How Being Cheated On Changes You As A Person?

If you love your partner to bits and your partner cheats on you, being cheated on oftentimes changes you as a person.

The pain your partner puts you through urges you to develop fearful thinking patterns and low self-esteem anchors that prohibit you from being your regular, relaxed self around your partner and others.

Anxiety-empowered emotions caused by cheating essentially change the way you feel and behave as they continuously warn you to be careful about who you decide to trust.

It’s not just women who get affected by cheating. Cheating affects men as well. And just like women, men oftentimes close their hearts off, lose their sense of identity, and question their worth and capabilities.

There’s no denying that cheating affects everyone who invests in their partner, but the extent to which they get affected varies for each person.

Some people get so hurt that they blame themselves for their partner’s actions. They think that they somehow played a role in their partner’s cheating and that if they were better-looking or if they had more emotional self-control that they’d be able to prevent cheating from occurring.

But what such hurt people fail to realize is that they have nothing to do with their partner’s disloyal actions. They aren’t responsible for them even if they treated their partner badly by lying, screaming, shouting, and kicking.

Cheating is inexcusable regardless of whether the couple belongs together or not. That’s why the only person 100% responsible for cheating is the person who committed the sin.

No matter what you said or what you should have done to make your partner happy, it’s therefore, not you who should be taking the blame for your partner’s recklessness.

You may have said a few hurtful words or failed to live up to your partner’s expectations, but you’re only human—and you merely behaved the way you thought was best.

By no means are you innocent, but you certainly didn’t push your partner to cheat on you. That would be ridiculous.

In this article, we’ll discuss how being cheated on changes you as a person and why it takes so long to get over it.

How does cheating change you

How being cheated on changes who you are?

When you love and trust your partner with everything you’ve got and your partner betrays you by cheating on you, it feels like the world’s come crashing down on you.

It feels like you got your heart pierced by a poisonous arrow that left you alive just enough for you to know you got cheated on.

The pain of cheating initially shocks and perplexes you. It causes you to experience gut-wrenching anxiety that can lead to vomiting, diarrhea, and stomach ulcers.

But when the top layers of your skin eventually heal over your superficial wounds, the wound underneath continues to stay open—and requires months or sometimes even years of time before it fully closes.

And that’s only if it gets proper treatment, which consists of a lot of support, self-love, and positive thinking.

While this under-the-skin wound is doing its best to close up, it continues to sting like hell. It reminds you that your partner whom you trusted with your life cheated on you and showed you how little you matter to him or her.

Depending on how strong you are as a person and how self-reliant a life you’d created for yourself prior to the cheating, getting cheated on can change you in a myriad of ways.

If you don’t particularly enjoy your own company very much and tend to rely on others for happiness and well-being, cheating can completely disorientate you.

It can spin you around and take your personal goals and direction in life away from you.

Especially if your ex cheated on you and left you for someone else. In that case, getting cheated will probably shatter your self-esteem into smithereens and leave you with such separation anxiety that it makes you sick.

Long-term consequences of being cheated on

If you got cheated on and your ex left you to fend for yourself, cheating will probably scar you in a way that you’ll doubt people’s intentions for a while. It will serve you as a reminder that people can be deceiving and that they may not always have the best interests at heart.

Consequently, you’ll analyze people’s words and actions like a detective in order to protect yourself from experiencing the kind of pain your ex put you through.

And if you soon don’t let your guard down and revert back to your normal self, you may even develop severe trust issues that prevent you from bonding with others and getting close to new romantic opportunities.

It can affect you so badly that you lose confidence in yourself and your looks and become a jealous, paranoid person who doesn’t trust anyone. Not even your closest friends who want nothing but the best for you.

Cheating can basically make you afraid of that which has happened and spread over to people who are somewhat connected to your romantic relationships.

It can spread to friendships, acquaintances, and even family members.

There’s no telling how getting cheated on will affect you long-term as each person has unique coping mechanisms. We all perceive and react to pain differently.

But if it’s been a long time since you got cheated on and you’re still hurting like hell, know that the pain you feel will almost certainly leave you with negative long-term consequences.

We’re talking about the kind of consequences that will make your future relationships difficult.

Being cheated on can affect your self-worth

Your troubled thoughts combined with wrecked self-esteem can make you think that you’re a horrible person and that something’s wrong with you. It can affect you to the point where you begin to feel unworthy of love and care.

Especially if you let anxiety mess with the way you think about yourself. If you let it do that, the cheating can make you feel worthless as a person and make you fall in the deepest depression imaginable.

And that’s a place you really don’t want to sink in.

Of course, not falling in depression after getting cheated on is a million times easier said than done, but ultimately, you’re the one who gets to control the pain you let in.

If you haven’t been taking care of your personal happiness before your partner cheated on you, you now have to work extra hard to regain control of your well-being.

You have to put in the work that you neglected all those years ago. That’s essentially what the pain from infidelity wants you to do.

It wants you to possess the strength to not just survive a betrayal, but to minimize the damage it inflicts on you as well.

Getting cheated on can change your relationships

Fear and anxieties created by cheating can change the way you behave toward your (new) partner. It can make you act on your instincts (to avoid pain) and by doing so, make you appear jealous, needy, controlling, and insecure.

Cheating can essentially control you instead of you controlling it and cause you to appear very demanding at times. This kind of behavior smothers the person you’re with an tells him or her that you don’t feel comfortable in your skin.

And if you don’t feel comfortable being who you are, your partner knows that you’re going to rely on him or her for reassurance and make his or her life more difficult than it has to be.

So before you reflect your anxious emotional state onto your partner, you should always make sure that you:

  1. Enjoy being yourself.
  2. Trust your partner completely.

If you’re always afraid that your partner will cheat on you, you’ll always walk on eggshells. You’ll let your fears direct you and as a result, become a living radar for threats that could potentially hurt you.

When that happens, your weakened mental state will reflect on your life and affect the way you act towards people you don’t fully trust.

Being cheated on makes you think if your partner ever really loved you

Your partner (assuming he’s your ex now) would have avoided cheating on you if he really loved you and respected you. He would have considered your feelings first and rationally discern whether or not cheating on you and leaving you for someone else is even worth it.

If it was worth it and he didn’t want to be with you, he still wouldn’t have cheated. He’d have taken his moral values into consideration and understand how messed up cheating really is.

He’d know that cheating says bad things about a person—and that he doesn’t want to be one.

So if your (ex)partner cheated on you and broke your heart into tiny pieces, know that your ex didn’t love you at the time when he cheated. He probably loved you weeks or months prior to that—before he started talking to other people behind your back.

And regardless of what excuse your partner gave you when you caught him cheating, keep in mind that his deceitful actions speak for themselves.

They say that he developed feelings of attraction for another person and that he emotionally or at least sexually fell for that girl.

Did my ex ever mean what he said?

The sincerity of someone’s intentions is not based on the words he says, but rather on his actions.

As the proverb says, actions speak louder than words.

Here are a few things your ex may have said to you in the relationship with him:

  • I will love you till the end of time.
  • We should soon start planning marriage and kids.
  • I’ve never been with someone as amazing as you before.
  • I want to stay with you forever and treat you with love and care.
  • Thank you for showing me how to love.
  • I will never cheat on you.

If your ex said such heart-melting things, your ex promised you he would build a future with you. But as you know, promises don’t mean anything if they’re not followed through.

So why did your ex promise you all those great things?

Well, it just so happens that your ex promised you the world because that’s how your ex felt at the time. He enjoyed being with you and liked where his relationship was going.

But the moment that changed and he cheated on you, he threw those promises out of the window and focused on external validation.

He got involved with someone new and discarded everything you’d built as a couple just to keep chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The truth is that your ex cheated because he didn’t care about your feelings. He only cared about his wants and needs—which include his sexual gratifications.

Please remember that a person who’s with you needs self-awareness and self-control to stay with you. Without such basic things, a person can’t control his impulses and stop himself from cheating on you.

How to become stronger after being cheated on?

After spending some time in your dark cave, surrounded by lingering self-depressing thoughts and anxiety, it’s finally time to break free everything holding you back from reaching your full potential.

It’s time to put your missing pieces back together and get your enthusiasm back and.

Here’s how you can do that.

1)Don’t blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity

You should never think that you’re responsible for your partner’s cheating, nor consider yourself a victim. You’re a survivor—a warrior armed with incredible strength and resilience, capable of overcoming anything you set your mind to.

It’s your partner’s lack of self-awareness that caused this to happen, so leave it at that. I know that you’re in pain, but don’t look for more reasons to stay in pain or you’ll definitely stay hurt for longer.

Your thoughts will have made sure of it.

So keep in mind that there are certain things in life that you have no control over. Things such as people’s thoughts and actions.

People get to choose their path by the kind of thoughts they think about on a daily basis. If their thoughts are healthy and positive, they refrain from hurting others and do what’s best for everyone.

But if they’re negative and self-destructive, their actions are negative and self-destructive too.

2)Express what you feel

Getting cheated on and being broken up with are two incredibly painful ordeals people have to go through.

If they recently happened to you and you feel like you’re dying on the inside, don’t keep your pain all to yourself. Try to open up to your family, friends, and professionals who exist for people with personal difficulties.

There’s absolutely no need to be ashamed of sharing your story with others.

I know it takes a lot of strength and courage to confide in someone, but the reward will be worth every word once you get everything off your chest.

Don’t allow yourself to drown in sadness and depression. If crying makes you feel better, cry. If journaling in a personal diary helps you relax, journal.

Do whatever it takes as long as you get rid of the heavy burden that you’re carrying.

3)Never seek revenge

A lot of people contemplate taking revenge on their ex.

if you’re one of them, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel angry. Your ex treated you way worse than you deserved to be treated, but that doesn’t mean you should sink to your ex’s level and fight fire with fire.

It’s not worth ruining your happiness by taking revenge on an ex who doesn’t even love himself. So don’t ever show your ex and others that you’re prepared to hurt your ex the way your ex did.

You don’t need to play God and make your ex’s life miserable for his wrongdoings. Rest assured that Karma will take care of it, so just sit back and relax.

Your ex will have to pay for his actions at some point in life—and you don’t need to get involved. I’m sure you have better things to take care of. Things that won’t make you look like a horrible human being.

If you’re hurt, you likely feel a strong desire to make your ex suffer. You want your ex to feel the pain he has caused you. This is because you have a self-defense mechanism that encourages you to stand up for yourself and retaliate against those who hurt you.

This, however, doesn’t make it okay to take matters of justice into your own hands. Getting even with your ex won’t show him that you’re a strong person who can take care of herself.

On the contrary, it will depict that you’re immature and emotionally weak.

4)Accept that you couldn’t prevent the cheating from occurring and that it’s in the past

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that you can’t change what had already happened and that it’s all in the past.

There’s no point in worrying about could-haves and should-haves. All that matters is that you learn from your mistakes and change and improve the parts of your life that you have control over.

You can take this post-breakup time to improve your shortcomings, correct your thinking patterns, and strengthen your self-love. This is what you should have been engaging your brain in even before the cheating occurred.

But since you likely didn’t, you now have to put in twice the effort.

5)Forgive yourself and your enemies

You have to realize that the only way to move past the betrayal is to forgive yourself for your mistakes as well as the person who cheated on you. You don’t need to force yourself to do it. Just take it one step at a time and process it as fast as your mind and body allow it.

Keep in mind that forgiving the person who broke your heart will lift your heavy burden and open your heart up to new romantic opportunities. It will shape you into the person you need to be, so forgive everyone who ever wronged you.

Forgive those who hurt you and you’ll find peace.

Don’t forgive them, and you’ll become bitter, vengeful, and miserable.

6)Focus on loving yourself

Don’t forget that you possess immense value and that you need to remain of high value no matter what. If you both rationally and emotionally understand this and work toward becoming the best version of yourself, you won’t need to compare yourself to your ex’s new fling to validate your worth.

You’ll feel comfortable being who you are and will, as a result, exude high confidence and high self-esteem.

So tell yourself that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of your lackings. Your ex cheated because of his lackings.

7)Engage in productive activities

Mens sana in corpore sano.

This Latin phrase roughly translates into “a healthy mind in a healthy body.” It implies that our mind and body are connected and that both need to be healthy in order for them to take care of each other.

So what can you do you take care of both of them at the same time?

That’s easy. You engage them in mental and physical activities and force yourself to stay active. It’s the best way to deal with anxiety, pain, and depression, yet so few people do this.

People oftentimes prefer to wallow in self-pity and do absolutely nothing to get out of a rut when they can (with some effort) decrease the time it takes them to naturally process pain.

If only they realized that stress is created in the mind and that it can be avoided by taking appropriate actions.

Actions such as:

  • exercising often
  • reading and studying
  • learning new things
  • socializing and making new friends
  • doing whatever it takes to stay busy

Treat yourself to nice things and do the things you previously didn’t have the time to do. Of course, this won’t instantaneously take your pain away because cheating is difficult to overcome simply by staying busy.

But it will speed up the detachment and self-esteem recovery process by giving you something new and exciting to look forward to.

Just be patient and believe in recovery—and actively work on letting go of your ex.

Take a leave from work if you’re struggling. Go to the place you’ve been dreaming of visiting and get some “me time.” Take a trip miles away and see the wonders of the world if that’s what you’ve been wanting to do.

Just keep your life going because that’s how you’ll process betrayal quicker.

It’s not the end of the world now that you’ve been cheated on. It’s only the beginning as your ex finally gave you the opportunity to find someone who will enjoy your company.

8)Spend loads of time around your friends and family and self-prioritize

Trust me. Talking to your friends and family about your ex cheating on you is going to make you feel a lot better. It’s going to take some of your pain away and help you become happy again.

So hang out with your friends, talk to your family, go shopping, watch movies and have fun.

I know that being cheated on hurts like hell, but you don’t have to suffer alone. I’m sure you have the kind of people in your life that will listen to you and try to make you feel better.

If you don’t, that’s okay too. This website’s Discord breakup community will help you with that.

9)Learn to trust again and meet new people

Don’t be afraid to open your heart to new people. As a rule of thumb, you need to trust others in order to receive trust in return.

So if you want to be trusted, never restrain yourself from meeting new people, making new friends, or simply enjoying a casual talk with random people who want to get to know you.

If you agree with me that you deserve a chance to be happy, embrace the unknown and welcome new friendships and romances.

Doing so will help you live your life the way you truly want to live it.

How being cheated on changed my life

When my ex cheated on me and ghosted me, he hurt me very badly and shattered my self-esteem. His thoughtless actions made me doubt myself to the point where I wondered if I deserved to be cheated on and if I could have been a better person to him.

Such self-torturing thoughts just wouldn’t leave me alone. No matter how hard I tried, I kept blaming myself for his cheating actions. Little did I know at the time that I had very little to do with his behavior. In fact, I had nothing to do with it at all.

By no means was I an angel in the relationship. There were times when I could have acted and reacted to stressors and arguments better. But I don’t think that I deserved to get cheated on even if I was the worst person on the planet.

Those who don’t know my story, my ex used me for nearly 3 years and faked our relationship. He went back to his ex when he eventually got an opportunity to do so.

Needless to say, the pain he unknowingly caused to me felt worse than being struck by lightning. Although I’d never been electrified, it sure felt that I experienced similar symptoms when my ex cheated on me.

My hands started to shake, my brain got numb, and my chest released sharp pain.

Immediately upon hearing the news of his betrayal, my ears started to ring and I couldn’t concentrate on tasks at hand. All I could think about were the false promises my ex said to me when we were growing strong as a couple.

It made me feel so alone, betrayed and abandoned. It was definitely the worst experience of my life.

I thought that the pain would stop once I process what had happened, but that wasn’t the case. Continous self-degrading thoughts kept appearing in my head and eventually convinced me that I wasn’t good enough.

They told me I was useless, stupid, and unattractive—and that I can’t keep a boyfriend who I wanted to keep.

As a result of such thoughts, I became less trusting of people. I started worrying that they will use me and deceive me the way my ex did. It was so difficult for me to let others get close to me again because I didn’t want the past to repeat itself.

I was too afraid to start a new relationship with someone I didn’t trust. That’s why I didn’t date anyone after the breakup for two years. Sometimes, I talked to people, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to start a new chapter of my life with them.

I was stuck in the past just because I didn’t want to get misled again. This perpetuating anxiousness was also the reason why I became so sensitive to criticism and any sign of possible deceit.

Some people laughed at me and mocked me for what I’d gone through, so I became less trusting of people in general. I couldn’t handle more pain, so I stayed on the lookout for anything that could hurt me again.

I reckoned that the best way to go about it is to push people away. And when I did that, my social circle narrowed and I began to trust only my closest friends and family.

After some time, I accepted that my ex was gone and that he was with someone else. I knew he wouldn’t come back, so I let go of hope and went on with my life. It was the best decision I could have made because I was tired of the way I felt because of him.

I just wanted to feel like myself again.

What helped me move on after getting cheated on?

When my ex left me for his ex-girlfriend, I was completely devastated. I couldn’t eat or sleep, but I knew I had to ease my pain somehow.

I figured that the best way to go about it was to take my focus off my ex and put it onto myself.

Focusing on myself and (helping) others slowly took my pain away. It helped me regain control of my life, so I continued to do what worked for me. I went crazy with sports, martial arts, and various productive and enjoyable post-breakup activities that kept me busy.

I spent a lot of time with my friends as well. At some point, my friends even suggested that I sign up for dating sites and get my mind off my ex that way.

I don’t know how they did it but they somehow inspired me to stop loathing myself and showed me how to enjoy life again. I feel forever grateful to them for that.

I must admit that right after the breakup, I felt miserable. I felt so down that I didn’t know how to keep on living.

But as time went on, I soon realized that my ex and I just weren’t meant to be. We were too incompatible in many ways, so I decided I needed to focus on myself and find happiness on my own.

My ex cheating on me, therefore, has a silver lining to it. Although I first developed some unhealthy thinking patterns and negative anchors, I’m proud to say that I’ve already dealt with most of them.

It’s only a matter of time before I overcome the remaining few as well.

I even found someone who understands me better than my ex. So all in all, I’m grateful that the breakup occurred.

I’m slowly letting my guard down around people and reverting back to be the kind of carefree girl I used to be.

Did cheating change you as a person? Have you overcome the challenges that arise with it or are you still working on them? Leave your thoughts below.

14 thoughts on “How Being Cheated On Changes You As A Person?”

  1. Just found out my ex was cheating on me with the girl he is now with .. he was talking to her months before we actually broke up instead of breaking things off with me and telling me he was talking to other people, he decided to lie to me and tell me we were working through things and that i was the only person he was interested in.. trying to recover from being cheated on and left for that same person but it’s really hard.. they look really happy together and are already looking for apartments to move in together

    Reply
    • Hi Diamond.

      Sorry your ex deceived you. This is what people do when they’re afraid of telling the truth. They don’t have it in them to be honest and end things properly. Try not to look at them online. They look happy, but most couples do. At least for a while.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

      Reply
  2. Thank you for this. But…
    I have a marriage of 25+ years and while his betrayal was brief and online/voice/facebook/emails it was still devastating.
    We are still together so my questions on this are more of how to deal with the aftermath of how I feel, how it works and other things.
    The worst part of all this is that I have NEVER ever been jealous or needy with regards to him having female friends, or exes that are friends etc…heck I’m friends with some of them now!
    Now? I find myself freaked out over the stupidest stuff.

    What has me in tatters is that it came out of no where. I have never ever had any reason to not trust my husband completely. Sure we could have been closer….the pandemic and having to take care of a special needs adult son has put a damper on a lot of romantic things we can, or could do…but we always found time for each other. Until recently (last July 2020 is when it started)….

    And to this day I wonder that if I hadn’t finally listened to my youngest son (22), who kept telling me that something was wrong with regards to his dad’s conversations late at night, and finally bothered to look into them…then found what I did….I wonder if he would have actually ended it?
    These are the questions I can’t seem to get over.

    I know when I caught the baloney the first time around and confronted him (Nov2020) and he told me that “”it was just a friendship, they were playing around being stupid, it was nothing and that he was sorry he discussed items that were personal to our relationship with her and it would not happen again”” I trusted and believed him!
    Yet…it continued…to my dismay the stupid fool I was trusted in my husband’s honesty and didn’t for one second believe that the conversations he was having were ‘THAT BAD’. At that time I had only seen a few of them from FB…I hadnt seen the whole context and I hadnt read the daily emails.

    It wasn’t until Valentines day 2021 when I tried to get his attn, to get him to spend time with me, that he kindly pushed me out of his office and said he wasn’t doing anything….that alarm bells went off.

    So I had to start looking deeper; Emails, text messages, FB messenger…it was all there.
    My god how my heart broke when I read that stuff.
    And when I confronted both her and him on it, they acted like it was nothing. She had the audacity to email him back that I messaged her and ask him “What Facebook romance is she talking about” I thought you worked all this out in Nov”?
    I was stunned that she actually thought I was that stupid I couldn’t SEE the FB messages and emails between the two of them.
    I was stunned my husband thought I was dumb enough NOT to have seen the same messages…or that he didn’t realize how BAD they were.
    I asked him “”how could a supposedly innocent friendship with an ex friend be in the dark and secrets? Or that how could a relationship that you said you needed back in Nov keep going? Or that WHY was he spending Valentines night with her talking about sex, when he pushed me out of the room when I was looking for my valentines date?””
    Or things like “Why do I not know anything about her, Why do I not see the messages she shares with him? Why did he spend so much time with her, when I was trying to get US to be together?””
    So it wasn’t just once, that he lied to me, but twice…and again I wonder if I hadn’t bothered to dig on Valentines weekend, would it have ended? Somehow I dont think so. He didn’t strike me as feeling guilty then. Oh he does now. He tore my world a part. He tore our family a part. Even my youngest was part of this and said he was ashamed that hid father would hurt his mom like this….”you dont do stuff like this to a woman you say you love for 25+ years, who tends to your every needs and takes care of your life and children and then throw her our like some old used piece of trash because you want to act like some 20 yr old rock star and stay up until 4am partying with some girl you know nothing about”…
    His cheater had the audacity to think that if we met I might be ok with her, or like her? OMG did she honestly NOT think I read the messages between the two of them?

    So now that it’s ‘officially’ over between “them”….how do I move on?
    Things WERE getting better…mainly because I was letting so much go…but our relationship was more sexual…not romantic. I feel lost. I dont feel loved, wanted, appreciated and I get him to understand that part. I’m jealous of the way he talked to HER that he doesnt talk to me like now.

    He tells me he loves me, wants it to work…that he made a mistake, he was lonely blah blah blah…..
    But, how do I know? How can I trust that THIS is the truth?
    The really damaging things here was the lack of truth to what was discussed between them.
    I have since then spent the time going through 5 months of messages and my god….what I fool I was.
    Here I thought it was about music and instead of being with me, his wife, talking to me, making love to me, spending time with me, he was telling her things like “I wasted 30 years waiting for someone like you”….or “you’re the only one who can make me want to be better”….or “You’re my soulmate, you know that right, we never argue. You make me feel and be a better man”….Was this just drunken BS at 12AM, or was this the truth? I don’t know….it’s only been a few months so Its hard for me to judge what was his BS back then, or if he’s BS is now.
    This has never happened before, so I am playing on a new field.

    How can I trust the man I have always loved since i was 19 to tell me the truth when he wont even admit to the things he said to her? He acts like it was someone else who said it. Maybe it was…he gets upset when I dont want to have anything to do with his office anymore. he gets mad when I ask why he doesn’t treat me with the same love, compassion, sweetness and respect he did to her….and then tells me “You need to chill and stop bringing this up”….how do I do that when I cant even trust my own instincts that wonder if he would have actually STOPPED had he not been caught?
    How can I move on and believe him when he tells me he does love me, that he does want to fix this, that he never wanted anyone but me…when I can easily see he said the same thing for almost 6 months to some other woman he used to date 35 years ago that just recently popped back into his life?

    How can I get back my husband from last year, BEFORE this nightmare started?
    How can I get him to understand that the words I read that were said between them break my heart?
    Some of it was sexual, very much so…some of it was deeply emotional …which I think was the worst for me. Things that no partner should ever share with someone who is not their significant other.

    How do I move forward and trust enough to work to fix things, when I cant trust him enough to believe that if he hadn’t been caught in Feb of 2021, that it would have ended?
    Help!

    Reply
  3. I got cheated several times by the person I’ve loved for 11 years and 6months. I caught my ex chatting with this person and had a confrontation with them. We broke up last 30Dec2018 after finding out that I was cheated on, but my ex never stop calling or texting me and telling me that she loves me very much. I was about to believe her until I saw one post in fb just 2 days ago last Jan2019. So, I decided to end it. But she again said that she wanted to tell me a lot of things until she said that she’s okay with the breakup. So I accepted it, but I became so down until I begged and pleaded, instead of her doing it. I ask reconcialtion, so we talk about it last Ap2019, but she dont want to because shes with that someone already…and to make it easier she said that all three of us will talk and she broke up with the two of us. So I agreed, because she promised me that she’ll fix her life and be a better person.. Not knowing that it was just all an act. Until I found out in July that she’s back with that same person. I was terribly hurt.. Until then, i started going NC.. However my ex never stops sending me missed calls and messages.. She even uses her niece to have a convo with me. But I am decided not to fall for it… So I was able to do NC for almost 14 mons… But right now I am having setbacks after returning to the province where we just live as neighbors.. I saw here with that same person.. I’m not supposed to get hurt anymore.. But I started to develop anxieties again, i can’t sleep, my emotions are down again, having night mares again,.. Same emotions I felt the last time.. I think the reason for this was because, although she’s with that someone already, she kept sending me missed calls whenever she’s not with her partner.. I dont know what she’s doing.. I don’t know how to interpret all her actions.. So while I was reading some articles in this site.. She just sent me another missed call, so I decided to follow one of the advise here and I sent her a message with “Hi. I appreciate you trying to reach out to me since then. But I think we’ve both found some new interests in life so please don’t contact me anymore. I know you’re sorry and want to be friends and I respect that. Perhaps we can be friends someday in the future. Good night.” then she replied the next night with “sorry for everything. Really. Take care always.”

    I want to be a normal person again. I’ve been in a relationahip with her when I was just 16.. So, all my youth days until I was 28, I was with my ex.. So I am really having a hard time coping.. I hope you could give me more advice on how to deal with my negative emotions.

    Reply
  4. My 23 year marriage is coming to an end because my husband cheated. We have kids together so it’s hard to completely get away from him and I so want nothing to do with him. I have to interact because of our kids and it makes me feel stuck, I have to relive the pain every time I see and hear him. I just don’t know how to start to move on. Everything you mentioned is so true to dealing with cheating and breakups. I have been so hard on myself. Thank you for sharing, it was eyeopening that I’m not the only one what would go through thing like this way and it was helpful to read.

    Reply
  5. Currently in 3 months of NC, I was cheated on and while I currently have good and bad days, though I don´t know what she´s up to, It´s enough for me to know that she´s still hanging out with her ex with whom she cheated on me.

    Reply
    • Hi JO.

      It’s best that you remain clueless about her life. The less you know, the quicker you’ll recover and be able to fall in love again.

      Hang in there,
      Angelie

      Reply
  6. I’ve been cheated on in both my significant relationships.

    I have to admit, I did a pretty good job fighting the urge to be paranoid and spy on my second one but the trust is completely shattered now.

    Reply
    • Hi Trevor.

      I’m sorry to hear that you got cheated on twice. Your partners clearly didn’t know how painful it is to get betrayed like that.

      I’m certain they would understand if it happened to them.

      As for your trust being gone, you really have no choice but to trust again. If you’re paranoid and overly suspicious, you won’t be able to relax. You might even come off as insecure and encourage the next person to undervalue you and cheat again.

      So pretend as if you never got cheated on and have faith!

      Angelie

      Reply
  7. I think that the cheat has change me as a person! Don’t trust that much people. I’m still working a lot on myself… but I think I have a long way to do it.

    Thank you for this article and thank you for touching those difficult parts of breakups that not everybody talks about it. Because they use to say your ex wasn’t happy. And this made me feel so bad and sad in that time

    Thank you again 🤍

    Reply
    • Hi Linda.

      Don’t let your ex’s poor actions define you. What he did was very disrespectful to you, hence you should see him for the person he is.
      Keep working on yourself and great things will happen to you!

      Sincerely,
      Angelie

      Reply

Leave a Reply