Things To Say To Your Ex-girlfriend To Get Her Back

If you’re trying to get your ex-girlfriend back, you probably already know that how you act or don’t act during and after the breakup is very important. Your behavior depicts what you think about your ex-girlfriend, but most importantly, how you feel about yourself.

If you come on too strong you can guilt-trip, pressure, and suffocate your ex. And if you show no care by saying “whatever,” you can show immaturity, bitterness, and a lack of respect. The key to handling the breakup right is to strive for a healthy balance between respect and self-respect. You must be considerate of your ex’s decisions, thoughts, and feelings, but also considerate of your own health and well-being.

This means that you must accept the breakup confidently by not begging your ex, apologizing too much and asking for forgiveness, and, of course, asking your ex to be your friend. If you try to befriend your ex when you’re hurting, you’ll show you’re willing to do anything to keep your ex in your life and that you’re hoping your ex-girlfriend will change her mind about you.

Don’t ask me how your ex will know you’re hoping for another chance. She’ll just know because she’ll notice your facial expressions, body language, tone of your voice, pain, desire to see her, the need for affection, and a million other signals a space-deprived dumper can pick up on.

You won’t be able to hide everything because your ex-girlfriend is highly perceptive and more reactive than before. She has detached from you and doesn’t want intimacy, affection, or attention. These things repulse her, which means she wants to be left alone and focus on herself. If you don’t leave her alone, you’re going to appear clingy and trigger her unwanted breakup emotions.

It’s therefore, not just the things you say or don’t say that matter. How you act or don’t act is just as important as your ex is constantly on the lookout for anything that disturbs her peace and threatens her freedom. That’s why you should mind your own business so you don’t give her the impression that you need her emotionally. You must understand that she doesn’t have anything left to give you.

She’s exhausted herself out and now needs to get peace of mind. And the only way she can do that is if you leave her alone to prevent her from ruining her perception of you even further. If her perception worsens again, her feelings for you will as well.

And that’s when she’ll get angry with you and find it even harder to respect you and desire you.

There are a lot of things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back. But please remember that getting an ex-girlfriend to like you again isn’t as simple as saying a bunch of cute words. Your ex-girlfriend isn’t receptive to you after the breakup.

She’s unreceptive which means that anything you say or do to woo her won’t work. It will backfire as you’ll smother her and appear to be on a completely different page with her.

The purpose of this article isn’t to attract your ex-girlfriend back the moment she breaks up with you. It’s to plant a seed in her mind that you accept the breakup and feel in control of your life. That’s what could allow her to process the breakup without worries, guilt, and any interferences on your end and make her see your worth when she gets to the last stage of a breakup for the dumper.

Things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back

You need to understand that attraction doesn’t happen on your terms just by saying a few charming things to your ex-girlfriend. Attraction requires the opposite of what most dumpees think it does. It requires you to be brave, strong, resilient, independent, happy, and in control of your life.

These are the things that will turn your ex’s head when she rebounds with someone incompatible and realizes that she needs a reliable person who has always been good to her.

But until that happens, you must prove you’re the person she can rely on. You must prove you view yourself in high regard because if you do, you’ll demand that she does the same.

The most important thing when it comes to getting back with an ex is self-respect. Without it, there will be no reconciliation. Your ex will see you don’t value yourself, so neither will she.

Respect is the first and most important thing you need, so make sure you don’t hand it over to your ex by appearing needy, angry, depressed, or anything unattractive. If you do, I guarantee that your ex will treat you no better than you treat yourself.

Why? Because people hiddenly read others’ opinions of themselves and respond to them in ways that are safe and beneficial to us.

So without further ado, let’s now talk about the things you need to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back.

1)Accept the breakup

Let’s start from the beginning. When your ex breaks up with you, it’s extremely important not to resist the breakup. She’d been meaning to initiate the separation for God knows how long. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it because she couldn’t find the right time and was afraid of hurting your feelings.

But now that she finally got things off her chest, she expects things to go smoothly. She wants you to be understanding of the emotional turmoil boiling up inside her and accept the breakup. Doing so will make her feel emotionally understood, relieve her pressure and guilt, and also enable her to start processing the breakup.

By no means will she immediately return to you because she’ll need time to herself to go through the dumper stages, but she’ll really appreciate that you aren’t obstructing the breakup and making it difficult for her to emotionally distance herself from you.

To accept the breakup, you can say, “Thanks for telling me how you feel. I know the past few (weeks) have been difficult for you and I wish I was more understanding. I realize now that I hurt you a lot, so my only hope is that you feel better soon.”

Your ex broke up with you because she wasn’t happy. Something made her suppress her thoughts and feelings until she couldn’t hold them inside any longer. This is why telling her that you understand it couldn’t have been easy for her is important. It’s sympathetic and placating (if she’s angry).

Every person wants to be understood. Especially your ex because she’s been suffering in silence in her own ways.

So first things first, accept the breakup maturely. Say in your own words that you’re sorry for her suffering and that you wish her a speedy recovery. After that, wait for her response. It won’t be easy to sympathize with her because you’re going to be shocked, depressed, anxious, and sweating like a turkey at Christmas.

But you need to handle the breakup well because it will depict that you possess the ability to deal with shock, grief, and unexpected breakup emotions healthily.

Here are also some things you shouldn’t say to your ex-girlfriend if you want her back after she left you.

• Give me another chance. I can change. [pressuring]
• Don’t give up on us so quickly. We’ve been through so much together. [guilt-tripping]
• We have so much in common and work well together. [convincing]
• Why did you do this? Why did you never tell me how you felt until now? [questioning and judging]
• I hope you can forgive me for all my mistakes. I know I don’t deserve you. [self-pitying]
• Let me know if you change your mind. [saying you’ll wait]
• Fine, I don’t want to be with someone who gives up this easily anyway. I deserve better. [bitterness]

The best thing to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back later down the line is to say you finally understand what she’s going through and that you want the best for her. You need to acknowledge her decision to break up, sympathize with her, and wish her happiness.

2)Closure

This point is for you more than it is for your ex, but it’s still very important. It’s important so you can get some answers (find out what went wrong) and change the things you need to change about yourself.

Look, nobody’s perfect. We all have flaws. But we need to know what our flaws are so we can work on them and have good relationships with ourselves and other people. Those who don’t take the time to work on themselves usually lack self-awareness. They blame others for the way they feel and continue to go from one romantic relationship to the next without much success.

If you don’t want that to happen to you or if you want your relationship with your ex-girlfriend to be stronger when/if she comes back, you have to become conscious of your flaws and the things that need tweaking. It’s extremely important for your behavioral patterns to improve so that your relationship doesn’t end in the same way when similar issues occur.

So if your ex is open to discussing what went wrong, start a conversation like this, “I don’t want to waste too much of your time because I know you’ve got a lot of things to do. I’d just like to know what made you feel this way. You can be 100% honest with me. I value your honesty.“

This line will encourage your ex to tell you the truth even if it’s hard for her. She may not admit to cheating or something she did behind your back, but she should at least point out that she’d lost feelings for you and that she couldn’t reconnect with you on a deeper level.

Whatever she tells you, thank her for it. Thanking her will make her feel appreciated and could motivate her to tell you more.

However, if she doesn’t want to discuss the breakup and give you closure, don’t try to extort it from her. Instead, tell her you know it’s difficult for her to talk about it and that you’ll figure it out on your own.

After that, proceed to point 3.

3)Tell her what’s to come

This step is very important as well. Your ex needs to know just what breaking up means. It means that she lost all relationship perks, which include emotional/financial support, fun conversations, hanging out, and just about everything you are and have to offer.

Your ex needs to understand that people get attached to relationships and need time to detach. They can’t just become friends right away and pretend they’re fine and happy. Breakups are difficult as they are. Ex-couples don’t need to make them more difficult by trying to stay in touch.

If they stay in touch, the dumper might be okay with it, but the dumpee won’t. Especially if he still has feelings for the dumper and wants her back.

When the dumpee settles for friendship, he indirectly invites his ex to reach out whenever she wants. This means that he allows his ex to meddle with his detachment process and stays hooked on her. And because he stays hooked, he also puts himself in a position in which he’s much more prone to making emotional (instinctual) decisions.

Decisions that give his ex what she doesn’t want, pushes her away, and gets hurt because of it.

That’s why you have to have a very important conversation with your ex. You have to be strong and tell her you’ll both be needing some time to yourselves to process the breakup and distance yourselves from each other.

If you politely and empathetically tell your ex that no contact is something you, she, or both need, she’ll understand why you’re proposing a period of not speaking to each other and do her best not to reach out for unimportant reasons.

Reasons like:

• Checking up on you
• Alleviating guilt
• Asking for help or advice
• Updating you on her life
• Telling you she misses you/thinks about you
• Asking for her things back
• And confusing you with memes, questions, and witty remarks

My advice is to discuss how the breakup is going to go on the day of the breakup. Who’s going to move out, when he’s going to do it and collect belongings, and how you’re going to split the bills, pets, or loans.

Don’t leave these things for later when you’re supposed to be healing and moving on. Resolve them immediately. Or if you can’t resolve them right away, set up a date and time to talk about them. You don’t want your ex to reach out months later and disturb your healing just to ask if you’d seen her shirt.

Your ex could use any unfinished business as an excuse to contact you and see how you’re doing. So figure out what to do with things that tie you together as soon as possible and let your ex know in advance that you’re not open to communicating.

To do this correctly, avoid saying:

• It’s just for a few months
• Message me when you’re ready to talk
• We can be friends later
• Couples sometimes need some time to themselves before they get back together

4)Responding to breadcrumbs

If you’re reading this article, you’re likely already too late to use the information from the first 3 points. But you can still learn how to respond to breadcrumbs from an ex. For those of you who are new to this word, we talk about breadcrumbs when an ex is interacting with you and confusing you.

Breadcrumbs give you hope and anxiety and reset your healing. They also make you obsessed with your ex just when you’re starting to move on and enjoy your life again.

So how do you protect yourself and respond to breadcrumbs when an ex reaches out to talk about something completely unimportant and irrelevant to getting back together?

First of all, you must remember what we’ve talked about in the first point (self-respect) and do that which exudes high self-esteem. You must tell your ex that you’re trying to focus on yourself and that you can’t do that if she’s reaching out to you.

This will politely show that you’re not ready or interested in speaking with your ex and that she should leave you to your own devices.

But what if my ex wants me back and I push her away?

Before you tell your ex to shoo, you must learn what your ex wants. Ask her why she’s reaching out all of a sudden and see what she has to say. If she says anything (and I mean ANYTHING) that shows she’s not contacting you to get back with you, you can immediately say you appreciate her contacting you but that you’ve got a lot going on and that you don’t want to stay in touch.

Say it’s nothing personal but that the breakup has made you think and that you feel it’s better not to communicate.

Your ex might get a bit annoyed or hurt when you say that, but her pain won’t even come close to the pain she could cause you if you let her breadcrumb you whenever she reaches out to you. So handle your ex’s breadcrumbs in a way that prevents you from getting closer to your ex.

Do it by asking her not to reach out. That’s the only way your ex will see you respect yourself and that you have what it takes to move on and enjoy your life without her.

If you’re still communicating with your ex, however, then know that it’s never too late to start no contact. You can just tell your ex you’ve been meaning to focus on yourself but that you couldn’t because she kept reaching out. That should be enough for your ex to take the hint.

If it’s not enough, then make yourself clear again. Don’t let your ex have it her way.

So if you’re looking for things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back, keep in mind that the best way to communicate with your ex is not to communicate at all. No contact sends a more powerful and attractive message than any message you can come up with.

It says you respect yourself enough to move forward with your life whereas a wish to stay in contact depicts codependency and a loss of direction.

Conclusion

In this article, we’ve talked about the things you must say to your ex to get her back. We’ve also discussed what not to say or do. I hope you plan on sticking to these basic no contact rules and stop worrying about doing something to reattract your ex.

The more you worry about impressing your ex, the more desperate you’ll become and the less you’ll attract your ex. So go easy on yourself and accept that the only person who should put in the work is your ex. She’s the one who gave up, so she should be the one to come back.

This is true even if you took revenge on your ex by sleeping with her best friend. If she dumped you, it’s her turn to find your worth while you focus on getting over her. When you’re over her, your whole perception of her is going to change. And that’s when you’ll be able to see that she wasn’t perfect either.

She had issues she indirectly made you feel responsible for.

So forget about saying something nice with the intention to get your ex-girlfriend back. If exes could be won over with simple compliments, most of them would come back and apologize. But, unfortunately, not all exes come back. Those who come back do so for two simple reasons.

1. They fail to find happiness on their own.
2. They realize their ex’s strength and worth and start to crave his or her affection.

I hope this post was informational.

Are you still convinced about saying something that will make your ex-girlfriend’s eyes shine like diamonds and make her want you back? What do you think will melt her heart? Share your discoveries below the post.

And if you think we’ve missed something important and want to get in touch with us to talk about it privately, learn more about ways to get in touch with us here.