Guys’ Mind During No Contact

The guys’ mind during no contact is slightly different from the girls’ mind during no contact. Guys tend to be more rational than women and think with logic rather than intuition.

Instead of relying on emotions and feelings for guidance, the male mind during no contact is usually guided by logic and ego. It thinks rationally and sticks to the decisions it makes unless it’s proven wrong and encounters pain. That’s when it sees that it may have been wrong and that it has work to do.

Both males and females process negative emotions similarly, but from what I can tell, guys tend to deal with breakup emotions a bit quicker than women. Unlike women who remember the way they felt years before breaking up with their exes, guys are usually able to let go of unhealthy thoughts and emotions such as anger and resentment much quicker.

They can forgive their exes and themselves and get back with their exes if they want to.

A long time ago, guys were hunters and needed to be calm and collected. They needed to wait for their prey and subdue their prey quickly and efficiently. This means they needed to exercise patience and suppress their anger, fear, and other emotions until they could benefit from those emotions.

Women’s roles, on the other hand, were more communication-based.

One of their most significant tasks was gathering fruits and plants—so they (generally speaking) had a lot less physically demanding jobs.

Because of their responsibilities, women conversed, planned, bonded, and exchanged all sorts of feelings with one another. This may be the reason why women have developed differently from men. Scientists believe it took women 1.5 million years to develop into the people they are today and that their emotions are the difference that attracts guys to them.

Another interesting study suggests that women tend to experience depression and various mental illnesses twice as often as men (according to Mayoclinic). So based on this information, they seek help more often whereas guys tend to internalize things and deal with pain by themselves and in different ways.

Just because guys are physically stronger and tend to fall into depression less often than women, that doesn’t mean they’re incapable of getting hurt and reflecting. Guys can have an epiphany just like women. But they need a reason to have it.

Usually, they need to date someone else and realize that the new person doesn’t measure up to their ex. That’s when they become regretful and nostalgic and come back faster than greased lightning.

In this article, we’re going to talk about what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact and how you can make sure that your ex gets what he needs to think of you in ways that he needs to.

Guys’ Mind During No Contact

Since guys are rational creatures, the guys’ mind during no contact tends to be decision-driven.

When guys feel unhappy about their romantic partners, they rationally decide that their partners are not giving them what they want and that they need to chase after their own goals and happiness.

And they do just that.

They say goodbye to their romantic partners and start looking for happiness on their own or by dating someone else. Oftentimes, guys sweep their issues under the rug and quickly monkey-branch into a relationship with someone else.

By getting to know someone else, they stop feeling pressured and have a fresh start. They start going through the 5 breakup stages and feel relieved, so they don’t think much about their exes. All they think about is the new person and the way she makes them feel.

But as time goes on (usually a few months into the new relationship), relief and other self-empowering post-breakup emotions wane. That’s when they revert to their old selves and stop running away from their exes. They just mind their own business and become neutral about their exes.

Although some guys initially cry for a day or two after breaking their partners’ hearts, they don’t usually sit at home and cry for weeks and months the way dumpees do.

Guys tend to convince themselves that the breakup was a smart decision and that they deserve to be happy even if their exes don’t want them to be happy.

What goes through a guy’s mind during no contact?

If you prioritized yourself and avoided begging and pleading and making other post-breakup mistakes, the guys’ mind during no contact will eventually stop perceiving you as the culprit. It may not develop feelings for you, but it will acknowledge some of your good points and may even want to befriend you.

When enough time has passed, your ex will no longer worry about the way you had made him feel prior to the breakup.

He will “only” remember you in a relationship-unworthy way and regularly remind himself that breaking up with you was for the best and the right thing to do.

By reminding himself that you’re not his ideal partner, your ex will strengthen his reasons for staying away from you and continue to focus on himself and whomever he’s dating. Your ex will essentially distract himself with new and old hobbies and people and try not to think about the breakup.

Months into no contact dumpers feel happy or “okay” to be on their own or with someone else. They no longer hate you or despise you for the things you did and didn’t do because they’re focusing on the present moment.

And that’s a huge improvement compared to the way they felt on the day of the breakup.

You must understand that unless you keep pestering your ex and making your ex attach a lot of negativity to your persona, your ex will eventually see things rationally and probably reach out. If you’re lucky, he might even apologize and thank you for the way he contributed to the breakup.

But whatever you do, don’t mistake your ex’s kindness for romantic feelings. Kindness has nothing to do with feelings as it’s something dumpers show when they’ve calmed down and started caring about their conscience or image.

All your ex needs in no contact to think of you and treat you better is maturity and self-awareness.

He needs to be self-aware enough to:

• understand his emotions
• want to let go of negativity and victim mentality
• consider himself partially responsible for the end of the relationship
• have the drive to improve
• be positive about his life

With that being said, here’s what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact.

Guys need space and time

Now that the breakup has ensued, your ex needs a lot of space and time. He needs to think rationally and slowly one day at a time let go of the negative associations that plague his mind.

Although your ex could theoretically let go of negative associations very quickly if he wanted to, he likely can’t do that right now. Your ex probably hasn’t trained his mind to be self-aware and capable of handling smothering, unpleasant, and self-destructive emotions.

Up until now, your ex has probably always reacted to stressors and hasn’t learned much from them. He needs to get broken up with because that will show him (not necessarily teach him) how to treat people well.

Always remember that the best way for your ex to let go of what he’s feeling toward you is for something emotionally difficult and painful to happen to him. Something like a breakup or anything that helps him reflect and remove negative feelings from your post-breakup persona.

Most dumpers (male or female) start thinking about their exes when their lives aren’t going well. That’s because they’re out of luck and want their exes to help them with the predicament they’re going through.

You need to be aware of that so you don’t let your ex’s breadcrumbs confuse you and give you tons of false hope.

Dumpers tend to lack self-awareness

A lot of dumpers, unfortunately, can’t forgive and forget. They lack the strength to fight their unhealthy emotions and listen to dumpees’ side of the story.

In the breakup world, we refer to dumpers who blame their exes as dumpers with a victim mentality. This mentality prevents dumpers from admitting fault and prevents them from letting their exes close to them.

That’s why your ex just like most people needs to rely on time, space, and distance to do the job for him.

He needs you to follow the rules of no contact so you can provide him with his fundamental human needs. Needs such as respect, space, and enough time to see what else is out there.

If you want to give your ex what he needs and make him happy, you need to start no contact immediately. Give your ex the only thing he needs from you and start following the indefinite no contact rule.

As a dumpee, you need to know that other than the indefinite no contact rule, there is no other way to make your ex relax and think positively about you. I wish there was another way, but there isn’t. Your ex won’t recover emotionally and improve the way he perceives you until you give him the space he craves and allow him to run into trouble without you.

So give your ex the only thing you can give him (space) and focus on getting over your ex until he reaches out first. Do that even if your ex appears to be happy and you’re miserable.

You can’t forcefully change the guys’ minds in no contact

No matter how hard you try, you can’t directly change your ex’s mind during no contact.

You can’t do it if you’re the richest, smartest, prettiest, or funniest person on the planet because your ex isn’t ready for it to change. He’s in self-discovery mode which means that he’s completely unreceptive to everything you say and do. If you try to reason with him when he’s enjoying his post-breakup life, you’ll cause more damage than good.

You’ll make your ex resent you (or resent you more if he already does) and get hurt as a result.

You need to understand that guys are often ego-driven and that they won’t be reasoned with no matter how apologetic you appear. They won’t become receptive to you until they cool off and change their perception of you.

So for the guy’s mind in no contact to change, give the guy enough time.

Wait for your ex to:

1. Willingly get rid of his negative thoughts about you and replace them with more positive ones.
2. Have enough time for his repulsive emotions to subside.
3. Go through painful self-reflective experiences.

Dumpees, unfortunately, don’t possess the power to change guys’ minds during no contact. All they can do is exude high confidence and self-esteem and let their exes see that they’re doing fine. This is more than enough because happiness can attract guys when they fail to find peace and comfort on their own.

This is something dumpees often don’t understand. They often think they must single-handedly influence or force their ex to like them and want to be with them.

But the truth is that intrusive actions usually only backfire and make them look crazy and obsessed.

Although jealousy games can work on some less mature dumpers, the truth is that they don’t work on most dumpers. Most dumpers see what their exes are trying to do and lose even more respect for them. That’s when dumpees have ruined their chances and can forget about attracting their exes back. Reattraction just doesn’t happen because respect is the foundation on which love is built.

Of course, dumpers sometimes fall for sly manipulation techniques. But such dumpers more often than not leave again. They realize that they don’t love their exes and that they must stay even farther away from them.

So if you’re thinking about forcing your ex to return, try not to go down that path. Let the picture below teach you what happens when you try to change the guys’ mind during no contact through force and persistence.

The guys’ mind during no contact takes time to influence and change

Usually, something has to force dumpers to feel attracted to you and want to be with you.

Whether it’s depression, a failed rebound relationship, or anything negative, some powerful external factor has to influence the male mind during no contact.

When that something does its magic, your ex will likely contact you and try to obtain something from you. He will try to extort validation, support, information, or even love. You need to be fully healed by then so you can think rationally and figure out why your ex is reaching out.

When you hear from your ex, don’t immediately assume that your ex has come back. Your ex won’t come back before he has a reason to come back. It likely won’t happen before you’ve moved on and learned to live without your ex.

For now, you need to focus on detaching from your ex and finding happiness without him. This is important because if you don’t regain emotional independence, you’ll be of no use to your ex when he comes back. This is because you’ll show him you rely on him emotionally and that he can’t get what he needs from you.

My advice is to practice forgiveness affirmations and continue to let go of your ex so that you can be happy and attract your ex or other people with self-certainty.

Influencing guys’ mind during no contact

The only way to influence the guys’ mind during no contact is to exude confidence, self-respect, and high self-esteem. Any other technique likely won’t work because it will interfere with your ex’s feelings and opinions.

So if you’re wondering how to change your ex’s mind and restore his feelings during no contact, keep in mind that there is no direct way to do it.

All you can do is follow a strict regimen of no contact and wait for your ex to contact you first. It’s that simple, yet so many dumpees cave into anxiety and contact their exes. Some reach out because they think they must reach out after 30 days, whereas others get scared and think their ex will meet someone else and move on for good.

The best words of advice I have for you is that you must stay silent during no contact. Let the power of silence after the breakup influence your ex while you focus on yourself and do your best to forget about your ex.

It will take some time to stop thinking about your ex, but don’t give up. Breakups take time to process as well as learn and improve from. But because they take long, they also teach you the most valuable lessons.

The guys’ mind after no contact

As long as you’re heartbroken, the male’s mind after no contact will be difficult to understand.

Your ex might tell you that he loves you and wants to be with you, but his actions will tell you otherwise. They’ll say that he’s not thinking about being with you and that he just wants to give you hope and ease his worries.

Before you unleash your wrath on your ex and get back at your ex for playing with your feelings, think about what your actions will accomplish. After careful consideration, you’ll probably realize that you don’t need to hurt your ex just because he doesn’t understand you and want to be with you.

You just have to find a way to distract yourself and be the best version of yourself.

You need to understand that guys often reach out for ego, guilt, and validation purposes. They break no contact and check up on their dumpees to elicit a reaction out of them.

By doing so, they obtain the information they’re after, empower themselves, and quickly go back to doing what they were doing. They don’t need to keep talking to their exes because they get everything they need from their exes simply by speaking to them.

So if you’re trying to understand what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact, keep in mind that you don’t need to understand everything. You especially don’t need to know what your ex doing in his free time or saying about you.

All you need to know is that he currently doesn’t regret dumping you. And that’s it. Everything else is irrelevant as it will only give you false hope and make you more obsessed with your ex.

So wait for your ex to express the desire to take things further with you. When and if he shows interest, you’ll hear from him and see whether a reconciliation is possible and something you want.

Give guys what they want

Whether you’re in no contact or not, you must continue to give your ex what he wants.

You must keep giving your ex freedom, independence, respect—and everything he wanted so that he can let go of his negative breakup emotions and feel happier emotions.

His emotions and mindset have to undergo a natural change and slowly—one day at a time return back to the way they were before the breakup.

But before you start looking forward to that day, keep in mind that the guys’ mind during no contact or even after no contact can take a very long time to change. Although guys usually let go of their negative emotions after a while, they don’t always forget all the negative aspects of their previous relationships.

Oftentimes, they hold on to their pasts and occasionally remind themselves that their exes weren’t the best matches for them. They do this to continuously think about their exes in a negative way and to strengthen their decisions to break up with them.

Here’s a video of the guys’ mind during no contact.

Do you agree that there’s no changing the guys’ mind during no contact unless they want to change it themselves? Drop your thoughts in the comments section below.

However, if you’re looking for breakup coaching and want our help, visit our coaching page for more information.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.