My Ex Is Doing Better Without Me

If your ex broke up with you and is doing better without you, you need to know that he or she is expected to do better without you. Your ex is emotionally detached and ready for the solo journey ahead. Unlike you, he or she doesn’t have to process the breakup, get his or her life back on track, and worry about the future. 

The dumper can just focus on the newfound freedom and enjoy life fully. The breakup makes your ex feel relieved and encourages your ex to live in the present moment. This doesn’t mean that your ex doesn’t think about you from time to time.

All it means is that your ex doesn’t feel emotionally attached and in love.

He or she left because of lost feelings, different plans, and a desire to self-prioritize. The thought of investing in you exhausted your ex mentally and forced your ex to develop negative perceptions of you. These perceptions now empower your ex and make your ex want to try new things.

Your ex is probably much more social than before and doesn’t seem to worry about you. He or she likely doesn’t even contact you or contact you often.

On the other hand, if you left your ex and your ex appears to be doing better without you, then your ex is either faking it (trying to make you jealous and envious) or had been wanting or half-wanting to break up with you for a while.

It’s quite possible that your ex was done with you by the time you initiated the breakup or that you were forced to leave your ex when you still had feelings for him or her.

If your parents forced you to break up or your ex cheated and made you leave, you need some time to process betrayal and disconnect from your ex. You need to rebuild your self-esteem, set new goals, and find meaning in life before you can stop caring about your ex.

You shouldn’t expect to instantly get over someone who mistreated you and cared less about you than you cared about him or her. You may have initiated the breakup, but you’re still a dumpee because you didn’t want to leave until your ex gave you no other option.

If the breakup was impulsive (not premeditated), you can expect to go through the dumpee stages of a breakup during which you will slowly regain your composure. You’ll learn to accept injustice and let go of control.

It’s also possible that your ex is doing better without you and better than you because you have mental health problems, financial difficulties, difficulties finding work, issues in the family, or some other unresolved problem that needs immediate attention.

Life challenges can have negative effects on your mental and emotional well-being and make it seem like your ex is doing better than you.

This is especially true if your ex is dating someone new already and appears to be happy with that person. In that case, you fear that your ex has moved on (replaced you) while you’re still dealing with problems and processing the breakup.

You probably expected your ex to grieve, but instead, your ex is thriving and not regretting a thing. Your ex’s happiness makes you feel insecure and tells you that you weren’t as important to your ex as you hoped to be.

Such fears can turn the breakup into competition and make you question your worth as a person.

If you’re going through a lot of stress or dealing with depression or other mental health issues, your ex is probably doing well compared to you because you have some inner work to do. You have to get rid of your stressors and develop ways to avoid triggers.

When you learn how to protect yourself from your inner demons, you won’t care whether your ex is happy or miserable. You won’t feel helpless anymore and wonder if your ex is doing better without you.

Your ex’s happiness simply won’t concern you because you’ll be doing okay yourself.

Currently, you probably don’t know how your ex is doing and how your ex feels. You lack information about your ex’s life, so you assume your ex is doing better than ever.

You probably see your ex’s social media posts and ignore the fact that people only post the best/happiest moments of their lives. They tend not to reveal their unhappiness to the whole world unless they seek pity and support.

If you expected your ex to post sad and depressing things online, you probably expected too much. You expected your ex to feel rejected, regretful, and stuck only because you were the one who left. You forgot that your ex may not have been happy with you either or that you can’t be happy or happier than your ex until you’ve resolved your problems.

So whether you left your ex or got left by your ex, know that your ex may be doing better without you only on the surface. You don’t have insight into your ex’s life and probably aren’t as happy as you could be.

As a result, you assume that your ex must be doing much better than you. You’re essentially competing with your ex in a race towards happiness and think that one of you has to win.

Typically, one person recovers quicker. The dumper or the more detached/less caring person feels better and in control of emotions sooner. That’s because he or she has fallen out of love weeks before the breakup and/or has better support systems or coping mechanisms.

No two people are alike, nor do they heal at the same rate.

But if you consider the breakup a competition and take your ex’s happiness personally, you’ll sabotage your healing, hurt your self-esteem, and want your ex to validate you. In other words, you’ll develop expectations of your ex and struggle to move on.

I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t spend too much time thinking about how your ex is doing after the breakup. As hard as it is, worry about yourself and the things you can do to stay busy. Your ex is trying to stay busy too. He or she is utilizing time and getting used to the new life.

Because of that, your ex appears not to care and to be doing better without you.

In this post, we’ll discuss why your ex is doing better without you or why it seems that he/she is. We’ll talk about this subject from dumpees’ and dumpers’ point of view.

My dumper ex is doing better without me

If an ex left you and is doing better without you, this is completely normal. Dumpers feel free and relieved after the breakup. They feel in control of their lives and have a lot of time to do what they want. If they want to hang out with friends or stay in bed all day, they can do that.

They don’t have any more romantic obligations that require them to focus on anyone but themselves.

Sadly, it’s hard for dumpers not to do better without their ex. The majority of dumpers feel empowered and ready for a new romantic relationship. They don’t cry over the breakup and feel anxious.

They may miss their ex and think about their ex, but they don’t wonder about their ex as often and obsessively as their ex. Their ex feels rejected and depends on them for recognition and happiness.

Dumpers don’t. They abandoned the relationship because they couldn’t see themselves staying with their ex and wanted to be on their own. If they feel worse than their ex, it’s because they didn’t want to break up or because they had problems that needed to be addressed. 

Problems such as codependence, depression, or difficulties connecting with people.

So if your dumper ex is doing better than you and without you, bear in mind that it’d be very unusual if your ex was doing worse. It would mean that your ex’s life isn’t going according to plan and that he or she might regret breaking up.

In that case, prepare yourself for the possibility that your ex could reach out, rely on you for support, or try to get back together with you. Unhappiness drives dumpers to reflect and come running back. The worse they feel, the bigger the chance that they’ll see their ex as someone who can help them feel better.

The thing with dumpers is that they initially display no signs of regret. They’re in the relief/elation stage of a breakup and enjoy their peace and quiet. They’re prepared to do anything to stay euphoric, distracted, and self-oriented. 

They sometimes feel guilty for hurting their ex, but guilt doesn’t bring back their romantic feelings. It only makes them reach out to their ex and seek forgiveness. Oftentimes, they don’t even apologize. They just check up on their ex and see how their ex is doing.

If their ex is doing well, they assuage their guilty conscience and move forward with their life. And if their ex isn’t doing well, they feel guilty and pressured and tend to avoid their ex. What they do depends on their maturity and personality.

So if your ex is doing better without you, know that your ex is supposed to be doing better. He or she left you to be happy and worry about his or her wants and needs.

Your ex is single and can do anything; even date other people. The breakup gave your ex the right to enjoy life without you.

Don’t take that personally. As difficult as it may be, let your ex be free and do better without you. If you try to stop your ex from being happy, your ex will most likely get irritated and say or do something that rejects you and hurts your feelings.  

Instead of telling your ex that he or she doesn’t care about you and the pain he or she has caused, stop checking up on your ex and stay away from your ex. Go no contact, learn how to respond to breadcrumbs from an ex, and avoid learning new things about your ex.

The rules of no contact will help you stop obsessing over your ex and teach you the importance of putting yourself first. It won’t be easy to follow the rules when you feel insecure and anxious, but if you stay in no contact, you’ll slowly detach and stop caring.

You’ll see that your ex can be as happy as a clam and that it doesn’t make a difference to you. It doesn’t change your life in any way, shape, or form because your happiness depends on you, not your ex

Having said that, here are 6 reasons why your dumper ex is doing better without you.

Why is my dumpee ex doing better without me?

If the ex you dumped is doing better than you, it could mean that your ex detached before the breakup, that you were forced to dump your ex, that your ex is pretending to be doing well, or that you’re going through a lot and that your ex is actually doing better.

There is an explanation for everything, including your ex’s post-breakup happiness. Most dumpees feel sad and anxious after the breakup. They’re in so much pain that they can’t even accept the breakup, let alone do better without their ex.

Those dumpees who feel and do better without their ex right after the breakup probably had backup plans or got dumped by a depressed ex with unresolved problems.

Dumpees can only do better without their ex months or years after the breakup. They can do better when they detach, improve their self-esteem, identify their flaws, and become better people and romantic partners.

That’s when they can reap the rewards of their efforts and have a much better/more successful life.

If your dumpee ex is doing better long after the breakup, it’s because your ex took the breakup seriously. Your ex suffered immensely and invested in parts of his or her life that needed the most work.

Because of hard work, your ex’s life improved significantly and now seems better than yours. Your ex has grown whereas you have remained the same.

That’s what breakups do. They motivate or force broken-hearted dumpees to get off their butts, work hard, and avoid making the same mistakes.  

Of course, not all dumpees evolve. The most self-absorbed and the least hurt dumpees blame their ex for all their problems and carry their problems into their next relationship. Such dumpees improve very little about themselves and usually get abandoned again in the future.

So bear in mind that your dumpee ex may be doing better than you simply because he or she didn’t care about you and didn’t get or stay attached. Due to his or her beliefs and perceptions of you, he or she found you entirely responsible and was able to move on immediately.

By moving on and focusing on superficial things, your ex distracted himself or herself and dealt with the rejection better than expected.

How long your ex’s happiness will last is anyone’s guess. But if your ex is seriously underdeveloped, it probably won’t last long. This is true whether your ex is a dumpee or a dumper. An immature, abusive, vengeful, or scarred ex will stay the way he or she is unless he or she really wants to change.

And the chances of a non-regretful wanting to change are slim to none. Many times, people only seem to be doing better. They haven’t actually done anything to outgrow their old selves and secure a brighter future.

So if your ex is doing better than you right after the breakup, keep in mind that your ex probably didn’t care about you when you pulled the plug on him/her. Your ex was probably detached and entertained the idea of breaking up.

However, if it’s been months or years since you left your ex and your ex is doing better than ever, then your ex has probably learned from his or her mistakes and grown since you last spoke. Separation anxiety and depression probably forced your ex to become self-aware and improve his or her life.

With that said, here are some things dumpees improve after the breakup:

• (emotional) maturity (self-awareness, self-control) 
• relationship skills such as communication
• relationship mentality (commitment)
• empathy
• social life/skills
• finances
• enthusiasm
• respect, self-respect, and self-esteem
• attachment styles
• bad habits, behavioral patterns, addictions,
• physical and mental health
• purpose in life

Dumpees can make a lot of improvements, provided they admit they made mistakes and feel regretful. Failure and anxiety can compel them to grow within. Initially, they tend to commit to self-improvement to impress their ex and get another chance with their ex.

But when they get back on their feet and see their ex for the person he or she is, they realize life is too short to wait for their ex and that they can enjoy their life just as much if not more without their ex. That’s when they fall back in love with themselves and stop caring about how their ex is doing.

To conclude, it doesn’t matter how your ex is doing. Your ex’s happiness or the lack of it doesn’t determine your long-term happiness. It just makes you analyze your ex’s life and waste your time.

Every person faces hardships at some point in their life. It’s only a matter of time before your ex hits a snag and stops doing better than you. Until that happens, don’t seek pleasure in your ex’s suffering.

Let karma take care of your ex while you focus on improving yourself and your life. When you become the person you want to be, you’ll be okay with your ex having a new partner or more money. You won’t compare yourself to your ex because you’ll feel secure within yourself.

So work on your insecurities and attachment to your ex and you’ll soon be proud of everything you’ve achieved.

Are you worried that your ex may be doing better without you? What does your ex have that you don’t? Is it something you can’t change? Comment below and let us know.

And if you’d like to talk to us about it, visit our coaching page and get in touch.