Ex Came Back After I Gave Up – Why?

When your ex dumps you, your ex knows that you want to stay in a relationship. Your ex feels how badly you want to connect and sees that you’re willing to do anything to give and receive love. The thought that you’re prepared to jump through a bunch of hoops to keep the relationship going empowers your ex.

It makes your ex feel in control (in too much control) and repulses your ex the moment you come too close to your ex and expect too much. Your ex just doesn’t like the idea of you being into him or her significantly more than your ex is into you because that makes your ex feel like a superstar rather than an ordinary human.

But when you stop trying to explain why you should be together and give up on your ex altogether, something amazing happens. Not only do you feel relieved from the lack of unhealthy attachment to your ex, but you also indirectly let your ex know that you see things logically and that you don’t find your ex worth chasing.

You value your emotions, health, and time and don’t want to invest them in someone who doesn’t deserve them.

This, of course, doesn’t make your ex come running, but it does tick one of the boxes your ex needs to come back.

Self-respect. ✅

It makes your ex see that you value yourselves more than you value him or her and that if your ex doesn’t want to be with you, someone else will. Someone will give you the things you want to progress in life and feel fulfilled.

And the awareness of that is what could cause your ex to feel a sense of urgency and come back to secure a place in your heart.

Don’t get me wrong. Jealousy is usually not something that brings an ex back because the dumper is detached and doesn’t care about who you’re with and what you’re doing. The dumper wants to move on and often thinks about getting back into dating or is actually dating someone else already.

That’s why to come back, your ex needs a good reason to come back.

Other than respect, your ex needs many other emotions, including fear, anxiety, a need for validation, a desire to reconnect (love), nostalgia, and regret.

The best way your ex can start feeling these emotions is by interacting with other people and trying to create something meaningful with them. If your ex fails and becomes nostalgic, your ex comes back. And if not, he or she continues to move on whether you’re over your ex or still broken-hearted.

To your ex, it doesn’t matter how you feel unless your ex broke up with you just to manipulate you into caring and giving him or her power.

So all in all, giving up is the most important thing you can do as giving up demands respect from your ex. It depicts strength, high self-esteem, independence, assertiveness, and all the alpha traits the dumpee should depict.

On the other hand, showing up at your ex’s door, calling your ex at work, annoying your ex’s friends, and reaching out to your ex proves the opposite. It shows that you lack control over your emotions and actions and makes your ex see that he or she can’t benefit from you even if he or she were to come back.

Today’s article will explain why your ex came back after you gave up.

Why did my ex come back after I gave up?

The reason why your ex came back after you gave up is that you stopped pushing your ex to do what you wanted your ex to do and focused on enjoying your life instead. You proved that you live independently of your ex and that you can have what you had with your ex with someone else.

And that’s what affected your ex’s self-worth. It made your ex wonder why you pulled away all of a sudden and stopped making your ex feel reassured, empowered, and loved. It also made your ex feel that something had changed and that he or she needed to find out what.

This is the simplest explanation of why your ex came back after you gave up.

A more complex explanation is that your ex wanted to feel power, control, and validation without committing to you. Your ex both loved and hated the way you could make him or her feel because on good days, you gave your ex power and on bad days, made your ex feel smothered.

This went on for a while until you decided to stop chasing and prioritized yourself. That’s when your ex stopped being negatively affected by you (stopped feeling pressured) and started to crave the one thing your ex liked receiving from you (power).

As a result, your ex felt that something was missing and returned to you to feel important again.

Bear in mind that dumpers who return just for power usually leave again. They get validated by their ex-partner and have no other reason to stay. To stay, they need to feel the want and need to invest and take from the relationship. They also need to give up their power and do what their ex wants them to do for a while.

So if you’re wondering why your ex came back after you gave up, it’s because you started valuing yourself. Rather than worshipping your ex and making yourself look bad, you’ve discovered your own worth and forgot about your ex’s. This, in turn, made you mysterious and caused your ex to wonder about you.

Your ex had probably spent some time thinking about what you were doing, who you were with, and why you stopped supplying him or her with validation and various relationship benefits. Your ex needed answers. That’s why after some digging or reflecting, your ex learned that he or she still needed you and that the best way to get the things he or she needed was to give you something you needed.

That something was commitment.

Now you need to figure out if your ex has what it takes to stay or if he or she came back strictly to take things from you. You can do that by studying your ex’s attitude, open-mindedness, willingness to grow, investment in the relationship, lessons your ex has learned, and feelings your ex feels.

But before you do that, learn about the 6 possible reasons why your ex came back after you gave up.

My ex came back after I gave up on my ex emotionally

If your ex came back after you stopped pestering your ex, your ex probably came back for power and control. Your ex felt that you weren’t into him or her anymore and that you might have found someone or something more entertaining and fulfilling.

But if your ex came back after you gave up on your ex emotionally (when you detached), then your ex had probably spent enough time without you to realize that he or she wasn’t very happy. Your ex must have been miserable for a while and then came back to feel fulfilled, secure, happy, and the way he or she felt in the relationship with you.

As someone who got dumped, you need to figure out what made your ex regretful. Was it stressors, fears, self-reflection, or was it dates with other people and the grass is greener syndrome wearing off? Discovering the root cause of your ex’s return will help you decide if your ex is being honest and even deserves another chance.

So don’t just take “I realized I made a mistake” for an answer. If you want to trust your ex and have a loving relationship with him or her, your ex will have to open up and tell you what he or she went through to realize your worth.

This is important because most dumpers don’t realize their ex’s worth willingly through mere reflection. They see their ex’s value when theirs drops and feel they have no choice but to reconnect with an ex they respect, value, and desire.

Therefore, detachment for you was crucial. It sent a message that you were coping with the breakup while your ex was struggling with unpredictable events and was afraid of being forgotten. Detachment made your ex see that you were in control of your life when your ex reached out and desperately tried to gain assurance and control.

It’s the difference in power, self-love, and control that attracts many if not most dumpers because dumpers want what they lack and can’t have.

So if it’s validation, support, and self-esteem that they lack, they normally respect their ex for possessing these qualities and want them for themselves. To have them for themselves, however, they must return to their ex and then figure out what they can give in return.

Dumpers who want you back don’t just want you back because you’re a nice person. They want the full package, which is to receive certain relationship benefits and stop feeling certain unwanted feelings. The less prepared they are for life without you and the more unfortunate they are, the more they need you back and want a relationship with you.

Exes come back when you moved on

Some say that exes come back when you moved on and imply that dumpers can feel your detachment without any information or understanding of what’s going on with you.

But if you ask me, they don’t come back because you’re connected on a spiritual level.

They come back because they:

• can’t see what you’re up to
• know what you’re up to and don’t like it
• fear they’ll lose you forever (possibly to someone else)
• see you respect yourself and don’t value them much
• no longer feel about you the way they did when they left
• can’t find happiness or the kind of connection they had with you

The reason why dumpers come back when you’ve moved on is that you don’t care about them to the point where you lose sleep over them. Your life is back on track and doesn’t depend on people who left you to chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Dumpers who come back after you’ve moved do so because you have what they don’t. And what you have is stability, peace, plans, self-certainty, and safety.

When you’ve moved on, you’re the most attractive you can be. That’s because you ooze confidence and prove you have what it takes to get over a breakup and find happiness again. You prove that you don’t find your exes as important as your exes thought they were and that all you need to enjoy your life is yourself.

So if you’re wondering why your ex came back after you gave up, bear in mind that giving up was the only thing that made your ex see your worth and want to commit to you. It was the only thing that inspired your ex to lower his or her ego and want to be a part of your life again.

Did your ex come back after you gave up? Why do you think your ex started investing in you when you stopped investing in him or her? Let us know what you think below the post.

And if the post didn’t answer your questions and you want to talk with us 1-on-1, sign up for breakup coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.