If you’re keeping photos of your ex and hoping to get back together with your ex, you’re not alone. Many dumpees treasure the memories with their ex and don’t want to let go of their ex just because they broke up.
They want to hold on to the photos of their ex (especially the ones that make them nostalgic) in case their ex regrets leaving and comes back.
Sadly, there’s no guarantee that their ex will come back. As far as the relationship is concerned, it has ended with the loss of feelings and a breakup. Getting back together may not happen or happen as quickly as they want it to.
It could take years before their ex reaches out and wants to get back together.
It depends on how they present themselves and the predicaments their ex goes through. If their ex finds another person to date and gets along with that person even after the infatuation phase has ended, their ex’s new relationship could outlast dumpees’ hopes of getting back together.
It could turn into a long-term relationship, capable of dealing with problems and negativity.
So whether your ex is single or not, remember that you need to prepare yourself for the worst. You may not want to delete the photos that give you hope and make you nostalgic, but that’s exactly what you need to do to let go and feel better.
You need to be strong and do what’s best for your well-being now and in the future.
I know that letting go can be scary, but what’s even scarier is holding on to the ghost of your ex and keeping his or her photos, gifts, and belongings just because there’s a chance your ex might one day realize your worth and return.
It’s scary because it kills your productivity and happiness and makes you put your life on hold for someone who hasn’t done the same for you.
Right now, you may not see how keeping your ex’s photos can make the breakup more difficult for you, but eventually, you will. You’ll realize your worth and get tired of obsessing over your ex, feeling lethargic, and being stuck in the past, worrying about the wrong people.
I don’t know when you’ll have this realization because every person processes breakups at a different speed, but for me, it took a few months of no contact to delete my ex’s pictures. It probably took another two weeks to get rid of letters and other personal gifts as well.
It felt weird to erase my ex’s memories, but I didn’t regret it even for a second. I knew it was the right thing to do because it forced me to stop going through pictures of my ex whenever I felt sad, anxious, and hopeless.
So if there’s no promise or guarantee of reconciliation, know that the relationship has ended and that it needs to be treated as a permanent breakup rather than a temporary break.
Consider it a relationship that has run its course and remember that your healing depends on your understanding of breakups, coping mechanisms, your ex’s behavior, and how you handle the breakup.
If you keep photos of your ex and look at them, you may feel hopeful for a moment, but this feeling won’t last very long. It will disappear very soon and make you want another hit.
The urge to stay in control of the breakup will ease over time, but it will ease quicker if you avoid things that make you obsessed with your ex. Always remember that photos won’t get rid of your problems, nor will they make your ex come back and value you.
Photos will just give you tons of hope, make you nostalgic and anxious, keep you attached, and show your ex you’ve been hoping to get back together even though he or she was done with you, pursuing happiness elsewhere.
You must understand that dumpers don’t respect and value dumpees who refuse to let go and keep trying to get back together. They think poorly of such exes because they make them feel suffocated and disrespected. The more hopeful and demanding, their exes are, the more guilty and pressured they feel.
So if you’re thinking that physical or digital memories of your ex will help you get back with your ex (or keep your ex after he or she has come back), keep in mind that memories on their own don’t have such power. All memories can do is remind you of your loss again and again and put salt on your open wounds.
They can make you anxious and tempt you to break the rules of no contact.
That’s why keeping photos of your ex is not good for you. It’s not good for your obsession with your ex and your ex’s interest in you.
You’ll get yourself back quicker and be much happier in the long run if you understand that keeping photos of your ex prevents you from looking for strength within yourself and detaching from your ex.
I understand how difficult it can be to part with memories, especially when there’s still hope for reconciliation. But sometimes, clearing out those reminders can help create space for healing and moving forward.
It can help you fall back in love with yourself and find purpose in life again.
If you had a real breakup (not a temporary fakeup), there’s no point in keeping the memories of your ex close to you. Reminders of your ex will make you think about your ex, trigger difficult feelings, and make it harder for you to get your ex out of your system.
They won’t make it impossible to heal, but they will cause you to reminisce and look for answers and solutions you don’t have or need.
So know that keeping photos of your ex is counterproductive and that the main reason you’re trying to hold on to them is so that your relationship can continue from where it left off. Unfortunately, the new relationship won’t be a continuation.
It will be a completely new relationship with (hopefully) new healthier habits that allow you to maintain the relationship better.
In today’s article, we shed some light on when keeping photos of your ex is dangerous and when it’s okay to keep them.
Is it okay to keep photos of your ex?
Look, post-breakup hope isn’t entirely bad. After the breakup when anxiety is the highest, hope (photos, gifts, and social media stalking) can give you a tiny bit of sense of control and prevent you from breaking down.
It can essentially stop you from feeling so hurt that you contact your ex, show up unannounced, call your ex names, and do other hurtful/desperate things.
Losing a lot of hope too quickly is not advisable as it can be a tremendous shock for your system and destroy your rationality and self-control. It can make you highly emotional, desperate for recognition and control, and incapable of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Dumpees who suffer a shock as a result of a breakup often become depressed. Some even get physically sick or commit suicide.
If you’re depressed and/or thinking about ending your life, you shouldn’t try to get rid of all hope at once. You should do it gradually while getting the help you need. Therapy and medication should slowly help you come back to your senses and prepare you for the life ahead.
First-time dumpees and those who overinvested in their ex and underinvested in self-love and self-control tend to suffer the most. They failed to develop the ability to accept people’s decisions and behaviors, so they take breakups personally and refuse to move on.
Such people need to learn why acceptance is necessary and how they can slowly stop holding on to their ex. By learning about the importance of letting go and developing the skills to let go, they can let their ex do what their ex wants and work on improving their life.
So bear in mind that it’s okay to keep photos of your ex and stay hopeful if you’re unable to control your emotions and actions.
If you can’t stop yourself from doing something a dumpee shouldn’t do, you can temporarily:
- keep photos and gifts from your ex
- keep your ex’s number
- follow and stalk your ex on social media
- ask your friends what your ex is doing
- rely on your ex for healing
If you can control yourself though, you shouldn’t be keeping your ex’s photos and things that give you hope and prolong your healing. You should be doing everything you can to accept the separation, detach from your ex, and find strength and meaning outside of the relationship with your ex.
The breakup requires you to create a life independent of your ex. The sooner you accept who you are and appreciate your life, the sooner you can expect to get through the breakup and stop caring about your ex.
Right now, you’re probably still hurting and thinking about your ex all the time. You’re going through the photos and remembering the good times from the past. This is okay to do (for a couple of weeks or so) while anxiety levels are sky-high.
If you have extreme anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, or urges to hurt your ex with words or actions, you can keep photos of your ex and go through them once in a while.
It should give you a small feeling of control and prevent you from saying or doing something to bother your ex and get hurt in return.
However, when you pull through the storm a few weeks after the breakup, don’t keep your ex’s photos anymore. Keeping them and checking them will give you unnecessary hope and stop you from relying on yourself and your loved ones for healing.
It will make you think of your ex as your savior and put your ex on a pedestal.
Delete digital photos and discard physical photos of your ex
If the breakup happened recently, seeing photos of your ex will likely trigger unprocessed emotions and make you sentimental. It will remind you that you used to have your ex’s love and that you’re now worse off than you were in the past.
The difference between before and now will affect you deeply and hinder your self-love and healing process.
Hence, I strongly suggest that you get rid of all (physical and non-physical) photos of your ex as well as any reminders of your ex. If your ex bought you gifts and gave you personal presents such as poems and notes, discard them or store them in a closed box if you’re not ready to throw them away.
Do whatever it takes to get them out of sight and mind. It will reduce the amount of emotional setbacks you suffer after the breakup.
Also, keep in mind that the partner after your ex won’t understand why you’re keeping photos of your ex. He or she will likely assume you’re still in love with your ex and that you want to be with your ex.
Your partner won’t want to hear that you’re keeping photos of your ex because you value the life you had before he or she came along. If he or she understands and doesn’t care about it (especially if you have kids with your ex), the least you should do is take pictures of your ex off the shelves and put them away.
Respect your partner and do what’s best to disconnect from your ex. Do it for yourself, your friends and family members who care about you, and your (future) partner.
Remember that photos of your ex:
- Trigger reminders, ex-related dreams, and unwanted feelings
- give you hope and anxiety
- prevent you from letting go and moving on
- show your ex you’re still attached
- and confuse your new partner
As a dumpee, you should delete all photos of your ex. This includes offline and online social media photos.
You don’t have to delete the photos of your ex from Facebook and Instagram the day the breakup happens, but you should delete them a few weeks after the breakup (or after the denial phase) when you’ve accepted the breakup and calmed down.
If you delete them right away, your ex will likely think you’re bitter, which could make friendship and reconciliation more difficult.
Even if you don’t want your ex back as a partner or a friend, I encourage you to give it some time for pain and anger to subside. Wait a few weeks to regain your rationality and stop caring about what your ex will think and feel.
You can probably delete your ex’s photos from social media right away, but if you still want to reattract your ex, it may be better not to appear resentful and impulsive. This won’t change your ex’s perception of you, but it will help you both feel better if you wait a bit before you remove photos of each other on social networks.
As for physical photos, get rid of them immediately. Don’t wait for weeks and get reminded of your ex every time you see a photo of your ex. If you can avoid reminders and emotional setbacks, why not avoid them?
Avoid them by throwing them away, putting them in a box, or giving them to a friend or family member for safekeeping. Eventually, you’ll stop caring about the memories with your ex and care about your life ahead.
Until then, keep photos of your ex out of sight and do your best to detach and find internal peace.
Are you keeping photos of your ex online or offline? Why do you keep them and how do they make you feel? Comment below and let us know.
However, if your story is unique and would like to confide in us, check out our coaching options and get in touch.
Couldn’t agree more Berenice. Also, it helps to keep an ex’s number for when you go back to dating apps. The apps have a button now that gives the app access to any phone contacts you want blocked from seeing you on the app. If you have deleted your exes numbers, you might have forgotten some of the numbers over the months and years. This way, if you want, you can keep anyone from your contact list from seeing you on a dating app. I know I wouldn’t want any dead wood from the past seeing what I’m up to and vice versa.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder — for someone else!
I normally agree with you, but not on this. I used to get rid of photos of exes. And now, many years later, I wish I’d kept them. Those photos weren’t just of exes. They were of me as well. They were of mutual friends. They were of life experiences that we shared, that helped form our characters. Obsessing over anything is a bad idea. Obviously you have a different story if you’re pulling them out and staring at them all the time. But if you just keep them, and only take a peak every now and then there is no harm in it. I wish I’d done that with earlier exes. I haven’t thrown out the photos I took with my most recent ex, and I’m not going to. I even gave him a copy of them in case he wanted any, as quite a few of them were lovely photos of his family. The problem you’re mentioning here isn’t the photos. It’s the lack of self control in looking at them and allowing yourself to make more of them than they are. They are literally just a moment captured in time. Not a promise of a future or anything other than that moment.
A prime example of that for me is a photo I took of an ex standing in a playground with his girls. It’s a gorgeous photo. I did well. So well that he’s used it as a profile photo for years and had many lovely comments about it. The reality of that day – I usually do remember the exact moment a photo was taken so many years later this is still crystal clear in my mind. He’d brought beer with him to the playground. He’d drunk a couple of them already. He pulled his girls in close to him and as I took the photo one of the girls was saying ‘ew yuck, let me go, you smell like beer’. But the photo doesn’t capture that reality, just the perfect moment in time a split second after. You can take what you want from a photo but it’s only ever a tiny little sliver, even of just that moment. Don’t fear the memories, use it as a lesson to learn control and discipline over your mind.
Hi Berenice.
You’re right. If there’s no harm in keeping the photos and your partner is okay with them, you needn’t throw them away. You can look at the once in a while and show them to your kids. But if you’re struggling to get over your ex and don’t like or respect your ex, then it may be better to dispose of the picture. You can give them to a friend, box them, or throw them away.
Best,
Zan