Disappearing After Being Dumped

It’s highly recommended to disappear after being dumped. Your disappearance not only demonstrates you respect your ex’s decision to leave but also shows you respect yourself. It proves you understand what your ex needs from you to be happy and that you’re not afraid to pull away and make your life about you.

Disappearing after the breakup is what the dumper and the dumpee need. The dumper needs it to feel relieved and free whereas the dumpee needs it to break the attachment to the dumper and regain his or her self-worth.

By feeling the emotions they need to feel, they can both distance themselves from the breakup and start seeing things more rationally.

A rational perception of the relationship can help the dumper see that he or she overreacted and that the dumpee has good qualities or traits that the dumper couldn’t see because of pent-up frustrations.

The dumpee, on the other hand, can stop worshipping the dumper and see that the dumper had made mistakes as well. This realization can help the dumpee make emotional progress and allow the dumpee to stop blaming himself or herself.

Both the dumpee and the dumper, therefore, typically need to disappear after the breakup. Disappearance is essential for their recovery, value, growth, and even attraction. Distance has the best possible effect on them because it leaves them to their devices and allows them to focus on what they need to focus on.

Dumpers usually feel relieved, so they share their newfound freedom and excitement with the world whereas dumpees analyze the breakup obsessively and look for answers that could ease their anxiety.

Answers allow them to feel somewhat in control of their anxiety after their ex has taken their power away. It can also enable them to see where they went wrong and how they could have done things better.

Because dumpees suffer from rejection pain, they have a much higher chance of evolving and becoming the best versions of themselves than dumpers.

Their destroyed self-esteem makes them look for flaws in themselves rather than their ex and stops them from letting go of their ex. At least at first because they’re shocked, hurt, and depressed.

Unlike dumpers who don’t need to make any changes, dumpees are anxious and feel pressured into making healthy changes. They’re convinced that if they don’t grow, they’ll fail to reattract their ex and lose their ex forever.

That’s why they dedicate a big portion of their time to reading and learning more about relationships and breakups. Simply put, they try to prepare for when their ex reaches out.

So if your ex dumped you and you’re straddling the fence about disappearing, know that you won’t be able to reattract your ex simply by talking to your ex, joking, appearing confident, displaying personal changes, playing jealousy games, threatening, ignoring, blocking, and doing anything that shows you need or don’t need your ex.

Your words, actions, and presence won’t have the kind of effect you want them to have because your ex has a negative relationship perception of you and doesn’t want to alter that perception. Viewing you the way he or she does is beneficial to your ex as it gives your ex power and reassures him or her that you’re not a compatible partner.

Changing your ex’s perception forcefully will just make you look desperate, disrespectful, and miserable, which is not the message you want to send across.

The message you want to send is that you’re going to focus on yourself and move on. You can send this message not by telling your ex you deserve better but by showing that you deserve better.

Do this indirectly by disappearing after being dumped and minding your own business.

You don’t need to apologize and fix your mistakes if you think you were rude, mean, or vengeful. The things you did don’t matter anymore. Your ex made mistakes too and probably hasn’t apologized for any.

Now it’s time to be strong, disappear, and preserve your worth. Regardless of who has been reaching out, cut your ex off either by asking your ex not to reach out (when your ex reaches out) or simply by starting no contact.

If your ex hasn’t reached out since the breakup, your ex doesn’t need to know you’ll be focusing on yourself. Your ex is not the most important person in your life anymore. Even if you don’t have any friends or people to confide in, your ex can’t be your number one person anymore.

He or she lost that position automatically with the breakup. Don’t pretend that you’re friends. Don’t settle for friendship if your ex offers it out of pity or self-interest. Friendships with an ex are extremely challenging to maintain as they give hope, delay healing, and prevent dumpees from growing in ways they need to.

Always remember that you’ll heal many times quicker and make a much better impression on your ex if you exude strength indirectly by disappearing after the breakup.

In today’s post, we’ll discuss how disappearing after being dumped can help you regain your self-respect, increase your value, and decrease the time it takes to heal.

Why is it important to disappear after being dumped?

Disappearing after the breakup is the most important thing you can do. Nothing you say or do is as powerful as your disappearance as your absence speaks for itself. It says that you have a good understanding of breakups and that you have the strength to do what the breakup requires you to do (leave your ex alone).

It may not be easy to stop interacting with your ex, but that doesn’t mean you should bother your ex with emotions and problems your ex quite frankly doesn’t care about. Your ex has plenty of problems of his or her own and doesn’t want to add yours to his/hers.

Don’t make things difficult for your ex just because life is difficult for you.

Instead, learn more about breakups and acknowledge that your ex had a reason for initiating the breakup. That reason may have been ridiculous, but it’s still a reason your ex can’t and doesn’t want to ignore. You shouldn’t try to make your ex ignore it because it would go against your ex’s beliefs and emotions.

The only thing left to do is to let go of control and let your ex think and feel what your ex wants to think and feel. You aren’t too happy about that (especially if the breakup was ugly and you want to portray yourself in a positive light), but it’s of utmost importance that you accept the breakup and de-intensify the situation.

De-intensification will give your ex space to breathe and make you look as attractive as you can.

It doesn’t matter if you were an awful communicator and made mistakes (everyone does by the way). No one’s perfect.

But the thing that gives you the most value as a dumpee is how you perceive yourself. If you perceive yourself as someone who needs his or her ex to be happy, you’ll most likely project your insecurities, pain, and codependence onto your ex and repulse your ex.

And conversely, if you think you’re worthy of love and recognition, you’ll show that you don’t need people who don’t need you. This won’t instantly make your ex want to be with you, but it will prevent your ex from treating you poorly and losing respect for you.

Your job as a dumpee is to get back on your feet. You can’t do that if you keep talking to an ex who makes you anxious and desperate for reconciliation. You can only prolong your healing and decrease your ex’s interest in you.

Keep in mind that silence after the breakup is breakup knowledge 101. It’s the most basic breakup plan you need to implement if you want to fall back in love with yourself and avoid giving your ex reasons to destroy his or her respect for you.

The purpose of disappearing after the breakup isn’t to manipulate your ex into caring. It’s to heal from the breakup and show you’re not going to chase someone who isn’t worthy of being chased.

Your ex already feels overprioritized. He or she doesn’t need to be admired unless he or she earns your admiration.

With that said, here’s why disappearing after being dumped is good for you and your ex.

If you don’t disappear after being dumped, you shouldn’t expect to feel better and make your ex think about you. You should expect to stay obsessed with your ex and be easy to predict.

Dumpers believe they know their ex inside out and that their ex isn’t the person they wanted him or her to be. To change that (or attempt to change it), you must prove your ex wrong indirectly by disappearing and focusing on people who deserve your time and effort.

Don’t do this by immediately jumping into a relationship with someone new because jealousy doesn’t work on the majority of dumpers (it tends to have the opposite of the desired effect). Instead, distance yourself from your ex and make sure your ex doesn’t learn anything (bad) about your new life.

Your ex can’t know that you’re desperate for reconciliation and waiting for him or her to come back. If anything, your ex must think you’re doing great and that you’ve regained your personal power and found purpose in this world.

That could potentially make your ex want to talk to you if your ex thinks about you a lot, needs your help with something, or wants you back.

Whether you want your ex back or not, you should follow the rules of no contact and let the power of silence after being dumped do the talking for you.

You probably don’t like the idea of your ex interpreting silence in the wrong way, but rest assured that your ex won’t wait for you to make the first move if your ex wants you back. A dumper who loves you and wants to be with you will be scared of losing you and won’t let you go just because you seem to be doing fine without him/her.

Your ex can be the most stubborn and prideful person on the planet, but if your ex knows what you bring to the table, your ex will do everything in his or her power to win your trust and love back. Pride seems insignificant when fear and anxiety kick in.

Should I disappear from social media?

Disappearing from social media is not necessary, but it does tend to have some positive effects. One of them is that it can make the dumper curious about the dumpee’s decision to disappear and encourage the dumper to wonder if the dumpee is busy dating someone else and enjoying his or her life.

Disappearing from social media after the breakup is in the dumpee’s best interest. That’s because deactivating or closing social accounts stops the dumpee from stalking the dumper’s social media behavior and enables him or her to self-prioritize and get used to living without the dumper.

The dumpee can essentially do two things at the same time.

1. Make himself or herself look as attractive as possible.
2. Work on losing hope and moving on.

There’s nothing wrong with moving on if you still want your ex back. Dumpees often think they’ll want their ex only for as long as they depend on their ex. But the truth is that they might also want their ex back even after they’ve gotten over their ex.

Emotions aren’t the only deciding factor when it comes to reconciliation. Rational opinions about the dumper also play a major factor. If you do no contact, feelings (which you associate with pain) will defintiely subside over a year or so.

How fast they subside depends on the intensity, length, and quality of the relationship as well as your self-esteem.

As for how your opinion of your ex changes, that depends on how your ex treated you during and after the relationship and the things you do to discover your worth and grow as a person.

If you reflect and start to realize that you were attached to your ex (not in love with your ex) mainly because your ex didn’t give you time and attention, you’ll probably realize that your ex isn’t your ideal partner and that there are plenty of better fish in the sea.

When your ex finally wants you back, you’ll think much more rationally than you do now (or did after the breakup) and will know whether your ex adds value to your life or takes it away. You’ll understand who your ex is as a person and will, therefore, know what’s best for you very quickly.

Anyway, I strongly believe that all dumpees who are friends with the dumper online and dumpees who can’t stop checking up on the dumper should do something about their social media profiles.

All dumpees should:

• delete their exes’ photos from their accounts
• unfollow their exes
• post infrequently (mostly achievements and positive things) and/or as often as they did before the breakup

Hurt dumpees who can’t stop themselves from reaching out should:

• delete their exes
• or delete/deactivate their accounts

And dumpees who receive messages from their exes and can’t get them to stop reaching out should:

• block their exes

It’s that simple.

So if you’re contemplating disappearing from social media, forget about the effects your disappearance could have on your ex. You should instead prioritize yourself and think about whether your ex’s social media is making it hard for you to detach and find internal peace.

If it does make it hard, you should do what it takes to push your ex out of sight and embrace healing. Hurting yourself on purpose serves no purpose.

In this day and age, social media makes healing many times more difficult than it used to be back in the day when people didn’t know how their ex was doing and who he or she was seeing.

Today, that’s often not the case as social media forces dumpees to obsess and dig for information. It makes them look for things they’re not ready to find and accept.

So when it comes to breakups, social media honestly has very few benefits as it’s not a tool you can use to make your ex regret breaking up with you.

Abusing social media (posting too much) will most likely annoy your ex and cause you more pain and create more problems than it will solve.

Most dumpees want to know how to use social media to their advantage. I suppose they want to disappear from social media to shock their ex and make their ex curious and nostalgic. Although this can happen, it’s not a surefire way of making the dumper think about you and want to be with you.

Social media can’t bring back feelings when the dumper feels relieved and happy with the breakup. It merely allows the dumper to check up on you when negative breakup emotions wane and/or life gives him or her lemons.

That’s when social media can come in handy as means of obtaining forgiveness, validation, support, or love.

With that said, consider staying off social media or limiting your social media usage if you want to avoid:

• popping into your ex’s mind (too often) and annoying your ex
• making it look like you’re bragging and pretending to be happy
• getting blocked
• and suffering unnecessarily

In the end, whatever decision you make, make sure it helps you process the breakup and motivate you to grow.

Are you thinking of disappearing after being dumped? How do you plan on doing that? Share your thoughts below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.