If your ex left you for her ex and you’re wondering what to do, the first thing you need to do is stop fighting for lost love. Your ex had thought long and hard before she left you for her ex—and will most likely have to think long and hard before she can change her mind and come back.
She could come back on impulse too, of course, but in that case, your ex would probably leave again because she would come back for herself and wouldn’t be able to develop love and respect.
Love and respect during and after the relationship are essential. They are the two most important feelings your ex needs to feel after she leaves her new boyfriend. As for what she needs to feel before she dumps her boyfriend, it’s disappointment, regret, anxiety, and lots of pain.
In simple terms, before your ex can come back, your ex needs to feel negative emotions for her boyfriend and positive, love-like emotions for you.
But there’s just one problem.
You can’t make your ex love you by force as love is as much a choice as it is a feeling. But you can, however, set the stage for love to develop by asking for lots of space (respect) and showing your ex that you’re a secure individual who won’t beg and plead for another chance at romance.
Nobody knows if your ex will come back after leaving you for her ex, but before your ex can come back, you need to know that your ex will first have to go through the 6 rebound stages.
She’ll have to stop feeling infatuated with her new partner and realize that you’re much better than the person she left you for.
In this post, we’ll talk about what to do when your girlfriend leaves you for her ex.
Why did she leave me for her ex?
If your ex left you for her ex, it’s evident that she’d been talking to her ex behind your back. She’d talked to him, met up with him, bonded with him, and possibly even physically cheated on you with him.
I can’t say what exactly your ex did in your absence because that’s something only your ex knows, but I can tell you that your ex took you for granted, abandoned her morals, and got really close with her ex without your awareness.
She did this because she admired her ex’s attention and made an impulsive decision to chase after his recognition instead of yours.
Although you were her boyfriend, your ex wanted her ex’s attention more because he was the guy she had a stronger emotional bond with in the past.
Please keep in mind that a stronger bond doesn’t necessarily mean a better bond. Sometimes a stronger bond can be an unhealthy bond that is created with codependency, abuse, power imbalances, and lots of ups and downs.
You might have heard that some women (or men) leave their good partners to go back to their abusive, controlling, mean exes. Such people don’t leave their partners because their partners are worse than their exes.
That wouldn’t be logical at all.
They leave them because the unhealthy bond with their exes pushes them to once again feel those ups and downs from the past. I’m talking about the emotions that change back and forth (from positive to negative) on a frequent basis.
You have to understand that people who go back to their exes don’t always appreciate the stability in a relationship. Sometimes they prefer “drama” because drama makes them feel alive and tells them that their relationship is progressing and worth fighting for.
I know this doesn’t make much sense, but unfortunately, it’s true. People often crave unhealthy relationships (especially if they were codependent in them) much more than relationships that were stable and positive for the most part.
They miss how good it felt after they patched things up with their partners and wish they could once again experience that increase in emotions.
Personally, I happen to know a few women who would rather be with a player man than to be with a guy who has his life figured out. I suppose they put a greater value on player men because those men treat women poorly (show them they don’t need them) and by doing so, make women work harder for love and recognition.
Many women eventually learn that an emotionally balanced (mature) person is much easier to work with than an immature, self-centered one. But, unfortunately, they must first get hurt to the point that they make a conscious decision to stop dating immature guys and start looking for someone they can settle down with.
The point I’m trying to make is that not all bonds are the same. When a person lacks rationality, knowledge, gratitude, and willpower, a highly emotional relationship can seem better than a stable relationship.
It can seem more fulfilling even though it’s highly imbalanced.
Here are 5 reasons why your ex left you for her ex.
She went back to her ex! Will it last?
Unless you can see the bad points in your ex’s new relationship, it’d be nearly impossible to predict whether your ex’s relationship will last. Most of the time, only intimate partners know if it will as they’re the only ones who have insight into their relationship.
Anyone other than them is just a distant observer who can only speculate based on the things he hears and sees.
This means that speculation isn’t always accurate. Sometimes it consists of a mixture of personal cravings, high expectations, and lots of false hope. So if you’re wondering, “Will she come back if she left me for her ex,” bear in mind that it depends on the quality of their relationship.
If their relationship is good or about as good as yours was, it probably will last. At least for a while because they’re in love.
But if they haven’t learned much from their breakup and they exhibit the same behavioral patterns as before, then their relationship will eventually suffer the same fate. It will end because nothing significant has improved since the last time they dated.
No matter what your ex does after the breakup, it’s extremely important that you don’t analyze your ex and your ex’s new partner. You shouldn’t know what’s going on in their lives because studying your ex’s every move will kill your hope for reconciliation the hard way.
It will trigger your separation anxiety and made you sorry that you checked up on your ex during a moment of weakness.
So unfollow or delete your ex on social media or deactivate your account. Do whatever it takes to avoid pain and remember that knowing how your ex is doing during no contact won’t increase nor decrease your ex’s chances of coming back.
It will just make you anxious and make moving on much harder than it needs to be.
Your ex left you for her ex because she wanted to make things right with her ex
Whether your ex left her ex or the guy left her, your ex felt responsible for giving her highly emotional relationship another shot. She thought that they or something external had changed and that the relationship will be much better the second time around.
I can’t say if things really have changed because I have no idea what’s going on with your ex and her new boyfriend.
But one thing I do know is that your ex hasn’t changed in terms of honesty and loyalty. Instead of telling you about her ex, your ex hid her ex from you and took the cowardly way out of the relationship by (emotionally) cheating on you and monkey-branching back to him.
In her mind, it was okay to do that because she wanted to do “the right thing.” She wanted to be with the person she was “supposed to be with,” so she left you for him as soon as they agreed to give their relationship another chance.
She may have felt guilty (and possibly still does), but guilt does not mean that she loves you, misses you, or regrets leaving you. All it means is that she’s disappointed with her behavior and that she wishes she didn’t have to betray you and hurt you.
If your ex left you for her ex, you have to understand that your ex either wasn’t over her ex or didn’t have the strength to resist the temptations to get emotionally involved with him again.
Either way, she wasn’t ready to be with you or with anyone other than her ex because he was the only one who made her feel nostalgic.
In times like this, it’s important to refrain from blaming yourself and comparing yourself to your ex’s new guy. She didn’t leave you for him because the new guy was her night in shining armor.
She left you because she hadn’t done the work on herself to process the past, improve herself, and close the chapter with her ex.
If your ex-girlfriend left you for her ex-boyfriend and you want her back, bear in mind that there’s nothing you can (or should) do to get back with your ex. She doesn’t want you to fight for her or compete with her boyfriend because she’d made a choice to be with him.
I know it’s difficult, but her decision is strengthened by love hormones such as oxytocin and vasopressin. This means that she feels strong emotions for him due to the newness as well as the intimate familiarity.
What do I do if she left me for her ex?
If your ex-girlfriend chose her ex over you, you must do your absolute best not to lower her respect for you. You must avoid as many post-breakup mistakes as possible and show her that your world doesn’t revolve around her.
Begging and pleading for another chance or trying to be her friend hence, won’t accomplish what you want to accomplish. It will just tell your ex that your love for her is stronger than hers for you and that you’ll always be around whether she deserves you or not.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to show her that you respect yourself more than her and that she’s not all you have. Nobody’s boyfriend or girlfriend should be the main object of attraction, and neither should yours.
Especially now that she’s your ex-girlfriend.
So try to get over the pain she caused you and live with purpose. Live for yourself first and for a person who loves you (not your ex) second.
Pulling the focus back onto yourself will convey to your ex that you accept the breakup and that you’re not going to waste your time and energy on a person who doesn’t think the same way about you.
After you’ve pulled back, you’ll almost immediately experience a withdrawal and feel a strong urge to reach out. You’ll hurt like never before and obsessively ponder if you’ve made the right decision to leave your ex-girlfriend alone with her boyfriend.
When this happens, it’s of utmost importance that you try to stay busy and adhere to the rules of no contact. Remind yourself that your ex is still in a relationship and that there’s nothing you can do to “steal” her from her boyfriend.
In romantic relationships, people have certain feelings and ways of thinking, so there is no such thing as stealing a person from someone else. The only way you could get your ex back from another guy is the nice way – by waiting for your ex to realize that her relationship is not any different from before and that you’re MUCH better in comparison to her boyfriend.
If you are better and/or if the new guy is downright cruel to your ex, it’s highly likely that they’ll break up when they put their relationship through too many hardships. That’s when your ex will think about getting back together with you and probably start to breadcrumb you in a very heartfelt manner.
If you’re not A LOT better or if the guy is similar to you in many ways, however, then your ex will probably stay committed to her boyfriend. She won’t see a reason to come back because she’ll settle for the person she’s with.
This doesn’t mean that they’ll stay together forever, of course. All it means is that it could take them months or years before they encounter serious problems.
So what do you do if she left you for her ex?
You do nothing. At least not in terms of getting her back from her new boyfriend. You have something way more important to work on. You have to repair the perception of yourself that your ex viciously destroyed.
So start recovering from your ex’s mistreatment and do what you can to forget about your ex. A time will come when you finally stop thinking about your ex and start thinking about the things that matter.
The fact that you’re fixated on your ex right now means that you’ve put your ex on a pedestal and neglected your self-worth. You’ve lost sight of the person who should always come first – you.
Now’s the time to change that. It won’t be easy and it will take time, but increasing your self-worth is the most important thing you can focus on whether your ex left you for her ex, your friend, or a complete stranger she met at a bar.
Get over your ex and get yourself back
If your ex left you for her ex and you want the girl back despite the ultimate betrayal, know that you want her back for all the wrong reasons. You don’t want her back because she’s the most perfect person on the planet.
She cheated on you, after all, so she’s far from your ideal partner.
You want her back because of the bond you’ve developed with her prior to the breakup and the happy hormones she denied you by betraying you and replacing you.
If you rationally think about this for a minute, you’ll realize that your ex isn’t the person you’ve made her out to be. Every fiber in your body is telling you that she is, but the only reason you feel that way is because she treated you really, really badly and portrayed herself as a person who deserves someone better.
She may have been good to you throughout the relationship and you may have taken her for granted at times, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that she cheated on you with her ex and showed you what she’s capable of at her worst.
Yes, we all have demons inside us. We’re all capable of neglecting others and causing harm to them. But cheating on someone you care (or should care about) is nothing compared to our little demons.
Unlike verbally offending someone unintentionally, cheating is a deliberate act that affects a man in a really bad way. It hits his confidence and tells him that someone else is with the person he claimed.
I don’t mean this in a literal sense, of course, but men can be quite territorial and possessive. They don’t always verbalize that they care about a person, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t get attached and hurt.
Of course, it’s not just men who suffer from cheating. Women get affected by cheating too. They tend to suffer from depression more often than men, but they also recover quicker thanks to their exceptional support system.
The truth is that cheating doesn’t make your ex any better than you. It makes her into an impulsive person with poor morals and inadequate self-control.
When you detach and discern that your ex has serious issues to address, trust me that you’ll have an “aha moment” and quickly lose respect for your ex. You’ll learn that your ex didn’t appreciate what she had because she allowed herself to develop feelings for her ex.
Improve your shortcomings and move on from your ex
A week or two into the breakup, you’ll get through the worst separation anxiety and regain composure. You’ll be far from healed, but you’ll be able to perform daily tasks much easier.
It’s super important that you get back on your feet as quickly as possible and use your valuable post-breakup time to improve your shortcomings.
Even though your ex left you for another guy, you should still dedicate at least a few months of your time to discovering and improving your faults. Don’t blame yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, of course, but do admit where you went wrong and how you should have behaved instead.
This will allow you to rewire unwanted behavioral patterns, boost your passion and self-esteem, and allow you to beat any unhealthy addictions and bad habits. The more time and effort you invest in yourself after the breakup, the more you’ll improve and the bigger the maturity gap between you and your ex will get.
You may not notice the gap right away because you’ll still view your ex as the most important person, but as time goes on, the unrealistic perception of your ex will start to crack.
Eventually, it will shatter—and that’s when you’ll discover your ex’s true personality and realize that you’ve outgrown your ex by a mile.
This is the point I’d like you to get to. I don’t want you to talk badly about your ex or hate your ex for what she’s done. That’s not the direction you should move in. Let karma get your ex instead.
You want to get to a point where you say, “My ex cheated on me with her ex. She didn’t care about my well-being in the slightest, but I forgive her anyway. I feel sorry for her actually because she hasn’t learned anything from her cheating. I sincerely hope she doesn’t cheat again.”
If you reach the state of complete neutrality and feel no contempt for your ex whatsoever, you’ll have successfully developed yourself into a person your ex could only dream of becoming.
So strive hard to learn and improve from your ordeal. You probably won’t get another opportunity like this ever again.
She left me for her ex and now wants me back
If a girl left you for her ex and came back, your ex broke up with her ex because of too many old and new issues.
You need to be very careful about getting back with this girl because you could be your ex’s backup option. You could be a stop before the next guy or perhaps even her ex as some exes keep going back to their exes.
To see if your ex is one of those people, test her for patience, willpower, regret, and commitment. Tell her that you’re not sure about accepting her back yet (be firm) and that you’d like to give her 2-3 weeks to prove that she’s come back for the right reasons.
During those few weeks, she’ll have to work hard on improving her communication skills and everything she was bad at before. She’ll have to become afraid of losing you.
Make sure you remain in control of the reconciliation process at all times. Don’t show any signs of weakness and appear extremely elated to have her back or she could take you for granted again.
The point of no contact was to increase your self-esteem and value in her eyes, remember? Don’t forget this part if you’re trying to reconnect with your ex and keep her interested.
The confidence you exude before and during the reconciliation phase is extremely important. So make sure you remain in control of your emotions and the way your ex sees you by balancing out the give-take dynamics in the relationship.
You won’t be playing games with your ex by looking after yourself. You’ll just make sure that your ex sees your worth.
Did your ex leave you for her ex and hurt you badly? Let me know how you reacted to the betrayal by commenting below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.
I’m early 50’s (youthful!), divorced 7yrs and met someone last October I fell in love with. I’m very careful with my heart and it’s the first time in 10+ years I’ve felt that way. I knew after third time meeting her. Then proper love more recently.
The whole period has been magical and special, felt /told mutual and I knew it at the time too – I can honestly say some of the best moments I’ve spent with anybody and that’s coming from experience (not nostalgia). Really fancy her, not one crossed word, great times and fun. She has all the attributes I’ve been seeking in someone, for a very long time.
10 days ago after visiting my parents for the weekend we returned and I dropped her off at hers on the Sunday eve. ‘See you Wednesday’. Monday and Tuesday were quieter on the messages and I sensed something was up. On the Weds I messaged ‘are you ok’ to which she replied ‘no, something happened Sunday, am very upset and think I’m being manipulated’. What I was told on that evening call with her was that a 5-year friend of hers (I knew about and is an ex she had a rel with for a few years, split up 3 times then friends for 2 years – which I accepted) had come round on the Sunday evening, declared undying love, that she meant everything to him and wanted them to be back together. On the 5min call she told me she loved him and that ours was off. Just like that.
She messaged me next day and agreed to meet that Thursday evening telling me she loves me / sorry and will block this person etc. She wanted to meet up again so I agreed just for a chat on the Saturday and see what happens. When we met she reverted to the original story. Said she was being pressured to do this – not sure if that is true or not, she still had a choice and at the end of it she was detached.
I’m totally devastated. It’s so out of the blue and iimmediate, it is brutal. It was only 5 months but the spark, the chemistry, the attraction was almost perfect. There is so much I love about her and what we did together. I have life experience but this is very hard. It took me a long time to find her. On Saturday I deleted all photos, messages, her number and have given away everything she gave me. No contact now and there won’t be.
Your article is excellent and I re-read it again and again – it is all true and makes me feel better for a short period. I can’t help wanting her back so much, but my logic side says it’s over and I need to move on. It’s now only a week since the dumping phone call though and this is going to be a long stretch. I’m still bewildered, very hurt and am struggling to get my head round it.
I’m still in hope she’ll contact me at some point and wish it could just go back to how it was, but I also know it can’t. I’ve got to try and move on but it’s a tug-of-war between emotion and rationality. At the end of the day, I love her, can’t stop thinking about her and picturing all the times we had together. But also of her in the arms of someone else, which is soul destroying.
At my age I can’t face having to go through the long process again of recovery and finding someone else after what was almost perfection – until the end. I also went through something similar in my 20’s and can tell you 30 years later, it hurts just the same like hell. I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe it will help someone else.
Hi John.
She had unprocessed feelings for her ex and got confused when the guy confessed his feelings to her. She got emotional because of his profession and wanted to see if she could take things to the next level with him. This is a good example of why exes shouldn’t be friends and why they must respect their partners.
I know it’s hard and that you feel betrayed, John. The person who claimed to love you monkey-branched back to her ex in a heart beat. This tells you a lot about her morality and attachment. She may have an interesting personality, but there’s more to love than that. Love requires commitment and gratitude, which your 5-month relationship lacked.
Hang in there, John!
Zan
I’ve blocked my ex after finding out she cheated/went out with her ex recently.
Did I make the right choice? I keep doubting myself.
I told her I blocked her and the reason why, and all she did was apologize. Not fight for me back.
Thank you
-Rob Green
Hi Rob.
Try to convince yourself you made the right choice and that you had no other choice. You need to stop doubting yourself to fully move on. Since she didn’t fight for you, you need to fight for yourself.
Kind regards,
Zan
My current ex broke up with her ex a month after seeing me. She thought she will have a better life with me and eventually we fought a lot. A lot. She was unhappy many times no matter what I did to make it better.
I tried everything.
But she broke up with me to be with him..i pushed hard to get her back and I did, she did not get back to him for the 1st time. A year later with more fights, she finally said it again, she is trying tk make it work with her ex
2 years with this girl and she wants to try to make it work with her ex. She is only interested in stable life and a man who will support her. But she does not remember all the times she told me she was unhapoy with him. She does not remember that she was self harming then too. (She self harmed few times with me). Everyone is telling me to run from this girl but I love her so much still. Our daughters love each other too.
Its so hard. I wish she comes back to me but I feel this is the final time ;(
Hi Sajid.
You seem to have a bit of a trauma bond with this woman. The ups and downs and unhealthy behaviors caused you to think she’s the ideal person for you. You must remember that she doesn’t value commitments as much as you and that she’s looking for external validation rathe than working on her issues.
Give her space. If she comes back, she needs to resolve her issues and give you what you need to feel secure with her.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex broke up with me two months ago and immediately started a relationship with a previous partner she met before me.
This guy is an old acquaintance from her high school days, which she often mentioned during our relationship. At the time, I didn’t realize the red flags. She used to mention that there had always been a connection between them, but he had cheated on her and had a girlfriend while they were dating.
Once she found out about his double-dealing, she chose to end that relationship. Just three weeks after that, my girlfriend and I went on our first date.
We entered a relationship relatively quickly and bought an apartment together after just six months. We were together for 17 months.
Problems arose when she became unexpectedly pregnant. Initially, we agreed to keep the baby, which made me happy. Nearly a week later, she had a breakdown and said she didn’t want to continue with the pregnancy, feeling that everything had moved too fast between us. At that point, we had been together for almost 13 months. I went into a deep shock, and my world fell apart.
The abortion was carried out a week later and created significant trauma between me and her. Once the abortion was done, something strange happened. She began to experience anxiety over her decision to have an abortion, blaming it on hormonal changes in her body and the stress that had arisen. She became loving and wanted to continue the relationship with me and try to have a baby again.
We booked a trip to Greece to strengthen our relationship. The trip itself was fantastic, and I felt we were getting closer. Once again, this guy appeared one evening while we were having dinner. She spoke poorly of him and their relationship, saying he was foolish to date her while having another girlfriend. She said she never wanted to meet a guy like him again. But again, I didn’t realize the red flag.
Only five days after we returned from Greece, my girlfriend chose to separate from me one morning. I was devastated and indifferent this time, choosing my self-respect.
She argued that I deserved a girl who wouldn’t have an abortion and would give me the love I deserved, and that she wasn’t that woman.
In the weeks that followed, she chose not to sleep in our shared apartment, claiming to be staying at her mother’s. We only met for a few hours in the afternoons when she came to pick up some clothes and spend time with her cats who still lived in our apartment.
Three weeks after our breakup, I found a chlamydia test in the trash and became suspicious. I confronted her, and the truth came out. She had started a relationship with this guy she frequently mentioned, and they were moving in together. Every evening I thought she was at her mother’s, she had actually spent the evenings with him while I was alone in our apartment taking care of her cats.
She argued that this guy gave her a gut feeling that I couldn’t, even though I was better than him in every way. My world shattered, and I broke down.
Now, two months later, she lives with this guy and is moving all her things and the cats to his place. Just a week after I found out about him, she changed her relationship status on Facebook and posted many pictures of their relationship. I have now unfollowed and blocked her everywhere.
The only thing still connecting us is the apartment that needs to be sold, and the sale is progressing quite slowly. My question is, how can she choose someone who has deceived her before? Will their relationship even last?
Hi Saban.
She probably felt rejected by this guy and never fully got over him. She still found him attractive and considered him important despite the betrayal. She’ll give him a fair chance and do her best to make things work. You indeed deserve better.
As for whether it will last, it’s hard to say. They broke up once, so if those problems haven’t been resolved, they’ll break up again. It takes immense growth not to break up again.
Sincerely,
Zan
I understand that her decisions seem to be based on attraction and desire rather than logic.
But are the foundations of a healthy relationship built in this way doomed to fail? It’s been three months, and I still find it hard to believe that someone I loved so much could treat me like this.
What does this say about her when I share everything? I refuse to believe she’s narcissistic as she has very positive aspects too.
How can someone just forget and erase everything so quickly, as if I were just dust.
Hi Saban.
It seems quickly on to you. She had detached over a few weeks or longer and announced the breakup when love was completely replaced with negative thinking and emotions. Your partner’s love and care depend on her commitment to you. If she isn’t with you, she doesn’t see a reason to treat you as someone important.
Relationships comprise of both logic and emotion. If logic says the relationship isn’t worth the time and effort, negative emotions soon follow.
Sincerely,
Zan
I had bought my ex a house and a car. We lived 6 hours away from each other but saw each other on the weekends. I would drive after work to see her every Friday night. This past Friday night I came home to an empty house. She had moved out and taken everything I had bought to furnish the house and I mean everything.She blocked my phone number, refused to answer emails and was nowhere to be found. She had left teh front door to my house open. She only left one of my duffel bags that had the name tag of her ex boyfriend from a trip they apparently took the week prior. She told me she was taking her daughter for a quick trip. She lied, she cheated and she took full advatage of my generousity. I’m heartbroken but thank God I didn’t marry this woman. She would of drained my bank accounts. I guess thats the only silver lining. My heart still aches for her but I know I can’t force a woman to want or love me. Time is ticking slowly and the pain is like a burning dagger right into the guts. The betrayal is eating my soul.
I dated this lady for the longest, for 3 years to be exact. 2 years close and 1 year long distance. We began having differences when we went long distance relationship, I cleared college and she was still in school.. she started complaining that I wasn’t caring for her. I cared a lot, my job was demanding and my she was my best friend. But we finally broke up.
She went into rebound. Although we were still talking. I kept her close, I was so fond of her. It really hurt me but I managed to keep my cool. She was also keen to be sure we keep close. After about 6 months. She quit the rebound relationship and after 2 months asked if I could take her back. Saying she got peace where I am and that had seen her through so much, we can do life together. But in 3 months of dating again, everything was great, she calls and says she wants a break up citing flimsy reasons like she is broken, she is not ready for marriage bla bla
I pressed her and she confessed she had cheated on me with the rebound guy and couldn’t handle the guilt. After, she calls me crying saying she doesn’t want to lose me and I let her heal and clear her head. This time, I was completely hurt. I have blocked her and cut off all contacts for 3 weeks now. Everyday I am realising how much she had been selfish and how I don’t want anything to do with her. I talked badly to her and told her nasty things the last time we talked. I don’t want to keep feelings of hate but how do I respond to keep her away when she gets in contact, because I know she will.
Hi Boni.
Tell her you appreciate her reaching out but that you need more time to yourself to process everything that has happened. Be polite, but direct.
Kind regards,
Zan
Great article as always, Zan. Would love to read your incite on exes with borderline personality disorder and how they treat break ups.
I would like to know that too
Hi E and Gary. I’ll write an article on BPD soon. Thanks for the recommendations!
Zan
Wow Zan, just when I thought I couldn’t give a shit anymore, this article brought back some intense feelings man.
“This is the point I’d like you to get to. I don’t want you to talk badly about your ex or hate your ex for what she’s done. That’s not the direction you should move in. Let karma get your ex instead.”
This is much easier said than done. I haven’t spoken badly about her to anyone. Heck I don’t even acknowledge her existence anymore but I guess even though it’s been a year now, the feelings of wanting to put her head through a concrete wall (figuratively speaking) seem to still be very much alive – triggered by occasional reminders of exactly what that low class wh*re did. It’s not so much that she cheated (though I will never respect her again that’s certain) but it’s more because she deliberately lied to take advantage of me financially in the end as well. I never had an issue helping her out occasionally when I saw she was struggling but several months before she finally decided to come forth and break up (while all the while she was lying and cheating), she’d accept credit card payments ($10K+), she’d play along pretending to be excited about the trips I would plan for us since I was long distance, and so she would keep the plane tickets but then decide to not want to go on the trip, etc. In my eyes, she’s not only a cheater but a thief who deliberately took advantage of a situation and no, you don’t do this to me. I will never accept it and I think its why those feelings of rage are still alive because had this been in business, I would have destroyed her to no end with absolutely no remorse.
My life is back in order. I am much higher status than she is in every respect. Physically, financially, culturally, socially, you name it and I have never ever had feelings of hate towards anyone or anything in my life. Maybe it’s because I never really cared that much before and for once, when I did, and decided to invest myself, it backfired in the worst possible ways. She had no valid reason to do what she did. We had a honeymoon relationship for 10 years. During last 2, I had to leave long distance to setup a new business that would secure an even greater future (which included her as well) but I guess very few women have the maturity and integrity to remain strong in such situations. I even made it easy by planning 2-3 amazing trips a year but I guess when you’re damaged at the core, nothing in this world can fix you. She went rummaging through the trash of her past and settled back with the loser she lied and cheated on back then as well. What’s worse, he’s younger than she is by about 6 years – she’s 48 (first sign of a pathetic man). Second, he’s cheating on his wife and family with my ex (second sign of a low value man) and third, he’s taken her back like a love struck puppy (we see how well that usually plays out). So in case you’re wondering if she left for someone better, she didn’t. Cheaters settle and go for what’s easy. They’re not worth more and are incapable of attracting more.
Unfortunately for her, I still have access to her entire digital life as I was the one that set it all up efficiently and meticulously for her when we first met considering what a mess her life was prior. If I wanted to, in a matter of minutes, I have the power to completely destroy her existence, and wipe her off the grid leaving her with an impossible and devastating problem on her hands. Pictures, finances, gov’t papers, absolutely everything, gone within seconds without a single trace. You don’t understand the level of self control I fight with on a daily basis sometimes to prevent myself from smashing that button. What’s even more frightening is that I really don’t think I’d regret it or look back for one sec.
It’s very hard not to hate someone when their behaviour is completely unjustified. I’m not even sure where all this rage comes from as I am generally a very happy, carefree, and social person. Maybe it stems from something in my past that I have no recollection of – who knows. Bottom line, no matter how amazing my life is and will continue to be, I’m not sure I’ll be able to forget what she did. If I ever see her again (I hope I never do), I’m not sure how that will play out. I wouldn’t waste a spit on her at this point. That’s how much disgust I have towards her – something I never thought a human being can feel towards another esp. when once upon a time, I believed we would be forever.
All cheating wh*res belong in the streets as far as I’m concerned. As you say, absolutely nothing justifies such behaviour no matter what issues you have with your partner. If you’re not happy, then it’s your job to open your fucking mouth and communicate that properly. Whining and complaining is NOT communication and no one is a mind reader. This is also why more and more men take the red pill these days and give women the 🖕. Female nature needs to be seriously reprogrammed before that ever changes. In today’s world of social media, very few women even know HOW to be in a relationship. Instant gratification will lead women to a very lonely life in the long run esp. when they look in the mirror and realize that sag everywhere. Yes, the wall is very real and high value men don’t settle with women coming from colourful pasts (it’s not very hard to tell btw).
A woman should never ever be anything more than a compliment to your already great life (it’s a win win for both). Men that don’t learn this will unfortunately learn it the hard way ultimately.
Hi DK.
The things you did for your ex and the relationship didn’t mean much to your ex. She wasn’t grateful towards the end of the relationship because she got distracted by someone else and fell out of love. This was going to happen sooner than later, DK. This guy was just the first person she had an opportunity to cheat with.
Your rage stems from being invested in her. You’d ben with her for 10 years which means that you were extremely used to her. You were attached. When she cheated on you and left you, she broke that attachment and showed you a side of her you had never seen before. It hurt so much because you were betrayed in a really bad way. You gave her everyting and she left despite that.
I suppose your ex got she deserved as she got with a cheater like herself. Like attracts like.
I know it’s difficult not to act on the hatred, but you have to do your best to refrain from taking revenge. Do it for yourself (not your ex) and you’ll appreciate it later – probably when you date someone else and tell her about the things your ex did.
Best,
Zan
Always having unique topics.
I still not till the end of the point where you says that phase. But I’m almost there so this is good :))
Thank you Zan for helping us
You’ll get there, Linda.
Give it a little more time!
My ex was with this girl for about 9 months (his first girlfriend). He even “almost” cheated on her once when she was on a three-month trip. The girl’s mother made them break up. We were friends for about 4 years and we started dating about 6 or 7 months after his break up. They were not in contact and he had even blocked her. We even knew the passwords to each other’s phones. We dated for about 3 and a half years and we were pretty serious. We intended on getting married (he was the one who was keen on the idea of getting married and having children) and everything, his family loved me and really wanted us to end up together but we had a lot of fights towards the end of the relationship. Sometimes he’d say things that weren’t exactly nice and made me insecure, I’d constantly ask for more of his time and reassurance which annoyed him. He said he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts but refused to seek treatment all the while talking about starting a family with me which made me anxiety…
Anyways, he broke up with me, blamed me for the whole thing and kept asking me to sleep with him even though I had told him that doing so would only hurt me since I had feelings for him and wanted a relationship. He even kinda forced himself on me once. Neither of us could stay away for long after the break up and we would contact each other one way or another (he mostly did so for sex). We even got back together once but didn’t last over a week. This went on for seven months. He told me the crush he had on his ex and the love he had for me were never gonna be repeated again and he was never gonna feel that way toward anyone else. He told me his feelings for her were intense and they faded as soon as they appeared but that his love for me was like an elevator and that I would always be the love of his life. Then six months after last time he asked me to come over to his place he got married to his ex.
I don’t really know if he cheated since he didn’t go straight back to her but I have my doubts.
Honestly, I don’t want to get back together with him. I just wonder if I’ll ever get the satisfaction of seeing him regret his decisions.
He doesn’t sound like someone you should be with in my opinion. Find yourself a high value man.