Things I Wish I Knew Before My Breakup

When I was going through my first breakup, I was strongly convinced that I must do some grand gesture to win my ex over.

I naively mistook my breakup for a relationship and thought that if I just try hard enough—my ex would give me another chance.

But boy was I mistaken.

No matter how much I reasoned with my ex, I just couldn’t get her to listen. I talked and talked but the words had absolutely no weight behind them.

No matter how genuine my intentions appeared or how I verbalized my carefully contemplated speech, it seemed as if my ex wasn’t fully present.

Despite being in the same room as me, I could say that she heard me, but she didn’t truly listen.

She appeared forced to listen to me and likely thought she had to hear me out to get it over with.

She was totally disconnected from my world and instead remained in some distant place that I could only see in her exhausted eyes.

And that’s when I realized that my pleas were meaningless.

She was too far gone.

In this article, I’ll talk about the things I wish I knew before my breakup.

Asking for another chance

When my breakup ensued, I remember I shivered from the lack of sympathy I got from my ex.

On top of an already stressful predicament, I also received snide remarks that additionally raised my anxiety and made me even more desperate for my ex’s attention.

Although I don’t recall acting needy, vengeful, or miserable, I wish I knew a few important things back then.

For starters, I wish I never asked my ex for a second chance.

I regret it because a person who gives up on a relationship is not worth your admiration.

He or she doesn’t deserve your begging and pleading to come back to you. You’re not a salesperson selling items and services that need to be sold.

The person who regrets breaking up with you has to be the one at your mercy. He or she needs to show you care and love—and not the other way around.

You must remember that you used to be an equal romantic partner to your ex. And that’s why you should never resort to apologizing and self-degrading yourself after the breakup.

You deserve way more than to humiliate yourself like that.

So if you want to learn a valuable lesson that I didn’t know back then, I strongly suggest you exude confidence and leave with pride whenever you get broken up with.

You will feel good and so will your ex.

Staying in contact

When my ex broke up with me, I didn’t know what the best thing for me to do was.

I didn’t know whether I should accept her friendship and get “friendzoned” or cut her off to make her miss me.

Since I felt starved for validation, I immediately said yes to her friend request and attempted to stay in touch.

But, of course, this didn’t work for her.

She needed way more space than I was bargaining for so she eventually got tired and annoyed—which coincidentally led to an argument.

As a result, her remaining patience toward me ran out and that was that for us.

It was the final nail in the coffin that gave her a strong reason not to converse with me.

And that’s when I learned an important lesson to never argue with an emotionally depleted ex-partner.

Don’t do it because it’s possible you won’t get another chance any time soon.

Maybe not ever again.

“Talk to your ex and reason with her”

Another big mistake I made was when I wasted my time watching Youtube videos and reading phony articles which quite frankly didn’t entail any more breakup knowledge than I had at the time.

Some people proposed quick, get your ex-back schemes that only work in a fairytale. And that’s something that made me feel completely bewildered.

Back then, the 30-day no contact rule seemed predominant, so I let it influence my anxious brain.

I was hurting on the inside, so I was merely looking for some legitimate answers to my problems.

Even though I knew that the 30-day NC was a scam, there were just so many people spreading false, self-harming information.

So just when I was starting to feel better (roughly a month and a half after my breakup), I decided to nonchalantly reach out to my ex and “increase her feelings for me.”

As you might imagine, that didn’t go well. It only made my ex shut me down quicker than I could say “whoops.”

If I remember correctly, it probably took my ex less than two lines of text to bring me to my knees again. And she did it without even trying.

Of course, the pain she inadvertently caused wasn’t as bad as the breakup, but it hurt quite a bit.

So that’s something I could definitely have taken a pass on had I known better at the time.

Thinking she will miss me

Anyone who tells you that an ex will miss you is deceiving you and prolonging your pain.

The truth is that the dumper can’t miss you when he or she breaks up with you to stay away from you.

Your ex honestly can’t miss your personality until his or her life suffers from some sort of emotional difficulties.

The only exception is when the breakup is mutual, forced by parents, or in some rare cases—long-distance.

This is the kind of information I wish I knew back then when my ex broke up with me.

It certainly would have helped me let go of hope much quicker if I understood the breakup dynamics.

Although I know I’m solely responsible for keeping my false hopes alive, I would have accepted my breakup much quicker if I didn’t hear and read so much about “making your ex miss you.”

So if you’re looking for ways to make your ex miss you, I can tell you that you’re wasting your time.

What you should look for instead is detachment, self-respect, and the truth.

Do something to make her come back

Some things I had to learn the hard way.

One of them was that I couldn’t single-handedly change my ex’s mind through acts of persuasion. At least not for as long as she was unreceptive.

I genuinely had a better shot at winning an Oscar than I did at regaining a stubborn person’s respect.

My ex was just so set on her decision that she would rather ride a slow train to hell than to perceive me in a better light.

So if you’d like a healthy piece of advice, I suggest you let go of unrealistic expectations.

People say that breakups happen for a reason.

So if you’ve found yourself in one, it’s time to figure out what went wrong and how you can prevent it from occurring in the future.

This should be your main priority right now.

Your breakup is essentially an opportunity for you to improve and grow as a person.

You may not be able to change the past and your mistakes, as well as your ex’s opinion of you.

But that’s okay.

You don’t need your ex to keep you in the past—which is what exes deliberately often do.

Instead, take a leap of faith and focus on your personal happiness.

You can’t possibly go wrong with that.

I focused on my ex for too long

My ex’s mean post-breakup behavior was making me regret every single thing I ever did wrong in the relationship.

And that just wasn’t good for my emotional well-being.

Although the pain helped me correct my mistakes, I knew I had to gather my strength in order to disassociate myself from the person I was throughout the relationship.

By no means was I a bad person or anything like that. At least not to my understanding.

I did, however, have a lot of improving to do to become the best version of myself.

That’s why I started reading some of the best self-improvement books known to man.

And I can say that I learned more about myself in a month than I did in my whole life.

I realized that the more time “I spend in my head” reading, the more I will understand my breakup as well as my pre-breakup behavior.

So if you want to make use of your post-breakup time and not waste your time like I did, focus on self-development, such as self-control and self-awareness—rather than on ex-back guides.

And remember.

False hope = ?

Detachment = ?

These are some things I wish I knew before my breakup. What do did you realize after yours? Please leave a comment below the post.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.