My Girlfriend Talks Too much. Is It Normal?

Women are natural-born conversationalists. They talk about their looks, their love lives, happiness, breakups, difficulties—and share every little detail of their lives.

Doing so works therapeutically on them as it helps them get things off their chests. Perhaps it’s embedded in their genes, their DNA, and even their hormones. I’m not entirely sure.

But I do know that the University of Maryland School of Medicine study published a journal, called The Journal of Neuroscience which found that young girls have a greater abundance of protein in their cells, responsible for language development in mammals.

The research shows that girls have higher levels of Forkhead box protein P2 (Foxp2), oftentimes known as the “language gene” than equally aged boys.

“This study is one of the first to report a sex difference in the expression of a language-associated protein in humans or animals,” said Margaret McCarthy, PhD, one of the study’s authors.

According to the American Journal of Sociology, women are more emotional and more emotionally expressive than men.

They are believed to feel and express sadness more frequently than men, whereas men are believed to feel and express anger more frequently than women.

This means that there are many gender differences couples need to become aware of.

For example, when women encounter problems, they don’t always immediately start to solve their problems. That’s what guys do because they’re immediate problem solvers – the rational thinkers.

Women tend to talk about their problems first to fully understand them and process them before they look for viable solutions.

This doesn’t mean that women can’t be rational or that they can’t solve problems as efficiently as men.

The only difference is that women take a more emotional approach to relieve their stressors. By sharing and voicing their difficulties, they tend to confront the heavy feelings in their chests head-on, whereas men, usually keep it to themselves.

In this post, we’ll talk about what to do if your girlfriend talks too much. I’ll help you understand women better and share my experiences with you.

My girlfriend talks too much

In the self-help book called, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray explains, “When a woman is overwhelmed, she finds relief through talking in great detail about her various problems. Gradually, if she feels she is being heard, her stress disappears. After talking about one topic she will pause and then move on to the next. In this way, she continues to expand talking about problems, worries, disappointments, and frustrations. These topics need not be in any order and tend to be logically unrelated”.

Girls essentially have a greater desire for validation and understanding as they are the most emotional/hormonal of the two sexes. They work differently from men and can’t, nor shouldn’t even be compared to men.

So if you’re thinking to yourself, “My girlfriend talks too much,” I as a woman can tell you that it’s normal for women to be expressive. We feel a strong urge to communicate openly and efficiently—to feel good in our skin.

I know that we can sometimes appear self-centered to men who are waiting for an opportunity to speak, but we don’t intend to be perceived in that way. We just sometimes get very excited and overwhelmed with emotions.

This is the reason why I oftentimes:

1. Feel an immense desire to express my thoughts and emotions.
2. Share my happiness, sadness, and achievements with my friends and family.
3. Express my sadness and problems to my loved ones.
4. Tell people I trust that I feel sad or heartbroken.
5. Complain about my problems until I feel relieved.
6. Appear as if I’m nagging when I’m upset.
7. Talk to myself and deal with my own irritation.

On a positive note, your girlfriend talking to you a lot isn’t such a bad thing. It means that she trusts you and appreciates you enough to open up to you.

Don’t consider yourself her psychiatrist who’s obliged to listen to her. Think of yourself as an equal partner who should want to make her feel better for her sake, your sake, as well as for the sake of the relationship.

Here’s why you think your girlfriend talks too much.

Why do girls love talking so much?

Girls love talking and there’s no arguing about that. Whether it’s a serious conversation, plain chitchat, or even nonsense talk such as gossip, girls love to be a part of the conversation.

But why do girls enjoy talking so much? What’s in it for them?

Well, it seems that Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C has figured it out. She explains that “For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing and negotiating relationships.”

This means that women talk to their partner to understand their man’s feelings and ideas. They first share their thoughts and opinions with the guy they trust and love—and then obtain some sort of reassuring feedback in return.

To them, conversations work like ping pong. They give and they get. The only problem is that they sometimes send a few balls too many before their conversationalist man can reciprocate.

I suppose how much a girl talks really depends on her personality.

Some girls talk more than others, so it would be unfair to classify all girls as extremely talkative. While it’s true that girls are expressive by nature, just how expressive they are depends on their upbringing.

If they’re encouraged to communicate and express themselves openly during childhood and adolescence, they tend to grow up expressive. They continue to share their thoughts with others and aren’t afraid of judgment.

But if girls’ caregivers and circumstances prevented them from voicing their opinions, then they typically keep their sentiments to themselves even as adults.

My girlfriend complains too much

A girl may talk a lot or “complain too much” when she’s unhappy about certain aspects of her romantic relationship. For example, when she receives late replies from her boyfriend or when her husband doesn’t give her the impression that she’s valued.

That’s when a girl usually shows displeasure by voicing her problems in an emotional way and takes her rational boyfriend by surprise.

If her boyfriend lacks gender differences knowledge, he then perceives the girl’s emotional approach as intrusive – as a direct attack—and thinks that his girlfriend complains and argues with him on purpose, when in reality, she’s trying to solve the problems that bother her.

She’s trying to get past her worries and feel like herself again.

So if your girlfriend talks too much during arguments and complains a lot in general, you need to understand that she feels anxious. Even though complaining and nagging aren’t healthy for a relationship, she feels a strong desire to voice her opinion to you.

You need to listen to her and relieve her anxiety so that you can then work on lessening the number of arguments and difficulties your relationship experiences.

Girls want a good listener

It’s no secret that women don’t need their fixer boyfriend to fix all the issues for them. Most of the time, they’re perfectly capable of fixing their problems on their own and don’t need a man to show them how to fix them.

What women actually want is someone who can listen. They want a person who can bond with them through good and bad experiences and be there for them in times of need.

Men, on the other hand, usually aren’t interested in lengthy conversations. Especially not when the problem appears simplistic and they think they can solve it immediately without hearing the full story behind it.

They’re the “Who, what, why, and when” kind of people as they’re biologically wired to take action.

There are many men out there who are great listeners. But the ones who truly listen possess relationship knowledge, self-awareness, or the will to want to listen.

Keep that in mind.

Who talks more? Men or women?

Men and women have different language styles.

Men use language to exude assertiveness while women express themselves to be understood. Such are the basic differences that initially attract the two genders to each other.

But as time goes on and the couples get to know each other, such misunderstood differences soon start to cause difficulties.

They convince couples that they’re incompatible and that they don’t understand each other. But in reality, incompatibilities are self-created in people’s heads.

The thoughts a person thinks about years into the relationship self-sabotage the relationship. I repeat, it’s not the laws of nature that separate couples. It’s their lack of positive thinking, personal strength, and poor communication styles.

Generally speaking, women tend to appear more social, approachable, and open towards others. They seek help from the people they converse with whereas men stay strong and rely on themselves.

They have their ego and pride, forcing them to want to retain their independence.

While men live in a world of status where conversations are merely negotiations for
dominance and power, women live in a world of connections where the purpose of
conversations are to negotiate for closeness and to preserve intimacy (Tannen, 1990).

Women essentially seek reassurance and understanding. They stand for equality and strive to bond with the people they come in contact with.

With that being said, we can say that women tend to talk more than men. They have stronger sentiments that inspire them to express themselves in an open, understood manner.

What to do when your girlfriend talks too much?

When your girlfriend talks too much and you can’t seem to get her to take a breath, you’ll likely feel upset, irritated, weary, and feel all sorts of negative emotions. You’ll feel that your girlfriend talking to you too much is slowly killing you on the inside.

But whatever you do, don’t let it get to you and force your girlfriend to stop talking.

If you do, you’re going to develop hatred toward the person you love, so take a step back and talk to your girlfriend when you have the opportunity to talk to her.

Tell her that you appreciate her telling you how she feels in great detail and that you want to hear more. But before you can do that, you first need to feel that you’re a part of the conversation.

Say it would mean a lot to you if she could include you in conversation and ask you questions too. Doing so would encourage your girlfriend to practice patience and self-awareness and allow her to talk to you and listen to you about the same.

And don’t worry, it won’t ever be 50/50, but at least you won’t get tired or irritated of your girlfriend talking too much. You won’t as long as your girlfriend loves you and is prepared to give you time to talk as well.

Now, this change won’t happen overnight. It will likely take a week or two for her to gain complete control of her actions and rewire her behavior.

So be patient with her on her journey of personal transformation.

Don’t lose your self-control and criticize her! Show her you love her and tell her that you’re willing to support her no matter what.

In return for some time to talk during conversations, tell her you’re willing to change anything she’d like you to change about you. In this way, you’ll both become more self-aware of your behaviors and get along better as a result.

If you wish not to offend your girlfriend when she talks too much, try these helpful tips:

1. Listen to her attentively without interruptions.
2. When she finishes talking, validate her thoughts and feelings.
3. Tell her you would really appreciate her if she could listen to you for a few minutes so that you can get something off your chest.
4. Tell her that you love her a lot but that you have a difficult time focusing on the point she’s trying to bring across. Ask her if she’s okay with stopping and letting you speak every few sentences.
5. Thank her for agreeing and tell her that your relationship is going to be stronger because of this.
6. Continue to thank her for her efforts every day. By doing so, you will encourage her to keep wanting to change her behavior and appear more respectful to you.
7. Don’t react negatively if she slips up every now and then. Simply ask her if you can speak and she’ll immediately remember her promise. Talk about it frequently and she’ll want to change for you as well as herself.

My boyfriend told me I talk too much – personal experience

This happened to me. My boyfriend told me I talk too much—which is why I’d like to share my story with you.

If I had to describe myself in a few words, I’d say I’m a hyper, talkative, and upbeat person. I enjoy talking to others and find great pleasure in helping others as well.

I have days when it seems that the words I speak fly out of my vocal folds faster than they reach my brain. People say I’m loquacious—and my boyfriend was one of those people.

Some time ago when I was at work and felt stressed about my colleagues, bosses, and clients, I confided in my boyfriend. I called him on the phone and told him about the things that stress me. As always, I wanted him to sympathize with me and make me feel better.

It’s what boyfriends are supposed to do, right?

The problem was that I didn’t know what I was doing. I was completely unaware that I had talked about the same issues many times before and that I never gave my boyfriend the time to verbalize his thoughts and feelings.

I was always so overwhelmed with anxiety that I just wanted to talk and talk and talk.

So because I didn’t give my boyfriend the ability to express himself every time I poured my heart out, he kept unexpressed feelings and ideas to himself until he reached a tipping point.

The tipping point was basically him telling me, “I can’t follow you anymore. Please let me speak every now and then so that I can help you.” He told me he feels that I don’t listen to him and that I don’t care about his ideas.

That’s when we realized that we have some gender differences and that we need to overcome them and respect them.

To compromise, I promised my boyfriend I would stop talking every 5 sentences and give him a chance to say anything he wants. My boyfriend, on the other hand, promised to listen intently without interrupting me and suggesting quick fixes.

Ever since we implemented this little rule, we haven’t experienced these gender differences. We know what’s best for our relationship and the things we need to avoid to understand each other better.

Prior to our agreement, I missed so many clues that I talk to much. I missed the “Hold your horses partner, wait a minute please, let me get the gist, I forgot what you’re trying to say, thanks for the story, but… signs and many more.

At one point, my boyfriend even timed me talking to him. I think it went over 4 minutes without him saying a single word. Not even a “mhm.”

This was probably a good time for me to take a hint. But I didn’t because no one before thought I talked too much. Especially not the people in the area I grew up in.

I just want to say that I grew up around extremely expressive people. I have two sisters who I’m close with and friends and neighbors who look after each other. The society I grew up in is the reason why I carried my speaking patterns into my romantic relationship.

And my partner (being a guy) definitely didn’t like that. At least not when I shared my stories and tiny “meaningless” updates on my life with him.

Truthfully, I didn’t know that too much talking can be exhausting for a guy. It’s not the listening per se that’s exhausting. It’s being unable to speak when he wants to say what’s on his mind.

This is why my boyfriend and I knew we had to do something about it. We had to find a solution that works for both of us.

We had to accept our differences and by doing so, get along better in so many ways.

So if you’re a guy and think your girlfriend talks a lot/too much, the best way to deal with your situation is to become aware of the gender differences.

Think of your girlfriend as a woman who needs to share her positive and negative experiences with you.

Sharing with you makes her happy. So show her you can be a good listener and that you’re interested in what she’s saying.

But once she’s stopped talking, take the initiative and explain to her that you’d like her to pause every now and then for you to collect your thoughts.

Telling your girlfriend she talks too much may appear rude to her, so tell her in a kinder way. You can say that it would make you very happy if she could listen to what you have to say every few sentences.

If she agrees, encourage her to take an interest in your life and ask questions as well.

Don’t think that asking her to speak less is disrespectful and that you’re changing her as a person. Only weak-minded people who are not ready for a positive change will tell you that.

The truth is that some women and men need to become aware of their speaking patterns for their own sake. And if you have the power to influence them in a positive way, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

Everyone will benefit from it.

I hope you now know how to tell your girlfriend she talks too much. If you encountered similar problems before and/or you’re going to give advice in this article a try, leave a comment below. I’d like to see what you think.