Spotting the signs that your girlfriend just slept with someone else is usually not very difficult.
The reason for that is that people, in general, are very bad liars and almost always give away various signs of physical and non-physical infidelity.
They do that because they try to conceal their betrayal and pretend that their relationship is better than ever before even though their relationship is hanging by a thin thread. Some cheaters act a bit cold whereas others pay a lot of attention to their spouses and overdo things with them.
Almost all cheaters, however, appear a bit reserved and take some time to figure out whether they should admit to cheating, hide it, or leave their partner.
Although many cheaters try to hide the cheating, the truth is that they tend to forget something very important. They forget that their loyal partner knows them inside out and that he or she will likely realize something’s changed.
Their partner will sooner than later notice their strange, anxious, cold, or distant behavior—and suspect that they recently slept with someone else.
It’s one of the first things that comes to mind when people in relationships start pulling away and suddenly need time to themselves.
Because cheatees love their partners and are observant, it’s normally only a matter of time before the cheater lowers his or her guard and makes a mistake. A mistake that could cost him or her not only trustworthiness but also the relationship.
The thing with cheaters is that as long as they possess a strong sense of righteousness, they find it very difficult to pretend they’re in love. More often than not, they succumb to the pressure of their immoral actions and apologize for their misdeeds.
This happens to the majority of cheaters.
Others try to justify their behavior and blame their partner for their cheating. Due to their victim mentality, they slowly start to believe their own lies and begin to think that their partner’s unsatisfactory attitude is the reason for their unfaithfulness.
Such convictions, of course, make them angry, so they often develop resentments and distance themselves from the mess they’ve created.
In this post, we’ll talk about the 10 signs your girlfriend just slept with someone else. Bear in mind that this post also applies to fiancées, wives, and people who weren’t officially in a relationship.
1)Your girlfriend stopped giving you attention
One of the most noticeable signs your girlfriend just slept with someone else is if she’s suddenly nowhere to be seen.
If she disappeared out of nowhere and is minding her own business as if she was single, you have a clear indication that she doesn’t wish to communicate and bond with you and needs more alone time.
She’s probably too afraid to face you head-on and get caught red-handed, so she’d rather do what cheaters do best.
Hide.
When your girlfriend doesn’t give you the attention you deserve, you can assume she’s avoiding you for a reason.
It could mean that she:
- likes someone else
- kissed him and got intimate with him
- feels confused
- blames herself
- doesn’t want you around anymore and needs space
You can always tell how your girlfriend feels about you by looking at her actions. If her actions are warm and loving, your girlfriend loves you and cares about you.
And if they’re cold and ruthless and her attitude isn’t improving with time, then she’s probably seeing someone else behind your back, and it’s only a matter of time before she leaves you for him.
It’s impossible for her to date two people at the same time, so the only thing she can do is to distance herself from the person who makes her feel the weakest emotions (you), shut down her feelings for you, and focus on the new guy.
By focusing on him, she doesn’t have to worry about reaching your expectations and making you happy. She can just live in the fantasy she’s created and not worry about a thing.
2)Intimacy is suffering
Another great sign that your girlfriend just cheated on you is when you notice that intimacy, bonding, and love-making have taken a huge toll.
When your romantic relationship suddenly goes from lovey-dovey to aloof, you can tell that something cut the love supply.
This something can, of course, be stress, health problems, or life matters, but when your partner doesn’t express love for many days in a row, you’re left with only 2 reasonable explanations:
- Your girlfriend doesn’t love herself enough (she’s depressed).
- Or she doesn’t love you enough.
It’s your responsibility to look for signs of whether your girlfriend just slept with someone else or if she simply needs some time to herself to deal with things that are bothering her.
You can do this by watching her attitude and reading through the rest of the signs written in this article.
3)You’ve caught her lying about who she’s with and where she’s at
The third sign of infidelity is when you catch your partner lying about important matters couples shouldn’t lie to each other about. Lying is bad for the relationship because it destroys relationship standards (what’s allowed and what isn’t) and makes it difficult for couples to trust each other.
Some lies you shouldn’t take lightly are lies about:
- current whereabouts
- who your girlfriend is with
- what she’s doing
- whether she’s doing anything illegal or unhealthy (addictions, gambling, drinking…)
- what her plans for the future are
The main reason why lying to your partner can be a big sign of cheating is that it portrays disrespect. It shows that you care a lot more about protecting your image than you do about the feelings of your significant other.
And that’s something your partner really doesn’t want to find out. If she does, she’ll probably realize that you’re capable of committing even bigger relationship killers than lying.
The same goes for your girlfriend.
If you catch her lying about important matters, it’s evident that she doesn’t respect you as an equal and coincidentally—doesn’t care about hurting your feelings.
She subconsciously thinks that her life is way more valuable than yours and that she can do as she pleases even if she has to lie about it. That’s why lying in a relationship is one of the biggest signs your girlfriend cheated or is going to cheat soon.
Bear in mind that for most people, cheating is not deliberate as people don’t like to be branded as cheaters. Most people cheat because they get a chance to cheat when they lack the skills, morals, and willpower to prevent it.
4)She’s suddenly paying more attention to her looks
One of the best physical signs your girlfriend just slept with someone else is when your girlfriend changes her wardrobe and starts taking care of the way she looks.
If she’s suddenly trying to appear more attractive “for no apparent reason,” she probably wants to impress someone she just met.
This could be her new colleague, friend, or anyone she recently started talking with and getting closer to.
It may not necessarily mean that your girlfriend cheated on you already, but it nonetheless indicates that she could be in the early stage of attraction – the stage before she falls for another person and cheats.
As her boyfriend, you don’t need to stalk your girlfriend to see where she’s going. But you do need to pay attention to her change of physical appearance as it may be one of the signs that your girlfriend is going to sleep with someone else.
5)She seems more reserved, quiet, or spaced out
When your girlfriend’s personality suddenly changes to a more reserved personality type, your girlfriend is likely feeling anxious about her unfaithfulness and is doubting her commitment.
She’s probably thinking and plotting her next move and trying to hide her infidelity by acting “natural” – the way she usually does.
But this isn’t something she can unaffectedly do because cheaters normally can’t pretend to be their regular selves. They’re too guilty and overwhelmed with anxiety to act as if they didn’t do anything. As a result, they act nervous, worried, ashamed, and sometimes even overzealous.
Chances are that your girlfriend is acting out of character too. Unless she’s used to faking her demeanor, something as simple as mimicking her natural behavior has likely become a challenge for her. It may have made your girlfriend appear extremely cautious of her words and actions.
Or contrarily, if she’s the self-aware type, she may even try to hide her anxiety and appear more energetic.
The point is that no matter how hard she tries, she won’t know how to act because she won’t know what her regular self feels like.
That’s why most of the time, a girlfriend who just cheated on you won’t only appear stressed and unhappy around you. She’ll also look and sound very quiet and reserved and make you wonder what’s going on with her.
So if you want to uncover the truth and find out whether your girlfriend cheated on you, talk to her about the sudden change of character.
Ask her if anything’s been bothering her recently and if she wants to talk to you about it. Chances are she will decide to end her internal suffering and confess her immoral actions. She’ll want to come clean.
But if she doesn’t feel guilty or guilty enough—then she’ll probably just continue to pretend that everything’s okay. What she does depends on her moral values and how difficult the cheating has been on her conscience.
6)Your girlfriend stopped making plans with you and is making excuses
When your girlfriend tells you that she can’t or doesn’t want to see you (especially in an impatient way), you have one of the signs your girlfriend just slept with someone else.
The reason why this is a sign of cheating is that your girlfriend wouldn’t normally stop seeing you out of the blue.
She wouldn’t avoid you like the plague if it weren’t for some third party or something she badly needed to pay attention to.
Even if she was genuinely busy, your loving girlfriend would soon try to make it up to you. And she’d do it in a kind and respectful manner.
If your girlfriend stopped making plans with you out of the blue, however, you have every right to be suspicious of her loyalty. You need to look out for yourself because you deserve to know the truth even if it’s hard for her to tell it.
Sometimes cheaters have someone else but don’t want to admit it. They tend to delay telling the truth or breaking up for so long that they build a strong connection with the new person and physically cheat with him.
That’s when they start planning their departure.
So if your girlfriend is currently emotionally cheating on you (building a connection with someone else), know that she’s extremely limerent and is about to go through the stages of a new relationship. You must sort things out with her as quickly as possible so you don’t get hurt by her impulsive actions.
7)You see her going out more than usual
Your girlfriend going out a lot more than ever before proves that she’s been enjoying spending time with other people and that a big portion of her attention is outside of the relationship.
Although living separate lives is important in romantic relationships, going out frequently can also be detrimental to her loyalty to you.
If couples don’t appreciate each other and express gratitude often enough, their relationship can undergo a loss of attraction when someone new comes along.
The reason for that is that the new person can instantly appear more attractive in contrast to the long-term partner and eventually become a huge threat to the relationship that has slowed down over the years.
He can basically make your girlfriend lose attraction for you and entice her to monkey-branch into a relationship with him.
So if you noticed your girlfriend going out a lot, keep in mind that you’ve got one of the signs your girlfriend cheated on you or is about to cheat on you.
You’ve got a sign that she’s starting to think a lot more about her needs rather than yours and the two of you as a couple.
8)You’ve caught her on a dating app
If your girlfriend recently installed a dating app such as Tinder and talks to a lot of guys, this is, unfortunately, one of the more obvious signs that your girlfriend just slept with someone else.
You need to understand that dating apps and websites are an indication that people aren’t content in their romantic relationships and that they’re looking for someone new.
They may at first only entertain the idea of chatting with other guys. But after they’ve developed feelings for another person, they usually get confused and have a big decision to make.
They either:
- Realize what they’re doing is wrong and delete the app.
- Or feel so pulled toward the new and exciting person that they want to become exclusive with him.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that dating apps are for single people. Those who aren’t single lack respect for their relationship and often cheat.
9)She’s continuously texting late at night
Another great sign your girlfriend just slept with someone else is if she continuously stays up late at night texting people.
Texting before sleep proves that she’s met someone whom she fancies and wants to get to know better. It’s the most reasonable explanation for infidelity because one just doesn’t spend every night texting friends.
She would soon get bored of texting friends and find something else to do. Something like sleep, for example.
This is why we can safely conclude that a girlfriend who frequently stays up late at night is up to no good. She’s spending time with someone you aren’t aware of and doesn’t want you to be aware of.
She just wants to keep getting closer to the new person and keep him from you.
If you see your girlfriend online texting or even worse, calling people in the evening or late at night, bear in mind that the person she talks to must be important to her. He must be someone she confides in and trusts enough to spend evenings and nights with.
The same is true for the person she talks to because if she wasn’t important to him, the guy would be talking to his girlfriend, sleeping, or doing something else.
And that’s why your girlfriend texting at night could easily be an indicator of high attraction and infidelity.
10)Body language
The 10th sign that your girlfriend just slept with someone else is her body language.
Observing your girlfriend’s body language is important because her body tells you how she feels about you.
It tells you if she likes you, doesn’t like you, despises you, or feels repulsed by you. Even though your girlfriend may be able to deceive you verbally, her body likely won’t do a very good job at hiding her emotions.
Your girlfriend would have to be an experienced liar and incredibly knowledgeable about her body language to give you the impression that nothing happened and that she’s still into you.
Some of the signs you need to look out for are:
- avoiding eye contact
- closed-off body language: crossed arms, legs, not facing you during conversations
- nervous body language: sweating, shaking and twitchy movements, swallowing saliva, excessive face-touching
- pretending to be busy
- staring at you during a conversation, blinking unnaturally, appearing stoic
- spacing out
How to catch your girlfriend cheating?
To catch your girlfriend cheating, you don’t need to stalk her or read her text messages. You don’t even have to confront her about it.
All you have to do is talk to her about her sudden change of behavior and observe her reaction.
If she reacts negatively, gets angry, or throws a tantrum, your girlfriend will probably muster up the courage to tell you about her cheating.
She’ll admit to infidelity and possibly even blame her behavior on you if she’s immature and lacks understanding of her actions.
However, if she doesn’t use the opportunity you give her to open up and confess, then bear in mind that she might continue to lie to you until she detaches from you completely and leaves you for someone else.
That would be the easiest solution to her problems because she would jump from one relationship to the next.
So unless you have some kind of proof that your girlfriend cheated, try not to accuse her of it. She might genuinely be busy with friends and activities and needs time to do the things she enjoys.
Did you notice any of the 10 signs your girlfriend just slept with someone else? Are you worried that she cheated? What do you intend to do about it? Leave a comment in the comments section below.
However, if you want to look for signs of infidelity with us, check out our coaching options.
About that, i have a girlfriend who slept in a guys house after the guys party. They slept alone after everybody went. She hid it until i found out after some months but she even swore she never fucked him, i gathered courage to ask the guy but he also refused. Advice me on this, should i leave her?
Hi Vincent.
Try to talk to her about it in a respectful manner. Encourage her to be honest by saying you won’t get mad and that it will help her as well as you. A confrontation won’t make her want to open up. It will make her want to hide it more.
Leave her if she refuses to talk about it and doesn’t care about your feelings.
Best,
Zan
Two other signs I’ve experienced are:
Her becoming very suspicious / jealous about my whereabouts, phone use, friendships. Things like her going through my phone during the night or accusing me of being untrustworthy. I think this stems from a cheater projecting their own untrustworthiness.
Second is trying to pick fights over petty things. Cheaters try and justify their behaviour in their own mind that you aren’t good enough for them, or the relationship isn’t working. Creating fights is a sign they have something to hide use as a distraction.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Stan.
Accusational behavior can indeed be a projection. Many cheaters start suspecting their partner of hideous things when they’re the ones who did them. And the second sign is also very true! They often cause arguments in hopes of getting dumped.
Sincerely,
Zan
Girlfriend toke off one random night and stayed at this guy’s house who supposedly was just a friend but lied about it and erased all her messages to him. Claimed she was there just doing him taxes and had him send me messages about it but it was a month before the night she toke off, he also claimed there were just friends but I cam tell he’s lying about something.
Not to mention she told him we’re not even a couple anymore which set off a red flag to me big time.
Then just recently looked at what she erased and was messages to him about meeting up for the day and so I messaged him asking if I need to be concerned he immediately messaged her and didn’t reply back to me.
Just had our 15 year anniversary and just wondering if I should take a step back and let her have some space? Just I’ve spent a good portion of my life with this person so isn’t like I’m walking away that easy.
Hi Jeremy.
You should definitely take a step back. Whether she’s cheating or not, she’s lost interest and wants to do other things. If you stay in her life, you’re going to smother and guilt-trip her. It’s better to walk away with pride and let her come to you if that’s what she wants to do.
Kind regards,
Zan
My friend works as a stripper and spends a lot of time out with girlfriend Sometimes Her daughter goes out too Late at night She also in love with a guy in jail and won’t let him go.
Hi Keith.
Try to talk to your girlfriend about this. If you can’t communicate openly and effectively, it will be hard to grow your love and stay together.
Kind regards,
Zan
I will be honest with you if I caught on to 3 or 4 of these signs there would be know beating about the bush, The very first question would be ok who is he. Next would be well if your that into him just pack your bags and leave as I will not play second fiddle to anyone. Lets see how long it lasts when he knows your his responsibility now.
Oh and don’t bother coming back when it all goes south I don’t except used returns.
Now if you think I am joking here think again because life has taught me the hard way that the best way to deal with cheater is total indifference and just be glad to be rid of them..
Love yourself first and only then can you be safe from the disappointment that cheaters cause.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you shared. I just turned 40 and been with my husband 25yrs (married 16yrs). I’m just now seeing the truth about who I’ve been with. I’ve been going round and round trying to make sense of it.. I’ve started questioning myself and compromising things I used to be very clear and confident in. Your comment reminded me of… Right is right and wrong is wrong. What is my choice going to be?
I’ve been with my wife for 7 years and have a 6 yr old son together. I have no evidence of her cheating, I have asked her outright and she calmly told me that nothing has ever happened and I have nothing to worry about. She doesn’t hide her phone or act differently( that I have noticed). So why can’t I get it out of my head that she has been unfaithful?
We have spoke about our relationship and that we have been taking each other for granted and we have been getting a bit more sexual recently. I just can’t shake this feeling.
Hi Steve.
If she said she didn’t cheat, you’ll have to trust her for now and do your best to rebuild the connection. Ask her if she noticed you’ve both been neglecting the relationship and if she’s willing to do something about it. If she is, take it seriously and make sure to stay motivated to work on the relationship. But if she isn’t willing to cooperate, then it’s possible she has other plans. Talk to her, Steve. Relationships can’t survive without communication.
Kind regards,
Zan
She is just very good at compartmentalising what she is doing or just in the early stages of the relationship and trying to see who she would be best with as the other guy is probably married, some women are real experts at this and if I was you I would look for another phone (Burner Phone she has hidden somewhere) because if she is so confident about you seeing her phone she has another one you don’t know about.
The more sexual recently, gives the game away 100% as she is trying to keep you off track until she is ready to Monkey Branch.
You have to get ahead of her and be the one to control the Narrative hear otherwise your screwed.
I would suggest keylogger for a computer if she uses one tracking software in her car or on her phone as if she uses it she will be clearing it immediately.
If all that fails a P.I just to be sure keep it all to yourself though for now as if she is innocent (which I am 99.9% certain she isn’t) then you don’t want to rock the boat so to speak. But understand this, Protecting your marriage and yourself is 100% on you and screw what anyone else says about privacy or being controlling because in the end your the only one who can.
I’m dealing with the same thing. Three months after my child was born his mother got a U-Haul and moved out after an argument, with nowhere to go. She remained staying here with me having sex All the time every day and it was amazing,but mainly accusing and arguing with me. She began staying with her sister and now tells me she slept with someone to get over me. In the same conversation she told me she seeing a psych doctorFor her postpartum depression. I don’t know what to feel about the last few months or about her anymore. I saw the signs but she was around me all the time and doesn’t have communication with many people.I honestly trusted her. But after reading the signs I’m beginning to think it took place before she admitted it. That’s why she fought so hard to find reasons to dislike me. Now I have so many unanswered questions.
Hi Wes.
It’s normal to feel anxious and want answers. The best way to ease your worries is to talk to your girlfriend about it. If you’re still together, try to have a peaceful conversation about it. Talk about why she did it and ask her if she’s prepared to put the work in.
And if you’re not together, then talk to friends, family, or therapists. Find the answers you’re looking for with the help of people who care about your well-being and want the best for you.
While you’re healing, try to identify your mistakes and shortcomings—and start to improve them. You can’t undo the past, but you can be stronger and wiser in the future.
Best regards,
Zan
I will be honest with you if I caught on to 3 or 4 of these signs there would be know beating about the bush, The very first question would be ok who is he. Next would be well if your that into him just pack your bags and leave as I will not play second fiddle to anyone. Lets see how long it lasts when he knows your his responsibility now.
Oh and don’t bother coming back when it all goes south I don’t except used returns.
Now if you think I am joking here think again because life has taught me the hard way that the best way to deal with cheater is total indifference and just be glad to be rid of them..
Love yourself first and only then can you be safe from the disappointment that cheaters cause.
The same thing happened to me. My wife’s family helped her maintain her lies until one of them got drunk and let it slip that she had a full relationship with another man. This is heartbreaking. I stayed silent about it until not only I found out she was sleeping with another man, she was sleeping with a black man. She’s never showed any interest in anyone not white. I can’t trust her or her family. Now she knows.
My fiancé and i live together i caught her a year ago have a sexual conversation with her ex who is married she around that same time became super distant with me and has told me it’s because i have not helped her financially. I had just started my own biz and COVID started a month after i have been struggling to make ends meet and help around the house. I told her how this made me feel and she blocked him. I asked her to let me see her tell him that it was over between them but she never did just blocked him. Not after that i caught them texting back and fourth again. We don’t have eachothers passwords or anything i never thought we needed that. But now she always on her phone has a smile on her face and won’t tell me who she talking to she deletes all her messages and i noticed he is unblocked on her Instagram account. When i confronted her she denied it first then hours later told me it because when the 25 year old son comes to town he the only way to know. But he 25 the kid has her number he a grown man. I have caught her in numerous lies about talking to him. She doesn’t ever message me when I’m gone accept you find out if I’m On my way! Home or how long I’m gonna be. I caught her talking shit about me to her best friend and family. I have had a twisted feeling in my gut for a long time now and i am about to throw in the towel. I feel that even if i ask her she not gonna tell me anyway she will just lie about it and make me out to be controlling or abusive. Any feed back would be greatly appreciated. I have thought about send dudes wife all there messages but don’t want to hurt his wife. She is a kind lady and i don’t want to be the bringer of bad news. Am i wrong? I confronted him calling him out and he immediately blocked me and stayed away for a while then all of a sudden my girl and i got into a fight and i unfollowed her on Instagram. When things were good again i fallowed her and noticed his ass is unblocked? What should i do? I love her but i don’t think i deserve to be deceived like this.
Let her go, she’s already compromised & the truth is at this point your making excuses for her infidelity. Let her go, she’s already cheating bro.
hi well i am the gf and yes i had cheated on my bf going on 2 years now and i did not tell him my self but the person i had cheated with told him and that was wrong allowing the other man to give the bad news but he has the choice to stay or move on and he stayed but made me pay for it everyday up till today even tho i thought that after hw had cheated on me with more then 5 women and some being my friends and then the ones i am 90 % sure he had cheated with them i just did not have that 10% concrete evidence to say anything because if i am going to say something i will have to no 100% that way i do not end up looking like he dose now not to mention he may have a baby on the way with his ex that he has been fucking sorry about my choice of words the hole all most 2 years i have been with him so about 2 mouths ago we had split and he had her here the next day not to mention i live 3 doors down so i felt the best thing for all of us was for me to just stay with a friend well that ended in to more then what i would have thought then as i was happy moving on and staying out of his way to be happy lil did i know i am sure you all no he was not happy at all and then i got that text can we meet and talk if he had not help all of my jewelry from me knowing i would coming running to get that at any cost seeing it had been from my sons that are my all i would have no gone but i was week and did all he did was cry the i love you i am a fool please come home we will start over fresh for both and i love him and yes i would have loved for that to have happened so i told him i will give him 1 mouth to show me because there is so much more to this story but i will be here for to long but he did so much bad hurtful stuff to me so i cam back 2 weeks i was so in love and happy then he tryed to take one of my bff that is a man away and doing so he had gone back to the ex that maybe with child that may be his or 5 others so now in our new start he has cheated 2 times that i no 100% of could be more now he is starting to make it all about me and calling me names and just not letting go i love him and i just wish he could let go i mean a baby is a big thing i willing to except if be his so tell me what you think about my current night maar
My girl friend has a baby with me, but I noticed that she’s acting weird towards me each time I try talking to her concerning our shaky relationship. Every move I try to get close to her she gets even farther and each time I ask her if she’s seeing someone else she denies.
Give her a lot of space, could be post partum or another person, just leave her be focus on your grind & your child, birth is a big change in a woman’s life.
Me and Girlfriend live in two separate households. We just had a son in May and our sex lives went down after the baby came. I understand the postpartum part but I know she is back to herself 100 percent. Now it’s been 3 months since we had sex and it just been Once a month. I was trying hard to do things with her and she doesn’t give me that same energy back. She would say were when and how? I know having a new baby now that he six months old now, it’s hard for people to watch him. But I tried to make arrangements with her telling her who going to watch her and everything and I just don’t understand. But she does have him 5 days out the week and I have him on weekends. But I feel like all I do is work and watch him. I wanna be intimate with my woman, but she sleeps and tired a lot because of him during the week. But tired all the time really. I have feeling she did but no proof it’s like when a woman feels there man is doing something that’s how I feel about her. How do I ask her have she had sex with someone else? How do I know if she had sex with someone else?
I will be honest with you if I caught on to 3 or 4 of these signs there would be know beating about the bush, The very first question would be ok who is he. Next would be well if your that into him just pack your bags and leave as I will not play second fiddle to anyone. Lets see how long it lasts when he knows your his responsibility now.
Oh and don’t bother coming back when it all goes south I don’t except used returns.
Now if you think I am joking here think again because life has taught me the hard way that the best way to deal with cheater is total indifference and just be glad to be rid of them..
Love yourself first and only then can you be safe from the disappointment that cheaters cause.
I think my woman is cheating we used to be in love and we live in two different states but i go see her every month but lately she only texts me twice a day if im lucky and her ex just bought her a new living room set and bedroom set while i wasnt there
Yeah, an ex buying a couch and a bed for her (or rather… them) is quite an indicator, omg.
Hi, I cant believe my wife did it to me and I accidentally found out on her cell phone after buying her a new one and using her old cell for myself. She didn’t logged out from What’s app and just had uninstalled it which means her chats history was still on the phone and when I logged with my number I saw her chats appearing and I founded out she had been talking to guy for more than 8 month and arranged to meet in Thailand when she was going on a business trip. I read the conversation full of intimacy and sex chats and I discovered she brought him to her hotel after spending time shopping and eating and going to massage together. they kissed and touched according to the chat but I know they didn’t have sexual intercourse. i know my wife ha been having some dissatisfaction in my behaviors as she thinks i am too calm in troubles she face with my family and friends and always accuses me of not defending her the way she expects me. it is because i feel really ashamed with her behaviors in front of my friends and family as everybody considers he to be hypersensitive and overreacting. i have never succeeded to discuss it and she acts in way to me that all my friends and family members believe she doesn’t really love and care about me and it is me who is giving her all my attention and love. we have been together for 10 years and got married last year. it is the third time i found her dating with others and having romantic and sexual conversation with them. It is really the worst thing happening to me since i have been truly faithful to her in all these years and have never talked to any girls and even think about them.I have been trying to forget it this time too but it really hurts. now she says she doesn’t want to live with me as there is no trust in me about her which bothers her. she told me she is sorry about what happened. but i started to accept she doesn’t love me really and im trying to tell i to myself. but it really hurts after 11 years of trying to be nice and a real lover. since i was 23…
You need to leave her, focus on your purpose and give it time.. there will be no other man that will treat her like you did. Be confident in That and know that most guys are cheats and dogs and just want to fuck. Once your wife discovers this she’ll be back. That’s when you take your power back and go into alpha mode and focus on your goals, women and purposes 💯
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Very good article, Zen. It’s even funny after reading and seeing that many of these tips applied perfectly with my ex who I dated for 6 years..
6 months ago she started acting super weird, she always enjoyed going out a lot and I never cared that much until she started disappearing from her cell phone for hours, which we never did to each other. I started confronting her after she spent the whole weekend thinking about missing work on Monday and I thought she was going to do something with me and then she went out with a coworker. I asked her to show her cellphone conversations about them agreeing to go out with him and she declined. I said the way it was next time, we’d better end the relationship. She apologized and said she knew she was wrong.
2 weeks later she said she was going out with him on a Saturday, which was weird because even though I never mind her going out with other people, she always asked me if there was any problem with her doing that. Again she did the same thing, obviously already wanting me to break up with her. When we got home we had a fight and I said we had better end the relationship. In the other day she said she was feeling pressured by her mother and me and said she needed some space. 2 weeks later without us talking I texted that I was missing her and she said that too but that she needed to sort out some things we could see in person a week later. I started to find her conversation super weird and as her google account was logged into my computer with some gut feeling to find something I started searching her history and that’s when I saw she booked a hotel room with her ” coworker”. I called her and asked if we could see each other the day she rented the room and she started lying saying that she was going out with her best friend, then I lost my temper and said I knew what she was going to do and then she started talking that I had broken up with her. hahahah
After we met in person she continued lying and making accusations, which loved me but would be impossible to reactivate the relationship.
Guess what, 2 weeks later they were dating. I heard from her mother. Her mother was betrayed by her husband and left for someone many years ago so it was something that made her very sad to know that her daughter did the same thing to me, until today I get calls from her asking how I am.
Sorry Wesley, betrayal is painful, please know that it gets better! My ex spouse was a cheater and I’ve dated others who have cheated before. I think cheaters are quite weak on the inside, they find it difficult to put themselves in the shoes of their partner and are so insecure, unsure and self-focused (or narcissistic and arrogant… due to insecurity) and can’t see beyond their own “needs” or pain. It’s sad, they are not living fulfilling lives by any stretch of the imagination.
Also, a book given to me that helped is “Living and Loving After Betrayal” by Steven Stosny which helps you get out of the cycle of thinking about the pain and incorporating healing things and solidifying your own identity while dealing with your pain.
You do not need your ex, you deserve much better than that… everyone does! That must be comforting that her mother reached out to you.
Truly hurtful stuff Zan….its sad how something beautiful can turn into something so profoundly ugly and painful. I know all about it! As I’m recovering from an 8 year relationship where she just acted so callous and distant towards the end….I have no proof of her infidelity but to be honest I wouldn’t put it past her nor anyone for that matter! It’s been a long 5 months post break up with a very bad ending. I hate to say I miss her so much. Thank you for the amzing insight you steadily provide us with!
Hi Dave.
It’s truly unfortunate that many relationship end in a tragic way. I can assure you that this happens only when couples aren’t self-aware and strong enough to control their impulses.
You should, therefore, try to rationally and emotionally understand that your ex wasn’t emotionally intelligent enough to treat you with dignity.
Thank you for reading!
Zan
I can’t help it. My co-worker did this to her boy toy and husband. She was sleeping with both of them at the same time and tried to start a family with both. Dumb blonde tried to get me fired so I exposed her. Ya, we know you cheated on your white husband you’ve been using with a black guy. Trailer trash with no morals. This lying woman was sending me pictures too. I have the evidence. I can’t believe her husband lets her post naked pics on snap. You know these white boys say “once you go black we don’t want you back.” Both her and her husband belong together. Both racist and clueless, bound to get an STD. Payback for trying to get me fired!