Updated on November 19, 2025
It’s no secret that no contact works on both women and men dumpers. Both genders feel its psychological impact, especially when they face personal challenges and see their ex living his or her best life. Happiness and success on the dumpee’s side, combined with their own failures and unhappiness, trigger immense regret and urge even the most stubborn dumpers to reconsider their decisions.
Female dumpers aren’t much different from male dumpers. Like male dumpers, they’re prone to anxiety, depression, pain, loneliness, and confusion. They can become unhappy and redevelop romantic feelings and expectations.
All they need is to be left to their own devices and experience something unpleasant enough to engage in meaningful reflection. When they reflect, they sometimes realize they took their ex for granted and that their ex was the right partner for them. Things weren’t perfect, but at least they felt loved, important, secure, and purposeful.
No contact is just as effective on women as it is on men. Men dumpees like to think that it’s not because of all the things they hear and read on the internet. But the truth is that no contact works on females just as well. It doesn’t work when dumpees want it to work, but rather, when dumpers think too highly of themselves and expect things to improve after the breakup.
High expectations plus a high ego tend to backfire on them and cause them to experience unpleasant situations. Oftentimes, female dumpers get involved with someone they’re incompatible with and compare that person to their ex. That helps them rediscover their ex’s positive traits and perhaps even enables them to learn and improve, depending on their levels of regret.
The more they regret leaving their ex, the more they’re prepared to grow within.
Do keep in mind, though, that the female mind during the no contact rule can’t be manipulated. Dumpees can’t forcefully trigger their ex’s insecurities and make her fall back in love. Feelings don’t work that way because the dumper has her guard up and associates negative beliefs with the dumpee.
That implies she’s emotionally checked out and doesn’t want to be vulnerable again. The only way she can feel vulnerable is if she realizes that her ex isn’t a threat to her happiness and that he can actually make her feel loved and add value to her life. He can do that only if she wants him to. And to want him, she must like him more than a friend and fear losing out on life due to the breakup.
Jealousy games tend not to work at all. They work on female dumpers who still have some feelings left for their ex. Typically, this involves dumpers who want a fakeup, rather than a breakup.
Detached dumpers usually get annoyed when dumpees try to make them jealous. They see right through their tricks and do something that makes them feel insecure in return.
Hence, it’s better not to try to evoke a strong reaction out of your female ex. She won’t get hurt like you because, unlike you, she actually detached and wanted a breakup. The breakup allowed her to be free, so she might even be happy to see you doing well and stop feeling bad for hurting you.
In this post, we’ll talk about whether no contact works on women dumpers.
Does no contact work on women dumpers if you made big mistakes?
No contact can’t work miracles.
It usually doesn’t work on female dumpers if you were extremely negligent, unfair, abusive, disrespectful, authoritative, distant, controlling, unfaithful, manipulative, or noncommittal. It can’t bring back lost feelings and change the dumper’s mind about the breakup because the pain you made her feel can’t leave her mind with just a bit of time.
Time alone doesn’t fix unhealthy perceptions, resentment, and incompatibilities. What can fix such things is a lack of post-breakup happiness, followed by an immense urge to take back control of one’s life. The dumper must be tired of hurting and develop the belief that the dumpee can help him or her feel better.
Such a realization can motivate the dumper to let go of the unpleasant past and remember the positive times from the relationships. Times when the dumper felt safe, fulfilled, and in control of her emotions and life.
So if you made big mistakes, know that there’s a decent chance your ex won’t forgive you and let you close to her. She might stay laser-focused on all the things you did to hurt her and blame you even for her own mistakes. Such resentfulness prevents her from lowering her guard and developing a feeling of admiration needed to reconnect intimately.
I know it’s hard, but sometimes it’s better to let go, learn from your mistakes, improve as a person, and focus on the next relationship being successful. It’s better to move forward with someone else than to try to make a resentful person trust you, love you, and invest in you. When a (male or female) dumper dislikes you and blames you for her pain and unhappiness, you should consider the relationship over for good and do your best to disconnect from your ex.
Your ex will appreciate it, but so will you because you’ll accept the breakup and stop obsessing about impressing someone who isn’t emotionally capable of being impressed.
Dumpers can be really stubborn. They often feel empowered by the breakup and the dumpee’s persuasion/desperation, so they don’t want to give their ex another chance. Even if their ex has changed and improved, they hold on to the old image of their ex and the way he made them feel.
By doing so, they continue to stay happy and in control of their life. Their mindset becomes, Why risk getting hurt when I’m perfectly fine on my own?
You’ve probably heard a lot of different opinions about the no contact rule, particularly when it comes to reattracting women dumpers. The best advice I can give you is to remember that no contact is indefinite (lasts forever) and works without your awareness. It becomes more effective the longer you stay in it and the more you do to disconnect from your ex.
Having said that, here’s why no contact works on women dumpers.
You must focus on yourself!
If you were left by a female dumper, I assume you’re a man. In that case, I’ll tell you a little secret.
Most men I work with after their breakup are very eager to get their ex back. They’re in so much pain, they’re willing to give their ex the time she needs to process the breakup and discover their worth. While they’re giving their ex time, however, they don’t plan to sit idle. On the contrary, they want to grow as people and become better versions of themselves.
This is the right course of action, as self-improvement serves two important purposes.
- It helps dumpees have better romantic relationships (with their ex or someone else)
- It helps them disconnect from their ex and have a fresh start. This, in turn, makes them look less attached, obsessed, and desperate for love and attention.
Dumpees’ best bet is to go no contact, as no contact encourages them to evolve and helps their ex forget about some of the bad times. It doesn’t completely erase the past, but it does ease some of their anger and frustration. This is often enough for dumpers to acknowledge their ex’s good points and think about befriending him or her.
You probably don’t want to be friends with your ex—and that’s okay! You want your ex back and to stop hurting. That’s understandable, but despite that, you must leave your ex alone for a while and learn more about relationships and breakups.
Knowledge will help you regulate your emotions now that you’re hurt and later when you face challenges with your partner. The more you learn, the more skilled you become at handling difficult situations and emotions.
Most dumpees initially start no contact to get their ex back. They realize that begging isn’t working and that they need to change their strategy. After some browsing, they usually come across various versions of the no contact rule.
The no contact rule that usually grabs their attention is the notorious 30-day no contact rule. The reason this NC rule stands out among other types of no contact is that it’s limited and gives them tons of hope. They believe that if they give their ex a break for a month, their ex will come back to her senses and resume the relationship.
From what I see, that’s usually not the case. When dumpees reach out after a month, they tend to project their relationship expectations onto their ex and pressure their ex. Their ex then responds instinctually, pushes them away, and wastes 30 days of their self-improvement time.
So if you’re planning on doing no contact, do the indefinite no contact rule. Read up on the rules of no contact, so you don’t make mistakes that cost you your happiness or your chances of reconciliation. You don’t get a lot of chances to do things right, so do them right from the start.
Learn about your ex’s needs and what she expects from you now that you’re broken up. You should realize that your ex needs time to self-prioritize and enjoy the life the breakup provides.
Improve yourself to get her back!
The reason I am telling you to improve is not because your ex will notice your growth and become regretful, but because the breakup happened for a reason. It wasn’t entirely your fault, but despite that, there are things you can learn and improve from this ordeal.
Every person has different lessons to learn, so think about your behavior and correct it. A good way to do this is to write down where you went wrong and what you would do differently today. Do this often enough, and you’ll rewire your subconscious mind.
While you’re in no contact, hoping to get your woman dumper back, there are many things you can do to maximize your chances of getting back with your ex.
Some of the things you can improve include:
- rewiring your bad behavioral patterns
- learning how to cope with stress and anxiety
- expanding your relationship knowledge
- exercising
- volunteering
- making new friends
- getting rid of bad habits and addictions
- finding a job/better job
- learning new skills
- and much, much more
Once you’ve done all those things, you’ll feel smarter and stronger, and know you’re ready to attract your ex-girlfriend back into your life. You’ll know you’re ready because you won’t fear losing her. Of course, you won’t deliberately re-attract her by picking up the phone and telling her everything you were able to accomplish during no contact. That would be a breach of no contact and the wrong approach.
Your ex-girlfriend has to discover your growth on her own! I can’t stress this enough. When you’re in no contact, you’re in no contact permanently. Forget the limited no contact rule and other types of ex-back plans. Consider them a devious scam, devised by some of the worst breakup “experts” on the planet.
Keep in mind that there are no quick remedies for attracting your ex back. They don’t exist, so focus on respecting your ex’s space and retaining your value. That way, you’ll grow, detach, and be ready to reconcile if she decides to come back.
Applying the no contact rule to women
Following the strictest no contact rule and letting go of your ex is no easy task.
It takes a lot of strength to start no contact—and even more to stick with it through both the good days and the bad ones. No contact will force you to go through ups and downs and tempt you to reach out and try your luck with your ex.
When that happens, remember that most, if not all, dumpees doubt no contact and want to do something to change the outcome. They don’t want to sit still and take a passive approach. They especially don’t want to do that if their ex is attractive and likely to date someone else.
As attractive as your ex-girlfriend is, remember that she needs space and time to explore her life and figure out what’s best for her. You mustn’t tell her what she needs, or she’ll feel trapped and respond negatively.
So keep in mind that the no contact rule works on women when you back off and focus on yourself. The chances of success are highest when you detach, rebuild your confidence, and let her feel the space she asked for.
If no contact doesn’t work despite giving her space, you won’t mind it because you’ll see the relationship similarly to her and be happy on your own. You’ll also have grown and find different types of women attractive. Your preference will change when you reflect thoroughly, mature, detach, and fall in love with yourself.
When you got broken up with, you probably did some begging and pleading to get her back. You hoped that if you showed your ex-girlfriend how much you cared, she’d give you another chance, and the two of you would live happily ever after.
Most men I coached believed that if they had one more chance, they could easily correct all their mistakes and make things right. Some perhaps could. But most of them forgot that they wouldn’t have changed and gathered the determination to improve their relationship if they hadn’t gotten dumped.
Therefore, you needed to break up to grow as much as you did or plan to. The breakup needed to happen to give you the kick in the butt you desperately needed. Without it, things would have stayed as they did, forcing your ex to stay unhappy and contemplate breaking up.
Don’t forget that your ex also needs to grow. She’s not working on herself at the moment because she feels relieved and in control. She’ll improve (at least her mindset) if things don’t work out for her and make her regret leaving.
If you want what’s best for you, you must do no contact properly and let her reach out when she’s ready. She’ll do that when she’s dealt with the emotions of power caused by the breakup and developed curiosity, shame, or guilt.
My ex-girlfriend says she needs space
“I need space” is a direct and clear statement. It shows that your ex-girlfriend needs a lot of physical, but especially emotional distance, to process the breakup and live life on her terms.
She’s in the first or second stage of a breakup for the dumper, which means she feels incredibly suffocated by the emotions the breakup made her feel. She can’t get rid of these emotions if you constantly reach out and force her to communicate. Communication makes things worse because it pressures her and makes her feel unheard.
Your ex is, in essence, asking for no contact—and you must give it to her as soon as possible. That’s the only way she’ll feel in control and respect you.
I know it’s hard to leave her alone, especially if your relationship was intense and/or ended badly, but you need to be strong and focus on healing without her presence or assistance. She’s no longer your girlfriend, which leaves you no choice but to step away and pick up the pieces.
You’d probably do anything just to hear her voice, hug her, and feel loved. But that’s exactly why you must go no contact. Radio silence after the breakup will prevent you from chasing her recognition and allow you to heal your broken heart. Slowly but surely, it will show you that she made mistakes too and that her opinion of you doesn’t determine your worth and happiness.
You may have seen movies where guys run after their exes and slowly (with persistence) win their exes back. They may have managed to hit their exes’ weak spot in movies, but that’s not how reconciliations work in real life.
In real life, guys get ignored, blocked, or met with cold or angry replies. Hoping to be friends with your ex right after the breakup is dangerous for your health. You’ll likely desire your ex-girlfriend’s attention even more when you see that she doesn’t feel the same way about you and still doesn’t want to be with you.
So even if your ex wants to be friends, think about what that really means. It means that she wants to keep you around for non-romantic purposes and that you won’t get out of the friendzone anytime soon.
You can accept her offer out of politeness if you’re scared of turning her down and hurting her feelings, but don’t act like an actual friend. Friendship will give you false hope and prevent you from detaching.
So instead of befriending your ex, go/resume no contact and continue to do what you need to recover from the breakup. Eventually, you’ll learn that chasing an ex is a waste of time, energy, and self-respect.
Use this time to reflect on the relationship and figure out why you want no contact to work on your ex-girlfriend so badly. If it’s because she broke your heart, triggered your insecurities, and caused you to be obsessed, that’s not a good reason to dedicate your life to obtaining her validation.
You should work on loving yourself, rather than expecting her to fix your damaged self-esteem.
Getting her back with no contact
For no contact to work on a woman dumper, you need to create the right conditions for things to shift. The best way to do that is to never reach out to your ex during no contact.
By doing so, you’ll regain some of the power you lost with the breakup and invest in people and things that make you happy and add value to your life. Avoid drinking, drugs, and addictions, because they only numb the pain in the moment and leave you feeling worse afterward.
Choose habits that actually support your recovery. This includes getting daily exercise, sleeping, connecting with people, signing up for therapy, and anything that brings you clarity and peace.
Rules of no contact
No contact is basically just a set of rules. It’s a self-imposed restriction designed to create the best possible conditions for reconciliation with an ex. The first rule is to never break it—ever. You must follow it as if it’s the only thing you know how to do.
The second rule is to use it fully as intended, not halfway. It’s meant for you to fully heal from heartbreak. This is why it includes no checking up on your ex-girlfriend, no matter how anxious and tempted you get.
A lot of people neglect this part of no contact, even though it’s one of the most important rules. They get curious, so they check their ex’s social media, hoping to see that their ex is doing badly. In reality, their ex is doing okay, or even better than okay, making them feel even more abandoned and unimportant.
If you’re going to give the indefinite no contact rule a try, do it the way you’re supposed to do it. Unfollow your ex on social media, turn your notifications off, stop logging on, and prevent yourself from receiving updates on your ex’s life.
Once you’ve done that, you’ll have significantly fewer setback days and moments where you feel like cr*p. You don’t need to delete your ex from social media. Simply hiding her from view is enough, provided you have the discipline not to check her posts.
I’ve seen people say that following the no contact rule with the dumper ex is a weak move, especially with the female dumper. They said that it’s “the coward’s way out.”
I’m here to tell you it’s far from that. It’s actually a powerful strategy, rooted in self-respect, self-love, self-appreciation, and much more. The no contact rule is also a respectful gesture toward your ex because it shows that you honor her decision and feelings.
It doesn’t tell her that you’re holding grudges or that you aren’t willing to talk to her, as some may think. You’re merely giving her the space and time to reach out on her own terms.
If you come across comments criticizing the indefinite no contact rule and start doubting it, know that I have nothing to gain by deceiving you. I firmly believe in karma; what goes around comes around.
Dumpees experience painful rejections and withdrawals when they reach out prematurely and expect their ex to be dying to take them back. In fact, the pain is often so intense that dumpees can’t eat or sleep for days or longer. This depends on their expectations, self-esteem, and the dumper’s reaction.
So do yourself a favour and stay in no contact with your ex-girlfriend. That way, you’ll give yourself a fair chance to heal and let your ex think, feel, and do what she wants.
Will she move on during no contact?
Refusing to do no contact with a woman who left you (especially for someone else) will make her move on and forget about you even faster.
The reason for that is that chasing behavior is far from attractive. Most of the time, it forces women to feel overprioritized, unheard, and trapped, causing them to push desperate dumpees away.
That’s why your attention can actually help your ex lose remaining care and respect. Your unconditional love can make her stop feeling bad for you and cause her to seek validation from some other man.
Just put yourself in her shoes for a minute and imagine how you’d feel if your ex kept reaching out and asking for things you don’t want to give her. You’d probably get furious with her and tell her to take a hike.
Your ex isn’t any different. She’s a human being who gets overwhelmed by desperate behavior.
If you beg her to take you back, she’ll likely think, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with my ex anymore, but he sure is making it easier for me to dislike him.” The more she dislikes you, the quicker she’ll stop thinking about you.
This is the truth you need to hear so that you can start implementing the no contact rule with your dumper ex and invest in a future with anyone but her.
The psychology behind no contact
No contact works on women, men, and almost anyone in between. It’s not about gender or sexual orientation. The human mind is complex, and we’re still learning how it works.
From what I understand, the psychology behind no contact works like this. When you’re abandoned by your ex-girlfriend, it’s your responsibility to maintain your value as a person and a partner.
The only way to avoid pushing her further away and to preserve your worth is to withdraw all attention from her. By giving her space, you essentially allow her to regain the respect she lost for you before, during, or after the relationship.
Leaving your ex-girlfriend completely alone makes her happy (happier than you’d like), but don’t forget that she expects and needs to be happy. She has to be alone (or with someone else) and forget about the things that made her unhappy.
You don’t have to like it or love it, but you must still respect your ex’s freedom of choice and go no contact.
Regardless of gender, the human mind works similarly in no contact for both genders. Short-term results from no contact can often appear soon after the breakup. There are several signs to watch for after your ex-girlfriend ends the relationship.
Some clear signs that she still has feelings for you include giving you attention, flirting, complimenting you, talking about the romantic times, wanting to spend time with you, and similar behaviors.
As a dumpee, you might not see the signs that your ex-girlfriend still loves you. You probably won’t know how she feels, and that’s okay. You don’t need to look for them because your ex’s responsibility is to verbally express them to you. She must say that she regrets leaving and wants you back.
That’s why you must remain patient and calm, and wait for her to make the first move.
Developing the ability to stay calm under pressure is crucial when using the no contact rule to get your girlfriend back. In fact, I’d say it’s one of the most important life skills, whether you’re navigating relationships, handling work challenges, or facing unexpected life situations.
Does no contact work on women if you broke the rules?
It’s no secret that the more mistakes you make during no contact, the more you decrease your chances of reconciliation with your ex-partner.
When you cave into curiosity and impulsively reach out to your ex before she’s ready to talk to you/get back together, you make your ex feel uncomfortable and urge her to hurt you and your self-esteem.
Breaking no contact with your ex-girlfriend risks pushing her away for good.
So whenever you’re having a bad day and want to reach out to her for familiarity and comfort, remember that it’s not the right thing to do. Instead of reaching out and hoping she takes your pain away, persevere and keep your distance.
Remind yourself that she’s not reaching out to you and that by breaking no contact, you’ll show her you need her way more than she needs you. This will empower her negatively and take your power away.
You have far more to lose than to gain. Your pride, happiness, health, personal growth, passion for life, and time for recovery are all at stake. Don’t put any of them at risk.
Does no contact work on women after begging and pleading?
No contact can work even if you begged and pleaded after the breakup. Some dumpees begged for weeks and still got back with their ex. They’re rare, but occasionally, dumpers face bigger challenges in life than the issues caused by a pleading ex. They realize that their ex can help them overcome those challenges and bring happiness and stability to their lives.
However, keep in mind that the more you diminish your value in your ex’s eyes, the harder it becomes to regain it. Apologies stop working because begging and other mistakes take your power away.
Apologies have a positive effect on the dumper only when they come with no pressure and expectations. That means you must walk away and leave your ex alone once you’ve apologized for hurting her.
If you beg and plead with your ex-girlfriend after that, you’ll make yourself look manipulative and weak.
If you break no contact, simply resume it. Start the healing process all over again and let the power of no contact do its magic.
No contact is the safest approach when it comes to getting your ex-girlfriend back. There really is no better way to succeed if you pleaded, showed up at your ex’s house unannounced, sent love letters, or did something you’re not proud of.
Every day you spend in no contact is a day spent improving and healing.
Keep in mind that no contact benefits your health and happiness every time. As for your ex, whether it works depends on your behavior, her perception of you, and what’s happening in her life.
Reconciliation is mostly out of your control, so learn to let go of it and focus on things you can control.
Getting your live-in partner back with no contact
If you live with your partner and you’re wondering how to get her back using no contact, let me clear things up for you. No contact is not about ignoring your partner. It’s also not about pretending everything’s okay or that you’re someone you’re not.
It’s all about focusing on yourself and respecting her need for space, even if things ended on a bad note.
If your ex is especially rude, cold, and distant toward you, you must:
- show respect and ask for respect back
- back off and allow her to deal with her emotions
- stop asking questions she doesn’t want to answer
- talk only about important matters (kids, bills, personal belongings, etc.)
- be on your best behavior
When you’re living with your partner, you’re essentially in limited contact.
Sometimes staying in no contact isn’t possible due to various reasons, and that’s okay. As long as you reduce contact to a minimum and stay respectful when you talk, you shouldn’t cause her any more problems, anger, or pain. She should see that you’re minding your own business and that you won’t make her life difficult.
Remember, no contact is based on the following principles:
- respect
- space
- not making things worse
- moving on
Live-in partner or not, greet her when you see her and act mature when you need to talk. It will show her you’re not resentful and focused on moving on with your life. She might get comfortable with you over time and perhaps even open up to talking about the breakup.
Did no contact work on your female dumper, or are you still in no contact? I’d like to hear your experience in the comments below.
Lastly, if you’re looking for support with your ex, feel free to reach out via our coaching page. We’ll go through your relationship and breakup together and devise a custom-tailored plan.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Yes, I totally agree she needs some kind of emotional trauma and if history repeats itself she’ll call me crying again. Thanks for your reply. Bill
That’s right, Bill.
You have to wait for something to happen to your ex. That’s when she might contact you and express interest.
Hang in there,
Zan
I’ve read 2 of your articles and see the truth behind what you say. I’m blocked on everything from my ex wife. This makes it easier for me to be in no contact indefinitely. Once things go south or something traumatic happens I’ll get a call. It’s the time that it takes that wears on you. But when your blocked you go on with your life and make chances to become a better man.
Keep writing these informative articles there great.
Hi Bill.
People usually reflect on their actions when something bad happens to them. Remember that your ex is in a powerful state of mind and that she needs some kind of emotional reset.
Best,
Zan
Take back your dignity. If you haven’t gone full NC do it now. Women do not respect begging and even if they were to stay in the relationship you have lessened yourself in her eyes and your own. This will only cause problems down the line. Use no contact to strengthen yourself and what you have to offer anyone (be it you, your children, your gf, or future people in your life). Don’t make excuses for her behavior. Reading some of this it seems there may be underlying issues on the part of your Gf that you are working to look the other way on. Allow them to be responsible for their own faults or move on. Best of Luck. TFIY ~ FinalSpaceApe
What if i started no contact 3 months after the break and had some communication before that ?
kanav khanna
Stay committed to NC. If you had some contact it will depend on what you did and the relationship itself prior to the separation. Details matter.
It’s been a week of NC now with my current ex, and yes I did beg a bit in our last conversation, but nothing seriously over the top. I still have the keys to her house and we are still on a phone plan together. She has not asked for the keys back, or offered to take me off her plan either. We are both in our early 40s and met on a dating app. We had practically lived together for over a year as I would spend the night at her place every night and cuddle to sleep every night. Her kids liked me and I liked them as well, she even commented recently before the breakup that I was great with her kids. We became each others best friend and communication was never an issue. She was also good with my kids. My son is autistic and when I met her she was a teacher who dealt with kids like my son. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. We did trips together both alone and with all of our kids. We communicated often, even with uncomfortable issues and always worked past them. She claimed she loved me very much and short of cheating could work to forgive a lot. I lost a job earlier in the year before the COVID lock down, but didnt tell her about it for a week, that caused a major issue. I was out of work for 2 months but eventually got and even better job and she seemed so happy about that.
But we did have a few rocky issues going almost back to the beginning and they were mainly trust issues. She was cheated on by her ex husband and the next man after him. I was in the same situation as I was cheated on by the mother of my kids and the next one after her, so we both had a bit of trust issues, but also an understanding of each of our situations. I dont believe she is a cheater, and I certainly am not, but she shows a pattern in her past of never being single long, in some cases almost overlapping her partners.
At one point in December she reactivated her singles profile after she accused me of lying and cheating on her. That lasted the weekend and we worked things out by sunday. Fast forward to the begging of May, she again reactivated the same profile, but updated all the pictures, so I reactivated mine. We had a big fight about this, but again i was over by her on Sunday night and we worked it out… so it seemed. My trust issues came from the fact that every time we would fight I would go to that site to see if she was there, those are my issues to deal with, but I was proven right twice now. The first time she said she was looking for me, but forgot it was still open on her computer. As she is the type who really doesn’t lie, I took her word on that. The second time all the pics were updated.
The tuseday after Memorial Day was the last time i saw her in the morning when i left for work and kissed her good bye. That day she told me that the mother of my kids sent her a nasty message on FB and that she couldnt take that. But she also admitted that weeks earlier, she had been the one to initially message the mother of my kids.
What caused all the issues was the mother of my kids, she herself is a very toxic person and has no issues with resorting to name calling on both of us. Well, the current gf couldnt take it anymore after a year of these issues. I contacted a lawyer that week and had the meeting the following week and will be going after the mother of my kids to change the stipulations of our relationship for the kids. No contact with me outside of the issues for the kids, and ABSOLUTELY no contact with anyone in my life. When I told her this, she said she was happy I took that step but that it was just too little too late. I really dont want to lose this woman as she was the most meaningful relationship I have ever really had. But she is completely “Taurus” stubborn so I fear I may have lost her for good and I am crushed by this.
Hello i really like your article it totally makes sense. But the question is will it work even if you are not long together with your partner? In my case, i met her on a dating app and on the next month i decided to meet her (longdistance relationship) and after that it clicked between us and we spend all in all 1 week together. Last january and march. But unluckily the pandemic started and the boarders closed and didnt have a chance to meet. All was good we were planning things together, like she moving in with me next year she bought me gifts and felt that she was really into me even if we just talked on chat and on facetime. Then 3 days ago she suddenly turned cold and tells me im not giving her enough space that im to toxic sometime and that she realized that she cant be with someone like me anymore. In our case one problem as well is that we dont have that connection between us yet because we just met 1 week all together. Is there a chance that this “no contact rule” will work on our case?
No, you havent even built a foundation for her to even miss you at all. Weeks? Come on. The only thing you may give her is a bit of a challange if you go no contact.
Hello, so my story is that me and my best friend for 3 years started dating and the after 3 months of dating she told me she didnt want to be dating anymore and get back to friends but i refused and we fought and stopped talking for a while,then i went back to fdating another girl and posted her on my socials, after that she went to date the guy that i hate the most because he was talking bad about me around her so she can dislike me, so she told me that we should try to back to the best friend phase but it didnt work we kept fighting a lot then i told her that she is dating the available guy and she isnt worth any value that i gave her, after that she tried to forgive me and she did and after it i told her that when i was with here i had feelings for another girl(which the one im dating now) aftre that she told she doesn’t want to talk to me or see me anymore and stopped replying to me so i removed her from all socials
So i wanted a closure so i talked to mutual friend which is close to her and i went to see her as a surprise so i can apologize maybe win her back( i think she knew i was coming) so we set there for 2hr’s arguing and telling her for one more chance but she refused saying i cant be number 2 for you and i made her follow me on instagram so she can check on me and she accepted
After that i tried to text her to check if she want to talk or a space and she removed me from the instagram, i just want my best friend back
Do you think she liked/loved me?
Do you think i should do the NC method ?
Do you think i broke her heart?
Do she thinks about me or misses me ?
Thats all thank you !!
My ex and I lived together and on March 1st when I went to work she moved out and ghosted me that same day. She didn’t take all of her furniture and also took belongs of mine. We were together for two years and had just gone to Las Vegas the weekend before. I also was her daughter (4 and a half years old):acting bonus dad (stepdad) for two years. My ex has low self-esteem and insecurities. She would constantly tell me that she didn’t feel beautiful or loveable and she also would have a panic attack every once in awhile stemming from her ex husband who beat her up back in 2016. My ex has an anxious attachment disorder and gets seasonal depression to.
I even purchased a house for me and her as we talked about getting married. She even had a dress and I had a ring for her. I started no contact with my ex the same day that she left. My question is how will no contact work in a situation like this? I know there are no guarantees but from reading your blogs ex’s come back 90% of the time. Also all this is going on through the coronavirus pandemic so I’m not sure if that changes anything or not? It has been two months since she has left. Any insight or comments are welcomed. Thanks in advance Can!
Hi Greg.
It’s not that 90% of people come back, but rather than 90% of people hear from their ex again.
I can’t predict how no contact will affect your ex-girlfriend. That’s something only time will tell. If she’s anxious, she might come back for comfort.
Best regards,
Zan
Did she ever come back ?
Zan, I am a little confused by this article. I get the impression that you are saying No Contact will not work at all if you met the traits described in the earlier part of the article but then you make it seem like there’s still a possibility of getting them back? What is your definite answer on this? Should I even be open to the idea of her coming back in my life or should I just forget about it? Just so we are clear I was negligent, cruel (though she could be too), disrespectful, and authoritative/controlling. Currently in therapy to get all that fixed.
By no contact forever basically means it doesnt expire. If someone said, 30 days of no contact, then on the 30th day you would drive youreself crazy if you never heard back from her within that time-frame. As long as you dont have an end date, you wont keep questioning if this is the day she will reach out to you. The other main reason is that during this time, you’re supposed to be working on you and keeping yourself busy and healthy. You need to be a man not show weakness like staying in sulking. Its unattractive towards woman. No contact for as long as it takes them, not you.
Great question confused! I’m in a similar situation. Zan would appreciate your inputs!
It depends how bad you were. If it was hell for her, who wants to go back to hell? That’s either over or it’s gonna be a long NC. By then you probably don’t care about you ex anymore.
I’ve been 2 weeks NC, I don’t know if that’s gonna work and I also don’t know if that’s what I really want. I can’t tell if I am here the dumper or dumpee cause she ended it but I told millions of times that I can’t be in the relationship anymore. I wasn’t feeling myself anymore, deep inside me I didn’t really see a future. Right now she’s with her family and friends and I am alone, so I guess loneliness is killing me. I don’t want to leave bed. I know I should be taking care of myself but I just can’t right now.
She’s not bad, she has many things I like but at the same time there’s a lot I don’t really like. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you for reading, whoever is reading this right now.
Zan,I love reading this over and over again.
My wife went out our house to go to her parents house, without saying anything to me. We were married for 17 1/2 years, not a happy marriage, cause we argued about my son of a previous relationship. I tried to reach out sometimes, apologysed my faults, but she was always indiferent: didnt reply messages, didnt say anything about simple gifts I sent her. It has been tough for me, this 3 months of silence from her. I dont know what she wants, she doesnt say anything and didnt go through divorce. Please help me, what should i do to have my spouse back?
Please, suggest me what I should do. I was in a relationship for 4+ years. Due to the things that happened in my childhood, I have commitment issues. Even though I was in a serious relationship, I was scared that someday she might leave me and I always tried to keep her at an arms length. In 2018 I asked for a break up because my career was not going downwards, I just finished college and had no Job and nothing to work with. She accepted and she went no contact. I reached out to her after a month and explained what my problem was and she happily accepted. That was the best day of my life after meeting her.
Few months later, I had a plan of going for a masters since my career was not taking off at all. I started getting anxiety about it and broke off again. I reached out a month later and she says she doesn’t want to talk to me or speak to me at all. After my masters plan was all set, I was due to leave to US in Jan 2020. We were speaking, met up, went out for a date, and went for a vacation too. Everything was progressing smoothly and I thought this time I should not cause her grief. I started working on myself, started controlling my anger, working on my commitment issues.
Before leaving to US and even after coming here, she used to video call me, said she missed me. She said she loves me. I told her, I will do everything to convince her parents to give me a chance and I will definitely keep her happy this time.
A week later, she stopped texting me much, I left her for a day thought she is busy with work and since we stay apart half way around the world now, we have conflicting schedules. The next day I was awake all night so that I can speak with her. She said she doesn’t want to talk to me. She said the only reason she was with me was because I was leaving and she wanted me to be happy before I left. She has moved on. She went as far saying she likes someone else( which I now started to doubt, and in the past 4 years I never doubted her of cheating me).
I begged and pleaded and promised I am doing my best to change. I am changing not just for you but for us. I have my dreams of us travelling the world together. I am working hard, so that I never will put you in that position anymore. I even started taking a therapy and started hitting gym to relieve my anxiety. She started blocking me and she doesn’t want to talk to me at all. She only kept hangouts unblocked, even though I am annoying her in that too by texting her a lot she is not blocking she is ignoring me. Our mutual friends asked her to give me a chance and she says, she doesn’t want to. Please help me.
Sorry for the long post, but I am desperate. I am afraid if I go no contact she will completely forget me. I am not desperate because I need her in my life but I wanted her in my life. I even introduced her to my family. I plan on writing a letter to her and send her after a month but I don’t know if it will work or not.
It would be great help if anyone can suggest me what I can do. I am willing to do anything to get her back. Please help and I am sorry for taking your time.
I have a question: If I apply the NC rule, when do I know its the right time to make contact. My wife and I are recently separated. It was not bad breakup by any means. We just went out to dinner one evening and she confessed that she wanted a break. She claims is because she feels that I dont love her kids enough and bad streak with income. She mentioned that she no longer wants this type of lifestyle with financial struggles or vacations. Her favorite statement, “love is not enough.”
Anyway, we have stayed in contact once or twice a week. And our convos are usually pretty long, but she made it clear that while there is still love, shes not willing to make an extension on something that doesnt work well together.
I try to stay away as much as I could but she usually contacts me with some details of her life and kinda uses me to vent.
Ive made it clear that I respect that she trying to make this process as smooth as possible, but that dont confuse me being there with some sort of friendship since I see her in a romantic context.
So going back to my original question, if I apply the nc tactic. When do I know its a good time to reply to her messages or her contact attempts. Am I supposed to go cold turkey and ignore her if she attempto contact me. Or do I go with thre flow? I guess what im asking is, where do I draw the line?
Hi Alex.
Don’t ignore her messages.
Just keep in mind that if she thinks that your relationship can’t be saved, there’s nothing you can do to change that.
She has to come to a realization on your own, so for now, see if you can bond with her kids a bit better. Be on your best behavior and don’t expect or demand anything from your ex.
Patiently wait if she changes her mind in the future.
Best of luck,
Zan
Personally I’d draw the line at enacting the emotional labour of those once or twice a week conversations. That’s exactly what my ex did to me; unceremoniously kicked me to the curb while telling me that she loved me but that in no uncertain terms, we simply couldn’t be together.
Post breakup she continuously texted and called me (sometimes “by mistake”) sometimes it was small talk, sometimes it was for emotional support, sometimes it was the pretense of attempting to support me and at others she was sending out mixed messages.
All of that served to prolong my agony and kept me in a perpetual state of confusion. I now believe that the emotional state I found myself in was her approximate goal all along.
If I were you I’d no contact her. Not to get her back you understand, but to be free from her egotistical tyranny.
The common thread in all the men getting their women back is literally waiting YEARS for them to change their mind. It is totally different to men who just take weeks or maximum a month or two to come back.
Women just don’t come back really. If they do it’s because they have been betrayed or disappointed themselves and reach out to the one recent guy who didn’t abandon THEM.
Men come back because they realise what they lost quite quickly. They see that the “monotony” they felt were going through is actually what they want and is actually beautiful. They want the person who they took for granted at the end. The crucial difference is they realise this almost immediately.
Women don’t. They think the guy they left – even if he didn’t cheat – is a low value guy. They feel glad he is in the past. They get attention from other men and they now think they are better than him.
Think about it: when did a guy dump a woman for being “too nice” a woman?
I think you are wrong here. I have dunped a few women for beuh too nice.
My experience with NC
In a long distance relationship for 5 years .. I and my fiance decided to get married last july-19.. but I had problems with my ex (long story) so we postponed to get married in December-19. we had a good holiday together but when I get back to my country in September she changed her mind.. she said that 1) I let her down in July 2) I still see my ex (yes I do because of kids) 3) moving to my country will be a big change for her 4) she is very stressed with her work 5) she needs time to think about it etc.. conclusion she sees only negative things. I reacted very upset because I feel like she is taking revenge 🙁
Any way 1st week after the break-up I tried to text her but she was cold and I let her alone. After a month, I text her this week just checking how she is doing with her work, she asked the same question and that ‘s all.
Next day she called me via messenger but she immediately hangup and she texted that it was by mistake.. I said don’t worry LOL after that I sent her a joke just for laugh. she replied with a laugh.
So far this is my 1 month NC experience.. I don’t know if I have to keep the NC 😉
MY ‘NO CONTACT’ EXPERIENCE
I have been through 2 heartbreaks and am currently experiencing my 3rd. During the first 2 heartbreaks I was forced to use the “No Contact Rule”. I had no prior knowledge of the ‘No Contact Rule’, essentially I was pushed to the edge after breaking every rule that a dumpee can. I begged, pleaded, physically stalked, cried and applied guilt tactics. It was bad and lasted about 3 weeks to a month each time. I had no power and looked incredibly weak. Finally after pushing my exes to the limit, where they now pretty much despised me, I finally resorted to ‘No Contact’. I really had no choice at this point.
Breakup #1:
I was 19 years old. My first love. She was bad for me but I loved her beyond belief. I believe that when we enter a relationship we really need to conduct an assessment. By assessment I mean, how did this relationship transpire? Sometimes, this may help you predict your outcome. I was too young and naïve to understand at the time but this girl dumped her boyfriend in a ruthless manner for me. I should have picked up on that as the same thing would likely happen to me. After 6 months I noticed a lack of respect and attention exhibited by my girlfriend which essentially led to her breaking up with me for the attention of other guys. Being that it was my first love I was heartbroken to say the least. Like previously stated I resorted to every mistake possible until I reached my limit and went ‘No Contact’. I even remember her laughing at me when I was crying.
As I entered ‘No Contact’ I started journaling. My journal consisted of only times my ex would attempt to contact me. I literally disappeared. Could not be found. Didn’t answer calls etc. I went extreme radio silence, if that’s a thing. I was essentially dead. I would journal and analyze patterns of contact attempts from my ex and found that it increased greatly as time passed. She became obsessed. My power was increasing and I really was starting to feel good. Now I know how important time is, but when you are a dumper in the heat of rejection it is hard to fathom its importance. Each day I got stronger. I felt more powerful and soon I just didn’t care.
Eventually I answered the phone and spoke to her. By this time I was over her. I was calm and cool. She wanted to make things better but I just wasn’t ready to be hurt again. We tried to hangout but it just didn’t ever workout. My life moved on without her. I went to college. Got a high paying job and bought a house. She on the other hand didn’t finish high school and is currently on social assistance. She wrote me a letter about 10 years after the breakup apologizing. I saw her about 15 years later and she was unrecognizable. She had gained so much weight and her looks had faded beyond belief. This was a blessing in disguise. She still asks me to come see her to this day. She only came back once I was actually and truly over her.
Breakup #2:
I was 24 years old. My second “real” love. I spent a lot of time with this girl and actually got engaged to her. I was blindsided when she essentially broke things off and ghosted me. You would think that after experiencing my earlier break up that I would better prepared but that was not the case. This one actually felt worse. I was a complete zombie. Again I broke every rule, stalking, calling, crying, begging etc. Eventually I pushed my ex to the point where she now hated me. So again I had no choice but to go ‘No Contact’.
After about 4 months of ‘no contact’ she started to break. This really caught me by surprise. I would never have thought she would ever break no contact. She started calling, leaving messages all of which I ignored. (Not always a good tactic). I can actually remember the exact day I was “over her”. It was the funniest thing. On that day she stalked me at a friend’s house and cornered me when I was leaving. She said that she made a big mistake and wanted to get back together. It was literally jaw dropping that on that day I found peace and let go of the final thread of hope and she appears. I will never forget that day. We could never make it work. I was too far gone and feared having to go through the pain again. Again, she came back once I truly was over her. Not sure why this happens. It just did. She is now married and has 2 kids. She texts me all the time wishing she could be with me and plans to leave her husband.
Conclusion:
As I stated earlier, I am on my third broken heart. It sucks badly. This one hurt worse than the others. Not sure why other than I was blindsided. I handled this one much better. No crying, begging etc. I have entered ‘No Contact’ but have not been ignoring. She contacts me occasionally. It will be interesting how this unfolds but I truly trust No Contact. I truly want her back but if history tells me anything, once I hit my threshold and let go I don’t see me wanting her.
Do you think NC will work for a long distance relationship?
Hang in there Johnny! Going through a tough time myself….It would be nice if there was a support group we could all talk in maybe through something like Discord?
Im proud of you man, Im going thru the same thing at this very moment, it hurts like hell. Im so glad you’re doing so well.
And what happened then? It really helped me to read this.
I once used the no contact ruie, without even knowing what I was doing and eventually got a letter from my now ex-wife.The difference is that we were separated at the time and I had had enough of her blame casting, insults and general narcissistic behavior.it took some time and during that period, I had become somebody else ;no longer was i going to be silent for peace sake, no longer was I going to get into an exchange of words with her. As indicated above, we eventually got a divorce and you know what? it did not matter. There was a time when i would have panicked, cry my heart out and do other stupid things.
Fast forward to present day: I am the dumpee in this case. My ex-fiance would not listen when i told her to hold her hand with wedding plans. it is not that I was unsure (contrary to what she believes); there was a hitch with getting a copy of my divorce documents-the originals were lost in a fire. She started saying that if i did not want to get married, why didn’t i say so? Try as I may to tell her otherwise, her behavior changed and she eventually broke it off. She maintains that I made her look stupid in front of her family. If only she had listened to me and had some patience! I am a single man again and being punished for the wrongs (infidelity) done to her in the past by her ex-husband. I truly love this woman-she was not a bad person per se. I see some qualities that are worth fighting for and it was good while it was good. However, here i am again, after 6 years, using the no-contact rule. Our breakup is still pretty young-two weeks, so I guess i have to be patient. i am tempted to contact her and I really miss our time together, but I have to be strong, I guess.
Hi Richard.
I’m sorry to hear history has repeated itself.
But on the other side, you know exactly what you want from a partner and what you will tolerate.
This person you were dating was clearly very eager to get married and it meant a lot to her. She may not be a bad person, but that alone does not make her the right one.
I’d advise you to go back to no contact, my friend and things will change for the better one way or another.
Kind regards,
Zan
My girlfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. We met young (me 17, her 15) and experienced our first proper relationship together. We moved in together this year due to her prompting and while the stresses involved with cohabitation (shared finance, complacency, work stress, etc) definitely caused issues, I still loved her unconditionally, so much so that only a few short days before she left me, I had bought her an engagement ring (boy was I wrong about how I interpretted our relationship’s state). Anyway, she left me telling me that “I’ve changed, what I want has changed, it’s nothing you’ve done, I wouldn’t change anything, I just can’t give you what you need and I will be a completely different person in 5 years.” Needless to say I’ve been a heartbroken wreck, seeking support from friends and family constantly. The real issue with trying to sort NC is that we still share a house for the next 4 months. Seeing her get dressed up and go out for who knows what has been harder than I thought imaginable to cope with, especially since I found out she has been using Tinder and clubbing since basically day 1 of the breakup. I worry that our cohabitation may hurt the chances of reconciliation in the long run. I spent a week of NC at my family home and upon return noticed she was significantly more open to casual conversation and spending time together, joking and laughing like old times, watchinh netflix together and she even complimented my new appearance (losing weight, hair cut, dressing better) repeatedly. I actually noticed she would glance constantly at me while I wasn’t looking as we sat on the couch together. Anyway, the realisatiom that she was searching for new people and also being blatantly obvious about it (not trying to conceal what she was doing on her phone or leaving the room to do so) was the last bit of emotional pain I could take. So now (2 days later) I am at my family home again and intend to stay there in NC from this point onwards. I’m not sure how I should respond to any texts I may receive (usually household related or a favour) from her, I don’t want to be rude and ignore them, but also worry it may make things worse if I reply. When the breakup occurred I think I gave the impression that if she changed her mind she could come back and we could try again. I don’t know if I should send her a text sometime in the near future stating that I have now accepted the breakup, will respect her decision and give her space and that maybe in the future after we both grow, we could maybe try again, or if I should just avoid sending her anything and remain in NC.
I apologise for the long wall of text, just a lot to let out at once I guess. I really want to thank you for your articles as they have seriously helped me attain some peace of mind and the clarity to better understand why she is behaving how she is (her stages being the dumper, seem to be 1 and 2 currently). I do hope for reconciliation, but as its only the first month I realise that it’s still a long road ahead of me. Any insights you may have would be greatly appreciated!
Hi Zan,
My relationship ended about 4 months ago. my girlfriend and I met at school (we are classmates, I’m 22 and she is 21) and started dating about a little under two years ago.
We became official on may 2017 and had a great relationship, never had any big fights and loved each other a lot. It was all awesome, we shared common friends, my family loved her and her family loved me.
She lives in the same city as me but her hometown is 8 hours away (she goes there in vacations and I joined her several times). We were not going to see each other for about 1 1/2 months because she was going home and I was staying to do an internship at a lawfirm.
On tuesday january 1st (We live in south america so we are in summer) she called me in tears saying she blacked out in new year’s eve and had made out with a friend of hers (she doesnt remember it happened). She told me she had been planning to break up with me on friday since my internship was set to begin on january 2nd. She said she had no real reason to break up with me but wanted to end it so we “could try somethin more serious and commited in the future). I was so devastated, told her I couldnt believe what she had done to me and that it was better if we didnt speak and basically told her it was over. We agreed to meet in person to discuss it when she got back to my city (end of february)
After that, she texted me and my family afterwards apologizing for the mistake she jad
Done and how she had failed us. A couple of days later we talked and she told me again she had no real reason to dump me, but how she felt insecure because I was a better student than her (and how the suposed competition affected her) and how she felt our families were “marrying us”.
I then began no contact and she reached out in february to discuss the breakup in person (in the meantime she had partied like an animal throughout the summer and when she was with me barely went out). She told me she regreted what she had done but that she was doing great. I replied that I forgave her but didnt want to be friends since I only saw her in a romantic context and that if she wanted something to happen between us the ball was on her side of the Court.
Anyway, two months have happened since that and I still want her back. I’m in a much better place now, doing no contact to an extent (I see her everyday at school because of our friends but I say hi politely or avoid her if possible). I have even hooked up with another girl but still think all day about my ex (who seems happy and different from when we were together)
What can I do in my situation? Sorry for the long post
Hi Thomas.
You’ve already told your ex everything there is to say. As you said, the ball is in her court so it’s up to her to make a move.
She has to go through all the phases of relief and elation and get to the point where she discerns whether your relationship is worth pursuing again. Right now, she’s too preoccupied with other things, so all you can do is “wait.”
Until and if she changes her mind, enjoy everything the world has to offer. Keep hanging out with people you like and date other girls if you feel it’s right.
Best,
Zan
For me no contact has worked nicely. I am a bit more healed 2 months after, but still got long ways to go. I have not broken no contact at all in these two months, and have not pleaded at all, i did not even wish her a happy birthday two days ago. She has more space from me than ever. My birthday is today and she has not reached out and i know she will not because she is a person that is quite spiteful and prideful. As far as i can see in these last two months after everything, she seems mad at me or even a bit spiteful, but who cares as long as i heal. To me it looks like the more i am in no contact the angrier she becomes.
Hey Twist.
As you say, no contact is about you and your healing. You come first and your ex second. You’re doing a great job so keep healing.
Also, be aware that you are not responsible for her anger, fears or insecurities. What she’s giving out to the world is merely a projection of her own shortcomings.
Keep it up!
Zan
My personal experience with NC, I have been in NC for almost 6 Months now, started a week after the break up. The only time she contacted me in this 6 months is for wishing me a Happy Birthday.
I heard after the first two months of NC that she was already with someone and in love with him. At that time that was really hard to hear, but i didn’t change anything, i keep in NC, focusing on myself. And now i can say that i feel much better, i don’t care anymore if she contacts me or not. So all of you people out there going through this, be strong, disciplined and keep doing NC, you will feel much better with time, i promise.
Hello this is how mine goes and this is the first time I’m trying NC ,we have been married for 7yrs and we have a son together ,In 2016 I notice some changes on her is not happy or even smile when I ask her what’s the problem she says she’s okay nothing ,one day I went work at night shift as usual coming back morning she parked and go after like 3wks she calls she wants to come back and we leaved together until last year October.
Last year October and November we started fight ,she disrespect , me she never accept when she do wrong , she can’t apologize. Then in October after some fight she left again although just few metres away,we communicate although rudely, hash , disrespectful after a week we reconcile through friends , after a month in mid of Nov again she starts when I was at work coming back she left again to same place ,by then we have been communicating but she talks rudely I took her back to they home after a month that’s Jan she comes back again everything went well until just 10 Nov .
Again for the 4th time after I comes back to work in different town on 12 Nov she parked again and go , Now this time round I’m trying NC not like other time after a week on 17 Nov she called me but I didn’t answer her call since then she didn’t call or sms me again and we are in different places I’m trying NC to see what will happen but she kept quiet too ?
She’s that hot temper person ,she says herself she’s always right , it’s hard for her to accept her mistakes ,she just apologise once in a while.
Sorry for long story but my worries is can NC makes her regrets what’s doing or realise what is doing is disturbing our son mind with all those drama she always goes with him she’s not working I the one providing everything ?
How long should I continue with NC? Can really NC start to hit her soon ?
Thanks for your time
I have a question: If I apply the NC rule, when do I know its the right time to make contact. My wife and I are recently separated. It was not bad breakup by any means. We just went out to dinner one evening and she confessed that she wanted a break. She claims is because she feels that I dont love her kids enough and bad streak with income. She mentioned that she no longer wants this type of lifestyle with financial struggles or vacations. Her favorite statement, “love is not enough.”
Anyway, we have stayed in contact once or twice a week. And our convos are usually pretty long, but she made it clear that while there is still love, shes not willing to make an extension on something that doesnt work well together.
I try to stay away as much as I could but she usually contacts me with some details of her life and kinda uses me to vent.
Ive made it clear that I respect that she trying to make this process as smooth as possible, but that dont confuse me being there with some sort of friendship since I see her in a romantic context.
So going back to my original question, if I apply the nc tactic. When do I know its a good time to reply to her messages or her contact attempts. Am I supposed to go turkey and ignore her if she attempts contact. I guess what im asking is, where do I draw the line?
30 years ago when there was no YouTube and the internet was really just getting up and running, my then girlfriend dumped me and I immediately initiated what is now known as “no contact”(on that day). I didn’t know about “no contact”, I just did what my heart and mind told me to do. 2 months afterwards, she contacted me and after that phone conversation, I knew she had work to do within herself. I on the other hand, improved myself mentally, physically, and pursued a rewarding career path. I continued “no contact” yet she would contact me on occasion(basically to see if she could get back with me) but never said, “let’s get back together.” Her life has been a shambles and a mutual friend has stated she has made the comments, “I messed it up with him” and “I had him and blew it.” I tell this story in brief to let all know it works in making you a better person; it’s tough but you can get through this. Oh yeah, never went back to her, met and got involved with better women.