It’s Been Months And I Still Think About Her

If it’s been months and you still think about your ex very often, know that this is completely normal. Most dumpees think about their ex even though months or years have gone by since the breakup.

Why is that?

It’s because the breakup has caused them such emotional turmoil that they don’t have a choice but to think about their ex. They need to think about their ex because they’ve turned their ex into an object of obsession and haven’t found a way to break their obsession.

At least not yet. They still need to process the separation anxiety their ex has forced on them or learn to stop obsessing about their ex and worry about themselves.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex just a few months after the breakup, you obviously aren’t ready to forget about your ex just yet. You’ve first got to detach from your ex emotionally because only then you can stop thinking about your ex rationally.

This means that you have to do your best to focus on yourself and keep moving on. Do what gives you strength and makes you feel good because things that do that will distract you, empower you, and make you leave your ex behind.

Make post-breakup mistakes such as talking to your ex and sleeping with her, however, and you’ll keep thinking about all the good moments you shared with your ex and crave your ex’s love and validation.

The best way to stop thinking about your ex, therefore, is to start doing things that give meaning to your life. It may seem difficult at first (especially if the breakup happened recently), but stay self-focused long enough and you’ll soon start to notice that you obsess about your ex less and less every week.

You’ll notice that you care about yourself more than your ex and that your ex is just an ex – a person you couldn’t make it work with.

You just have to be patient and remember that breakups take many months to get over. A few months is nothing compared to how long it usually takes people to get over their ex. So don’t try to get over your ex before you’re able to do so.

I know you’re tired of thinking about your ex all the time, but if you made it through the first two weeks of a breakup, you’ll soon get your ex out of your system for good. You probably won’t even notice your ex is gone because you’ll be focusing on yourself.

The title of this post is what to do if it’s been months and you still think about your ex-girlfriend. Just so you know, the information here applies to female readers as well.

It’s been months and I still think about her

If you still think about your ex a few months after the breakup, try not to worry about that too much. You’re still processing the breakup and regaining your independence.

You may not be in denial or in excruciating pain (anymore), but you still have to go through the rest of the stages dumpees goes through.

This means that you’ve got to heal from the rejection, rebuild your self-esteem, regain your happy hormones, get used to living without your ex, and become genuinely interested in yourself and the people around you.

Getting all these things done doesn’t happen overnight. It happens gradually over the span of many months. Some dumpees accomplish these tasks in just a few weeks, but most dumpees need much, much longer than that.

Heartbreaks bring dumpees to the ground and make them lose direction in life. They force them to deal with unprecedented emotions, which is why it takes them a very long time (8 months or so on average) to deal with those emotions and do everything they need to do.

How fast they recover and reach their post-breakup goals depends on:

• How developed they are by the time they get broken up with
• How good their self-esteem is and how emotionally strong they are
• What they do or don’t do after the breakup
• How their ex treats them

If they’re highly emotional and don’t do anything to address their emotions, dumpees tend to stay in love with their ex. They beat themselves up for their mistakes and the things they should have said and done differently.

However, if they feel victimized and think hateful and vengeful thoughts, they usually blame their ex and refuse to change much about themselves. Unhealthy emotions make dumpees angry-obsessed with their ex and delay their recovery.

The only emotions that help them move on are emotions of forgiveness, acceptance, and self-love. Such emotions make them focus on themselves and the people who care about them.

Of course, it won’t be easy for you to focus on yourself and forgive your ex if your ex betrayed you in a nasty way and started dating your best friend just a week ago. But if you give yourself time to get over the shock, you should be able to slowly accept the outcome and stop caring about the things your ex did to you.

At first, you’ll likely refuse to forgive your ex as forgiving someone who mistreated you or took you for granted sounds stupid. You’ll feel that forgiveness is the last thing your ex deserves.

But as time goes on, you’ll feel less emotional about it and discern that holding grudges and resentments is hurting you and not your ex. That’s why you’ll probably (hopefully) decide to move on with your life and stop creating emotions that hold you back from enjoying your life.

So if it’s been months and you still think about your ex like she’s some kind of drug, understand that you were emotionally invested in your ex and that you need time to let go of your expectations, plans, and feelings for this person.

Just how you gradually fell in love with your ex, you’ll have to go through certain stages to fall out of love with her. It takes time. But the more you focus on yourself and the better you feel, the quicker you’ll recover and increase your happiness and independence.

How do I stop thinking about my ex months after the breakup?

Whether it’s been 3, 5, 10, or 12 months since your ex broke up with you, you’ve got to do the things that make you busy and encourage you to think about yourself.

If you stay busy as much as you can, I guarantee that you’ll detach the most and think about your ex the least. You’ll just need to create a breakup plan that doesn’t involve your ex.

For the first time in a long time, you’ll have to pretend as if your ex doesn’t exist and do the things you love to do.

This may seem like a waste of time, but trust me, it’s not. The things you focus on will distract you from thinking about your ex and eventually, break the attachment and obsession bond you have with your ex.

As I said, it won’t happen overnight, but it will make you feel a little bit more in control of your thoughts every day.

Not only that. If you focus on the things you enjoy and try to improve your flaws, you’ll also benefit from the breakup and develop yourself into a better person. You’ll grow from this ordeal and have better relationships in the future.

So all in all, you have nothing to lose by investing in yourself. Only things to gain.

Just make sure to stay active—and you’ll see that as much as it hurts, the breakup is still on your side. It’s ready to help you grow in ways that will make you into a stronger, wiser, and better person in general.

So what are some of the things that will help you stop thinking about your ex months after the breakup?

You probably already know what to do, but if you don’t, here are some things you can try.

The key to getting over your ex is to stick with the ideas long enough for them to crystallize into a definite plan. You won’t see any positive results in terms of detachment if you give up when you’re having a hard day.

I suggest that you give the points above everything you’ve got for 30 days. It should be enough to notice improvements in the way you think, but most importantly, feel.

However, if you feel that you haven’t made any progress, then you should consider getting professional help and perhaps even medication.

Leave your ex alone

I sound like a broken record every time I talk about the indefinite no contact rule, but if you want to stop thinking about your ex, you’ll have to stop doing things that make you think about her.

You’ll have to stop talking to your ex first of all. And secondly, you’ll have to stop checking up on her and asking people what she’s been up to.

It’s validation-seeking and information about your ex that does the most harm to you and causes you to obsess.

So break free from your ex by putting some distance between the two of you. You can’t expect to regain control of your thoughts and emotions if you constantly seek your ex’s approval and hope that she’ll back to you.

To be completely independent, you have to start acting as if you already are. That’s the quickest way to detox from your ex and grow your self-love.

So if it’s been months and you still think about your ex more than you’d like to admit, remember that you need to be brave and cut your ex off.

You have to start looking after yourself now because your ex probably won’t. If she talks to you, she’ll probably just friend zone you and let you settle for less than you deserve.

Cut yourself some slack

If you constantly get upset with yourself for thinking about your ex, that obviously won’t help you very much. If anything, it will make things worse as it will connect strong emotions with your ex and make you feel even more dependent on her.

So whatever you do, don’t set any unrealistic deadlines for your healing. If you expect to stop thinking about yourself by a certain date and that doesn’t happen, you’ll feel sad or frustrated and delay your healing.

It’s much better to just focus on the things mentioned earlier and deal with pain or ex-thoughts as they come.

Don’t reject them when they arise. It may seem counterintuitive, but try to accept them and tell yourself that they’re a part of your detachment process.

If you learn to control the way unwanted thoughts make you feel, you’ll be able to live with them as if they didn’t exist. You’ll basically become resistant to unwanted ex-thoughts and stop thinking about them.

You’ve got to understand that your brain won’t force you to think about your ex if you don’t give it a strong emotional response. On the contrary, it will get bored of it and focus on things that stimulate it more.

Things like your job, ambitions, hobbies, and friendships.

So deal with your ex-thoughts as if they were any random thoughts and you’ll stop thinking about your ex as fast as you can.

Has it been months and you’re still thinking about the girl who left? Share your breakup experience in the comments section below.

And if you’d like to talk 1-on-1 with us, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.