As we all know, romantic rejections are the worst predicaments most of us go through at least once in our life. They cause us unbelievable separation anxiety, fear, and depression and force us to experience unbearable pain.
But if you think that there’s nothing worse than hearing your partner say “I don’t love you anymore,” you’re mistaken.
The worst pain you can experience is when your partner cheats on you and monkey branches or when you get ghosted after a serious relationship and have no idea what you did to deserve it and where your ex (a person you got attached to) is.
Please remember that ghosting after a serious relationship is a serious offense and that it has nothing to do with how good and reliable dumpees were.
It has everything to do with dumpers and their ability to deal with suffocation and other unpleasant emotions people encounter from time to time.
By ghosting someone who loves them, ghosters essentially reveal how unprepared they are to handle difficult emotions and what selfish actions they’re willing to take to get what they want and be happy.
They do this because of their self-absorbed nature, extremely poor moral values, and insensitivity—as such things prevent them from putting themselves in their partners’ shoes. They make it impossible for them to understand that what they’re doing is wrong and that their immoral actions are going to affect their partners.
So if you got ghosted after a serious long-term relationship and you’re blaming yourself for something you did or didn’t do, stop right away! It’s not your fault your ex ghosted you and showed you how little you mattered to him or her.
It’s your ex’s fault as your ex proved that he or she is incapable of treating romantic partners as well as other people with care and dignity. Your ex probably treats them well when he’s happy. But when your ex feels overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, angry, or worried and needs to resolve his or her problems maturely, all your ex can do is run.
By running, he or she can avoid dealing with a situation only mature people can deal with.
In today’s post, we’ll talk about ghosting after a serious relationship. We’ll talk about what kind of people ghost their boyfriends or girlfriends and discuss why they do it.
What is ghosting after a serious relationship?
Let’s start with the definition of ghosting.
Ghosting is often defined as abruptly cutting off all communication with someone you know. That someone can be a friend, an acquaintance, a romantic partner, or anyone who has become a part of your life and likes being in it.
Most of the time, we talk about one specific type of ghosting – the type when a romantic partner runs away from his or her internal struggles and disappears into thin air.
Such ghosting is called relationship ghosting—and it occurs when the ghoster feels overwhelmed with expectations, guilt, and shame and gets scared of seeing his or her partner react strongly to the breakup. The dumper would rather avoid seeing the dumpee cry, resist the breakup, or do something unpredictable, which is why he or she runs away from the relationship without facing the dumpee and talking the problems out.
The ghoster may come off as a strong person – a person with control, but you need to understand that the ghoster isn’t a strong person. The ghoster operates out of fear of confrontation and fear of the unknown, so technically, he or she does what cowards do best.
The ghoster retreats with his or her tail tucked firmly between his or her legs and runs as fast and far away as possible. That’s the easiest way the ghoster can avoid taking responsibility and talking about things that make the ghoster feel uncomfortable.
Here’s a picture explaining why people ghost others. It covers ghosting on social media, long-distance relationship ghosting, in-person ghosting, and every kind of ghosting there is.
Ghosting, unfortunately, happens to a lot of people. It happens to those who know a person very well (or at least they think they do) and even to those who are still trying to get to know the person they’re talking to.
Ghosters have no preference and loyalties as they don’t intend to stay with people when things get tough. They leave at the first sign of trouble because that’s how they’ve developed themselves. They grew up thinking it’s okay to run away from problems and hurt people in the process.
Some ghosters copy their parents’ behavior and others just don’t care about their morals. But an even bigger problem is that they don’t communicate their issues and don’t know how to properly end the relationship they no longer wish to be a part of. And because they don’t know how to end it, they run away.
They ghost when:
- Their perception of their partner changes.
- They lose control over their emotions and feel smothered.
By ghosting their partner, ghosters essentially avoid an uncomfortable situation and swiftly move on to whatever comes next. Oftentimes, it’s another person, but it can also be the prospect of being with someone else.
What emotions do ghosters feel?
Since most people aren’t bad people, many ghosters initially feel a lot of guilt and shame.
They worry about whether ghosting is the right thing to do and if they should instead be direct with the person they no longer want in their life.
Such righteous thoughts cause a rift between their emotions and values, so they consequently start to feel really bad about what they’re about to do.
Deep inside, they comprehend that ghosting is morally wrong and that they should not avoid a confrontation just because it’s difficult. They should try to break up with their partner in morally acceptable ways because their partner stayed loyal to them until the end, and deserves honesty.
But since the power of emotions outweighs their thoughts, ghosters eventually lose their internal battle, tire themselves out, and let their overwhelming negative feelings push them to run away from their problems.
Their emotions drive them to make a selfish emotional decision that would put an end to all the negative emotions they’ve associated with their ex-partner.
That’s when they decide to ghost and immediately start to feel immense relief, peace, and quiet. They finally get the freedom to enjoy their time and worry only about themselves.
Upon ghosting, ghosters oftentimes feel bad for their actions, but they don’t usually feel bad enough to reach out and apologize. They think their happiness is more important than the happiness of the person they’ve hurt, so they continue to believe that they did what was necessary for their well-being.
By no means are they proud of themselves, but they do think they’ve made the right decision despite ending things in an insensitive, immoral way.
If only ghosters realized that ghosting is disrespectful and that it hurts and confuses the person they ditch. It prevents the dumpee from asking important relationship questions that would provide closure and enable the dumpee to move on easier without blaming himself or herself.
Childhood and upbringing are often responsible for ghosting
Normally, ghosters’ avoidant personality traits stem from childhood.
Their parents teach them that running away from problems is an option and that it’s okay to abandon people even if doing so hurts them and makes it harder for them to understand what they did wrong and why the breakup occurred.
Ghosters’ parents, of course, don’t specifically tell their children to ghost others because deep inside, they want the best for their offspring. But they do nonetheless indirectly show them how to handle difficulties in relationships (and life) with their behavior and actions.
This is why dysfunctional families, bad parenting, and improper communication styles in the family are often responsible for the birth of a ghoster.
People may not realize it, but every time parents or guardians handle an argument or a difficult situation poorly, they show their children how they’re supposed to behave when they grow up. They show them what’s right and wrong and unknowingly set them on the path that they themselves are currently on.
Whether that path is good, bad, or decent is something parents should try to understand. They are their kids’ idols, after all, so it’s their job to evaluate their attitude, integrity, and values and make sure they’re as good as they can be.
The better these qualities are and the better a job they do to inculcate them, the higher their children’s emotional intelligence will be and the better they’ll treat people.
Everything in life happens for a reason, and that includes ghosting. So don’t think you got hit by karma and that you’re paying the price for it. Instead, remember that the ghoster went through a lot (and still is) and that you mustn’t condemn him or her. Instead of losing your cool and getting nasty, understand, sympathize, and pity the ghoster.
He or she needs all the help in the world because it’s highly likely that the ghoster’s childhood hasn’t been easy and that the ghoster’s actions are a representation of his or her parents’ teachings and upbringing in general.
Ghosting someone who cares about you is inexcusable
The underlying truth about ghosting is that there’s no excuse for ghosting. It doesn’t matter if the ghoster knew his or her romantic partner for one week, one year, ten years, or if the ghoster didn’t get along with his or her partner at all.
There’s no need to ghost someone because there’s always a better way to end a relationship. And that way doesn’t involve turning into a speck of vanishing dust.
A good way to break up with someone you fell out of love with is to arrange a date and time that suits your partner, go to his or her place (or somewhere quiet), and end the relationship in private. You should be honest and say why you’re ending the relationship.
Don’t give any false hope, such as “It’s only temporary.” The person you’re breaking up with needs to know you’re serious and that there’s no chance of getting back together.
Once you’ve expressed yourself, you should offer support and talk about the breakup. Your partner will probably have many questions for you, so answer them and provide closure.
It won’t be easy to talk to a person you’ve detached from and lost feelings for, but that’s the price you have to pay. You have to suck it up and be responsible because the moment you break up with someone, it’s no longer about you.
It’s about the person who’s struggling to cope with anxiety and needs your sympathy and care.
What does ghosting do to a person?
When you get ghosted, you can’t help but wonder why your partner suddenly disappeared from your life. You think about the good times, the bad times, and all the times in between in order to find some kind of explanation that would justify your ex’s motive for ghosting you.
The anxiety from ghosting makes you hungry for answers and forces you to think that you got ghosted because of something you did or because you weren’t the person your ex wanted you to be.
But that’s not true. As we said before, ghosting is the ghoster’s problem, not yours. He or she ghosts because of unhealthy perceptions, emotions, and the inability to express and improve those emotions.
So don’t overanalyze your ex’s actions and drive yourself crazy with them. You’re far better off putting your energy into detachment and self-love because ultimately, obsessing about your ex and someone he or she may be dating is self-destructive.
It’s a waste of time and a perfectly good life.
I know it hurts like hell when someone you love abandons you coldheartedly and unexpectedly. It’s especially difficult if you’re going through a rough patch in life and could use love and support more than ever before.
But, unfortunately, people who can’t handle difficult emotions will usually abandon you when you’re struggling emotionally because that’s when you need them to invest in you and take care of you the most
You need them to support you and give you the kind of love only they can give.
Love and support, however, aren’t something smothered and immature people are happy to give when they’re doubting their decision to be with you. They prefer to spend their energy on themselves and abandon the relationship the moment it starts weighing them down and preventing them from reaching their personal goals.
So make sure to take care of yourself now and before you get into a relationship because you don’t want to end up in a situation where you depend on another person for happiness.
You want to remain strong at all times. So strong that even something as painful as ghosting won’t bring you down and ruin your emotional and physical well-being.
With that being said, here’s how ghosting affects a person after a serious relationship.
If your ex ghosted you after a serious relationship and hurt you a lot, know that it’s okay to cry and grieve. It’s okay to release the pain in whichever way you want as long as you look for answers without the help of your ex.
You may think you need your ex to provide answers for you and that you can’t move on without your ex’s closure, but that’s not true. You don’t need your ex to figure out why he or she left to get your old self back.
You just need to know that your ex’s ghosting had something to do with the way your ex perceived you.
So keep telling yourself that your ex chose to run away not because you’re a bad person or unworthy of a relationship, but because your ex couldn’t handle certain negative emotions and maintain the relationship. Your ex wasn’t properly equipped to stay committed, so he or she left when negative emotions outweighed the good.
It will be difficult, but do your best to give your ex space. Become a diligent follower of the indefinite no contact rule because this rule will help you regain control of your emotions and help you heal.
As you carry on with your life and continue to seek answers, you will likely wonder why things ended in such a cruel way. You’ll probably blame yourself for your ex’s actions and obsess about your disappearing ex to the point of exhaustion.
My advice to you is to distract yourself as much as possible. Keep yourself busy and focus on socializing and engaging in new and old activities. By doing so, you will take your ex off the pedestal and your mind a little bit every day—and slowly, one day at a time, get over your ex.
There will be times when nostalgia gets to you and forces you to relapse. You’ll think to yourself, “Did the relationship mean nothing to my ex? Why was it so easy for my ex to ghost me and ignore my feelings?”
When that happens, don’t let nostalgia control your thoughts and underplay his or her doings. Remind yourself that nostalgia is a part of the detachment process and that it will become less frequent as you learn to let go of your ex.
By all means, allow yourself to question your ex’s morality if doing so makes you feel better. Just don’t get revenge on your ex or contact your ex and demand an explanation for the ghosting.
Why does ghosting hurt so much?
Many psychologists have acknowledged that ghosting is a passive-aggressive method for causing emotional abuse to a person. They say it’s a form of rejection and ill behavior often associated with narcissism.
I completely agree with them.
The reason why ghosting hurts so much is that it ends a romantic relationship in the most abrupt way possible. It makes it go from 100 to 0 in the blink of an eye and forces you to grieve the end of the relationship without an understanding of what’s going on and whether the relationship has even ended.
All ghosting leaves you with are the memories you shared with an ex as well as a collection of text messages, pictures, and gifts that do more harm than good.
Such things hurt you because they make you think about the past and remember that your ex promised you the world and made you feel special.
There’s no telling how ghosting will affect you because everyone handles separation pain differently.
Some get over it faster than others because of the work they’d done on themselves prior to getting into the relationship while others require years of time to process it.
No matter what category you fit into, make sure not to take your ex’s behavior personally. Your ex may have ghosted you, but your ex didn’t do that because you’re not worthy of an explanation. He or she did it because of personal, neglected, unresolved issues.
So protect yourself by distracting yourself from thinking about the good times. Acknowledge the fact that your ex has lackings just like everyone else and that you don’t see them at the moment because the breakup pain is hiding them from you.
Tell yourself that a person who loves you and cares about you won’t leave you by ghosting you. A person who truly loves you won’t even leave you. He or she will confide in you and work on relationship and personal problems by communicating with you and looking for common ground.
How to move on when you get ghosted?
Getting over the feeling of getting ghosted takes a lot of time. It especially takes time if you were in a long-term relationship with your ex and your ex dropped you like a hot potato.
Try not to worry about the time it will take you to detach because the speed at which you forgive your ex for hurting you and move on from your ex is not something you can control. You have to process it at your own speed and let it out of your system naturally with time because time is your best healer.
Time will help you distance yourself from your ex’s maltreatment and allow you to find happiness by surrounding yourself with people who matter to you.
So whatever you do, don’t set a date by which you must be completely over your ex. High expectations will likely disappoint you and ruin your emotional progress. They’ll keep you reliant on your ex for closure and self-worth and delay your healing. So tell yourself that you’re getting stronger every minute and focus on letting go of your ex.
If you do, you’ll notice real detachment progress as you’ll notice that you sleep better and have more energy to do the things you love.
Right after the ghosting, you will probably have a lot of questions. You will ask yourself:
Did I somehow offend my ex?
Did I deserve to get ghosted?
Was I too demanding and needy, or did I talk too much or something?
Figuring out what went wrong and what you could have done to prevent the ghosting will likely become a new hobby of yours as it will turn into an addiction. You will become hungry for answers, but know that you don’t need all the answers right away.
For now, you should just keep in mind that your ex’s ghosting says a lot about the person your ex is.
Here are 10 tips you should follow to recover from ghosting after a serious relationship as quickly as possible.
1)Don’t get angry and seek revenge
It’s perfectly normal to feel betrayed and angry. It’s normal to feel lost and confused as well. But whatever you do, don’t act on your heartbroken emotions and seek revenge.
If you’re a person with decent morals, you’ll definitely regret hurting your ex once you’ve regained composure. Your guilty conscience will make sure of it, so be prudent and don’t take revenge on your ex.
Let karma do its job while you focus on healing and bettering yourself.
2)Don’t blame yourself
Whatever the reason for your ex’s departure is, don’t blame yourself for it.
Always remember that you got involved with the wrong person and that your ex’s ghosting is a reflection of his or her personality.
Ghosting depicts what your ex is like as a person and how your ex behaves when things get difficult.
3)Focus on yourself
You need to realize that your ex didn’t care enough about your feelings. He or she ended up looking after himself or herself and didn’t care about anything else. You need to do the same so that you can get over the ghosting.
You need to start taking care of yourself and recover from the pain that your ex has inflicted on you.
4)Accept that your ex left for good
If you’re hoping that your ex comes back and apologizes for ghosting you after a serious relationship, that is very self-destructive as it prevents you from accepting the fact that the relationship has ended.
It makes it difficult for you to process the ghosting and get your happy self back.
So work on accepting the breakup and stop holding on to reconciliation hope. When you finally accept it, you’ll regain your emotional independence and appreciate your own company.
But until then, tell yourself that your ex has finally shown you his or her true colors and that you can now find someone who will love you for the person you are.
5)Share your pain with others
Share your pain with your close friends and family. They’re the ones who truly support you and care deeply about you, so confide in them and let them help you.
If you do this often, you will gradually reduce your anxiety and realize that you don’t need someone like your ex in your life. You need people who know your worth and treat you well.
6)Work on developing yourself
There’s a time to grieve and there’s a time to get back on your feet. If it’s been months and you’re still hurting, know that pain has a positive side to it.
It allows you to acknowledge your shortcomings and provides you with the tools you need to rebuild your life. Not only can you rebuild it, but you can also make it better.
So embrace the pain and start by working on your flaws. The more you work on them, the more healthy improvements you’ll make. And when you’ve improved, chances are that you’ll outgrow your ex by a mile and attract someone who’s done a similar amount of work on himself or herself.
7)Learn from your experiences
It’s not the end of the world if your ex ghosted you. On the contrary, it’s a new beginning because you can now examine your mistakes and grow as a person.
You can correct your bad behavioral patterns, spend more time with your friends and family, and find passion again.
I know it sucks to get dumped this way, but consider it a perfect opportunity for you to become the best version of yourself and avoid people like your ex in the future.
8)Find closure on your own
Since you got ghosted, you’ll have to find closure on your own. You’ll have to process your thoughts and emotions and slowly let go of the past.
A great way to do that is to journal your thoughts and feelings. Write them down on a piece of paper and reread them from time to time. Pay attention to how they change over time and you’ll relieve your anxiety and find the answers you’re looking for.
9)Don’t be afraid to trust again
Just because your ex ghosted you after a serious relationship doesn’t mean that the next person will too.
If you become insecure about relationships and reflect your unprocessed (trust) issues onto others, chances are that you’ll show your next partner that you don’t trust him or her.
This could cause problems for both of you and make your partner give up when your behavior causes too much damage.
So work on forgetting about your biggest fears and insecurities—and consider your next boyfriend or girlfriend a completely different person.
10)Be optimistic in life
Life is full of unpredictable, often difficult times, so make it a habit to find something good in every bad situation. By doing so, you won’t take life too seriously and will learn to appreciate the limited time you have on this planet.
My ex-boyfriend ghosted me and it hurt
A few years ago, my boyfriend ghosted me out of the blue and hurt me more than words can describe. At first, I didn’t know why he did it, so I racked my brain and wondered if it had something to do with who I was and what I looked like.
I was so confused about his selfish behavior that I desperately wanted to know how I pushed him to ghost me. It was only a few weeks later that I found out my ex was experiencing the grass is greener syndrome and that he left me for someone else.
That was when I started to feel even more insignificant and flawed and started to blame myself for not being good enough for him.
I’m not ashamed to admit that it took me a few months to finally get ahold of myself and realize that I wasn’t responsible for my ex’s ghosting. My ex was responsible for it because he made a conscious decision to ghost me. And that’s a decision he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life.
I felt a bit calmer when I discovered that ghosting wasn’t induced by me. It told me I deserved respect and made me see that even if he never regrets ghosting me, I would be okay with it. That’s why I soon completely disassociated from him and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I was happy just spending time with friends and family because they had my best interests at heart.
That was the day my happiness stopped depending on an ex who ghosted me and the people who added no value to my life.
So if you got ghosted after a serious relationship and you want your ex to make you feel better, know that you’re wasting your time. You’re wasting it on someone interested only in helping himself or herself. It’s better that you forget about your ex and rely on yourself for most things in life.
I hope this article has helped you understand what to do and not do when you get ghosted after a serious relationship. If it did, comment below. I’d like to know how you’re coping with the post-breakup blues. If you didn’t get ghosted though, feel free to comment as well. Let us know what you think about ghosters.
And if you’d like to talk with us about someone who ghosted you, sign up for coaching with us.
I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.
My situation isn’t as serious as I was in a “situationship,” but the guy was much older than me and seemed mature, yet he ghosted me midway through a conversation suddenly. Things seemed to go so well prior to that, but I’ve realized now that he was mainly lovebombing me. He came back a while later and acted like NOTHING happened, but I just kept my responses brief and formal, visibly lacking the enthusiasm I previously reserved for our conversations. I chose to act indifferent, and I continue to not reach out to him at all.
I feel like these strategies will help me cope. The pain isn’t as bad as when I got dumped (which I successfully recovered from by going no-contact thanks to this site! I now don’t even care if he wants me back, I don’t care about his life at all as he’s blocked), but it’s still gonna take some time to heal and trust someone else.
Hi Jules.
His ghosting had nothing to do with you. You didn’t force him to treat you so badly. It looks like his true colors came out in the end. Watch them closely and use them as fuel to stay in no contact and keep moving on.
You’ve got this!
Zan
My husband just ghosted me after 6 years – he had cheated, then breadcrumbed me for a long time until he got into a new relationship. When I confronted him that he was really with her (he kept denying it), he just stopped talking to me mid-conversation. We had a good relationship until we didn’t, though he was never able to fully open up to me or communicate well. He looks very happy though. I think she’s his true love. But can his new relationship really be successful? Will he suddenly be able to communicate well and resolve conflict? Will he ever ghost her? He was kissing me behind her back until recently. But he dropped me for her so clearly he wants to be faithful to her.
Hi Laura.
He developed a bond with her behind you back and lied about it when confronted. Cheaters tend to deny it and get angry (defensive). Their ego tells them to try to justify their immoral behavior by pinning the blame on the person they victimized. His new relationship will go through the new relationship stages. I don’t know if it will be successul and if he’ll ghost her too (that depends on them). But I do know you have to leave him alone and let them give their relationship a chance.
Don’t take his behavior personally, Laura. His cheating and dumping has nothing to do with you.
Kind regards,
Zan
I’m hoping to get feed back or just something to help me get through this tough time
I recently been ghosted from a serious relationship days ago last Friday I have been blocked on everything and every number I make no matter the how many please and cries I just don’t understand how someone ghosts u she told me she deals with borderline personality disorder but idk I read on everything I hear but our relationship is black n white one day she’s inlove with me and happy the next she acts crazy thinks I’m cheating or doing things I shouldn’t and just ghosts me or leaves an blocks me without saying anything this happened a lot blocking unblocking I did do things in a past relationship as flirt and text other women and it hurted her it’s been so hard for her to get over it and trust me again I have been working extremely hard to earn her trust back again she says she loves me only she’s herself with me idk she did things that hurt me during our breakups but we just ended up back together I really love her and I just wanna make things right she says she can’t trust me no matter what I do but she says I love u and I want u and we are here for each other we are young in our 20s but all in all reading all of these blogs I jus don’t understand why I can’t move on or care enough about my own feelings that even tho I did wrong in our past relationship I have grown from it and I deserve to be treated right nobody deserves to be cheated or lied too if u don’t wanna be there leave don’t hurt someone like that and I’ve learned alot from that I know better and I don’t want to hurt anybody again or her
Hi J.
You can’t get her to forgive you by contacting her and begging for a second chance. That will just show her you don’t respect her emotions and decisions and anger her. If you want what’s best for you and her, leave her alone. Give her space to breathe and show her you won’t try to change her mind. If you mind your business, she could see it’s safe to talk to you.
I know it’s hard, but you have to accept the situation for what it is. The sooner you do that, the quicker you’ll heal.
Best regards,
Zan
So begging makes her feel I don’t respect her? Or her choice idk how when she tells me she expects me to make a million numbers and try n contact her this ghosting just hurted she was saying she didn’t believe I loved her I was still doing the stuff I’m the past and I always give her reassurance but the last text was I love you and I was blocked before the next mourning we had plans and everything but she always chooses to leave or is ready to leave me at any second
Hi J.
Begging won’t make her love you and respect you. It will do the opposite. Her leaving and blocking tendencies show how fragile her mentality is. It’s hard to work with someone who runs away from problems.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I’ve never been ghosted before, until recently. I met this woman who I dated for 6 months. She works at the long term care facility my mom is at (she suffered a massive stroke). Anyhow we began talking periodically in the hall. After a month or so I got up the nerve to ask her out & she said yes. But we text a few weeks before meeting up outside of her job. From there we saw each other on weekends & most days when I went to visit my mom. We had great tones going to movies, dinner, bowling, hanging out with her friends & mine.She often looked out for my mom , bringing food & keeping her company. Sending me videos of then joking around We hit the 6 month mark, we wished each other a happy anniversary. We discussed going to Miami in October & i purchase tickets for a football game there. Less than 2 weeks later, there was a noticeable shift in her energy. Through text mainly. Then she started avoiding me at work. I would often walk her to her car when she left for the day before going back to visit my mom. The next week I arrived and she avoided eye contact. Stayed away from me as much as possible, when I tried to speak to her she got rude and almost started yelling in the office. There’s so much more to tell. Anyway, her brother passed away the next week— he had been quite Ill. I went to the wake & funeral onky to be ignited for the most part by her. A few days later, she said she needed a break. Yet kept calling me. I told her that’s not how I perceive “space”. 2 weeks later , she asked me to meet & her body language indicated angst and defensiveness. She never addressed our relationship until we left & then refused to talk about it. I went home & since then when I see her at her job in passing. She ignores me. Occasionally I get a cold hello.
I think she either cheated or is with someone else. I was nothing but nice to her and her kids who liked me. Never an argument or any disrespect from either side . I’m having trouble processing this as she just up and walked away with no explanation leaving me thinking I did something wrong. I’d love your feedback as I’m having a hard time. Thanks for reading.
Chuck
Hi Chuck.
It could be that she cheated – especially if she detached quickly in a matter of a few days. For some reason, she lost feelings. It’s possible she felt overprioritized and didn’t consider you an equal. The relationship lasted 6 months – about as long as the relationship was new and excting. When it needed work, she detached and lost interest very quickly.
All you can do is give her the space she asked for and focus on yourself. She’s not a good communicator, especially when it comes to her feelings. So think about whether she’s even your ideal partner.
Best regards,
Zan
I thought I’d briefly share my experience of being ghosted.
I am a divorced 67 year old with two grown children.
Four years ago, I broke a difficult 2 year relationship to start a new one almost immediately with someone I had known through a group we both belonged to.
The relationship was going well for about 2 years until we took a short road trip together and she got upset after an argument over producing a vaccine passport at a restaurant we were visiting. From that point on, she told me she lost complete trust in me, even though I apologized for my behavior which most ppl would have forgiven and moved on- but she didn’t.
The relationship carried on for over a year after this incident but it was clear the spark was gone, there was no communication about it and we were seeing each other less and less.
About 6 months ago I fell stepping off a train and had a serious injury requiring hospitalization and two surgeries. By this point, we were still very much in the relationship but had a few lengthy discussions instigated by her about ending it. Three days after my second surgery, she walked out on me- after making dinner for us and even giving me a haircut! Not a word spoken, just a quick exit. For six months I have tried to reach her for an explanation or just closure. She has not answered me. She finally blocked me do I will no longer contact her.
My question is, I agree her behavior shows avoidance and a lack of compassion for the timing of what I was going through.
I loved this woman right up to the end and was completely caught by surprise by her actions and her silence.
Shouid i just start to let go as I shouid have done 6 months ago? Or shouid I continue to fantasize about the past and put her up on a pedestal even though her behavior shows she is a troubled woman.
Hi Mungo Jerry.
It looks like she became resentful over time and wasn’t able to let go of the past. You should definitely start letting go of her. It will take a while, but it’s the right thing to do as she lost respect for you and has no compassion for you.
Best,
Zan
I am STILL experiencing the pain of being ghosted, almost a year later. He and I were together for almost a year when unfortunately I got into some trouble and had to do some time. I was away for a total of ten months. During those ten months he held my kids down.. hell, he held my WHOLE family down in a sense. We talked and wrote each other regularly and of course talked about our future together. Prior to me going away, we BOTH had issues with substance use. There would be times when we would talk that I could tell he was under the influence & I would call him out on it. I wouldn’t be derogatory or judgemental; I’d just let him know that I wasn’t fooled. Anyway, I asked him could he use the time I was away to get his act cleaned up too, even though my sobriety wasn’t by choice at the time I figured we might as well make it work for us. He insisted that he had things under control (isn’t that what every addict says?) and said he’d quit when I got home. 🤦🏾♀️🙄 This really bothered me and even more so when he had the gall to give ME a similar ultimatum! Fast forward a bit…. About three months before I came home he confronted me about sleeping with a close family friend.. actually it was my sister’s bf. I told him the truth: Nothing had ever transpired between my sister’s bf and I. Apparently, he had been stewing on this false information for a couple months; forming his own opinion and being my judge and jury without giving me the opportunity to defend or deny the allegations. Eventually, something happened (idk what exactly) and he finally believed me about it.. Fast forward again to about two weeks before I were to come home…. My best friend and ex girlfriend is tragically shot & killed. He and her were also friends (no, not in a messy way) and he was the one to call me and give me the news. When I finally got home I ran across some questionable texts in his phone. When I asked him about them he never had an answer that made any sense. The pain of losing my friend and the insecurities I felt from those suspect ass texts led me to continuously abuse drugs. We talked about a solution and made plansfor me to get into some type of treatment; AFTER he got his car and it’s tags legit. Okay let me speed this up… Our last day together was spent shopping and hanging out. We spent the entire day out enjoying each other. The next morning as I was half asleep I noticed him getting ready to leave out the door. I asked him where he was going and he mumbled about the tire on the car; which WAS truly giving us problems at the time. Anyway, while he was out he called me and said something about going to see his mother and told me If I had a problem with that then I should just let him know now. This was also very strange because we had planned to take a trip TOGETHER to see his daughter who was about to give birth. We hang up and I never heard from him again. Period. I called his mother… Looking stupid apparently cause about two months later.. on the week of my birthday in November… His sister tells me that’s he’s okay, he just didn’t want to be with me anymore.
I have driven myself crazy with tryin g to find not just closure but find him. I feel I deserve a respectable break up. I was so traumatized by this ghosting I couldn’t function for MONTHS. I literally cried myself to sleep for 7 months!!! The pain is lessening a little bit I am still hurting. It hurt so bad because I would have never IMAGINED he could do something like that to me. It makes me wonder, was any of our relationship real?? Cause I don’t see how someone could do that. Despite reading tons of articles and blogs about ghosting and how to move on, I’m still heartbroken and looking for peace. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worse enemy. I miss not just out relationship but I miss him as my friend. Wherever he is I just wonder does he think of me?
Hi Oprah.
The relationship was real, and he does think about you. It’s just that he couldn’t talk to you properly. He felt guilty about it and thought that the easiest way to deal with it was to simply run away. The guy chose the cowardly way out. He couldn’t handle the stressor and problems the relationship went through.
Right now, you have more important things to work on. You have to make sure to stay clean and that you don’t depend on your ex anymore. You’ll function better if you’re emotionally independent and capable of living without him.
I know you guys had plans, but those plan are gone. You need to shift your focus from “us” to “me.” and discover the meaning of self-love. When you do, you’ll put this ordeal behind you and live peacefully.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi everyone I was in a relationship for almost 10 years I gave him everything we lived together for past 9 1/2 years about 2 years ago I felt something was off I was thinking maybe pandemics but continue to try until I found the condoms on a trip with friends it went downhill from there this was august 2022 right before his bday and that year he didn’t want to spend it with me I let go and days later he said he needed space and that I had to find a place to go and he would help me move my stuff into his garage until I figure it out so basically called my girlfriend moved everything out and left fast forward the next day he texted said he made a mistake and want me come home I told him I would the day I suppose to go back he texted me that afternoon and told me he changed his mind and need more time fast forward I have also purchase my own place to live up until now we been going back and forth until a week ago we were good he had went on vaction with childhood friend which I was fine with and do to work I couldn’t go he did invite me I was NY and he was in Florida I went to stay with my gf for a couple of days because it does get boring staying at home by yourself I called him that afternoon everything was fine he said ok I love u and following that night when I got to my gf house his whole attitude changed when I told him I arrive he said don’t worry I won’t be calling you it’s strange and weird that your there with this accusation I was mad and hang up on him and went shower thought about it and called him back he texted I will call you back I basically text and gave him peace of my mind telling him he there I’m here what’s the problem and to grow up fast forward no answer for a week and now my friend I was staying with texted me he drop all my belongings from his apt is there and he wants his keys back till now he hasn’t called or try contact me what did I do deserve this .. everyone knows how I was to him he l did everything for him where he literally get up open his eyes and I had breakfast everyday waiting in the oven for him I cleaned his apt did laundry and sometimes try and cook for him he cheated on me and I try to forgive him
Hi S. lau.
People change when they don’t need you. Your ex did too and showed you how he treats people he disconnects from and feels smothered by. You should forgive him for cheating, but only for your peace of mind. Focus on what he’s capable of and how badly he hurt you. You’ll heal faster if you remind yourself he’s not the person you thought he was.
Kind regards,
Zan
This scenario is so on point to what I am currently going through and what so many others haven’t commented about relating to also. There are plenty of similar articles with other people who strongly relate who are all baffled too. It makes me wonder—could what we are experiencing be the byproduct of some sort of undiagnosed or untreated mental disorder in these ghosters? Maybe some sort of borderline personality disorder?
I myself have struggled with depression (MDD) for well over a decade now. I’ve been to therapy and have found a medication that works wonders for me. Even before therapy and medication though and in my lowest of low points, I have never treated someone as cruelly as these ghosters. So please no one get offended by my question—I mean no offense and I do not think depression would cause or excuse this behavior. But there are many other mental health disorders that I do not know anything about. So just a curious thought.
Hi Jen.
Ghosters often (if not usually) ghost because of some unresolved childhood issue or disorder. They have a massive fear of confrontation, so they put themselves first and hurt the people they ditch. It’s their lack of empathy, care, and understanding that makes them act so selfishly. People with depression are usually extremely self-aware, self-conscious, and developed individuals. They have the ability to understand how their actions affect others, so they would never treat others the way they wouldn’t want to be treated themselves.
I hope this answers your questions, Jen.
Kind regards,
Zan
Going through getting ghosted right now. I am in shock that this is happening it’s never happened in my life before. Him and I were married for two and a half years and still loved each other and we stayed together and have been boyfriend girlfriend and things we’re going good for the past few months with no arguing. He got a new position and has been working a lot of 12-hour shifts so he’s been real stressed with work and one day I called him again an argument with my mom and I feel like I might have upset him I was just telling him like what are we doing you know we’re married and we’re still together and I just want us to move in together and you know we got divorced because of his parents we lived with them and I was just basically saying things like I just want to be with you and you need to break free from them. We ended the call cuz he was walking into work and he said I’ll see you this weekend and he’s been ghosting me ever since it looks like he read my messages a week later on his Facebook status he still has that he’s married to me because no one really even knows because I think he just got divorced to prove a point because he said we’re getting divorced but he still love me and he stayed with me that no one really even knows we’re divorced people still think we’re separated we’re just living apart but we’re still in love so this is really embarrassing for me I don’t know what to say or do anymore. I feel like I’m about to lose my job because I can’t concentrate I was going to the gym everyday and trying to work on myself and seeing my friends now I don’t even want to go to the gym I just want to lay in bed and cry and think about why he would do this to me I’m not just some girl he met I was his wife and I’ve been loyal and loving to him and I can’t believe you would ever do this to me.
Tammy just have faith if he love and you love him it’ll work out
I am currently 2 months into this after a just over 2 year relationship; one which a few months in I had moved across the country to make no longer long-term. I suppose I’m doing better than I was a couple weeks into it, but there was a trigger tonight and it’s been hard mentally. Things will work out eventually and I’ll find someone who would never do that to me, and even though I don’t wish it she will likely remain as miserable as she was almost always, and her true colors and cowardice were shown by this. I do wish that I could hate her, but I can’t. Not for a lack of trying, I just can’t. Time will heal this though as I better myself in the interim before the next awesome chapter of life, and as I once heard “karma isn’t a bitch, she’s a mirror”the people who are capable of doing that to someone after years of loyal and unconditional love are morally defunct and will reap what they sow, as we all do.
I appreciate you writing this, lots of valuable and factually correct information in here.
Hi Tommy.
You don’t need to hate her. You just need to understand what she did to you and why it was immoral and undeserving of your respect. If you can do that, you’ll heal faster than if you were to admire her. Karma will get her when the time is right. Eventually, she’ll anger the wrong person.
Hang in there!
Zan
I am in middle of this right now. My ex bf of 11 months just disappeared from face of Earth 4 days ago.. I have been reading alltypes of articles on ghosting obsessively for the pasr 3 days and yesterday I took action.
Here is the background :
We meet every wed and on sat-sun and spoke daily, we even spoke daily through separate holidays during the year. The relationship was serious, we met families and went holidaying together. We talked about possible family and that we should decide next year.
All of a sudden, one day, He stopped all communication and ignored all my calls and texts, I even called when he was online on whatsapp so I knew he was simply ignoring me.
I had no clue we had “issues”, since we havent had a fight for over 2 months, which we resolved. Up to 4 days ago I actually falsely believed he was a good communicator. I had no idea I would ever be ghosted by him and it was such a shock!
He is going through issues at work and is looking for a new job so the last 4 weeks, he has been upset and anxious everyday but I always tried to not bring any of my issues to him (I have been going through a health issue for the past 6 weeks and I only told him when I got diagnosed and it would impact our sexlife for 2 weeks). I was trying to hold my own pain away from him so he doesn’t actually know how much pain I was in, and when he said he needs to find another job in a different field I was holding him in arms as we spoke and I was speaking with him about options that he could go for. In my view I was being supportive, physically and emotionally. Any time we met in his house or mine, I cooked and cleaned and over the past 4 weeks, due to his stress level, I only asked him to cook for us 1 evening when I came home late from work.
I even organised a surprise date night last week to a theatre show as he loves the arts.
That day (Wednesday a week ago) was the first time he hadnt texted me in the morning(we have a standard that during the week to text or voicenote each other each morning before work). I had sent voicenote and by 11am I sent a text asking Are you OK baby? He responded within 40.mins saying sorry been a bad day but will call you later and will tell you about it when we meet.So that day he did call, we met, he didn’t want to talk about work at all and then we had a nice datenight. I even asked him at the end of night if he enjoyed this theatre show and if it had helped his anxious feelings about work.
He said it did. So in my view our relationship is safe at this point. Little did I know…
We continue chat until Saturday, and we do not meet up on that day as he was helping his mum move.Then from next day, Sunday he just ignores me for 4 days, until our regular Datenight (Wed). During this time I sent him nice texts, asking are you OK? I don’t know what has happened? I am.trying to get hold of you. I called him, he ignored and didnt call back. I tried everyday between Sunday and Wed. Then on Wed datenight, I sent a miss you text and asked if we are meeting in the evening. Nothing!!! I have his housekey and he has mine.
I decided to take action — decided to drop a handwritten letter to state I am hurting and feel disrespected. I do not understand why he is ghosting me. I also said if we do not have any communication then we do not have a relationship. I think we should break up and find people we want to speak with. I also said let me know when you want to exchange keys. That letter I think is the only reason he sent me a text this morning. It was like the letter made him realise he is being jerk, and he said Yes I have been going through a tough time and I do not feel you are understanding my situation. We are not compatible so agree we should break up. I will let you know when you get your keys.
And just like that I had closure. I wished he had been a normal human being who verbally would have discussed what the issue is and what it is he wanted done differently?? I mean from my point of view apart from actually looking for a job for him and getting him an interview, I am perplexed at what it is I should have done more? How was I not understanding of his situation? Plus he doesn’t talk to me about his feelings so I will never know what was sooo bad that he had to run and ghost me for 4 days. If I hadnt handed over the letter I think I would still be in limbo for weeks.
Now I need to grieve the fact that I did fall for someone who runs and is avoidant.. I didn’t even know he had so-called issues with me, he was kissing me telling me he loves me only a week before. I knew of his work issues and in my view it was not a break or make it. We are both 40, so grown adults and I expected more from him in terms of communication, especially as it was serious relationship.
Wow, Kee, I have such a similar story going on right now! This guy was all about me (me more than him for much of our time, but then I fell too and apparently was only falling for bs). Had a couple of fights that should have just been talks, but he avoided communication and compromise then too so they turned into fights. A couple of weeks later he lost his job, where he had been for a little under a year. A few days after that, he flipped a switch and said he thought he was in love me but he’s wrong and he hasn’t been feeling it for a couple of weeks. For monthssss before all of this, he was telling me I was the love of his life, he never wanted to be without me, couldn’t sleep when we were apart, wanted me to be his wife and wanted to get married within a year, and so on. We had so many plans, and he made so many promises. I had no suspicions of anything being off until all of a sudden he was off.
What ended up happening in your situation? Did he ever go back to you? Did you move on?
Him* more than me for much of the time. Sorry for the typo
Thankyou for writing this. I am currently experiencing this ghosting from my boyfriend. We’ve been together for the last six years, it’s not our first fight either. But all those other fights were different. We talked, got angry, cried and sorted alot of issues… But this time, after six years of being my partner and my best friend. He simply stopped talking to me. Cutting my calls, not replying to texts.. reading all of them but not replying at all. I’m so confused and shattered and angry and sad and anxious, my brain is not working. I would do anything to talk to him right now but kill him for doing this. I don’t know how to explain my feelings. Reading this helped. I’m not crying now atleast. I hope this time will get better.
Hi Neha.
I understand it’s difficult not to hear from him. But to make him want to talk (and respect you), you have to stop reaching out. The guy is ignoring you because he doesn’t know how to express himself. He needs to grow as a person before he can do that.
Sincerely,
Zan
Wow! Thank you!! I’m almost a year on from my husband leaving and ghosting me and it still messes with my head.
I’m gradually, gradually, learning to let go and tell the voice in my head it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him, but everything you’ve written here is totally true, from the obsessive need to find answers to knowing they’re immature and selfish due to unresolved childhood trauma.
He had a full breakdown at the end and confessed he was running from his own head so I at least have some confirmation it wasn’t me.
I was diagnosed with cancer (which I’ve since beaten, yay!) when he completely detached and it was only a few months after that we split and he disappeared into the ether. He didn’t even contact me to find out how the treatment had gone. What sort of human does that to another???
I found out retrospectively he cheated on me several times, used sex workers and had a porn addiction so I guess I’ve been lucky – and found out exactly what sort of ‘human’ he is.
As far as I’m concerned, the man I married is dead and I have no idea who the replacement (real) person is but we are still married and I know the possibility of him having to confront me to ask for a divorce will be stressing him out
so there’s my retribution right there. A situation caused completely by himself. #Karma
Hi Carmel.
First of all congrats on beating cancer. It must have been difficult dealing with that on top of your breakup. Only an uncaring person would leave you alone to suffer and not even check up on you. You also learned that he cheated on you multiple times and that he had lots of unresolved issues you previously weren’t aware of. All I can say is that you definitely dodged a bullet with this one. Once you fully heal, you’ll be so glad he’s out of your life.
I wish you a speedy recovery, Carmel!
Kind regards,
Zan
Wow you beat cancer! Well done. I am going through a health issue right now and in middle of it my ex bf just ghosted me. I never felt supported during the last 6 weeks as I couldn’t tell him how much pain I was in since he was also in pain due to toxic work environment. Here was me thinking I.am being understanding of his situation by not adding my own issue into the mix. Instead I got a ghoster… I feel men like that are actually selfish. They pretend they are empathetic but not really. They run at the smallest hurdle …
Wow, I sure can relate. Congrats on beating the cancer thing. I too was ghosted by my BF of over 20 years while waiting for biopsy results of suspected breast cancer (which was confirmed as cancer while having a lumpectomy). He stopped calling me and never responded to my texts. The saddest thing was that I lost my close relationships with his 2 adult sons, their wives and their granddaughters who I loved as family. So all at once I was left adrift to go through 2 cancer surgeries and 4 weeks of radiation alone. and an imploded relationship that I had come to rely on. Thank God for supportive girlfriends who were there for me emotionally. It’s been 4 months since I last saw him, and I still have very mixed emotions. Today it’s anger. And sadness. I know I have to move forward but it’s very difficult. But I’m determined to enjoy the life that was just saved…
I have read a few articles like this, but this was the best. I recently was ghosted by my wife. I came home from work nd she was gone and I have not seen or talked to her since. I have pretty much blamed myself for everything, but am working to stop. This was a unique pain I wish on no one.
Hi Matthew.
I can’t even imagine the pain and uncertainty you experienced because of your ex. You didn’t deserve to get ghosted, so don’t blame yourself. People ghost because of their issues, not because something’s wrong with you.
Hang in there!
Zan
Great article. Or at least it helps me going through my recent experience.
I have been hanging out with a guy for more than 6 months. We were technically friends, but we were constantly texting every day, every hour, and seeing each other too often for what I am used to. Like every week we used to spend nights talking at his place till 3am. I shared my friends with him, and we were really close.. or at least I thought. I started to have feelings at some point but wasn’t sure it was the same for him. Didn’t have the courage to tell him. Everything seemed to go great, until one day out of nowhere we had our first “argument” while chatting on a joke.. something related to being fake/transparent/honest in general. He got demanding and irritated, I changed subject (big mistake I know), so he said bye. …for good. I tried to call him, I texted him, I apologized, I even tried to meet him in person and he ran away with the car. Nothing. Couple weeks later he even unfollowed me on Insta.
Months passed by already but I still feel guilty. I am doing therapy but it’s not easy. Ghosting should be unacceptable and I read a lot of similar article on the subject. Still I feel like I am the one to blame that I didn’t have the courage to tell him I was falling in love with him. One day I’ll be over this.. I hope so.. but the scar will last forever. I believe.
Apologies for my english (I am italian). 🙂
Hi Andrea. Your English is perfect.
Ghosting is indeed unacceptable. Only people who are bad at communicating ghost. They don’t know how to handle their emotions and communicate them, so they run away and hurt people in the process. I’m not sure if the guy had feelings for you. If he had feelings, he would have come back after the argument. I find it strange because you only had one disagreement, and he took it so personally. Whatever the case may be, he showed his true colors in the end. People tend to do that about 6 months in.
Stay in no contact, Andrea. You’ll heal soon and realize he wasn’t as perfect as you thought when you were in love with him.
Sincerely,
Zan
I have been ghosted recently by my ex who I thought was my world we were best friends before lovers and I really thought she was the one.
She had some tough times personally that I helped her get through supported her cheered her up and got her smiling again.
Suddenly I was made to be a bad guy who disrespects her and doesn’t listen to her needs, just because I gave her my opinion on a terrible friend she had (her mother also agreed).
The arguments were always situated around this friend and her choosing her terrible friends feelings over mine.
The last argument she got up and left my house and accused me of being aggressive and disrespectful to her (me feeling guilty apologised again) she ghosted me for 3 days I then msged her asking whats going on she went on a rant about me being disrespectful and having anger towards her and that’s why she ghosted me for 3 days straigh. I replied to her by saying that’s plain unacceptable and I didn’t deserve her flakiness and to stay away she quickly replied that’s what you want I love you take care lol.
I couldn’t believe it
I’m still up in limbo about it all how someone could say so many sweet things to me days before acknowledge their love for me and then from a small argument just shut me out their life all together like I was nothing.
Sincerely
Tyler
Hi Tyler.
A relationship with her is going to be extremely challenging. She doesn’t communicate problems and difficult emotions efficiently (hence the ghosting), so give it some thought if you even want to be with a person like that. I think you’ll soon realize it may not be worth it. Yes, you invested a lot of time and emotions into this person, but she’s not showing the same level of respect back.
Sincerely,
Zan
That all sounds like good advice. It definitely applies to a one-time event where someone ghosts you. It sucks. The ghoster is probably immature or selfish, and you should not waste time obcessing over closure that will probably never come. What if it happens more than once, though? What if you get ghosted by different people, people who don’t even know one another, separated by years? Before I post a bunch of thoughts and opinions, I want to add that this has actually happened to me. This is my reality. After the first time, I eventually moved on. It was crappy. I hated the idea of not getting closure. It was a sad, stupid way to end things, and I counted myself lucky I’d escaped such a terrible romantic partner before something really serious and life-changing happened between us. (No babies, weddings, houses or even pets between us. It could have been MUCH worse.) This was years before I came across this post, and years before I first heard the term ‘ghosting’, but I was doing pretty much what you advised up there. I was very upset the way they stopped talking to me, but then, I gradually let that idiot go. I dated various others, some seriously, some much more casually. I watched over multple decades as friends and relatives paired off and married, while nothing ever exactly worked out for me. One by one, they ghosted, or cheated, or dumped me like a hot rock when they found a slightly better option. Later, I found a relationship that started turning serious. I was happy, and I thought they were happy, too. We dated almost 3 years. We seemed to get along, share similar values, and really enjoy one another’s company. Then one day, with no apparent conflict evident to me, the person stopped contacting me, stopped responding to texts, stopped answering my calls. I never saw them again, even though I did manage to verify they were still alive before I completely stopped trying. (We didn’t live together, so I had a valid reason to worry that something had happened to them when they seemed to cut off contact with no warning.) After that, I began to wonder why that kind of crap kept happening. Once is unfortunate, twice or more is a pattern, you know? And, the common factor in that pattern is ME. Am I attracted to bad partners? Is there something I’m doing that drives people crazy? Is it the way I look? I did some self-searching, self-improvement, even therapy, etc. Based on what I learned, my problem has to do with who I am attracted to. Apparently, I tend to pick these kinds of people, and stopping myself from being attracted to that has thus far been impossible for me. I learned that, if I am attracted to a person, it’s a good idea NOT to act on it if I don’t want to invest time and emotion and attention and resources only to get brutally ditched again. Eventually, I decided to stop dating all-together, around the same time I walked away from years of therapy that had done little to improve things. I haven’t even tried to attract anyone in nearly a decade, now, and I make sure to quickly move away from anyone who shows even vauge interest. Now that I’m firmly middle-aged, that rarely happens anymore anyways. Everyone I know is married, in a serious relationship, or they’re a little kid. I feel like maybe its for the best. Maybe, I’m a natural-born hermit? IDK
Hi Nox.
You’re right that it’s starting to look like a pattern, but you mustn’t blame yourself for other people’s actions. A person ghosting you has nothing to do with your behavior or worth. It’s their lack of maturity, morals, and emotional strength that makes them ghost. You’re just the person who got caught in it. Of course, you have some things to work on, but everyone does. That doesn’t mean you deserved to get abandoned like that.
You have to lower your guard a bit so you can let people into your heart. It won’t be easy, but that’s what relationships require. You have to be strong and have faith even though there’s a chance you’ll get hurt again.
Best,
Zan
This article helps a lot. I was recently in a 9 month relationship And we broke up due to her not fully healing from the trauma of her failed marriage. She was hot n cold during the break up and finally just stopped talking to me altogether with no notice. This helps me put things in a better perspective and I’ll be coming back to this during times where I start to blame myself again for her ghosting me. Thank you so much for writing this, I know it’s helping so many people in these situations
Hi Rozay.
Ghosting is not a solution. It just hurts the dumpee and makes him blame himself for his ex’s actions. If your ex wasn’t ready for a new relationship, you have to let her be. Give her the space she needs and do your best to focus on yourself. If she contacts you or wants you back, find out why she ghosted you before you decide what to do. Her answer should tell you if she regrets leaving you and hurting you.
Best regards,
Zan