Does My Ex Miss Me Even Though We Don’t Talk?

Dumpees often think their ex will miss them if they talk to their ex and remind their ex about the good times. They don’t understand (or want to understand) that their ex needs space and that couples or ex-couples miss each other only if they don’t communicate for a while.

It’s the lack of communication, bonding, interest, and desperation that makes them curious and nostalgic. 

Talking doesn’t have such effects as dumpers see their ex is still around and that he or she isn’t willing to move on and find happiness without them.

Post-breakup communication actually prevents dumpers from missing their ex. It gets dumpees friendzoned and decreases dumpers’ interest in talking and getting back together. It also allows dumpers to move on with a clean conscience and makes the breakup more difficult for dumpees.

Every time they communicate, the dumpee gets confused and prolongs his or her healing.

So if you’re wondering, “Does my ex miss me even though we don’t talk,” know that your ex might miss you a bit. Whether/how much your ex misses you, though depends on how long it’s been since you stopped talking, what the relationship or friendship was like, how many people your ex has to talk to, and how your ex perceives you.

If your ex feels angry and resents you for something you did or how you made him or her feel, your ex probably doesn’t miss you. Your ex remembers you from time to time, but that’s about it. There are no nostalgic or romantic cravings telling your ex to experience the kind of emotions your ex felt in the past.

Your ex can’t miss you when negative emotions constantly remind your ex that you’re at fault for the breakup.

When we talk about your ex missing you, mind you that we’re referring to your ex missing you as a friend. Your ex doesn’t miss you as a partner as that would require your ex to love you and want you back. Your ex would need to acknowledge your romantic worth and want to experience it again as soon as possible.

Since your ex doesn’t have such urges (your ex would have gotten back with you already if he/she did), it’s safe to say your ex doesn’t miss you romantically. Your ex is still okay with the way things are and doesn’t want to reconcile. At the moment, your ex prefers not to speak and wants to focus on more important things and people.

Whether your ex misses you as a friend, though is a completely story. Most dumpers don’t want friendship after the breakup because they want to be left alone and don’t miss their ex.

Those who do miss their ex try to stay in touch without saying a word or verbally express that they want to stay friends. They say they enjoy communicating and encourage their ex to reach out whenever he or she wants to talk.

Some dumpers even say they miss their ex. They say such things because 1)they feel guilty and 2)they need their ex to assuage their guilt. They basically want to use their ex to forgive themselves for causing their ex pain. Doing so helps them move on and not worry about their ex’s problems.

Of course, not all dumpers use their ex that way, but you must keep in mind that dumpers can be deceiving. They tend not to understand their emotions very well, so they think they miss their ex when they actually just miss how they felt when their conscience was clear.

Some even say they love their ex but that they can’t be with their ex. They make it seem like their ex is the best partner for them and that they’re the ones who are foolish for not choosing to be with their ex.

A couple of weeks later though, they get into a new relationship and show how shallow their “love” was. The reason dumpers say “I love you” and do confusing things such as kissing their ex is because they mistake guilt for love.

They think they love their ex when in reality, they feel bad for breaking their ex’s heart, hurting their ex, and causing their ex problems.

They think that by giving their ex hope to cling to (telling their ex they miss them), their ex will be happy, forgive them, and leave them alone. But all they do is give their ex false hope and confuse their ex. They don’t see that giving their ex hope is wrong and that they should abstain from telling their ex things he or she might mistake for actual love.

Dumpers essentially give false hope because they’re afraid of telling the truth. They’re scared of admitting they fell out of love and that they reached out for themselves. Fear of hurting their partner and getting hurt back (cowardice) is one of many reasons dumpers give the impression they miss their ex.

It’s probably the biggest reason why they stay friends and string their ex along.

I know you want your ex to miss you, but you need to understand that if you stay friends with your ex, you won’t give your ex space to miss you. You’ll probably just suffocate your ex and/or show your ex you’re happy to communicate.

Always remember that couples miss each other only if they’re not physically, mentally, and emotionally close to each other. Distance makes them focus on themselves and brings them closer emotionally when they reconnect. The same principle applies to ex-couples.

The only condition is that they respect each other and crave the perks and benefits they had when they were together.

Let me ask you this. Did you miss your partner when you spent a lot of time with him or her? Did you think about your partner and wonder how nice it’d be to do fun things together? 

You most likely didn’t. You couldn’t because you couldn’t miss a person who was right next to you. You can miss a person only when that person isn’t around anymore. That’s when you can start wondering what that person is thinking and doing.  

So if you got broken up with and you’re looking for confirmation that your ex misses you even though you don’t talk, keep in mind that knowing whether your ex misses you or despises you won’t help you one bit.

How will it help to know that your ex misses you? Will it increase your chance of reconciliation?

I strongly doubt that.

Maybe you’ll feel a little bit better, but you’ll also feel a lot more hopeful. You could come up with an idea that you need to take the initiative and talk your way back into a relationship with your ex.

That would hurt you immensely as you’d soon learn your ex doesn’t miss you romantically and that your ex would have come back to you if he or she had romantic feelings for you.

That’s why I strongly suggest that you take your ex’s words with a pinch of salt. If you take them seriously, you’ll keep looking over your shoulder and waiting for your ex’s actions to match his or her words. You’ll expect your ex to come back when your ex has no intention of ever coming back and working on the relationship.

In this post, we answer the question, “Does my ex miss me even though we don’t talk?” Thanks for reading.

Does my ex miss me even though we don’t talk?

First of all, you need to understand that the only way your ex could miss you is if you don’t talk. Your absence is the only thing that could make your ex realize you’re gone for good and that you’re not going to beg for attention, affection, and anything you used to get when you were together.

Now that you’re broken up, you must go your separate ways and focus on yourselves. You must avoid talking to each other and figure out where you went wrong and what you need to change about yourselves. You as a dumpee can do that right now because you have the motivation to self-invest whereas your ex will probably have to do it later.

Your ex will feel the drive to grow when he or she processes the breakup, gets hurt, or regrets leaving. I don’t know when or if your ex will get hurt and want you back, but if the breakup just happened, it’s probably too early. Your ex needs to first do the things he or she wants to do.

If your ex wants to spend more time with friends, your ex must do that. And if your ex wants to date someone else, your ex must do that too. Your ex won’t miss you right now because your ex will feel relieved and empowered by the breakup.

So don’t expect your ex to miss you the way you miss your ex.

That’s not going to happen (at least not anytime soon) because your ex is going through completely different breakup stages than you. Your ex is a dumper, which means your ex needs to disconnect and disassociate from you and enjoy life without you.

When your ex stops feeling relieved and gets curious, your ex could start thinking about you and perhaps even missing you. This depends on how you handle the breakup and present yourself. If you beg and plead for another chance and question your ex’s morals and commitment to the relationship, your ex will likely get defensive and be glad he/she dumped you.

It’s impossible to miss an ex who is constantly in your face, accusing you of things and making you feel pressured, guilt-tripped, and disrespected. Your ex could only miss you after he or she has processed the separation and noticed that he or she no longer has a person to confide in.

That’s why certain things need to happen for your ex to miss you.

First of all, your ex needs to let go of unhealthy perceptions and process the breakup. He or she needs to see that you’ve accepted the breakup and that you’re not a threat in any way.

Once your ex feels comfortable with you, your ex then needs to lack something to miss you. If your ex gets everything he or she needs from other people, your ex probably won’t miss you. Your ex will continue to focus on others and keep moving on.

So what must your ex miss?

The thing your ex needs to miss you as a friend is a familiar face to open up to. Your ex needs to crave a person who listens, distracts, and entertains him or her. If you’re the only person who can do that or the only person who can do it in ways your ex wants you to, your ex could tell you that he or she misses you and decide to keep you around as a friend.

By keeping you around, your ex would have the cake and eat it too. He or she would be able to talk to you and deal with loneliness or boredom whenever he or she wanted.

You probably already know that you mustn’t give your ex friendship and that you need to look after yourself. 

Your ex won’t do what’s best for you, so you need to take charge of your life and say no to friendship. Do that by saying you’re not ready to be friends and that you’ll reach out when or if you are.

The following picture depicts 7 things your ex needs to miss you as a friend:

If your ex feels bad for hurting you, your ex could throw the friendship offer on the table out of pity. That doesn’t mean your ex wants to be your friend but that your ex doesn’t want you to feel abandoned and make him or her feel bad for leaving you. 

Always remember that exes with a guilty conscience could check up on you and do all sorts of things just to give you hope and make sure you’re okay. If you’re okay, they can be okay too because they don’t have to consider themselves to be immoral people.

When you start talking to your ex, though, your ex’s nostalgia could dissipate very quickly. This is because your ex will see you’re okay, process guilt, and feel less emotional. Your ex will stop worrying about you and worry about himself or herself again. 

Anyway, your ex could definitely miss you if you don’t talk after the breakup. He or she could remember the times you talked and did fun things together. That could encourage your ex to want the kind of connection he or she had in the past.

It could make your ex reach out and say that he or she has been thinking about you and missing you a lot.

Just remember that missing comments from an ex seldom mean that the dumper is missing his or her ex as a romantic partner. The majority of the time, it means the dumper wants to be friends and doesn’t want to lose the dumpee completely.

The dumper often wants to keep the dumpee around for support and convenience.

How can your ex miss you romantically?

Your ex can miss you romantically only when things go wrong and force your ex to think about his or her happiness and life choices. When your ex ponders about such things, your ex can conclude that the life before the breakup was better than his or her current life.

Such a realization can make your ex miss you even though you don’t talk and haven’t spoken in a while.

You need to understand that your ex doesn’t need to know you’re still interested in working on the relationship. If your ex knows you’re waiting, your ex will feel much less eager to talk to you and get back with you.

This is because your ex will feel empowered by you and feel no need to hurry up and reconcile. Why hurry when your ex can try other things and people before he or she concludes that getting back together with you is the right thing to do?

So even though your ex can come back if you say or show your ex you’re going to wait for a while, it’s best not to encourage your ex to contact you if he or she changes his or her mind. You’ll leave a much better impression on the dumper if you remain mysterious, look emotionally strong/independent, and do things that make you look detached.

Sadly, you can’t make your ex miss you by force. You don’t have the power to do that because your ex can miss you only when you’re absent and respectful towards his or her post-breakup needs and space. 

Here’s what your ex needs to miss you romantically even if you don’t talk.

You must understand that your ex won’t miss you romantically until things go wrong big time. He or she won’t miss you regardless of whether you talk or not. Communication or the lack of it won’t bring your ex back.

It will take something out of your control to do that. Something important to your ex that your ex fails miserably at.

All you can do in the meantime is avoid making breakup mistakes and giving your ex reasons to dislike you.

So if you’re deciding between leaving your ex alone and contacting your ex to make your ex miss you, know that your ex won’t respect you and miss you if you keep bothering your ex day and night. Your ex won’t get any space from you, so it’s obvious that he or she won’t suddenly become nostalgic and want to be with you.

Exes don’t come back because they see their ex is a good/fun person. They come back when their ex keeps his or her distance and allows them to explore the world on their own. If they fail to find happiness without their ex, they can become nostalgic and miss their ex’s closeness, personality, support, recognition, and love.

But sadly they don’t miss their ex until they realize their ex’s worth. 

So don’t expect your ex to miss you romantically just because you miss your ex. Once again, your ex doesn’t feel the way you do. Your ex is detached whereas you are attached and obsessed. Your ex will miss you when his or her emotions change from not needing you to needing you.

That’s when your ex will probably reach out and try to get back together with you. Keep that in mind so you don’t think your ex misses you now that you’re not talking.

Although there’s a chance your ex is suffering and missing you already, you need to wait for your ex to miss you enough to contact you and suggest meeting up. Don’t do anything until then by reminding yourself that your ex must and will reach out when he or she wants you back.

Your ex will take care of everything you want him or her to take care of because your ex will feel anxious and ready to make things work with you. 

So be patient, adhere to the rules of no contact, and work on detaching. Try to decrease your attachment to your ex so you don’t overwhelm your ex and scare your ex off.

Are you still wondering, “Does my ex miss me even though we don’t talk?” Did your opinion on the topic change a bit? Let us know in the comments below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.