If He Loves You, He Will Come Back No Matter What!

If a guy loves you, you can be certain that he’ll come back no matter what. He’ll feel an overwhelming desire to reconnect and feel cherished, so he won’t resist his love for you. There just won’t be any need for him to do that because being with you will empower him.

It will allow him to feel the emotions he couldn’t feel when he was away from you.

A guy who loves you will want you back right away. The moment he gets hurt and realizes he’s made a mistake, he’ll come running because he’ll be in a hurry to obtain your validation and support and feel at peace. He won’t have time to waste as not being with you will make him feel similar to how you felt when you got dumped. He’ll probably be a bit less anxious, but all in all, his health and well-being will depend on your willingness to get back with him.

That’s what love does. It makes dumpers want you back – oftentimes even if you’re with someone else. They feel they have to at least try to win you back, which is why they apologize and tell you how they feel and what they hope for. The more pain they feel, the faster they come back and the more respect and love they have for you.

You need to know that regretful guys won’t just message you and let you do all the work.

If they took the initiative with the breakup, they’ll take the initiative with the reconciliation as well. In other words, they’ll let you know that they’re sorry and that they want to give the relationship another chance.

You must keep in mind that they’ll do most if not all of the work. This includes messaging, calling, setting up a time and date to see you, and telling you how they feel and what they’ve learned in your absence.

You won’t have to do anything other than listen and say yes or no.

The biggest problem though is that a guy who isn’t with you currently doesn’t love you. He’s focusing on his own life and needs more time for things to go awry and see whether he can succeed and be happy without you. He’s still enjoying the relief created by the breakup and has no intention of coming back. Not unless life gives him lemons and helps him see that he’s made the mistake of his life.

So whatever you do, don’t think that men love you even after they’ve broken up with you.

Those who come back start loving you again when something doesn’t go according to plan. That’s because something or someone falls short of their expectations and shows them that the life they had before was better than the life after.

You mustn’t assume that love stays even after the breakup because in most cases, it doesn’t. People leave their partners because of a lack of love and happiness. And the ironic thing about it is that they come back for the exact same reasons. They develop a strong desire to give and receive love and therefore return to get the most out of their life.

This post is for dumpees who wonder if a guy who loves you will come back no matter what.

If he loves you he will come back no matter what

If he loves you, he will come back no matter what

First of all, a man who loves you will come back no matter what because his love (which is a craving for affection) will force him to crave your reassurance, support, time, and commitment. It will make him want what he had before because he’ll learn the hard way that he’s made a horrible mistake and that he needs to make things right before someone else takes his place.

It’s the sense of urgency that will push him to secure a spot in a relationship with you and do better than last time.

So don’t even think about making things easier for him by talking to him, encouraging him to open up, or telling him you still love him. He doesn’t need a push from you because a guy who loves you will come back on his own. He’ll see that you value yourself and that the value you can provide to him and the relationship is worth the effort.

It’s worth the risk of getting rejected because getting back together would make him feel validated and take his pain and anxiety away. The reconciliation would boost his self-esteem and enable him to rely on you for things he lacks the strength to take care of on his own.

You have to understand why exes come back. The most important reason is that they see you’ve moved on and that you don’t care about getting back with them. You feel comfortable with the way things are and don’t need them to understand who you are and what you’re capable of. This makes you look strong in their eyes and causes them to drool over your independence, confidence, and high self-esteem.

Therefore, it’s the way you present yourself and dumpers’ lack of happiness and luck that help dumpers come back. These are the two most important things as they make you like a good option in contrast to what they’re going through and how they’re feeling.

So don’t think that he’ll realize your worth and start loving you for no reason just because you were a decent person. He might feel bad for hurting you and want to be your friend, but that won’t kickstart his love. It will most likely take some kind of unpleasant experience to do that.

I’m talking about something that affects his perception of who he is as a person and allows him to think back to times when life was easier, better, or different.

The saying, “If he loves you, he will come back no matter what” is true. But it’s also true that guys (or women) don’t stay in love with their exes after the breakup. They may cry, feel guilty, blame themselves (common for dumpers with depression), and wonder if they did the right thing, but love is gone after the breakup.

In all fairness, it’s gone even before the breakup happens because dumpers tend to fall out of love days, weeks, or months before they finally leave a relationship.

People in long-term relationships sometimes stay together for years even though they don’t love each other. They stay in a relationship out of habit and comfort or because they think it’s best for their children.

But the point is that someone who loves you will come back and show you he loves you. He’ll pay attention to what you say and need, show respect and concern, ask questions, and spend a lot of time with you. He’ll do these things because you’ll be extremely important to him.

A person who doesn’t love you, however, won’t care much about you romantically. He’ll stay away from you both physically and emotionally until he’s ready for friendship or more.

Here are 6 reasons why a guy who loves you will come back no matter what.

If he loves you he'll come back no matter what

Don’t look for signs that your ex loves you

Sometimes guys say things like, “I’ll always love you, I’ll miss you so much, I wish things ended differently,” but guys who say that don’t have any romantic feelings for you. What they have are sympathy and guilt. They care about you as a person as they want you to recover from rejection and feel better as quickly as possible.

If you take their “love yous” literally, you’ll expect them to still feel something about you and keep looking over your shoulder. You’ll wait for them to return and by doing so, prevent yourself from moving on and finding happiness without them.

So no matter how great the relationship was or how much the guy still “loves you,” keep in mind that there are two kinds of love guys sometimes blend into one. There’s a romantic kind of love and there’s “love,” also known as care. The former shows a person wants to be with you and build a life with you whereas the latter shows that an ex regrets hurting you and that he feels guilty for throwing away a decent relationship.

If an ex-partner told you he loves you, he did that to give you hope, ease your worries, and stop you from reacting strongly. He wanted you to know he cares about you as a friend/ex-partner and that he didn’t want to upset you. But even if he didn’t want to hurt you, he shouldn’t have lied to you and deceived you.

He should have thought about the effect false hope would have on your anxious brain and encouraged you to message or call him whenever you’re struggling with the breakup. That way, he would have been of actual support as he would have given you closure and allowed you to let go of him at the same time.

It doesn’t take a genius to know this. Anyone with a decent sense of right and wrong knows that he must avoid giving false hope to someone who’s in love with him and wants him back.

Dumpers only say they still love their exes (and string their exes along) because they:

  1. Feel bad for hurting their exes.
  2. Want to stop feeling bad and get their exes off their backs as quickly and painlessly as they can.

Dumpers sometimes choose the easy way out. And they do that by giving half-truths and vague, often counterproductive statements that cause more issues later down the road. They just don’t know how to face someone they’ve hurt, so they say things dumpees want to hear.

Little do they know that compliments empower dumpees with hope and make dumpees analyze their words and think about them for a very long time.

Let him go! He’ll come back to you if it’s meant to be

If you love your ex, you have to let him go. He’ll come back to you if he’s meant for you. No one knows if he’s meant for you, but if he is, he’ll ponder about his mistakes and learn that he’s made a huge mistake.

There are only two ways he could learn that.

  1. By putting his behavioral and thinking patterns under the microscope and understanding that the problem was with him.
  2. Or by dating someone else, enjoying life for a while, and failing at staying happy.

Whether willingly or forcibly, the guy needs to do a lot of reflecting. He needs to compare you to his new life, see that his new life sucks, realize that he took you for granted, and because of this realization, redevelop feelings for you.

It could take him a long time to do that. Honestly, he may never redevelop feelings because some guys never improve the way they see their ex-partners. Some like to blame their exes or see their exes as incompatible people. Doing so makes them victims and gives them control over their post-breakup life and emotions.

It’s best for you to let go of someone who doesn’t love you. You probably don’t want to (especially if the breakup just happened), but you need to otherwise you could wait for your ex for a very long time. You could wait even though he’s dating someone else and planning a future (family) with that person.

Why do I have a feeling he will come back?

If you have a gut feeling your ex will come back, this is because you’re feeling extremely hopeful. You’re anxiously waiting for your ex to return as that would make it easier for you to cope with the unfortunate situation.

A lot of dumpees have a feeling their ex will come back. They think their relationship isn’t over yet and that their ex will come back to validate them. We call this denial. Dumpees experience it as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with fear, anxiety, destroyed self-esteem, and insecurity.

I felt that way too when I got dumped. I could feel my ex thinking about me and wanting to be with me, so I kept waiting for her to message me. Because I felt hopeful, I even dreamt about my ex kissing me and coming back. I had no idea my dreams, hopes, and ex-thoughts were caused by the pain the breakup has put me through.

I only realized it later when I got over my ex and didn’t want my ex back anymore. That was when I saw things clearly and stopped looking for signs from the universe about my ex coming back.

So to conclude this article, bear in mind that a guy will indeed come back if he loves you. He’ll come running back faster than greased lightning just so he can be with you and experience love again. But he won’t come back just because he said he “still loves you” or because you have a gut feeling that he’ll return.

Something unpredictable and painful will likely have to happen. Something that changes his perceptions of you and negative feelings.

Do you think that if he loves you, he will come back no matter what? Let us know what you think below the post.

And if you want to talk to us about your ex or breakup, sign up for breakup coaching with us here.

13 thoughts on “If He Loves You, He Will Come Back No Matter What!”

  1. Hi Zan, your site is one of very few that hits a chord with me (and I have sadly tried them all). I’m just over 3 months post break-up…though I was the unwilling dumper, my hand was forced, therefore I look at things as if I was the dumpee. I have remained polite and secure since breaking up, though admittedly a hiccup where I thought I was being caring..seems I was just validating them.
    Now I have been NC 3 weeks, I have 95% moved on and will keep going, I have always been independent and high-value prior to this relationship, and have returned to base, so to speak.
    Oddly enough I can already sense a shift in dynamics from his end.
    Reading the above article has given me more momentum to complete my healing. Thank you so very very much….it’s advice like yours that helps us all 🤗

    Reply
    • Hi Dorothy.

      Thanks for reading the blog.

      If you were forced to dump your ex, you should explain to him what you need him to change. He needs to know that you won’t put up with the same issues and that you know your worth. If he knows what he needs to work on and has the drive to improve (which dumpees do), he’ll put in the effort and make the necessary changes.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

      Reply
  2. and fof the dumper? how to move on itöf it was a misstake and the ex wanted to try again and gave me hope for 3 weeks but backed out. It hurts for me to.

    Reply
    • Hi Elin.

      You have to understand that your ex couldn’t resolve his/her problems and disassociate negative perceptions from you. Your ex tried to fix things but failed relatively quickly. You can move on by going no contact and letting go of hope. Be patient with yourself and stay busy!

      Best wishes,
      Zan

      Reply
  3. I’m doing no contact. It’s been nearly a month. I’m still not sure I could see him without crying. BUT. I have plants and some cupboards at his house that I need to collect. Before the plants die. And I just don’t know how to do that. I don’t want to see him before I can at least give them impression that I’m doing a brilliant job of forgetting him. But I am also wondering if I’m being cruel there as I know his mental health is bad. Problem is that mine is too now thanks to this breakup.

    Reply
  4. What a good article, Zan!!!
    I started No Contact tet he went! And I said myself he’ll come back to you if it’s meant to be. This is what kept me going!
    Abs now, I’m healed and forever grateful for your work, Zan

    Reply
  5. Yes, that’s for sure.. but you also need to think if that’s acceptable for you new life. Sometimes we need just to move on and let the universe fill the new blank space.

    Reply
    • Hi Billy.

      Letting go is important for dumpees because they learn to respect themselves and rely on themselves. So always focus on letting go of control and embracing the unknown.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

      Reply

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