My Ex Is Ignoring Me And It Hurts

Being ignored by your ex after the breakup hurts like hell. It triggers your anxiety and fears and makes you think and feel that your ex doesn’t care about you anymore. That’s because every time your ex ignores you, your ex makes you wonder what your ex is doing without you and forces you to stalk your ex online and wonder if your ex is dating someone else already.

Thoughts like these increase your separation anxiety, affect your self-esteem, and leave you with no choice but to handle the post-breakup blues entirely by yourself. Of course, you could always confide in friends and family and sign up for therapy, but that doesn’t have the same kind of effect as closure.

Closure speeds up healing more than anything because talking about your problems with the person who caused you problems helps you get to the bottom of things.

So if your ex is ignoring you and hurting you, you need to understand that it isn’t your fault. It may feel like it is and that you’re not worthy of being with your ex and receiving your ex’s response, but the truth is that your ex’s ignoring has nothing to do with who you are and what you did.

Sure, you probably shouldn’t have messaged or called your ex, but you were anxious and didn’t deserve to get ignored for it.

You deserved some kind of acknowledgment and a caring response. That’s what people who care do. They relieve their ex’s anxiety and help their ex in ways that benefit their ex (not themselves). It’s the least they can do for someone they’ve hurt very badly.

So bear in mind that your ex could have handled your reach-out in a much better way. Your ex could have responded and taken the time to figure out why you’re reaching out. That’s how your ex could have determined whether you’re in a lot of pain or if you just wanted to have a quick conversation.

Regardless of your intentions, your ex needed to communicate. In doing so, he or she would have shown his or her empathetic nature and helped you value yourself and get over the breakup.

Since your ex didn’t do that, it’s safe to say that your ex isn’t a very understanding person. Your ex is someone who cuts exes off and lets them deal with their internal demons alone. Your ex doesn’t understand the pain and suffering you’re going through and that it’s his or her job to do something about it.

So instead of taking all the blame, you should keep in mind that your ex has a lot of growing to do. Your ex has to evolve into a more empathetic person who responds to exes who need to have a closure conversation.

As long as your ex has people who emotionally depend on him or her, your ex is responsible for them.

This post is for dumpees whose ex is ignoring them and hurting them badly.

My ex is ignoring me and it hurts

When your ex ignores you, your ex injures your self-esteem and triggers an emotional setback for you. He or she makes you think that the problem is with you and that you’re unworthy of love and recognition.

This is, of course, not true, but your ex’s mean behavior sure makes you think that way. That’s because your self-esteem takes a dive and makes you take the lack of response personally.

It’s not easy to stop caring about what your ex thinks and feels about you because you’re still in love with your ex and need your ex to heal. But even though it’s difficult, it’s vital to keep reminding yourself that you never asked to be ignored.

Your ex was the one who decided to ignore you. You just reached out and hoped your ex would respond in a loving manner and decrease your suffering. And that’s not something you should blame yourself for.

It was your ex who decided to ignore you and treat you like a stranger. Heck, it was your ex who couldn’t communicate efficiently with you because he or she associated unpleasant emotions with you.

That’s why you should work on accepting your ex’s behavior and try to understand that your ex needs lots of time. Your ex needs to see that you’re not a threat to his or her health and well-being and that you just want some answers and support.

If the breakup happened recently, you probably can’t help but think about your ex. Anxiety is making you hope that your ex will come back and make you feel whole again. That’s normal.

But keep in mind that you won’t always get hurt by your ex. When you get some emotional distance from your ex and rebuild your worth, you’ll realize that your ex used to ignore you because your ex couldn’t control his or her emotions and thought that it was perfectly acceptable to ignore you.

That’s when you’ll wonder why you even chased your ex and gave your ex unnecessary power.

It could take a while to heal to that point, but you should heal faster if you understand that your ex doesn’t deserve your adoration. Your ex needs to lose your respect because there’s no reason to think highly of someone who hurt you and acts irresponsibly.

It’s therefore, your attachment to this person that’s making your detachment difficult and forcing you to think that your ex is the greatest person alive and that no one can replace him or her.

In reality though, your ex is just another dumper – a human being like the rest of us. He or she is valuable to you only because you’re hurt and want to feel important.

It sucks that you have to be okay with your ex’s ignoring behavior, but you don’t have a choice right now. Your ex is in a position of power and doesn’t want to give it up. Hogging all the power gives your ex control and keeps you at a comfortable distance.

That’s why you should protect yourself from receiving unwanted responses from your ex. The sooner you stop reaching out, the less you’ll force your ex to ignore you and hurt your wounded heart.

Why is my ex ignoring me?

If you’re wondering, “Why is my ex ignoring me,” you must understand that your ex isn’t ignoring you because you’re a horrible human being.

Your ex is ignoring you because your ex wants to protect himself or herself from unwanted emotions created by his or her negative perception of you. By ignoring you, your ex can feel less smothered and slowly regain control of his or her life.

At the moment, your ex isn’t capable of speaking with you as before. Your ex feels extremely uncomfortable with you and relieved from the breakup, so your ex wants nothing but space. How much space your ex needs is hard to say, but a rough estimate would probably be months.

If you go no contact, you should allow your ex to be happy and let your ex think of you when he or she wants to think of you. Your ex obviously won’t think about you all the time because your ex is a dumper, but your ex will occasionally be reminded of you and wonder what you’re up to.

For your ex to think about you, your ex needs emotional space. Space lets your ex process the breakup and gives him or her a chance to enjoy life for a while. I can’t promise that your ex will want you back, but if you avoid making breakup mistakes, chances are your ex will at the very least reach out and have a conversation with you.

You might not want to talk to your ex when that happens, but that’s what you need to do today.

So if you’re wondering why your ex is ignoring you, know that your ex associates negative things with your persona and needs lots of time. He or she must get space and live the kind of life he or she dreamed of for weeks prior to the breakup.

Your ex must also let go of post-breakup power and improve his or her perception of you. If your ex remains bitter and unreceptive, nothing would change even if your ex came back. So pay attention to your ex’s wants and needs and give your ex what he or she wants.

With that being said, here’s an infographic explaining why your ex is ignoring you.

What should I do if my ex ignores me?

If your ex ignores you, the first thing you should do is protect yourself. Do that by learning that you’ll struggle to recover from the breakup if you keep reaching out and receiving ignoring responses from your ex.

You also need to realize that your ex is doing what he or she thinks is best for him/her. Your ex’s goal isn’t to hurt you or to punish you for getting romantically involved with him or her. Your ex just wants you to give up on the relationship and let him or her enjoy the new life.

It’s that simple as all your ex wants is to move forward.

So once you’ve discerned that your ex isn’t going to stop ignoring you and start replying in a warm, cheerful manner, it’s finally time to prioritize yourself. Stop reaching out to your ex and acknowledge the fact that your ex will never respect you if you keep contacting your ex.

Your ex will only lose more respect and may even resort to blocking you.

With that said, here are some tips on what to do to stop getting ignored and suffering because of it.

• understand why your ex is ignoring you
• stop calling and texting your ex (your ex would have responded if he/she wanted to)
• go no contact
• regain your lost power
• improve your shortcomings and detach
• get busy with friends and hobbies
• try to let go of your ex

Letting go takes time. But it takes even longer when your ex ignores you or does other hurtful things. That’s why you’ll have to stop relying on your ex for healing and rely on yourself. Get help from people who actually care about you and want to help.

They’ll keep you busy and encourage you to let go of an ex who doesn’t love you.

My ex doesn’t even want to be friends

When dumpers break up with their partners, they usually don’t want to go back to being just friends. More often than not, they avoid their exes as if they have some contagious disease. It’s their way of protecting themselves from feeling pressured into doing something they don’t want to do.

If your ex doesn’t want to be friends, don’t think of it as a bad thing. Any dumpee will tell you that settling for friendship is a major headache as you keep your hopes up and see your ex dating other people.

It’s much better for you to cut your ex off and adopt an “everything or nothing” mentality. That way, you’ll know that your ex can’t give you what you want if he or she doesn’t reconcile with you.

So again, don’t strive for friendship with an ex who dumped you. Strive for complete emotional independence instead. When you achieve it, you’ll be thankful you didn’t get caught in the friend zone with your ex.

If you don’t believe me, join our Discord channel and talk to other dumpees. They’ll tell you that talking to an ex you have feelings for is a total waste of time as it strings you along and makes you analyze your ex’s every word and action.

How can I make my ex stop ignoring me?

As a dumpee, you can’t directly make your ex stop ignoring you. You’ve already tried that and it didn’t work, so you must take a different approach. Take the kind of approach that leaves your ex alone (forever) and lets you focus on yourself.

I know this approach doesn’t sound very appealing, but it’s necessary. Your ex needs to see that you love yourself more than him/her and that you can enjoy your life with or without your ex.

So if you haven’t stopped reaching out yet, stop reaching not now! Don’t tell your ex you’ll leave him or her alone, just go no contact. Make sure to implement all the rules of no contact otherwise your ex could see you’re still around, waiting to get back together. And knowing you’re around will decrease curiosity and the desire or need to get in touch.

Your ex will likely need some time to process the breakup and your breakup mistakes to cool off. Once your ex has cooled off, your ex will likely need some kind of incentive to reach out. That incentive could be boredom, curiosity, anxiety, envy, guilt, or anything that makes your ex think about you.

While you’re waiting for that to happen, focus on the things you can control. Focus on growing as a person and getting yourself back.

Here’s how you make your ex stop ignoring you.

As you stay in no contact, you’ll detach and rebuild your self-esteem. That means that your ex-cravings will subside and that you might not even want to speak with your ex. You could start enjoying your internal peace and wish your ex would stay away from you and let you heal.

It’s probably hard to imagine this right now because you’re suffering, but give it enough time and I promise that your opinion of your ex and what you want from your ex will change. Soon, your rationality will return to you and enable you to see your ex for the person he or she is.

I can’t leave my ex alone

It’s extremely difficult to stop reaching out to an ex who ignores you and makes you doubt your worth. Ignoring makes the job much harder for you because it tells you your ex doesn’t love you and want anything to do with you anymore.

But no matter how painful and hard it is for you to stay in no contact, you must do your best to stay in it. You can’t reach out to your ex because if you do, you’ll make your ex feel trapped and overprioritized and get ignored and hurt again.

You must be strong and push through even the most difficult days when you feel like driving to your ex’s place and pulling off some grand gesture.

Even if your ex responds to you after reaching out, your ex won’t respect you for it. He or she will continue getting chased and push you away the moment you get your hopes up and try to win your ex over.

So if your ex is ignoring you and hurting you, remember your ex’s behavior and use it to think of your ex as an uncaring person. That way, you’ll have some negative characteristics to cling to when you feel that your ex is the perfect man or woman for you.

To get the most out of this exercise, take a pen and paper and write down your ex’s bad traits. Do it so you can remember that your ex has lots of shortcomings that you completely ignored.

My ex flirts with me and then ignores me

If your ex shows signs of hot and cold behavior by flirting with you one moment and then ignoring you and disappearing the next, it’s evident that your ex wants the best of both worlds.

Your ex likes your attention and validation but falls short when it comes to committing and investing in you. This proves that your ex isn’t going to come back any time soon and that you need to ignore your ex’s flirting. You need to think of it as your ex missing the sexual aspect of the relationship, but not the emotional part.

Maybe your ex just wants a familiar person to flirt with because your ex doesn’t have any better people to connect with. Whatever the case may be, don’t flirt with a person who compliments you and seems to be into you only for a brief moment.

An ex who wants you for you won’t do that to you. He or she will constantly invest in you and try extra hard not to disappoint you and get rejected by you.

Feel free to cut your ex off the moment your ex flirts with you.

Let your ex come to you

The only way to make your ex stop ignoring you is to wait for your ex to want to talk to you.

As we’ve already mentioned, something needs to click in your ex’s mind and force him or her to want to communicate. It could be something tragic that affects your ex’s happiness and self-esteem.

So if you’re worried about never hearing from your ex, don’t be. Most dumpees eventually hear from their exes. Chances are you will too if you let your ex come to you.

I don’t want to give you hope, but do keep in mind that it’s not your job to win your ex’s heart back. You only need to fight for love when love is present. Once it’s gone, it’s time to walk away with pride and let your ex rediscover your worth.

Is your ex ignoring you and hurting you badly? What are you doing to make your ex stop ignoring you? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you want to confide in us about your ex’s ignoring behavior, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.