When Your Ex Never Contacts You Again

Are you afraid your ex will never contact you again and be glad you’re gone? Most people are. They worry their ex will forget about them, meet someone more attractive than them, and have a fairy-tail-like relationship with that person. They completely ignore the fact that relationships require tons of work and that no matter who their ex finds, their ex will have some adjusting to do.

Their ex will have to grow as a person and make sure that the new relationship doesn’t fail because of the same issues.

When your ex meets someone new, your ex will appear elated because the breakup and the new person will empower your ex. But after a while, your ex will stop feeling excited, lose power, and be forced to work hard to live a balanced and fulfilling life.

If you’re afraid your ex will never contact you again, you obviously still feel attached to your ex. You have expectations of your ex contacting you and showing you that you’re worth his or her time. But one thing you should keep in mind is that you won’t always care about whether your ex contacts you and validates you.

I know it’s hard to imagine this now that you’re hurting, but one day, you’ll process the breakup, get rid of fears, and enjoy the silence from your ex. Inwardly, you’ll thank your ex for leaving you alone to heal and probably wonder how much more difficult your post-breakup life would have been if your ex reached out every few days and talked about random things you couldn’t care less about.

Just you wait. Soon (probably sooner than you think), you’ll stop caring about whether your ex contacts you again and makes you feel good about yourself. You’ll be happy with your healing progress and would rather stay in control of your healing than risk getting hurt and confused by your ex.

It may feel like a bad thing that your ex might never contact you again, but it’s actually a huge blessing in disguise. If I could go back in time, I would have told my ex not to contact me on the day of the breakup. Doing so wouldn’t guarantee her not reaching out ever again, but I’m certain it would lessen the number of times she reached out just to catch up and ask for friendship.

As a dumpee, I wanted to catch up so badly, but that wasn’t what I needed. What I needed was to heal and lose feelings. That’s why now that I’m over her, I wish my ex would have left me alone and let me get over the breakup.

You probably aren’t ready to let go of your ex just yet, but you shouldn’t desperately hope that your ex contacts you soon. You probably want to hear from your ex just as badly as I did, but emotionally, you’ll do much better if your ex doesn’t contact you again (while you’re healing).

Your ex should contact you only about important things such as giving you your valuables back and wanting you back. That’s when your ex can interrupt your healing momentarily and say the things he or she needs to say.

So if you think it’s a bad thing when your ex never contacts you again, know that it’s quite the opposite. Not hearing from your ex will help you have a swift recovery and encourage you to reflect on your relationship and make healthy improvements because your ex won’t be around to give you false hope and prevent you from working on yourself.

Today, we’ll discuss what it means when your ex never contacts you again and what you should do about it.

When your ex never contacts you again

First of all, we need to discuss what “never” means. If humans have an average life span of 70 – 80 years (depending on where you live, how you live, and how lucky you are), you’ve probably got some years ahead of you during which your ex could contact you. Some people hear from their ex literally 30 years after the breakup.

They never thought they’d hear from their ex again, but when they do, they usually learn that something isn’t going right for their ex. Whether their ex’s long-term relationship failed or their ex got in an accident, their dumper reached out because he or she is finally in an emotional state that makes him or her get over the past and seek support and validation from the dumpee.

The dumper needs something from their dumpee—and it’s usually not love. It tends to be a break from guilt or curiosity.

So if you haven’t heard from your ex in a few months, know that it’s too soon to tell whether your ex will ever contact you again. A few months of silence don’t indicate that your ex will never contact you again.

They just mean that your ex hasn’t found a good reason to reach out to you yet. Your ex is probably doing okay and would need to become nostalgic first. This isn’t your fault, nor in your control, though. Some people can’t become nostalgic or empathetic without getting hurt and realizing that their ex deserves respect.

They can’t become curious about their ex unless something difficult happens to them that causes them to reflect and perceive their ex in a better light. This is not the kind of person you want to talk to anyway. If your ex reaches out just because your ex is anxious or needs help with something, what’s that going to do for you?

You were dumped by your ex, so talking to your ex about your ex’s needs and problems would make you feel used. You have plenty of better and more important things to do as a dumpee. Talking to your ex and helping him or her isn’t one of them.

Meaningless conversations and helping your ex isn’t going to impress your ex and bring him or her back. Only strong negative experiences could do that. Experiences that your ex has without you (rather than by speaking with you).

I know you badly want your ex to contact you as your ex’s recognition means the world to you, but try to understand that your ex is worthless to you if your ex doesn’t contact you specifically to get back together with you. Random conversations about work, happiness, and dating will just empower you with hope and prolong your healing.

You’ll be much happier if your ex leaves you alone now that you’re healing and contacts you a year or two later after you’ve made a full recovery and started dating someone else. When you’re in a serious relationship again, you might realize that your ex adds no value to your life. He or she makes things worse as you need to move forward with your life, not backward.

What does it mean when your ex doesn’t contact you?

When your ex never contacts you again, you have a clear sign that your ex’s opinion of you hasn’t changed yet. It remains the way it was when your ex broke up with you as your ex is set on moving on and hasn’t experienced any emotional difficulties or simply hasn’t had enough space and time to cool off and process the breakup.

If you had an ugly breakup, it’s possible that your ex is still angry and bitter and that your ex likes to blame you for the breakup. Blaming you gives your ex power and enables him or her to control the flow of the breakup.

Whatever the case may be, your ex’s inactions tell you that your ex wants to stay broken up and that nothing you say or do will change your ex’s perception of you. Your ex simply doesn’t want to get back with you and give the relationship another chance—and you need to accept that.

If that bothers you, you need to bear in mind that your job isn’t to showcase change and improvement and convince your ex you’re worthy of another chance.

Your job is to stand back, heal, and let your ex think and feel whatever he or she wants. If your ex wants to hate you for something you did or didn’t do, that’s your ex’s problem, not yours. Your ex should make sure that his or her thoughts and emotions are healthy.

So if you want to know what it means when your ex never contacts you again, it means that your ex either associates unhealthy thoughts and emotions with you or sees no reason to communicate with you again. Your ex is in control of his or her life at the moment and wants to focus on the present and the future.

That’s how it should be. Your ex shouldn’t bother you unless your ex has had an epiphany and wants you back. And your ex will want you back when unexpected and painful things happen to him or her.

Most dumpers come back spontaneously. They don’t breadcrumb their exes for weeks and then suddenly decide to be with their ex. Sure, this happens sometimes when dumpers are dating someone they aren’t compatible with and need to wait for their relationship to end, but most of the time, dumpers leave dumpees alone until they know they want them back.

That’s when they start contacting them and trying to get on their good side.

This doesn’t mean that your ex could only contact you to get back with you though. Your ex could also message or call you just to catch up, appease guilt, find out how you’re coping with the breakup, and see how you feel about him or her.

That would, of course, confuse you and hurt you, so you’d need to deal with it appropriately. Ideally, you don’t want to get friend-zoned by your ex. You want to tell your ex to give you space and to contact you only if it’s urgent.

Here’s what it means if your ex never contacts you again.

What to do when your ex doesn’t contact you?

Some dumpees are so hurt by the breakup that they can’t bear their ex not talking to them. They feel so abandoned and worthless that they often do something that intends to elicit a response from their ex. Normally, they post a lot on social media and/or try to make their ex jealous.

But all they end up accomplishing is making things more difficult for themselves as they embarrass themselves and make their ex uncomfortable.

If you’re trying to prove your worth in any way imaginable, you need to stop. Your ex will never fall for it because your ex isn’t receptive to jealousy and attention-seeking tricks. Your ex will see through them and think even worse of you as a result. So don’t do that.

Instead of coming off as desperate, let your ex know you’re fine with not speaking ever again because you enjoy your life and feel secure. Of course, don’t tell your ex that directly. You can send your ex this message indirectly by starting no contact (or staying in it) and letting your ex interpret your lack of initiation any way he or she wants.

If the breakup happened a few weeks ago, your ex will probably appreciate the space he or she receives. But if you continue to leave your ex alone for months or years, he or she may start wondering what you’re doing and who you’re with. That’s because you won’t give your ex a hard time by demanding his or her attention.

The only thing you should do when your ex doesn’t contact you is to contact your friends and family. Speak to people who want to be in your life and make you feel respected. They will help you detach from your ex and encourage you to forget about your ex as quickly as you can.

They may not validate you the way your ex could, but they will keep you company and reduce the time you spend thinking about your ex and planning how to get back with him or her. People, in general, will distract you and make sure that you focus on them rather than an ex who broke up with you and doesn’t want to be with you.

So don’t worry about never hearing from your ex again. If/when your ex contacts you, you’ll likely suffer an emotional setback and wish your ex left you alone to your own devices. You’ll wish you could have stayed happy or at the very least not anxious, depressed, and obsessed with your ex.

Internal peace will be more important than engaging in a meaningless conversation with your ex and feeling anxious because of it. But I suppose you need a bit more time to make more emotional progress and see things clearly. You need to stay away from your ex and focus on yourself.

When you heal, you’ll be okay with not hearing from your ex again. And that’s when you’ll be ready to receive a text or call from your ex.

I hope you’ve learned that never hearing from your ex again isn’t the worst thing in the world. It only feels that way right now because you’re emotionally dependent on your ex and want to hear from your ex to feel better. Share your thoughts below the post.

And if you wish to discuss your ex contacting you with us, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.