Why Do Men Leave And Come Back?

It’s no secret that men leave relationships because they think they can do better. Everyone knows that. But what people don’t know is that men come back for the exact same reason. They discern that the life before the breakup was better in comparison to the life after and that they must reacquire their lost happiness before someone else takes their place and steals the happiness that is rightfully theirs.

Guys essentially leave and come back because their plans don’t go according to plan. When they break up with their partner, they feel empowered and in total control of their lives. They think they can do anything and be with anyone.

But when they put their theory into practice, they realize that they overestimated their capabilities and underestimated their ex-partner’s worth. This hurts them. And because it hurts them, it automatically changes their mindset and forces them to think about the times when they weren’t in so much pain.

Normally, it makes them think about the people they view in a confident light because those people can help them. They were their support systems in times of need, so they can once again be of use to them. All they have to do is message them, apologize to them, and commit to them.

So if your ex or exes dumped you and came back, you need to understand that men leave and come back because they realize they’ve made a big mistake. They realize they’re much more miserable than they were when they were with you and that they need to do something about it before it’s too late.

When guys emotionally comprehend the origin of their misery, they don’t want to sit tight and do nothing. They’re in pain, so they want to put an end to their suffering as quickly as possible. And they the easiest way for them to do that is to reconnect with an ex that they left because their ex always supported them and loved them unconditionally.

Sometimes they decide to come back because they get rejected by another woman and suffer from a loss of confidence and self-esteem, but at other times, they come back because they encounter fears, mental illnesses, stressors, and a loss of hope.

As a general rule, the bigger the guys’ pain is and the less prepared they are to manage their pain, the more likely it is that they’ll regret breaking up and come running back.

Furthermore, your pre-breakup and post-breakup behavior also plays a big role in guys’ feelings for you as it depicts your value as a woman. It shows how you view yourself (how much respect you have for yourself) and how strong and reliable you can be when a guy gets himself into trouble and needs you to relieve his anxiety and fix his issues.

For example, if you beg with your ex or message him all the time, you obviously don’t depict the characteristics of a strong woman. On the contrary, you depict poor self-esteem, emotional weakness, a lack of independence, and the inability to let go of an ex and enjoy your life without him.

So if you’re wondering, “Why do men always leave and come back,” the answer is that you’ve always handled the breakups maturely and confidently. You’ve shown the guys that your world doesn’t revolve around them and that you’ll be happy with or without their love, support, and validation.

This is the single biggest reason why guys come back after they’ve left you.

In this post, we’ll also talk about other reasons why men leave and come back after the breakup and discuss what you should do about them.

Why do men leave and come back?

There are three types of men who leave and come back, so let’s get straight to it.

1)Men who come back within a month

Men who come back days or weeks after the breakup normally leave their partner on impulse. They break up with their girlfriend because they’re angry, annoyed, or tired and have total control over their partner. But as time goes on, they reflect on their behavior and realize they went too far and that they still love their ex.

Such guys start to worry that their ex has met someone new and that she’s moved on, so they quickly process their negative feelings, forget their reasons for leaving, and lose their remaining power. When that happens, they reach out to their ex and immediately ask to get back together.

They just can’t afford to lose a person they broke up with when the whole purpose of the breakup was to flex their muscles and prove a point. Men who come back very quickly just need some time to process their anger, suffocation, or whatever negative emotion they associated with their ex-partner.

2)Men who come back after a month or months

Men who come back after a month or two normally do so because they date other women. Sometimes they cheat on their ex and monkey-branch to another relationship, but other times they start dating someone else shortly after the breakup and rebound badly with the new person.

Very rarely do dumpers still have feelings for their ex when they start dating another woman. They may feel a bit guilty, but most of the time they’re emotionally ready to date someone new.

They redevelop feelings for their ex only if their new relationship is very, very bad. If it’s really bad, they compare their new partner to their ex, realize how good their previous relationship was, and understand how bad a decision they’d made.

Some dumpers also need a few months of time to deal with their commitment issues, emotional issues/unpreparedness, fears, and feelings for someone else. They first need to deal with their emotions and their pasts before they can form a bond with someone new.

3)Men who come back after a year or longer

And then there are men who come back after a year or years. Such men lack life experience and need to explore other options before they can appreciate the people they abandoned. They need to see what else is out there so they don’t just settle for the first available person.

Men with this mentality come back because they date or try dating other people, realize they’re responsible for some of their mistakes, and learn to appreciate stable relationships.

Oftentimes, it takes them years or decades before life gives them lemons and teaches them that their relationships failed because they weren’t developed as people. But that’s just the way it is. People need to learn their lessons the hard way through failure. And there’s no better way for them to do that than to experience the good and bad things of life.

As mentioned before, all these three types of men come back for the same reasons. They all encounter unpredictable issues bigger than they can handle, so they look for backup options to patch their wounds.

Below you can see an infographic depicting 6 types of men who leave and come back.

8 reasons why men leave and come back

1)You were good to them

If there’s a reason why men leave relationships, there’s also a reason why they come back. And that reason has something to do with the benefits they can get from you.

If you were nice to them, they can get love, support, validation, closure, acceptance, safety, familiarity, and emotional and financial stability.

They want things to go back to the way they were because the past is much more fulfilling and appealing to them than their unhappy present.

When men come back, you need to make sure they want you back for the right reasons – to invest in you—and not just to use you to mend their broken hearts and take you for granted again. Just because you’re a nice person doesn’t mean you should let them take advantage of your kindness. Not again.

So stay alert for any strange behavior and pull away at the first sign of disinterest, coldness, and unwillingness to invest in you. People who realized their mistakes will try to redeem themselves because they’ll know they messed up badly.

2)They feel lonely, envious, jealous

Another reason why men come back after a while is that they feel lonely, envious, or jealous. Such men often fail to create a fulfilling life for themselves after the breakup, so they compare themselves to their ex-partner and crave their ex’s success.

They crave it so long and with such intensity that they put their ex on a pedestal and desire what she has. As a result, they see their ex as a person who can help them succeed in areas of their lives that they’re unsuccessful at and obsess about their ex to the point where not talking to their ex and having what she has hurts them.

When they’re in pain, the only thing left for them to do is to call their ex and ask for another chance.

3)They’re in a bad relationship or just came out of one

Nothing makes men regret leaving their ex more than comparing their new unsuccessful relationship to the successful relationship they had with an ex. A side-by-side comparison essentially teaches them that they’d abandoned a valuable relationship that is rarer than they had imagined and that they may have made a big mistake.

Many people are afraid of their ex rebounding with someone new because they still love their ex. But let me tell you that rebound relationships are the best ways for guys to start to value what they previously took for granted. There’s no better way for them to realize their mistakes and regret their decisions because rebound relationships make guys see that they’re incompatible with their new girlfriend.

Rebounds don’t just make them see that they’re incompatible. They also make them feel that they’re emotionally different. Because of this emotional mismatch, men get hurt, regret rebounding with the new person, and often look for a backup option to patch their wounds.

That backup option is usually one of their recent exes because they already have a connection with that person. They know what their ex is like, but most importantly, they know that their ex may still want them back because they were the ones who did the dumping (had all the power).

4)They get dumped

Romantic rejection is one of the biggest incentives for going back to an ex. It hurts so much, it makes you want to do anything just to stop the pain.

There’s a chance that your ex also got dumped or rejected and thinks that the only way to recover emotionally is to reconnect with you and receive your support. A guy who thinks that way may appear very loving, but you need to keep in mind that he may have come back just to heal his wounds.

As a woman with self-respect, you must make sure that the guy is directing his love toward you because he likes you and respects you and not because he sees you as his first aid kit. If you’re someone he needs just to feel better, he could leave once he’s made a full recovery.

You can determine he’s come back for you if he appears receptive, regretful, apologetic, and enthusiastic about investing time and energy into the relationship.

5)They get depressed or hurt

Some guys come running because they get depressed or hurt by something or someone. They need help dealing with their unfortunate circumstances, so they contact the first available person – their ex. The reason why they contact their ex is that their ex can empower them with love and recognition.

She can heal their wounds and prove that she’s strong and reliable.

If you see that your ex struggling mentally, it’s obvious that he’s back because he’s in pain. He needs your help. But the real question you should ask yourself is, has he learned his lesson? You can tell that he has if he prioritizes you and shows the eagerness to be responsible and do things right next time.

6)They see you’re moving on

Insecure guys sometimes come back because they can’t stand to see their ex moving on. They’re so jealous that they contact their ex and demand to get back together. Such guys usually come back and leave again very quickly because they come back for the wrong reasons.

They come back because they’re lonely, jealous, and unhappy about being alone. Especially if their ex is dating someone new and they’re not.

Needless to say, you have to be careful about insecure/impulsive guys. They could make you leave your new partner and dump you when they stop feeling jealous.

7)They start to see things clearly

When women stay away from guys for weeks or months, they show strength and independence and prove that they can survive on their own.

This makes guys see and feel that they aren’t as important as they thought they were and that they may have underestimated their ex. As a result, they start to see things clearly. They quickly process their need for space and become much more receptive.

Thinking about their ex-girlfriend in a good way essentially allows them to make the emotional progress necessary for redeveloping their feelings.

And that’s why guys like this are the safest to get back to. They come back for you more than for themselves.

8)They just want to be your friends or friends with benefits

The last reason why men leave and come back is that they don’t want to lose you completely. They want you in their lives to some capacity, but they just don’t know how much of you they want. This is why they either offer friendship or friendship with benefits.

If you respect yourself, you mustn’t accept anything less than what you’re willing to bargain for. You should accept only what you’re emotionally ready and rationally willing to have with a guy.

Always that remember that friendships can wait, but your emotional health can’t.

As you can tell, men just don’t come back the way they do in movies. There is always a reason why they fall back in love with their ex-girlfriends. And that reason is more often than not created by some unfavorable event that causes or forces them to crave the past.

What do you think? Why do men leave and come back days, weeks, months, or years after the breakup? Post your opinion below.

Moreover, if you’d like to talk to us about your breakup or breakups, go to our coaching page to learn more.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.