happiness again. So for now, focus on recovering and stay positive. Things will get better even though it feels like it’s the end of the world right now.

The person in question has a lot of anxiety and possibly even suicidal thoughts, which is why you can help him just by lending him an ear and saying a few reassuring sentences. You’d be surprised just how much listening and responding compassionately can help.

And you never know, you might find yourself in a similar situation one day. And that’s when your friend will remember that you used to be there for him and return the favor.

Remember that caring people don’t abandon their friends in need. They stand by their side and selflessly support them even if they don’t always want to talk to them about their ex. Deep inside, they know that their friend’s well-being matters more than their own interests.

This is why all you have to say to someone who just broke up is, “I’m here for you. Come over to my place and we’ll talk about it.” It’s that simple, yet so many people abandon their friends when they need their help the most.

So if you’re wondering what to say to someone who just broke up, refer to the tips below.

Things not to say to someone who just broke up

Obviously, there are some things you must refrain from saying to a person going through a breakup.

For starters, you mustn’t say he’s overreacting and that it’s not as bad as it seems. That would dismiss your friend’s thoughts and feelings and make him feel stupid for thinking and feeling the way he does. Remember that he’s extremely vulnerable and that insensitive words or actions could make him extremely anxious.

Some of the things you shouldn’t say to someone going through a breakup are:

• It’s just a breakup. Why are you so obsessed with this person?
• Don’t be so desperate. Move on, it’s over.
• Forget about it. Your ex doesn’t care about you.
• You deserved it. You were mean to your ex.
• Chin up, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
• Your ex will soon regret his decision and come back. You’ll see.
• Come on, stop talking about your ex already.

You should avoid saying anything uncaring, judgmental, unsympathetic, hope-instilling, hope-destroying, or dismissive.

How to help someone who’s going through a breakup?

If you want the best for a person going through a breakup, you mustn’t kill his hope for reconciliation or conversely, give him false hope. You must be realistic about it but at the same time understanding of his obsessive post-breakup attachment.

By keeping in mind that he’s addicted to his ex not by will but by force, you can show this person that you understand where he’s coming from and that you have his back even though rationally, his obsession makes no sense to you.

That’s what support is. It’s supporting someone you care about even though you may not like that he’s still hung up on his ex and ignoring your suggestions.

Some people get hurt when a person going through a breakup doesn’t listen to their advice, but such people don’t understand that their friend isn’t necessarily looking for advice. He or she is mainly just looking for a person to confide in and a shoulder to lean on.

If you’re one of those people, don’t lose your cool when the person in question does the opposite of what you advise him to do. If he was in a rational state of mind like you, he would listen to you. But right now, he can’t because he’s suffering from separation anxiety, fears, and false hope.

He’s in too much pain to do the rational thing.

And that’s basically what you’re there for. You’re there to support your friend or family member until he has detached from his ex, gotten rid of false hope, regained emotional strength, self-esteem, and confidence, and developed a healthier way of thinking.

It will take him some time, but you need to be patient and understanding of his emotional struggles.

So if you want to help someone going through a breakup, show him that you’re prepared to listen to him even if he’s talking about the same thing over and over again. Show him that you’re patient and supportive no matter how boring the conversations may seem.

This will make it safe for the man or woman to open up to you and share the things that he or she hasn’t been able to share with others. In a way, you’ll develop a stronger relationship with this person.

If you’ve been through a breakup before, you can also explain how you felt and what you did when you got dumped. Dumpees like listening to others’ breakup stories because they wish to relate to them. They want to know that others have gone through similar predicaments and that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Of course, most dumpees initially want their ex back and don’t want to hear how you never got back with your ex. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t help this person. You can, and you will. You just have to tell him how you got back on your feet and give him some positive advice.

You can say things like:

• Don’t contact your ex. Your ex won’t respect you if you do. He has to be the one who contacts you and asks to get back with you.
• Don’t date anyone right away. Take your time to heal and process everything. You don’t want to get in a rebound relationship or you could get hurt badly.
• Focus on healing and loving yourself. Do the things you like.
• Talk to me and your friends whenever you need to. Know that you’re not alone.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s never just one person’s fault. Your ex has flaws too, but you probably only see yours because you’re in a lot of emotional pain.
• Don’t analyze your ex’s social media behavior. Seek closure by journaling your thoughts and feelings instead.
• Reflect on your mistakes and the things you can improve. You’re in pain right now, but you can use that pain to grow as a person. Doing so will allow you to have a better relationship with your ex or with someone else.

Whatever you do, though, make sure not to bring up his ex on your own out of the blue and tell him what his ex is doing or who his ex is dating. That is unnecessary information that’s going to cause him an emotional setback and a ton of anxiety.

Remember that if he isn’t talking about his ex that you shouldn’t be either. You should just act like his ex never existed.

How my friends supported me

One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that the quickest way to find out who your real friends are is to watch who comes to your aid when you’re hurt.

Those who care about you will show up in front of your front doors very quickly. They won’t let you bear the burden alone. And those who don’t care or those who aren’t that close to you will be nowhere to be seen. They’ll avoid you or ignore you because they won’t get anything out of helping you.

This is how I discovered who loves me, who likes me, and who my friends are only when they can benefit from me.

My most reliable friends who cared about my health volunteered to help and encouraged me to express myself. They kept asking how I was and what they can do to help.

The friends I saw occasionally or people I wasn’t close with expressed very little interest or concern. They said things like, “You don’t need her, it’s for the best.” These people made it clear that they don’t know what breakups feel like and/or that they have no idea how to help someone going through a breakup.

If I can be frank about it, they weren’t of much help to me.

But then there were acquaintances or people who barely knew me. Such people showed me very little care of sympathy and essentially made me feel worse. They asked questions like, “Where’s the girl you dated. Did you break up? Why?”

Lucky for me, my breakup made me realize just what kinds of relationships I have with people and who I can rely on and trust if I ever need physical, emotional, or financial assistance. It taught me that some friends care and others don’t. Those who care would support me if something bad happened to me (which it did) and those who don’t care about me would ignore me or make a hundred excuses why they can’t help me (which they also did).

I’m an introvert, so I don’t have a lot of friends. But the ones that I do have, I have picked very carefully. I did that because I’d rather have a few good friends I can rely on in times of need than to rack my brain and wonder who to contact when I do have a crisis.

Maybe it’s just me, but I like to be surrounded by people who have high levels of sympathy and empathy. I find such people very easy to trust and get along with.

I still remember how unempathetic people (not just friends) responded to my post-breakup anxiety. They said, “Get over it. The breakup is for the best.” But in my mind, it wasn’t for the best. It was for the worse because I was in denial and far from ready to see the truth.

I still needed to grieve.

The point is that they made things worse because they didn’t know or care how I felt. They just stated their opinions and by doing so, killed too much of my hope at once and triggered my anxiety.

So if you know someone going through a breakup, offer him your support. He will probably need your help for a few weeks. But once he’s recovered, he’ll most likely be eternally grateful.

Are you still wondering what to say to someone who just broke up? What do you think the right thing to say and do is? Share your thoughts in the comments section below the post.