Will He Come Back After A Breakup?

Every broken-hearted dumpee wants to know if his or her ex will come back after a breakup. Dumpees ponder about the breakup obsessively, so they wonder if the dumper thinks about them, has feelings for them, or will have feelings for them in the future. They don’t care about the fact that their ex gave up on a serious commitment and that their ex doesn’t deserve them anymore.

They just want what they want. And what they want is for their ex to realize their worth and return to them as quickly as possible. Upon their ex’s return, they could instantly stop feeling rejected and scared and be in a relationship that means the world to them. 

Dumpees despise the feeling of uncertainty. They especially despise it when it’s mixed with feelings of anxiety and hope because they keep looking over their shoulder and refuse to move on. They think that by moving on, they wouldn’t take their ex back if he or she were to come back.

Sadly, many dumpees would take their ex back even if their ex treated them terribly. This is especially true for dumpees who haven’t grown, detached, improved their self-esteem, and found new/better partners. Such dumpees haven’t found happiness yet, so they still put their ex on a pedestal and want him or her back.

On the other hand, dumpees who are happier than they were in the past don’t regret moving on. They’re satisfied with their life and the choices they’ve made and don’t see a reason to be with an ex who abandoned them and hurt them. They just want to live a peaceful life—and are prepared to do whatever it takes to not feel anxious anymore.

Most happy dumpees are just glad to be over their ex and don’t want to get hurt again. They prioritize themselves, which is something they should have done a long time ago.

So don’t worry about moving on and not taking your ex back if he comes back. Worry about staying brokenhearted and miserable for a very long time. Getting over your ex should be your top priority whether there’s a 99% chance of your ex coming back or a 1% chance.

No matter the odds, you need to detach from your ex so you can see things clearly and decide if your ex truly is a good romantic partner for you.

Right now, you’re convinced that he is and that you need to do your best to reattract him, but when you realize you’re much more important than any ex-partner you’ve ever dated and ever will date, your perception of your ex will change significantly.

It won’t be as good as it is today because you’ll understand your love for the guy is directly related to your self-love. Since you currently struggle to love yourself as much as you need to, you miss your ex more than ever and hope your ex will boost your self-esteem and take your pain away.

That’s why it’s safe to conclude that the bigger your self-love is, the less you worry about the guy who dumped you and didn’t pay much or any attention to you. You should look for healthier ways to boost your self-esteem. Ways that don’t involve getting back with your ex.

Although reconciliation would indeed be the quickest way, it’s also true it’d make you more dependent on your ex and force you to suffer again if your ex were to leave again.

So know that it’s perfectly normal not to obsess about an ex forever. As time goes by, you’ll go through various stages of grief during which you’ll become more and more rational. You’ll learn to focus on yourself and love yourself. Eventually, you’ll see that there’s no point in hoping and praying your ex will return and that it’s much better to invest your energy and time in yourself and those who already love you.

You and your loved ones deserve your commitment, love, support, and everything you have to offer, whereas your ex threw that privilege away and chased the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 

Now you need to focus on anything or anyone but your ex so you can process the separation and eventually stop asking yourself questions such as “Will he come back after a breakup?”

If the breakup happened recently and you’re still anxious, it’s okay to ask such questions. Questions related to your ex help you understand what happened and allow you to find the answers you need to cope with the breakup and function properly.

Conversations about your ex help you by giving you a small sense of control during this difficult time of sorrow and uncertainty.

They don’t, however, do anything to make your ex come back. For your ex to come back, a lot of things need to change on your ex’s end. For starters, your ex must become unhappy with his life and his choices. He must experience regret, anxiety, fear of losing you, uncertainty, nostalgia, and pretty much everything you’re going through right now.

That’s the only way your ex can disassociate negativity from you, fall back in love with you, and appreciate you.

How your ex can experience these emotions and love you for who you are is the main question. I suppose something must go terribly wrong in your ex’s life. Something that breaks your ex’s ego and self-esteem and forces your ex to stop enjoying space. That something could demand reflection, and make your ex want to be with you rather than with someone completely new.

If your ex feels miserable, unworthy, and eager to feel loved and secure, your ex could come back after a breakup. He could see you as a backup plan and try to feel fulfilled with your help.

You need to be ready for that and remember that reconciliations are nothing but backup plans. They happen when dumpers fail to find happiness on their own or with someone else. That’s when they decide to come running back and take their ex seriously.

How long they take their ex seriously after they return is a topic for another time, but the reason they come back has very little to do with the dumpee.

Dumpers may realize the dumpee’s worth, but they don’t come back just because of that. Self-worth is one of many conditions for coming back. The main reason dumpers come back is to get reassurance and stop hurting. They want to feel fulfilled and safe.

In this post, we talk about whether a guy you dated will come back after a breakup. We discuss what makes guys come back and what you can do to maximize your chances.

Will he come back after a breakup?

If the dumpee follows the rules of no contact (leaves the dumper alone), the dumpee does his or her part.

He or she avoids making breakup mistakes and makes sure to retain value and pride. All (and perhaps the biggest thing) that’s missing is the dumper’s realization that the dumpee is his or her best and only option. When the dumper thinks that way, he or she is typically in a lot of pain and is looking for a way to bond and feel secure.

I wish there was a better way to reconcile, but there isn’t.

The dumper usually needs to suffer and have some kind of epiphany, or else the dumper will just move on and date other people. He will not go back to an ex unless he needs his ex to help him overcome some kind of problem. This problem needs to hurt like hell and be unresolvable without the dumpee.

The dumper also mustn’t despise his ex and lack respect for him. A relationship cannot have a new beginning when the foundation on which love is built is severely damaged. Love requires respect, trust, and romantic desires. Without them, your ex won’t come back to you even if something goes wrong.

Your ex will probably confide in someone else and move forward rather than backward. Keep in mind that reconciliation is a longing for the old days. It’s a yearning for a better, but most importantly, a safer present and future.

Your ex can feel the desire and urgency to be with you only when he’s unsatisfied with the present and considers you the only person who can rewind time and instantly make him feel safe, valued, and loved. Don’t expect your ex to want you back just because you had a great time together.

That could indeed help make your ex value you more, but if your ex doesn’t run into unfixable problems, reflect, and need your love, your ex will probably focus on things and people he considers more important.

You probably already know that what your ex does, thinks, and feels is completely out of your control.

You can do everything by the book and your ex still won’t admit that he’s wrong and fall back in love with you. Not all dumpers have the ability to reflect. Many dumpers blame their ex for their faults and refuse to change their beliefs, thoughts, and perceptions of their ex. Such dumpers grow the least as they’re intolerant to opinions different from their own.

They only grow when something bad happens to them and they have no choice but to grow.

So if you want to know “Will he come back after a breakup,” know that it depends on many things. The quality of your relationship, his respect, and his ability to reflect are all very important, but they aren’t as important as his being unhappy. If he’s unhappy and his coping mechanisms suck, he could get tired of suffering and decide to come back even if your relationship was toxic.

I suppose guys with unhealthy beliefs and behavioral patterns come back more often than mature guys. They get into trouble more often, so they also need help more often. That doesn’t mean they’ll stay, though. If they lack the tools to self-invest and work on the relationship, they may come back only for a while until they get tired of taking from the relationship.

So if you’re looking for answers on whether your ex will come back after a breakup, bear in mind that it’s impossible to tell. No one can predict if your ex will get hurt enough to decide to rely on you for healing, comfort, and security. Not even your ex because your ex doesn’t know what the future holds.

All your ex knows is that he’s happy right now and that he should talk to people who make him happy.

So if your ex can’t tell if he’ll come back after a breakup, what’s the point of you asking this question? There is none other than you looking for hope and self-empowerment. You want answers because you’re tired of hurting and want your ex to validate your feelings and give you what you need to feel happy and secure.

But does it make you feel better to learn that reconciliation is for the most part out of your control?

You can go no contact, avoid making breakup mistakes, evolve as a person, and detach from your ex, but ultimately, how your ex feels about you depends on what happens to your ex and how your ex deals with stressors and problems.

If your ex’s methods for dealing with stress and life problems are good, your ex could deal with them without you. Also, if your ex can’t stop resenting you and acknowledge his mistakes, your ex likely won’t return. He’ll just keep blaming you and thinking of himself as a victim.

He’ll come back only if he respects you and needs your help to be happy. And he’ll need your help when things go awry and force him to lower his ego and pride.

Breakups are so difficult because they’re unpredictable. You don’t know if your ex is the type of dumper who would come back. Most people can’t tell unless their ex keeps going back to exes and doesn’t do anything to change his patterns. You probably shouldn’t take a guy like that back because he’s going to leave again when he feels unhappy.

With that said, here are some things that determine if a guy will come back after a breakup.

If you’re reading this article because you want to know if he will come back after a breakup, you’re essentially asking two different questions.

1. Does or will he respect me?
2. Will something go wrong that forces him to rely on me and want to be with me?

Maybe the guy still talks to you from time to time (breadcrumbs you) and shows you that he respects you. In that case, you already know that he doesn’t resent you and that he values you as a human being. But what you don’t know is if he’ll realize your worth and change his mind about you in the future.

Respect doesn’t guarantee love as love requires certain cravings to return. It requires your ex to hit a roadblock and choose a different path. One that he already remembers and knows is safe. If he thinks it’s unsafe to get back together with you, you can forget about the guy coming back.

He won’t return because he won’t feel that he can get what he needs from you (safety and reassurance).

Always remember that respect and safety are prerequisites for an ex to redevelop feelings. You can’t beg and plead and make your ex fall in love with you by force.

What can you do to maximize the chances of your ex coming back?

If you want to maximize your chances of success, you must present yourself as a confident, attractive, and valuable individual. That means you must avoid giving your ex reasons to dislike you and lose respect for you. Do that by telling yourself that your ex needs space to do what he wants and that he’ll never want to be with you if you don’t respect yourself.

And you won’t respect yourself if you reach out all the time, guilt-trip him, call him names, take revenge, and appear impulsive and out of control. Guys despise highly emotional situations. They don’t understand them because they’re rational beings who see things logically.

Only the most experienced and emotionally intelligent guys understand and sympathize with exes who bother them after the breakup. But even such guys tend to eventually get overwhelmed and lose patience and respect. 

So keep in mind that most guys feel trapped and uncomfortable when exes reach out to them and expect things from them. They often get angry or respond by ignoring, ghosting, or blocking their ex. 

If you don’t want that to happen to you and destroy the chances of your ex respecting you and wanting you back when life gives him lemons, I suggest you leave your ex alone after the breakup. Convince yourself that your ex doesn’t want to hear from you and that forcing a relationship will have negative consequences on you and your ex.

It will annoy your ex and make you feel even more desperate to be with him.

So what can you do if you want your ex to come back after a breakup?

Whether you want your ex to come back, be your friend, or stay away from you forever, you need to respect your ex’s need for space and go no contact. You need to accept that the relationship has ended and immediately cease all communication. The sooner you cut your ex off, the less damage you’ll cause to the broken relationship.

Your ex will respect you more, like you more, and think about you more and in a better light if you exude confidence and high self-esteem. He’ll see that you know your worth and that your life doesn’t revolve around him.

That won’t be enough to reattract the guy, but it will make him respect you, which as I’ve mentioned, is a precondition for love and romantic needs to redevelop.

While you’re staying away from your ex, you should work hard on identifying and correcting your shortcomings. Everyone has things to work on, including you. So make sure that you’re a much better version of yourself and better prepared for future relationships.

The breakup is your chance to grow. Don’t waste it by waiting for your ex to come back and making no positive changes.

If you don’t know what to work on, I encourage you to start journaling and sign up for therapy. It should help you discover your flaws and allow you to process the breakup much faster.

How long after a breakup will he come back?

Your ex could come back anytime. He could come back today, 5 years from now, or never. It’s impossible to say when or if your ex will come back because it differs for each person. Some people encounter difficulties in new relationships 3 weeks after the breakup and run back to their ex whereas others experience financial problems a couple of years after the breakup and miss the financial security they had when they were with their ex.

Although superficial matters such as money, a place to live, and looks tend not to be the reasons dumpers come back, they can sometimes make dumpers forget some of the other problems that plagued the relationship and increase their cravings for the past. 

Most of the time, dumpers need to fall back in love with their ex’s personality. That’s how they can quickly develop romantic feelings and realize they need to get back with their ex before they lose their ex for good.

This doesn’t happen when you want it to but when your ex has a realization. And your ex will have a realization when something goes wrong and makes your ex remember and crave the good times.

Until then, know that asking yourself questions such as “Will he come back after a breakup” and “When will he come back” are completely pointless. The answer you’re looking for is when things go south and your ex feels he has no choice but to fall back on plans that make him feel safe and loved.

I hope you’ve learned what it takes for your ex to come back after a breakup. Let us know when you think your ex might come back and what you think you should do to leave a positive impression on your ex. Post your thoughts, suggestions, and questions in the comments below.

However, if you enjoyed reading the article and wish to talk to us about the reasons your ex might come back, get in touch by purchasing our coaching services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.