Being ignored by your ex after the breakup hurts like hell. It triggers your anxiety and fears and makes you think and feel that your ex doesn’t care about you anymore. That’s because every time your ex ignores you, your ex makes you wonder what your ex is doing without you and forces you to stalk your ex online and wonder if your ex is dating someone else already.
Thoughts like these increase your separation anxiety, affect your self-esteem, and leave you with no choice but to handle the post-breakup blues entirely by yourself. Of course, you could always confide in friends and family and sign up for therapy, but that doesn’t have the same kind of effect as closure.
Closure speeds up healing more than anything because talking about your problems with the person who caused you problems helps you get to the bottom of things.
So if your ex is ignoring you and hurting you, you need to understand that it isn’t your fault. It may feel like it is and that you’re not worthy of being with your ex and receiving your ex’s response, but the truth is that your ex’s ignoring has nothing to do with who you are and what you did.
Sure, you probably shouldn’t have messaged or called your ex, but you were anxious and didn’t deserve to get ignored for it.
You deserved some kind of acknowledgment and a caring response. That’s what people who care do. They relieve their ex’s anxiety and help their ex in ways that benefit their ex (not themselves). It’s the least they can do for someone they’ve hurt very badly.
So bear in mind that your ex could have handled your reach-out in a much better way. Your ex could have responded and taken the time to figure out why you’re reaching out. That’s how your ex could have determined whether you’re in a lot of pain or if you just wanted to have a quick conversation.
Regardless of your intentions, your ex needed to communicate. In doing so, he or she would have shown his or her empathetic nature and helped you value yourself and get over the breakup.
Since your ex didn’t do that, it’s safe to say that your ex isn’t a very understanding person. Your ex is someone who cuts exes off and lets them deal with their internal demons alone. Your ex doesn’t understand the pain and suffering you’re going through and that it’s his or her job to do something about it.
So instead of taking all the blame, you should keep in mind that your ex has a lot of growing to do. Your ex has to evolve into a more empathetic person who responds to exes who need to have a closure conversation.
As long as your ex has people who emotionally depend on him or her, your ex is responsible for them.
This post is for dumpees whose ex is ignoring them and hurting them badly.
My ex is ignoring me and it hurts
When your ex ignores you, your ex injures your self-esteem and triggers an emotional setback for you. He or she makes you think that the problem is with you and that you’re unworthy of love and recognition.
This is, of course, not true, but your ex’s mean behavior sure makes you think that way. That’s because your self-esteem takes a dive and makes you take the lack of response personally.
It’s not easy to stop caring about what your ex thinks and feels about you because you’re still in love with your ex and need your ex to heal. But even though it’s difficult, it’s vital to keep reminding yourself that you never asked to be ignored.
Your ex was the one who decided to ignore you. You just reached out and hoped your ex would respond in a loving manner and decrease your suffering. And that’s not something you should blame yourself for.
It was your ex who decided to ignore you and treat you like a stranger. Heck, it was your ex who couldn’t communicate efficiently with you because he or she associated unpleasant emotions with you.
That’s why you should work on accepting your ex’s behavior and try to understand that your ex needs lots of time. Your ex needs to see that you’re not a threat to his or her health and well-being and that you just want some answers and support.
If the breakup happened recently, you probably can’t help but think about your ex. Anxiety is making you hope that your ex will come back and make you feel whole again. That’s normal.
But keep in mind that you won’t always get hurt by your ex. When you get some emotional distance from your ex and rebuild your worth, you’ll realize that your ex used to ignore you because your ex couldn’t control his or her emotions and thought that it was perfectly acceptable to ignore you.
That’s when you’ll wonder why you even chased your ex and gave your ex unnecessary power.
It could take a while to heal to that point, but you should heal faster if you understand that your ex doesn’t deserve your adoration. Your ex needs to lose your respect because there’s no reason to think highly of someone who hurt you and acts irresponsibly.
It’s therefore, your attachment to this person that’s making your detachment difficult and forcing you to think that your ex is the greatest person alive and that no one can replace him or her.
In reality though, your ex is just another dumper – a human being like the rest of us. He or she is valuable to you only because you’re hurt and want to feel important.
It sucks that you have to be okay with your ex’s ignoring behavior, but you don’t have a choice right now. Your ex is in a position of power and doesn’t want to give it up. Hogging all the power gives your ex control and keeps you at a comfortable distance.
That’s why you should protect yourself from receiving unwanted responses from your ex. The sooner you stop reaching out, the less you’ll force your ex to ignore you and hurt your wounded heart.
Why is my ex ignoring me?
If you’re wondering, “Why is my ex ignoring me,” you must understand that your ex isn’t ignoring you because you’re a horrible human being.
Your ex is ignoring you because your ex wants to protect himself or herself from unwanted emotions created by his or her negative perception of you. By ignoring you, your ex can feel less smothered and slowly regain control of his or her life.
At the moment, your ex isn’t capable of speaking with you as before. Your ex feels extremely uncomfortable with you and relieved from the breakup, so your ex wants nothing but space. How much space your ex needs is hard to say, but a rough estimate would probably be months.
If you go no contact, you should allow your ex to be happy and let your ex think of you when he or she wants to think of you. Your ex obviously won’t think about you all the time because your ex is a dumper, but your ex will occasionally be reminded of you and wonder what you’re up to.
For your ex to think about you, your ex needs emotional space. Space lets your ex process the breakup and gives him or her a chance to enjoy life for a while. I can’t promise that your ex will want you back, but if you avoid making breakup mistakes, chances are your ex will at the very least reach out and have a conversation with you.
You might not want to talk to your ex when that happens, but that’s what you need to do today.
So if you’re wondering why your ex is ignoring you, know that your ex associates negative things with your persona and needs lots of time. He or she must get space and live the kind of life he or she dreamed of for weeks prior to the breakup.
Your ex must also let go of post-breakup power and improve his or her perception of you. If your ex remains bitter and unreceptive, nothing would change even if your ex came back. So pay attention to your ex’s wants and needs and give your ex what he or she wants.
With that being said, here’s an infographic explaining why your ex is ignoring you.
What should I do if my ex ignores me?
If your ex ignores you, the first thing you should do is protect yourself. Do that by learning that you’ll struggle to recover from the breakup if you keep reaching out and receiving ignoring responses from your ex.
You also need to realize that your ex is doing what he or she thinks is best for him/her. Your ex’s goal isn’t to hurt you or to punish you for getting romantically involved with him or her. Your ex just wants you to give up on the relationship and let him or her enjoy the new life.
It’s that simple as all your ex wants is to move forward.
So once you’ve discerned that your ex isn’t going to stop ignoring you and start replying in a warm, cheerful manner, it’s finally time to prioritize yourself. Stop reaching out to your ex and acknowledge the fact that your ex will never respect you if you keep contacting your ex.
Your ex will only lose more respect and may even resort to blocking you.
With that said, here are some tips on what to do to stop getting ignored and suffering because of it.
- understand why your ex is ignoring you
- stop calling and texting your ex (your ex would have responded if he/she wanted to)
- go no contact
- regain your lost power
- improve your shortcomings and detach
- get busy with friends and hobbies
- try to let go of your ex
Letting go takes time. But it takes even longer when your ex ignores you or does other hurtful things. That’s why you’ll have to stop relying on your ex for healing and rely on yourself. Get help from people who actually care about you and want to help.
They’ll keep you busy and encourage you to let go of an ex who doesn’t love you.
My ex doesn’t even want to be friends
When dumpers break up with their partners, they usually don’t want to go back to being just friends. More often than not, they avoid their exes as if they have some contagious disease. It’s their way of protecting themselves from feeling pressured into doing something they don’t want to do.
If your ex doesn’t want to be friends, don’t think of it as a bad thing. Any dumpee will tell you that settling for friendship is a major headache as you keep your hopes up and see your ex dating other people.
It’s much better for you to cut your ex off and adopt an “everything or nothing” mentality. That way, you’ll know that your ex can’t give you what you want if he or she doesn’t reconcile with you.
So again, don’t strive for friendship with an ex who dumped you. Strive for complete emotional independence instead. When you achieve it, you’ll be thankful you didn’t get caught in the friend zone with your ex.
If you don’t believe me, join our Discord channel and talk to other dumpees. They’ll tell you that talking to an ex you have feelings for is a total waste of time as it strings you along and makes you analyze your ex’s every word and action.
How can I make my ex stop ignoring me?
As a dumpee, you can’t directly make your ex stop ignoring you. You’ve already tried that and it didn’t work, so you must take a different approach. Take the kind of approach that leaves your ex alone (forever) and lets you focus on yourself.
I know this approach doesn’t sound very appealing, but it’s necessary. Your ex needs to see that you love yourself more than him/her and that you can enjoy your life with or without your ex.
So if you haven’t stopped reaching out yet, stop reaching not now! Don’t tell your ex you’ll leave him or her alone, just go no contact. Make sure to implement all the rules of no contact otherwise your ex could see you’re still around, waiting to get back together. And knowing you’re around will decrease curiosity and the desire or need to get in touch.
Your ex will likely need some time to process the breakup and your breakup mistakes to cool off. Once your ex has cooled off, your ex will likely need some kind of incentive to reach out. That incentive could be boredom, curiosity, anxiety, envy, guilt, or anything that makes your ex think about you.
While you’re waiting for that to happen, focus on the things you can control. Focus on growing as a person and getting yourself back.
Here’s how you make your ex stop ignoring you.
As you stay in no contact, you’ll detach and rebuild your self-esteem. That means that your ex-cravings will subside and that you might not even want to speak with your ex. You could start enjoying your internal peace and wish your ex would stay away from you and let you heal.
It’s probably hard to imagine this right now because you’re suffering, but give it enough time and I promise that your opinion of your ex and what you want from your ex will change. Soon, your rationality will return to you and enable you to see your ex for the person he or she is.
I can’t leave my ex alone
It’s extremely difficult to stop reaching out to an ex who ignores you and makes you doubt your worth. Ignoring makes the job much harder for you because it tells you your ex doesn’t love you and want anything to do with you anymore.
But no matter how painful and hard it is for you to stay in no contact, you must do your best to stay in it. You can’t reach out to your ex because if you do, you’ll make your ex feel trapped and overprioritized and get ignored and hurt again.
You must be strong and push through even the most difficult days when you feel like driving to your ex’s place and pulling off some grand gesture.
Even if your ex responds to you after reaching out, your ex won’t respect you for it. He or she will continue getting chased and push you away the moment you get your hopes up and try to win your ex over.
So if your ex is ignoring you and hurting you, remember your ex’s behavior and use it to think of your ex as an uncaring person. That way, you’ll have some negative characteristics to cling to when you feel that your ex is the perfect man or woman for you.
To get the most out of this exercise, take a pen and paper and write down your ex’s bad traits. Do it so you can remember that your ex has lots of shortcomings that you completely ignored.
My ex flirts with me and then ignores me
If your ex shows signs of hot and cold behavior by flirting with you one moment and then ignoring you and disappearing the next, it’s evident that your ex wants the best of both worlds.
Your ex likes your attention and validation but falls short when it comes to committing and investing in you. This proves that your ex isn’t going to come back any time soon and that you need to ignore your ex’s flirting. You need to think of it as your ex missing the sexual aspect of the relationship, but not the emotional part.
Maybe your ex just wants a familiar person to flirt with because your ex doesn’t have any better people to connect with. Whatever the case may be, don’t flirt with a person who compliments you and seems to be into you only for a brief moment.
An ex who wants you for you won’t do that to you. He or she will constantly invest in you and try extra hard not to disappoint you and get rejected by you.
Feel free to cut your ex off the moment your ex flirts with you.
Let your ex come to you
The only way to make your ex stop ignoring you is to wait for your ex to want to talk to you.
As we’ve already mentioned, something needs to click in your ex’s mind and force him or her to want to communicate. It could be something tragic that affects your ex’s happiness and self-esteem.
So if you’re worried about never hearing from your ex, don’t be. Most dumpees eventually hear from their exes. Chances are you will too if you let your ex come to you.
I don’t want to give you hope, but do keep in mind that it’s not your job to win your ex’s heart back. You only need to fight for love when love is present. Once it’s gone, it’s time to walk away with pride and let your ex rediscover your worth.
Is your ex ignoring you and hurting you badly? What are you doing to make your ex stop ignoring you? Let us know in the comments section below.
And if you want to confide in us about your ex’s ignoring behavior, sign up for coaching here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Such a good article. I was married to my ex for 31 years until he left me for another woman (our friend who left her husband to be with him). Three years on and I’ve processed the break up but I am still hurt that he ignores me. Literally blanks me, looks away if I pass him in the street. We have three children and six grandchildren. He lives nearby. We are connected in so many ways. But he clearly doesn’t want an ex wife that he gets along with. I find that hurtful. This article really helped me to work through some of my feelings about it.
Hi Nikki.
Your ex is acting like a typical dumper who wasn’t able to improve his negative perceptions. The best advice I can give you is to remember that he’s choosing to run away from the mess he’s caused rather than facing it like he should be.
Kind regards,
Zan
Wonderful article. My boyfriend of 7 years broke up in the beginning of September of this year. He could not commit to being engaged to me, and I want marriage. I’m 52 now, 45 when I met him and desire that security. He just couldn’t, so I ended it with him. After all we have been through together, children issues, the death of his father. Travel, support during unemployment, support during Covid lockdowns. He has now completely shut me out. I wished him a Happy Thanksgiving, he barely responded. He asked what was on my mind, I told him how difficult these holidays are since they are the first in seven years we weren’t together. I apologized for what I contributory the demise of the relationship and asked if we could catch up. I also said I would understand if he felt he didn’t want to. I saw that he read my message, but he just never responded. Nothing. I tried texting, asking him why he is ignoring me, which I should not have. But he is ignoring everything. I do feel like he never really loved me. That really hurts.. I feel stupid for having warm memories about him. I guess I was 100% correct in that he was just waiting for me to end things, so he didn’t have to. Oh well. I am going to start therapy next month.. oh! I forgot to mention what a fantastic article this is! Yes emotional immaturity for sure. I even felt like he was a college kid whenever I tried to bring up engagement and the future and he just kept putting it off or staring like he just didn’t have the emotional capacity to even think of it anymore..
Thanks again. I will never ever write him again. I have a lot to look forward to in my life!
Hi Bridget.
Your ex had doubts, and those doubts gave him cold feet about marriage. He didn’t value commitment as much as you did, so naturally, he ran away when things were supposed to get more serious. You were together for 7 years, so he knew he needed to step up and do more. But unfortunately, he wasn’t emotionally ready for that and you decided to end it with him. Better now than later, Bridget!
Stay strong!
Zan
Mark you’re an idiot sorry to say. You don’t know what happened and sometimes, just because you break up with someone doesn’t mean you’re terrible. You could be emotionally overwhelmed by what somebody else has done. You have no idea that not all situations when you break up with someone makes you the bad dumper as they try to claim. Some situations warrant a break up based on the other’s behavior. So stop making accusations.
Being defensive shows guilt. Mark, this is the most fabulous article I have ever read! I feel like you were talking directly to me!!! I sooo needed to hear this. While I have mentally accepted moving on, I still reached out to him today of all days, out of live, to share a link to a sermon I heard. He doesn’t deserve my attention, as, you called it, he ignored me again and the feeling if rejection resurged. It took me at least an hour to regain my confidence. My action was certainly well-intentioned, but he must’ve perceived it as a nuisance and he avoids me like the plague on the off-chance he sees me. It’s incomprehensible for someone I was “married” to. I understand he lacks the emotional maturity and always bailed his previous (and my) relationship when “things got hard.” I’m talking to someone else genuinely interested in me.
Justin, you’re the idiot. This is the best article I’ve read on what the emotional reasons could be behind the dumper’s reasons for ignoring me. He let go of a person who truly cared about and loved him. And he knows it. He even asked me to marry him several times. I’ve gained some good insights into why this may be going on. And I did not feel as though any “accusations” were being put forth. I would be willing to bet that you are very young and/or very immature.
Yes he ignored me and i tried to contact him many times but he doesnt want to talk to me. So I believe this article really help to realize that i should try not to contact him and i will start that tomorrow. Thank you so much for the advice it helps me a lot
Thank you so much for this. I have been going through a tough time with a recently ended short-lived relationship. We realised things would not work out and now he is completely ignoring me which hurts so much. I am happy to be reassured that this represents a lack of his emotional development. It still hurts deeply; to know that someone who you shared good moments with can selectively choose to disappear.
You’re writings are the first I’ve found that validates what the dumpee is going through and just how cruel the dumper can be. Mature people can stick to their choice and not ignore. When someone I don’t care for reaches out to me I do not ignore them it’s happened a couple times this year. I do respond respectfully. But right now my recent ex is ignoring me and it is painful. You are right it is about emotional decelopment and is impulsive but it is very hard to not take it personal. Thank you.
By far the best article I’ve read on this subject. All of it really makes sense. Dated my ex for 18 months after we reconnected (we were friends in high school) had a huge connection at first. Talked about being soulmates and talked a lot about our future together. First year was amazing next 6 months were rough and finally last 2 months were the beginning of the end. I wasn’t perfect. Far from it. But I gave all I had. Tried my ass off to put in the extra effort to make her happy. Had some insecurities which led to the end. I said some things in the heat of the moment while we were breaking up that I didn’t mean. I apologized for those things and pretty much went no contact for 3 months reached out and got a cold response. Waited another 3 months reached out and Ive been totally ignored. This article makes complete sense. Ignoring someone means they don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with their emotions like an adult. It also means she is selfish and doesn’t care how I feel. Emotionally immature and selfish. Not the best qualities. Its sad that our relationship is over. I love her and I can’t do anything about that right now but I think this is my answer. Do I really want to be with someone who is selfish and emotionally immature? Of course not. It’s easy to say words and tell someone you love them when things are good and everything is going her way. It’s when times get tough that people show their true colors. She’s beautiful smart and has a lot of good qualities but the way she’s handled this has told me everything I want to know. Who wants to be with someone that doesn’t have your back and someone not capable of dealing with their emotions. It will never work. Not just with me but anybody. Not to mention the truth is by ignoring me it doesn’t help me learn or grow from this and it doesn’t help her either. I am glad we spent the time together that we did but after reading this article I know I need to let go and move on. Thanks for the good memories. She will always have a place in my heart but she’s not the one for me. I want to find someone that loves me like I loved her. Someone that will never turn their back on me and love me through good and bad times and someone that doesn’t run from their problems and ignore me when I need them. I read a quote that made sense and it said a person shows how they feel about you and how much they really care, not in the beginning or during your relationship. They show who they really are at the end of it. In other words there’s a right and a wrong way to do things. It’s common decency especially when she knows I really cared and tried. I won’t go as far to say our relationship was a lie but I will say that I think she told me what I wanted to hear at times instead of how she really felt. Another great quality and another reason to gtf away or like the article says…RUN. I have to let go. If I don’t I’m only hurting myself. Bottom line is she doesn’t care and ignoring me is her telling me I mean nothing to her. Theres no 2 ways about it. Prob gonna be a good year but I’ll get over it.
I separated from my girlfriend of four years in June after she asked me to move out. We had just had a baby together in April. She felt like I abandon her, but I tried seeing my daughter as much as I could throughout the summer. I never started dating anyone else and was focused on my responsibility as a father.
I wanted to start fresh and be a family with her, so I bought a new house in August and surprised her with the news. We started being romantic again and then one day in late September, after weeks of trying to convince (possibly manipulate) her to come live with me, she began to act different. I come to find out that she moved her ex-boyfriend into her house with her and passed it off as “we are just helping each other out.” I tried to be patient and accept thing for what they are, while holding onto hope that we can still be a family if we gave each other one more chance. I have tried to be a good dad, but unmarried moms get full custody. I tried to show love for my baby’s 6-month birthday and for my ex’s 25th birthday. I have been saying things like there is no better time than the holidays to start fresh and be a family.
We have now gotten to a point where she ignores me all week, accept for one long phone call a week. She did not say thank you for any of the birthday gestures and shows no sign of wanting to connect for the holidays. I feel like I am texting myself and she has even said she is numb to my needs. This article helped a lot, but it makes it complicated for NO CONTACT when my baby is involved. We have to see each other to exchange our daughter, whom I have not gotten to see the last 2 weeks. I want my family back, but realize that it is out of my control and I should probably give up the holiday hope…..
I think most of you are going to be ok you all sound pretty young. Time is on your side. I am not so young. On top of being short in years remaining I’m also weaker then most if not all. Divorced after 22 years she was a beautiful woman and a good person I was immature it ended I wasn’t happy about it ending but It didn’t mess me up to much. Kids were grown so that was good. The next relationship for me was 10 years she was a toxic person as I am probably.. she cheated twice. Worked though the first one the second one she ended up dumping me for him. It’s been 2 years and I have made every mistake possible.chased pestered. I went to jail. Restraining order violation. She lets me get kinda close still but always shuts me out and goes to the guy she left me for. Owe this stuff hurts so much. Yet I keep causing my own pain. Just tonight I tried to see her she won’t answer the door I’m blocked on all platforms. Still I try. Why am I so dumb? 51 years old and killing myself over a girl that can ignore me no problem. I’m just a game for her. I don’t know how to stop. Miss her so much.
Forget them they used you for there needs move on they don’t respect you if they had love for you they would not do it would they
My ex of 3 years is ignoring me we lived together and one day we had a heated argument and I had emotions from previous relationships I told them we should possibly break up and get our own living situations I didn’t not give a deadline or anything. While I was at work they told me they had moved out and that I needed to basically find another phone situation because they would be cutting the phone off. Hurt by the sudden actions later they texted me and told me I had a week to get the money for the half of the bill and to give the phone back (I have just started a new job because of COVID I had to quit a job I had so it’s a little difficult because I have to now pay all the bills and pay an expensive phone bill and a new phone) I felt I gave a lot to the relationship so that just sent me into a rage so I called and texted multiple times to understand why such a sudden change in there actions no text or call back at all like completely ghost. I’m so confused because I know neither one of us were perfect in the relationship so why are they treating me like I don’t exist. I got drunk today and I did the same thing texted and called multiple times and I got no response again. I felt so embarrassed that I promise myself I will not do that again. I’m just so lost right now but after reading the article I realize I can’t force anyone to do what they don’t want so I’m starting fresh today and I’m going to try different tactics when I am missing her and feeling bad about the break up. For anyone going through something similar it will get better just try to stay surrounded by loved ones and things that will keep your mind off it and find things that will help you sleep at night.
This has been the most helpful article I have read on the internet. My ex of 4 months is ignoring me. We had plans for the future and we were in love (at least I was). I broke up with him during a heated argument. 3 days later I told him I missed him. I texted him 4 times total. No response whatsoever. I’m glad I found out his emotional immaturity early enough to not get too hurt. It still hurts though. A lot. I just don’t understand how anyone can ignore another human being like this. I could never do that. Thank you so much for this article! It helped me realize it’s not me. It’s him.
Actually it is you. You broke up with him and ghosted him for three days. He was probably done with your craziness after day two of the silence you forced on him. And you talk about ’emotional immaturity’! Jeez. Take a look in the mirror!
I had an “office romance” that started to turn in to a real relationship. Unfortunately the pandemic happened and we didn’t see each other as often.
My ex was really insecure at times, but I always offered words of affirmation to love on her. We clicked on the most amazing level. I’ve had some great loves in life, but she was my equal.
The love making was intense and so connected that we’d lock eyes for what felt like hours. For months we were talking about taking things to the next level, even possibly marriage down the road.
Next thing I know she’s telling me she has to go back to CA for her, but it’s so hard to leave me and she considered killing herself. I obviously told her I supported her, loved her, and I understood.
Within a couple weeks I got the cold shoulder. I felt like someone dropped me off the side of the planet. Then I get a text that “I don’t want to see you. There are “things” I’m not there for.” I ended up waiting two months and then I wrote her a love letter. We briefly saw each other and I gave it to her before she left for CA. Then silence. It’s heart breaking to have such an amazing connection with a person you believe in just drop you.
For once…. I’d like to be fought for. After a failed marriage with a wife who treated me like a roommate, another who became an alcoholic and suffered from severe bipolar disorder….. I thought I met someone who really had my back. Everyone says “you’ll meet someone else.” At this point that sounds more like a threat than encouragement.
I’m going to keep my mouth shut and pray my hand written love letter made the trip to CA with her and maybe, just maybe, she’ll come back to me someday. For now I just need to get the mental picture of running in to my arms returning out of my head. 😞
My ex has blocked me completely ……ending a six year relationship by text……would not discuss or say anything relevant to the break up…..and clearly this has left me devastated ……I have done the usual desperation thing texting etc…..basically because my emotions have been all over the place ….and is often hard to think straight at the best of times……I have no family and only friends who were mutual of ours ….who backed off …..so therefore no support of any substance…..relationship hadn’t been good for sometime but we both agreed to work harder as we both shared the same goals and vision of our future…. or so I thought …..it seems I was the only one working for this but any attempt by me to rekindle what was appeared to be rebuffed ….breaks away….romantic arrangements to talk etc….and now blocked for 3 months almost …no proper end to a long term relationship……just an empty void….
The breakup happened halfway through lockdown which made it all the more hurtful…..
The magnet of success notes above as to why this is the situation have helped…..immaturity and not taking responsibility for their own emotions ….whilst the dumpees are the ones who have no choice but to connect with these painful emotions and work through them….it doesn’t seem fair or just …but I’m sure one day I will see it as a blessing …. love to all those who are going through this at present ….I know how you feel and I’m sure I know how you feel too x
Hi mate, so sorry to hear about that, Just read your comment and can’t tell you how much I relate to it all. Broke up with her in lockdown after 3 years together. At first she said she just wanted a week apart so I accepted as Love her that much I’d do anything to make her happy. I’ve done her wrong, I would’ve done anything for her. We had the same interests. Laughed everyday. Until lockdown came and we argued over money issues from when we first met, that were about to go away. I saw my life with her. I have no family too, mum and dad don’t get on with me and have always tried to shoot me down in life so I cut contact. I’m in a mess at the moment. After the week break I was so ready to see her until she said she’s not ready, this crushed me. Then for weeks and weeks we chatted and I was so in denial about us breaking up until last week she just cut contact. Said she doesn’t want to speak. And now I’m going crazy constantly messaging and shes ignoring. How can she do this? I don’t know how to cope. I can’t cope. We was an amazing couple and now it’s gone. I’m 22 and dont want to move On as much as people tell me it’ll all be fine. I don’t want to go out partying showing her what’s she missing etc. I don’t want that. I want to be in a couple doing couple activities and not being lonely. I don’t know man
I feel for you ….but I am reading a good book at the moment by Louisa Jackson called win your partner back after a break up….it is do different to all the other ex back literature and stuff on the internet….it doesn’t boast 100% success or anything like that ….,
It is first and foremost a book about improving yourself and knowing that true happiness come from within yourself …..it is based around quantum physics and the link to the law of attraction …..anyone who is in a current situation of break up or ex ignoring blocking you etc should read this….it shouldn’t really be called an ex back book because it is based around scientific fact and like attracts like……I know it’s difficult to smile or even raise your head up after the loss of someone but there is a chapter that is like an epiphany on starting to heal yourself before any of the other work can be done …..the authors own story is one of the most uplifting things ….from total devastation to a wonderful life just by applying these methods …….please read it….anyone who is suffering ….please read it x
Lockdown is so hard on relationships. This last year has been a rollercoaster. My ex was made redundant. He then took a job 3 1/2 hours away from me which involves working over a seven day period. He had children from a previous relationship. One of them moved in permanently with him which meant we saw less of each other. I was also contacted by two women who reckoned he was dating them too. He told me it was a nutty ex and he friend. I let it go but with all the changes it was getting hard to maintain. We had been dating for over five years. Since February we have barely seen each other. Last week we had a phone conversation. He accused me of messaging his friends wife and saying that I told her I wanted to move in with but he had said no. He was really cross and told me he was no longer in love with me. I hadn’t said that at all, he said he was just arriving at work and we would talk later. That was over a week ago and he hasn’t contacted me at all, he has just ghosted me. I have sent two messages and left two voice mails. Nothing although I know he has read the WhatsApp message. It really hurts as we spoke lots every day for the whole of our relationship. Right now it’s so hard to find things to do and I can’t even see my friends… I’m lucky as I can go to work but the evenings and weekends are so hard as I’m basically home alone 😢
I know exactly how you feel……me and my ex of nearly 4years have recently split. I message her, she reads them and I get no response, she is logging onto our joint app to check my location and where I am, yet makes out she doesn’t care. I have tried to call her but she has blocked my number. How can you treat someone like this that you have loved and been with for this long? I could never do that. Ive had no valid reason or discussion about what went wrong or why it has ended. Its heartbreaking, I too have no parents and our friends are joint who I have taken a step back from. Crazy…….but after reading these articles I know understand her ignorance is nothing to do with me but her lack of ability to deal with her emotions and feelings and its easier to just ignore me. Keep your chin up…..
I was dating a girl for 5 months on and off 4 times …. she attached very quickly and I was wary but went with it because I liked her a lot… she would go hot and cold … and break up saying she couldn’t do it because she felt smothered. I told her let’s just be friends … she said she couldn’t , apologized , and we got back together 3 times…. I saw the break up coming every time…. full on couldn’t get enough of me the suddenly distant , text tone changed , excuses , then dumped .
Each period of time , one or two weeks she would block or ignore me … but I always try to see the good . 4th time lucky , a good chat and I decided to give it one last shot … A week later dumped again … her saying she was walking on eggshells and I was watching her every move ….not true but I again saw the distance and the change in behavior then dumped again . It’s the only time I did get annoyed and said that I was … dumped by voice message and completely ignored . It’s the most painful thing . I reached out and got one word answers or nothing… I couldn’t believe the turn around, it was craziness.now I’m blocked everywhere
I’m trying to completely let go now
I’ve been through the exact same thing but for 8 months. Says more about their emotional immaturity than about us though. Good luck with healing!
My ex and I just broke up after 6 years. We had a very toxic relationship. I did a lot of hurtful things that I regret. I apologized and acknowledged my part in it. I was flirting with my baby daddy and venting to my friends about my ex. I put him down because he wasn’t working. However, my ex has done things too! He always accused me of cheating especially in the beginning. He flirted with many different women online. He keeps contact with his ex. He has never apologized and has always made excuses for things he does. Instead he blames me completely for the downfall of our relationship, instead of taking some part in it. My kids love him so much and that’s what really hurts. Now he’s ignoring me and I became that crazy ex that constantly texts and forces him to talk to me. I know he loves me and my kids, no question about that but he can’t let go of the past. He stayed here in May and I treated him like a king. It’s very hard for me to show emotions but I did. He instead just pushed me away and acted like he was too hurt to receive such love and I was faking it. Now he’s gone and I miss him so much. After reading this article I realize that I just need to let him be. It hurts way more to reach out. Last night I left his messages on read and deleted his number. Love shouldn’t be forced.
Hi everyone! I broke-up with my ex 3 weeks ago because I cannot afford being taken for granted anymore. I broke-up with him against my will but his actions compelled me to do so. He said do whatever makes me happy but told me that it was only my decision. Though I have a feeling that he just doesn’t have the balls to tell becausw he wants to prove to me that he wants to stick with our previous agreement “ no one is gonna give-up”. But what shall I do-I cannot keep the relationship being neglected, ignored and taken for granted. So no matter how much it was painful to me-I decided to freed him. It hurts his ego so much that made him mad.
We haven’t been in touched since then. Both of us are following the no contact rule after the break-up. He changed his pw in facebook. Though he replied to my daughter, when he was asked about our relationship. He did not mention that we already broke-up. And he told my daughter that he’s giving me time to think.
Now, I want him back badly…but If he is also observing the no contact rule-who shall make the first move? He thought that he is the dumpee here and I am the dumper. Though I didn’t really mean it. I just want him to realize the pain he’s been causing me and my loss eventually. I don’t want to initiate the first move either. Shall I just wait for him to realize that and stand on my words though the pain is getting worse daily?
I will appreciate any advise, pls..from anyone…
Thank you!
I am going through the same situation. I felt taken for granted and ignored among other things. He blocked me on social media. That has caused me so much pain, embarrassment and has hurt my self esteem deeply. I gave and gave and gave to the relationship. I know it hurts, but do you want to go back to the same situation because chances are nothing will be different. I am slowly realizing that I’ve been focusing on the good things in the relationship and forgetting the bad. The bad definitely outweighed the good. My self esteem was so low after the breakup because of him not reaching out, but I realize my self esteem was already low during the relationship or I would have never put up with some of his actions. Work on yourself. Put your needs first for a change. If he wants you back, he needs to prove it since he took you for granted. My ex has proven that he was taking me for granted during the relationship because he has done nothing to get me back. I know there is someone out there who will do for me as much as I do for them. Him walking away has actually turned into a blessing. Don’t settle! God loves you and wants only the best for you, but you have to want the best for you, too!!!
Thank you so much for your advice! Well appreciated. My ex is now coming back to me but I am giving it time. I am weighing things out. I need to be convinced if he really is changing or realized his past mistakes. We communicate daily but I avoid talking about the past. And it feels better. Let see what will come out eventually. Since I proved to myself that I can leave without him (though I still feel the pain) I don’t want to risk getting back to him just because I love him.
I wish you the best in your future lovelife and will pray to get the man you deserve.
My ex of 18 months is ignoring me. He broke up with me, out of the blue, on the the first day of COVID-19 lockdown – 8 weeks ago. He dumped my share money for a holiday we were meant to go on today in my account a couple of weeks ago without any kind of message. I found that so rude. The day before he broke up with me he was telling me we’d get though the pandemic together. He reached out and held my hand as we fell asleep the night before he dumped me. He said he wanted to live together and get married, but then told me as he finished things that he never loved me and all the lovely things he did for me he would have done for anyone.
I’m over the inital shock but this cold hearted man I see now is not that man that I fell in love with. It’s hard to compute. I’m managing to keep no contact but it’s difficult.
Have you heard anything since? As this story is so similar to mine. But I’m struggling with the no contact rule 🙁
Hi Charlotte, no I’ve not heard anything since. I stupidly looked at his Instagram this weekend and upset myself. He’s flirting with random women, giving them compliments, writing chat up lines in Spanish (he can’t speak Spanish well so he must be spending ages to write these) or asking them about the books they’re reading (I’m an avid reader and he never ever took interest in what I was reading). He’s been spotted on Bumble describing his perfect Sunday as what we used to do together. It’s heartbreaking.
I want to reach out but I know deep down it will do no good. It will repulse him further. I’m not sure he’ll ever process the break up and come to regret his decision. He gets fixed ideas about people and does not change his mind easily.
His mum was texting me often asking how I was, telling me he never has known what he wants, that he’d made a mistake he’d regret. I had to ask her to stop which in itself was painful. But it wasn’t helping me at all. It was making it harder to accept things. I’m not sure I have but I’m trying. It’s hard to keep no contact. I’m able to not text but checking social media is cheating. I must need to keep away from Instagram.
I’m struggling. How are you doing?
He will probably do the same to those women as he did to you. He sounds like a casanova to me. So you don’t need to worry. I can feel your pain. Im going through a breakup rn for 2 months and I reached to my ex but nothing happened, he didn’t read my texts nor answered and Im not sure if he’s ignoring me or not.
Thanks Maria Chris. I think he’s someone who thrives on new relationship energy and as we got more comfortable with each other thought there was something wrong.
I still have this fear that his next relationship will work out and it was me all along. My friends, family and therapist all say it wasn’t anything I did but I still can’t shake the self blame. I think because he was never even a bit apologetic for the way he ended things.
I hope you are feeling better about things?
The best thing to do now is to focus on yourself and on the stuff you love. Id recommend you to spend time with your friends and your family. And try to look at things positively. You only live once so you shouldnt waste time on someone who isn’t worrying about you anymore. Do your thing enjoy tour life hun.
You’re quite right Maria and I am trying my best to do that. Eliminating hope is what I’m doing now and trying to have fun as much as I can. Lockdown has made things harder but I’m working on it.
Ah, lock down is the worst :/ I was with a guy for just around two months before it started, so it was early days (plus I had been travelling for two weeks within that time frame). Still, he seemed giddy about me, texting me morning, noon and night. When the lock down first started he called me every night without fail. But as soon as we could meet up in person again, it began to fall apart. Before the lockdown I had a busy job and an active social life, I felt I didn’t give him enough attention. But after being furloughed for months and threatened with redundancy, the roles reversed completely and his daily calls became the highlight of my day. When he started to pull away. I guess this made me pushy. I was convinced that if we could just get back to behaving like a normal couple again, things would be fine. Anyway, he called things off the week lock down was due to be lifted, over the phone. No explanation, and hasn’t replied to a single text since (admittedly I got angry at how he dumped me by phone when we had seen each other that weekend and he lives very close). Even though we weren’t together long, I’m still gutted, because all I can think is that if this lock down hadn’t have happened, maybe we could have built something solid by this point. But him ignoring me is rough – I never will understand how someone who was supposed to care about you can abandon you so deliberately.
My ex of 3 years who I still live with is ignoring me and going straight to his room. (Spare bedroom) it’s hurts that just a few weeks ago we were sharing the same bed and he let me kiss him goodnight.
My ex of two years is ignoring me after a break up. We drifted apart because within 9 months of me losing a parent he also lost his only remaining parent and said he needed time alone to find himself.
It really frustrated me what he wouldn’t speak to me he broke up with me by text. He wants to remain friends and says he has no reason not to be my friend so I dont understand why he feels the need to ignore me when I have reached out to him I presume now its because he has zero feelings for me anymore.
My ex. whom i was with for a month is ignoring me. I don’t like it but i also know why he’s ignoring me to. I said some really nasty things about him to him after he decided to break up, he wanted us to be friends because he didn’t want us to ruin what some day could have been great. I blew all up about it. Curse him out and even contacted his bm she help talked smack about him. And a few day’s i thought about how wrong i was and tried to apologize by sending him a text, he never replied. I waited a day or two and sent him a message on Facebook he read it but didn’t respond. But i know that if he talk bad about me like i did him i probably wouldn’t respond either. It just hurts now because even though we can’t be in a relationship anymore, i would rather have him in my life as a friend. He’s a great guy. But i will get over it. I can’t make him talk to me, i just hope he find it in his heart to forgive me.