Why Is My Ex So Desperate To Find Someone New?

People are desperate to find someone new after the breakup for various reasons. Dumpees are desperate because they’re hurt and want to feel validated and secure whereas dumpers are detached and eager to meet new people.

They want to forget about their ex and experience everything life has to offer. For many dumpers, “everything” includes dating someone they know nothing about. They finally feel unburdened by their ex’s expectations and presence, so they’re ready to look for someone new and get to know him or her intimately.

Dumpers are convinced their ex was the problem, so they fail to see the need to take some time for themselves and reflect on their shortcomings. Blaming their ex for the demise of the relationship feels much better to them as it gives them strength and allows them to progress in life.

Of course, they don’t really progress. They merely feel that they do because the breakup provides them with a false sense of direction. In reality, dating someone new hinders their growth. It immediately makes dumpers feel accepted and wanted, which destroys any desire or need to self-improve.

Why would they do anything about their flaws when they can just distract themselves and feel adored by someone new? Unlike dumpees who are in pain, they’re relieved and elated and see no reason to change who they are.

Hurt, sad, and anxious people make changes. Angry people with power and control don’t. They see those around them as problems and themselves as victims.

You shouldn’t expect such people to stay single after they’ve broken up with their exes. You should expect them to start looking for someone new soon after breaking up.

Sadly, the majority of dumpers don’t do much to fix the issues that caused the breakup. They don’t even want to think about the problems because thinking about them drains their energy and makes them feel uncomfortable.

They’d rather look for someone who gives them attention and love and makes them forget about the horrible experience they had with their ex. Ignoring the past and focusing on the present feels emotionally and morally acceptable to them because they think it’s time to prioritize themselves and let their ex think and feel what he or she wants.

So if your dumper ex is desperate to find someone new and you can’t figure out why, you need to understand that dumpers are typically eager and impatient to meet someone new rather than desperate.

They don’t have any strong feelings for their ex, so they often look for new romantic opportunities and date the first person who wants to date them.

By dating, they replace unwanted thoughts and emotions associated with their ex with positive perceptions of their new partner and release their limiting beliefs about love. They basically restore their faith in relationships and look forward to getting to know the person they’re interested in.

This get-to-know-each-other phase feels refreshing and exciting to them and makes them feel infatuated (strongly desired and obsessed with someone they feel positive about).

It shows them that their new relationship makes them feel better emotions than their previous relationship and that it’s worth their time and effort (even though it requires no effort at first).

Months into the relationship, though, that tends to change as they start to encounter arguments and differences and discover that all healthy relationships require relationship skills and an understanding of themselves.

In this post, we talk about why your ex is so desperate to find someone new.

Why is my ex so desperate to find someone new?

Your dumper ex wants to find someone new because your ex is ready to date. Contrary to you, your ex had detached a long time ago and is emotionally capable of connecting with someone new.

Not only is your ex capable of a new romantic relationship, but your ex also yearns for it. Your ex feels a strong desire to love and be loved by someone totally new and different.

It’s the lack of understanding of what the new person would be like that excites your ex and pushes your ex to receive attention, respect, and care from his or her new potential boyfriend or girlfriend.

Don’t take this personally, but that’s one of the reasons your ex broke up with you. He or she didn’t see a future with you, so your ex opened up to the possibility of being with someone else.

That person may or may not have been around prior to the breakup, but the point I’m trying to make is that your ex wanted more out of life and thought someone else could do a better job than you.

A better job implies that he or she could make your ex feel happier emotions, tire/bore your ex less, and directly or indirectly make your ex work harder on the relationship.

Some people don’t appreciate relationships in which they get care, affection, and security with no effort and for no reason. They haven’t grown up yet and developed gratitude, so they only appreciate people who have power over them.

In essence, such people want to feel anxious, fearful, codependent, and uncertain about their partner’s feelings for them as such emotions scare them to the point where they invest in their partner emotionally and feel that their relationship has value and meaning.

Maybe your ex wasn’t ungrateful to that extent, but your ex certainly didn’t show you much respect by looking for someone else this quickly.

Anyone who desperately looks for another person to date right after the breakup doesn’t know or understand that you’re still searching for reasons the relationship ended and struggling with separation anxiety and a loss of self-esteem.

You probably haven’t even accepted the end of the relationship yet while your ex is already on the lookout for a new person to bond with. To me, that sounds like someone who has no compassion for what you’re going through.

He or she just wants to cut off the past and move forward with someone new. With someone your ex could potentially get married to, have kids with, and overcome his or her loneliness or mental health problems with.

Your ex might (now or later) feel guilty for leaving you, hurting you, and dating this soon, but guilt doesn’t excuse your ex’s behavior and solve your problems. It just makes your ex question his or her wrongdoings and morality.

Always remember that your ex’s actions that follow as a result of guilt are your ex’s problems and that they don’t signify love and regret.

I’m not saying that a dumper who dates someone new shortly after breaking up is evil and incapable of change, but that person does currently lack the integrity, respect, self-awareness, self-control, and empathy necessary for putting your pain before his or her temptations to start a new relationship.

Because your ex lacks these things, nothing is stopping your ex from getting to know new people and being with them. Your ex doesn’t see anything wrong with it because your ex believes he or she has the right to date and be happy.

It’s this “I deserve to be happy” idea that denies dumpees closure and causes them so much pain. If dumpers were more self-aware and caring about how their behavior affects dumpees, they could help their ex cope with the breakup or at least not make it worse.

But since they think they’ve been victimized, they believe it’s okay to forget about their ex’s wants and needs and just focus on their own. This is why they appear heartless and desperate to find someone new.

Dumpers can find new people to date in various places and in many ways.

Some dumpers meet people through friends and colleagues and others find them on apps like Tinder and Bumble. No matter where they meet new people, they often meet them way too quickly – while their ex is still in denial, trying to make sense of the breakup.

Such self-centered behavior tends to obliterate dumpees’ self-esteem and delays their healing.

We could argue that they shouldn’t be checking up on dumpers and asking to get hurt, which is true, but dumpers also shouldn’t be messing around with other people the moment they break up with their exes. They should be taking some time away from dating and showing dumpees that they took the relationship seriously.

So if your ex appears super desperate to find someone else soon or right after the breakup, know that your ex has no moral responsibility. Your ex is okay with dating someone else because your ex thinks that he or she has the right to do anything and everything.

We can compare this moral issue to people in relationships who think they have the right to message and call their exes. Those who engage in such behaviors (especially behind their partner’s back) sadly can’t tell the difference between rights and moral responsibilities.

That’s why they feel judged, controlled, and victimized by their partner and are inclined to react in anger and defend themselves. They want to do what’s best for them rather than hear their partner out and do something about their behavior.

With that said, here’s why your ex is so desperate to find someone new.

Why are dumpees desperate to find someone new?

In contrast to dumpers, dumpees are often desperate to find someone new. They’re in excruciating pain, so they think they could get over their ex by getting under someone else. But sadly, this couldn’t be further from the truth and ends up being one of the most painful lessons of their life.

A heartbroken person simply can’t process the breakup by replacing their ex with someone new.

If he or she tries to replace their ex, the dumpee soon realizes that the new person doesn’t make him or her feel even half as good as the dumper did and that the dumper was their ideal partner.

This realization then forces the dumpee to start missing the dumper like crazy and makes the dumpee lose interest in his or her new partner.

In breakup terms, the dumpee rebounds as he or she can’t form a connection with someone new while he or she is still emotionally dependent on the dumper.

That means dumpees are desperate to find someone else because they want to heal from the breakup and be as happy as their ex. They want to prove to themselves and others that they can find someone who loves them and wants to be with them.

Some dumpees even look for someone new to date just to make their ex jealous of their romantic success.

Little do they know that dumpers are unreceptive to jealousy attempts and anything that shows dumpees are romantically successful. Dumpees are emotional, so they forget that their ex doesn’t care what they do and who they’re with.

They’re fine with their ex dating because they don’t have any romantic expectations of their ex.

So keep in mind that dumpees are often desperate to find someone new because they’re anxious and want to boost their self-esteem. Their ex made them think they’re unlovable or undeserving of affection, so they try to improve the way they feel by getting involved with another person.

Many dumpees know they aren’t emotionally ready for a new relationship. But because they’re hurt and miserable, they date anyway. They get close to someone who might really like them and develop feelings for them.

Dumpees essentially use people to make themselves process the breakup faster. Only those who have (mainly) gotten over their ex get into a new relationship for the right reasons. Such people don’t talk about their exes and appear tired of life.

Instead, they focus on their new partner, show consistency, and appear eager to invest in the relationship.

Forget about your ex’s life

Whether your ex is a dumpee or a dumper, the breakup happened for a reason and must be respected. You should let your ex do what he or she wants while you do what’s best for you.

If it’s best for you not to know what your ex is doing, don’t keep an eye on your ex on social media and ask for updates on your ex. Your ex is no longer your partner, so your ex technically has the right to date right away.

That right, doesn’t however excuse his or her lack of care for you or respect for himself or herself.

Just keep in mind that what your ex does and who he or she dates is irrelevant to you. The only thing your ex’s post-breakup life shows is what your ex is like as a person.

If your ex is a dumpee, it shows your ex is looking for a person to date shortly after the breakup with the expectation to patch his or her wounds. And if your ex is a dumper, your ex is in a hurry to disconnect from the past and embrace the present.

That should be enough for you to understand that your ex sees relationships as opportunities to distract himself or herself from the mess he or she created or was forced to experience.

Whatever you do, don’t message your ex and tell your ex he or she is desperate to find someone new. Even if that’s true, your ex’s desperation, morals, self-awareness, and relationships aren’t your concern anymore.

They’re your ex’s responsibility, which is why your ex has to singlehandedly discover whether the path he or she is on is fruitful and worthwhile.

Did you learn why your ex is so desperate to find someone new? Why do you think your ex is looking for someone to date already? Comment below the post.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.