The “Perfect” Thing To Say To Your Ex-girlfriend

If you’ve been browsing the internet in hopes of finding the perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend, you need to know that there is no such thing. Nothing you say (or do) will make a difference because your ex doesn’t want things to be different. Your ex wants you to remain quiet and not interfere with her new way of living.

If you take some internet guru’s advice and try to “reattract” your ex, all you’ll do is show your weak and desperate side and push your ex even further away. You’ll prove that you don’t understand your ex at all and that your ex made a good decision to dump you.

Keep in mind that if ex-girlfriends could be won back with mere words, there wouldn’t be any breakups. At least not one-sided ones because all dumpees would be able to say the perfect thing and make their ex regret breaking up with them.

But, unfortunately, dumpees don’t have that much power. They lost their ability to influence and impress their ex when their ex developed doubts about the relationship and decided to call it quits. That’s why in this world, there is no such thing as the perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t exist because ex-girlfriends (dumpers) need space from dumpees.

They don’t want to hear, see, or even smell their ex. The thought of their ex interacting with them or being close to them smothers or repulses them and makes them want to avoid dealing with their ex. By running away, they don’t have to be reminded of their ex and the difficult decision they had to make. They don’t have to feel guilty for doing what’s best for them and can just focus on themselves.

So if you hoped to find the perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend, know that it exists only in fairy tales and on hope-giving websites. Any real psychologist or person with breakup experience will tell you that you can’t reason with the unreasonable.

You can’t convince someone who needs space from you that you’re a person of value. You can only give that person space and “hope” that he or she learns some valuable lessons from life itself.

But why is that? Why are people so stubborn?

It’s because they are resentful, out of love, and tired. They are highly emotional and very sensitive to the person they associate unpleasant thoughts and feelings with. They can’t and don’t want to feel differently about the person who has hurt them/made them feel uncomfortable because their negativity is their form of defense.

It helps them feel victimized and allows them to stay in control of their life.

That’s why you should stop looking for the perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend right away. You won’t find it even if you visit thousands of sites. All you’ll find are mixed opinions and a lot (and I mean A LOT) of fraudsters who give you false hope on a silver platter.

They’ll say you can get your ex back if you do this and that, but what will actually happen if you contact your ex is that you’ll reach out way ahead of time (before your ex becomes curious, nostalgic, develops respect, and falls back in love with you). By reaching out, you’ll essentially extinguish your ex’s curiosity and pressure your ex into responding to you and giving you whatever you’re looking for.

So don’t fall for any quick solutions that sound too good to be true. Don’t talk to your ex in person/over the phone or send your ex closure texts, letters, emails, pictures, or anything that demands attention from your ex. You won’t trigger your ex’s soft spot for you and make your ex come running back.

The only way your ex will come back is if you depict strength and self-love and give your ex a chance to realize your worth without your interference.

Since many if not most dumpees look for reconciliation hope, it’s only fair that we talk about things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back. We need to discuss what hope does to you and why you should give up on saying the perfect thing.

The perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend

Let’s reiterate what we already know. There is no perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend whether you want her back romantically, as a friend, or just to make her jealous. Anything that intends to make your ex feel something other than what she already feels is a big mistake as it intends to manipulate your ex into thinking and feeling differently.

Therefore, telling your ex anything that she doesn’t want to hear is a waste of time and counterproductive because it makes her feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t want to talk with you about the things you’ve realized after the breakup.

This includes:

• your mistakes and shortcomings
• your wish to do better
• your love for her
• how sad and hurt you are without her
• that you’ll never find someone like her
• how important she is to you
• how little she means to you
• that she made mistakes too
• that she’ll regret leaving you one day
• that you’re moving on and staying busy
• that you’ve met someone new/better
• and that you’ll wait for her in case she changes her mind

Whatever it is that you want to tell her is what YOU want to tell her. That doesn’t mean she wants to hear it. You should always remember that dumpers want space and privacy. They don’t want to listen to their exes vent and feel sorry for themselves.

They wish their exes would leave them alone and find friends, family, or therapists to confide in.

So forget about saying the perfect thing to your ex-girlfriend and instead, do the right thing. Leave your ex-girlfriend alone and give her a chance to go through the stages of a breakup for the dumper. Once she’s gone through them, she’ll be much more comfortable around you and willing to converse with you.

Here’s why you shouldn’t look for the perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend.

Give up on trying to impress your ex

It doesn’t matter who’s reaching out to who because your “perfect response” won’t impress your ex. It will probably just make your ex feel guarded and less interested in speaking with you. That’s why the thing that matters the most is that you stop communicating with your ex and re-establish a connection with yourself.

The quicker you cut your ex off, the quicker you’ll recover and realize that you can’t make your ex suddenly want to respect you and want to be with you.

As long as you have expectations of your ex, you’ll unknowingly show too much interest in your ex, give away your power and importance, and ask for too much attention, affection, or validation from your ex. That will push your ex further away and ask for an unwanted response from your ex that will make you suffer unimaginable pain.

So as difficult as it may be, work on detaching from your ex and losing hope. Figure out why your ex is so important to you so you can stop thinking so highly of your ex. The moment you get your happy self back, you’ll see that you overprioritized your ex and undervalued yourself. And that will allow you to seek internal happiness instead of chasing after your ex.

I know it can be extremely difficult to lose hope after the breakup, but you don’t need to lose all hope in one day. You just need to be willing to let go of your ex and acknowledge that getting over an ex is a process, full of ups and downs. You’ll have days when you feel like you need your ex as badly as air and days when you barely think about your ex.

This is normal. But no matter how tempted you feel to text or call your ex, you must refrain from doing so. You must stick to breakup guidelines, also known as the rules of no contact. These rules will help you get your ex off your mind, improve your self-esteem, and return your lost happiness to you.

What if I don’t want my ex back anymore?

If you don’t want your ex back anymore, then you don’t have to search for perfect things to say either. You just have to determine whether you want your ex in your life as a friend and then express it to your ex.

You can say that you’ve taken some time to yourself and that you’re ready to be friends if your ex wants that too. If your ex agrees, you can discuss what you’d like out of the friendship and give suggestions on how the friendship is going to work. But if your ex and your ex’s partner aren’t okay with it, then say that you understand and that you wish her the best of luck.

This is how you can end the conversation with an ex you don’t have feelings for and start/resume no contact.

You shouldn’t explain why friendship is good for the two of you and what you expect from your ex. That will pressure your ex and make your ex feel criticized and disrespected. Just accept whatever your ex proposes and never reach out again.

As a dumpee, you can only reach out when you’re fully healed and unsure about whether your ex wants to be friends. That’s when your ex’s rejection won’t destroy your self-esteem and force you to experience another painful withdrawal.

If your ex wants to be friends or more, you need to keep in mind that your ex knows where to find you. You can be certain of that because not having you in her life will be very stressful for your ex. This is especially true if you used to be very supportive of your ex.

So if you want your ex back only as a friend, reach out when you’re over your ex and can handle rejection. But also, make sure to give your dumper ex at least half a year to process things and want to speak with you. Most dumpers will breadcrumb you and propose friendship themselves, so luckily, you won’t have to reach out to your ex and find out if your ex wants to be friends.

As for dumpers who don’t want to be friends, you’ll probably know they aren’t interested in being friends before you even reach out. You’ll be able to tell because you’ll remember that they lost respect for you and treated you poorly during and after the breakup.

In my opinion, it’s always better to wait for the dumper to reach out first because when she does, you’ll know that she’s processed the most difficult post-breakup emotions.

Are you still looking for the perfect thing to say to your ex-girlfriend? What do you think that saying the right thing will even do to your ex? Do you think it will make your ex see your improvements/worth and care about it? Let us know in the comments section below.

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