Sadly, most dumpees encounter breadcrumbs from an ex at least once after the breakup. They receive confusing messages that initially empower them with hope and make them anxious.
But when they look into the messages and see that those messages have nothing to do with them, they usually regain their power, lose their patience, and eventually push their ex away.
Some dumpees tell their ex not to reach out anymore and some ignore or block their ex. Almost all dumpees, though, realize that the way their ex treated them after the breakup was unfair and that they shouldn’t interact with someone who showed little to no concern for their health and well-being.
If your ex is breadcrumbing you (once or many times) and you wonder what happens when you ignore a breadcrumber, I can tell you right now that one of two things will most likely happen.
The breadcrumber will either realize he or she isn’t welcome to breadcrumb anymore and stop doing it. Or the breadcrumber will dislike being ignored so much that he or she tries even harder to breadcrumb you.
I can’t say what will happen with certainty, but your ex may look for ways to get you to respond.
I’ve seen all kinds of breadcrumbs in my breakup careerāand all of them have negatively affected dumpees. They either forcefully reset dumpees’ healing or made them obsess over the reasons their ex reached out.
The most persistent breadcrumbers often got ignored. But because they were persistent, they didn’t just stop there. Instead, they told their ex’s friends, family members, or new partners to contact them and pass along some “important” message.
The most desperate ones even created dummy social media accounts and pretended to be someone else. I’ve seen young immature dumpers send messages like, “Your ex wants to talk to you. Message him.” Such messages made it obvious their ex was the one sending them.
As for those who couldn’t handle being ignored, they became vengeful and started to ruin their ex’s reputation. You probably don’t want to ignore someone who always felt victimized and had a hard time controlling difficult emotions.
Yes, exes do crazy things. They give the impression that they really miss the dumpee’s romantic side and want him or her back. But in reality, they fear losing control and feeling unimportant or feel guilty and want forgiveness.
Breadcrumbers appear regretful – as if they need their ex more than anything, but regrettably, they don’t need their ex for the right reasons. They normally just want to get something from their ex that would allow them to move on with the minimal effort.
Breadcrumbing is cruel, but the sad thing about it is that the majority of dumpers have no idea what they’re doing to dumpees. They don’t see that they’re reaching out for themselves rather than their ex. That’s why they confuse their ex and make their ex analyze everything they said and did.
If you ignore a breadcrumber, this won’t necessarily stop the crumber from reaching out and messing with your detachment progress. There’s a decent chance it will, but, it might also encourage him or her to try even harder to get ahold of you.
That’s why ignoring an ex isn’t the best way to communicate hurt feelings. People will tell you to ignore those who hurt you because they don’t deserve to be in your life, but instead of ignoring them and indirectly making them think you lack etiquette, you should act mature and try to stop them from sending you more breadcrumbs.
The topic of today’s article revolves around the question of what happens when you ignore a breadcrumber. We’ll dissect breadcrumbs and share some tips on how to respond to breadcrumbs appropriately.
What happens when you ignore a breadcrumber?
The most important thing you need to understand is that ignoring a breadcrumber won’t make the breadcrumber want to be with you. It won’t increase your ex’s respect for you because ignoring behavior decreases respect and love.
It makes the dumper see that you’re being childish and incapable of growth and communication.
Your ex is the dumper (someone who lost feelings), so your ex doesn’t want to hear from you for the same reason you want (or wanted) to hear from your ex.
You want your ex to validate you and be with you because your ex dumped you and pulled away whereas your ex wants to keep you around for convenience.
You mustn’t assume that a part of your ex still loves you and wants you back because if your ex loved you, your ex would show you or tell you that. Your ex would probably do both of these things and more because he or she’d be regretful and hurt.
So don’t get it twisted. Breadcrumbs, also known as meaningless, often lengthy conversations indicate a lack of romantic interest. You must treat them as such so that you can respond in ways that promote growth and healing.
If you completely ignore your ex in hopes to reconcile with your ex, you’ll likely doubt your actions and regret them to some degree. The conflicting things you hear about no contact and ways to reattract your ex will make you wonder if you did the right thing.
And when you ponder about it long enough, you’ll see that ignoring an ex is immature as it shows that you’re resentful and unwilling to communicate with someone who hurt you.
Ignoring an ex doesn’t give you value. Any developed rational person will tell you that it takes it away as it shows you lack the ability, maturity, and values to respond.
I know some people say you must ignore your ex (usually for a certain number of days) to show your ex you respect yourself, but then again, that’s not a way to earn respect. You won’t earn it by ignoring someone who doesn’t care if you ignore him or her.
Or if your ex does care, your ex won’t care about it in ways you want him or her to.
If people ignored each other left and right with the intention to manipulate one another, what kind of world would we live in? It’d be chaotic if you ask me because it’d stir up violent and unlawful behavior.
I’m not saying you need to tolerate breadcrumbs from an ex and tell your ex to keep them coming. That would be bad for your health and completely unnecessary.
But you should strive to act mature and communicate. You were born with the ability to express your wants and needs. You even learned to speak and write. It’d be a shame to waste your potential and show you learned nothing from the breakup.
So take my advice and put the things you’ve learned from the breakup to good use. In your reply to your ex, you needn’t thank your ex and show you’ve been dying to communicate. But you should say you’re not ready for friendship and that you’d appreciate him or her not reaching out and letting you focus on yourself.
If there’s an emergency, he or she can, of course, contact you. But if there isn’t, your ex should focus on himself/herself and let you do the same.
Most of the time, nothing will happen when you ignore a breadcrumber. The breadcrumber will just take the hint and stop reaching out. He or she might contact you again after a few weeks or months, but if you ignore your ex again, that will probably be the last time you hear from your ex.
The dumper isn’t brokenhearted, so the dumper won’t interpret your ignoring as romantic rejection. He or she will see it as a bad attitude.
That will make the dumper glad the relationship ended and greatly decrease his or her respect and attraction for you.
If you’re not the kind of person who ignores exes or you don’t want to be such a person anymore, you just have to say you don’t want to stay in touch. You don’t even have to explain why you’d decided to do that because your ex doesn’t need closure and explanations.
You, on the other hand, do. You’re trying to make sense of what happened and how you contributed to the breakup.
With that said, here’s what happens when you ignore a breadcrumber.
Ignoring a breadcrumber, can therefore be a positive and a negative thing as it can instantly shut your ex out of your life and give you some of your lost power back. But on the other hand, it can transform you into an ignoring person, hinder your growth, enrage your ex, cause fights, or make your ex look for ways to stay in touch.
Nobody can say “This is what your ex will do” because it depends on your ex’s maturity and how your ex interprets your silence. But if you want to avoid hurting your ex and promote your healing and growth, respond to your ex in ways that avoid leaving your ex to his or her own interpretation of your actions and inactions.
People tend to think negatively of those who ignore them. They do this because they judge the situation from their own perspective based on the information they have.
The only time you can make an exception and ignore your ex is when your ex is abusive or was abusive to you or your loved ones. In that case, ignoring breadcrumbs is something you must do out of self-protection and respect for yourself and your loved ones.
Most of the time, you should ignore breadcrumbs in the sense of not playing along with your ex. That’s the kind of ignoring you need in your post-breakup life as it allows you to heal.
As for things that hurt your ex or increase the tension between you two, they could complicate your already complicated breakup experience and make you regret your decisions.
Ignore the breadcrumber the right way
When dumpees read or hear they must ignore breadcrumbers, they often take that advice in the literal sense and refuse to reply to their ex. They act as if their ex doesn’t exist because they think that disciplining their ex is the way to make their ex care about them.
What such dumpees don’t understand is that dumpers aren’t open to learning lessons and can handle ignoring behavior with ease. Most of them laugh it off or find it rude and don’t bother with their ex afterward.
That’s why dumpees must do a different kind of ignoring. They must ignore their ex’s provocations, meaningless messages, and their own temptations to reach out and say something they shouldn’t say.
Breakups require immense self-control. If dumpees lose their control and do something impulsive, there’s a chance their ex will dislike it and distance himself or herself from them. And the moment dumpees notice the distance between them and their ex has increased rather than decreased, they get anxious and feel less worthy and hopeful for reconciliation.
So don’t ignore-ignore your ex’s breadcrumbs. Not responding could deter your ex from seeing your growth and destroy any second thoughts he or she has about you.
A useful rule of thumb is that you can’t go wrong with positive behavior. You can only make things better for yourself, your ex, and those around you.
It’s quite self-explanatory, but here are some positive and negative breadcrumbing behavioral options in front of you.
| Positive behaviors | Negative behaviors |
| Responding | Ignoring |
| Asking your ex not to reach out | Blocking |
| Expressing difficult emotions respectfully | Saying hateful remarks |
| Thanking your ex for being honest | Blaming your ex |
| Accepting your ex’s behavior and personality | Demanding answers or respect |
Rather than ignoring messages and calls, you should learn how to respond to breadcrumbs maturely. This is important for your health as well as your ex’s interest in you.
It’s not easy to respond rationally when your ex reaches out and makes you extremely anxious. Your brain will instinctually want to say things that impress your ex and pique your ex’s interest.
But instead of letting your anxious brain handle breadcrumbs on its own, you should try to stay in control of your responses and show you respect yourself and know your worth. You can do this by politely dodging your ex’s desire to talk about things that won’t lead anywhere.
Did you learn what happens when you ignore a breadcrumber? Did you ignore the dumper before? Share your post-breakup experiences with us below.
And if you’d prefer to talk to us 1-on-1, click here to inquire about our services.
āIf you completely ignore your ex in hopes to reconcile with your ex, youāll likely doubt your actions and regret them to some degree. The conflicting things you hear about no contact and ways to reattract your ex will make you wonder if you did the right thing.ā
I donāt agree completely with this statement. Lucia from The Art of Love with Lucia tells the dumpees to ignore breadcrumbs and wait for the dumper to send them a significant message.
Hi Nicholas.
I know there’s a lot of conflicting information on the internet, but ignoring people is wrong no matter how you look at it. The dumper could resent you for being immature.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I was in a r/s for 2 years and broke up 3 months ago. He was kind of in a quarter life crisis and decided to break up. My ex had been initiating the text everyday for the past few months. I have a hard time letting go of this r/s. He said he is slowly letting go of the r/s, but he is an avoidance type of person. Should I stop replying his text? I don’t know what he wants.
Hi TW.
You should ask him to stop reaching out rather than just stop replying. He feels guilty and is trying to get rid of his guilt with your help.
Sincerely,
Zan
I have known this guy for about 7 months now and mind you we are both in high school. He is a senior and is turning 18 in May and i am a sophomore who is turning 17 in October. I told him I liked him last year the 2nd week in September and he made it seem like he was interested in me then outta nowhere got a girlfriend and she just so happened to go to the same church as me. I was not as upset then because we didnt know each other that much. Basically they had an on and off again relationship and back then I thought it was her fault and that she was hurting him. Also I was hearing around that time that he liked me too but he was in love with her apparently. After some time they broke up for good and we began getting close and acting like we were dating until one day he gave his phone to me and while he was playing basketball one of his former exes texted him saying she loved him too. So I was upset and at first he lied about it then he finally admitted the truth but while we was texting about it I eventually forgave him and he was getting all sweet then eventually asked me out and at the time I was so happy. But we were only together for 4 days and he broke up with me saying he didnt feel a spiritual connection and I was thinking like what? But he said he wanted to continue to be friends and the next day he was awkward around me at first then started flirting the way we did before the relationship. Every now and then he would say we would get together in the future and that we had just rushed things. Just a week ago I found out from a friend who had screenshots that he told her he couldn’t imagine us together and it going past friends which I was mad about because he had been calling me bae and leading me on and I had to find out from my friend. So we havent talked since that Friday and I heard him say today he had a girlfriend and at first I was hurt because it hadn’t even been a full week since we stopped talking. I feel like he was trying to use me for his sexual needs and I would never give it up to him. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why he continues to hurt me like this when he says he cares about me. He even said that he loves me and never planned on stopping and we would still be together when he graduates then goes and gets in a new relationship. All my friends warned me about him but I kept getting my hopes up hoping they were wrong about him so i guess it is my fault. Now after reading a bunch of your articles I realized maybe I never really loved him I was just used to having him around and didnt know what I was feeling so I told him I love him. Oh and thats another thing, ever since the day I told him I love him he keeps using that as a reason for him to do things and for e to do things for him.
Hi JT.
Obviously, this guy doesn’t love you. He’s been using you for his selfish gain and had no intention of returning. You should cut him out of your life so you can gain some emotional distance and see things from a better perspective. Considering what he did, he didn’t deserve your forgiveness and trust. He needs to grow up and stop hurting women. Maybe he’ll come to his senses when someone does the same to him.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan
As a dumpee, its been a week no contact and today she texted saying āHi i just stop by to say hiā, breadcrums, should i respond or ignore?? Of i should respond what to say.
Hi Javi
I’m not Zan, but if you read this blog or you look into yourself…you have to know ..ignoring it’s not manner of a good man. Also just make you feel bad at the long run.
Trust me I know ..I did, and then I had to reach out to apologise, cause I just couldn’t go on with the feel of guilt.
Be polite and turn the table.
Say you need some time, to think it over few things.
And you let her know when you, ready to talk. Wish the best for her and go no contact.
And really…I mean really look into yourself to know where u have to improve yourself.
Then do it, work on yourself. Be the man who you want to be.
Let her come to you, but not wit a simple “Hi”
Respect yourself and others will too.
Wish the best
Las
Hi Javi.
I encourage you to find out why she texted you. If you learn it’s got nothing to do with getting back together, ask her politely not to reach out. And if she says she wants you back, arrange a time to see her and see if she learned anything since the breakup.
Best,
Zan
Thank you for your reply, Zan.
Do you think itās possible that if I keep giving her space and donāt push or pressure her, things eventually WILL get back to normal?
I have the impression that it is hard for her to go through the breakup, and that she is honestly trying to save the relationship.
Hi Oleg.
They could, but it will take a big realization on her end. She’s currently afraid of ending things for good, but she’ll overcome this fear if she feels uncomfortable enough.
Best,
Zan
Thank you for your help, Zan!
Is there anything I could do to make her more comfortable? And to come to that big realization?
Hi Oleg.
You must back off and let her be free. After that, focus on yourself and show her, yourself, and others that your life goes on.
Sincerely,
Zan
I belive I ran into a different kind of breadcrumbing.
In my other comment I mentioned when she tried breadcrumb me, I showed no interest. She posted envy status pictures, but I didn’t opened them.Then she dissappeared..( I belive she blocked me on WhatsApp status).
Then more than a month dead silence.
My things turned pretty good.
I make 3 times that much money like before, read and exercise a lot.
Few day’s ago I replaced my profile picture.
No jealousy game..I’m not even envy..just a bit artistic. Black and white picture, my cap cover my face..but my physique is hit.
Even my friend sent a text saying..my arms like leg’s and my back is like a worktop.
I always had good physique..except the break up, lost a lot, in my separation anxiety..deny to eat or do anything.
But now.. I’m on a different level..Thanks to Zan and this blog I created my own training method, taking parts from power lifting and martial arts..
Thank you Zan for the inspiration!
Two day’s ago her status become alive again.
I belive I don’t over analyse when I say ..that’s a reaction.
Happy party picture or something like that..
I had a look on her profile photo..
I got cold freezing.
Extremely overdid make up, filtered picture…like a dead scream for attention and validation.
Today I wanted to mute her status, but accidentally I opened…congrats for myself.
First I was a bit upset, but than I thought..is that really matter for me anymore..
All after the ghosting, breadcrumbing does it really matter for me what she think or do..
4 months since the break up and she still seek for power, control and upper hands..
Do I really need an immature person and drama in my life.
No…
My heart in love..but my mind sayin the opposite.
Thank you for all the hard work what you do here Zan.
You saved me so many months struggle and self torture, also showed the way out.
Thank you
Las
Hi Las.
I’m proud of you for improving your life in this many ways. You’ve truly become a much better version of yourself.
Although dumpers sometimes change their pictures for their ex, this is usually not the case. Most of the time, they do it for themselves and the people they want to impress. I suggest you unfollow her and be done with it. You needn’t know what she’s doing and for who. You just need to keep going. It’s clearly working as you’re detaching and minding your own business more and more every day.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan
I know ..when we take a look on a cloud at the sky..we see what we want to see or what our mind see in it..just like in a break up.
I don’t use social media. WhatsApp is the only one to keep contact with my friends.
I know she post status..always did.
But since break up she keep hidden from me..wich is ok.
Her privat life and I’m not a part of it, I have a peace with that. But the last 4 months I updated my profile pics twice.
Both time in few days her status came alive.
Also she change her profile picture every few weeks..I see when I share a picture or song with my friends.
And as I look back without the pink glass…the lot of selfis…the extreme jealousy behavior..stalking on me when I’m online(under the relationship), always everything about her..and I was like a good puppy. Let her take all the control.
I cannot say I’m over on her, but I want to be.
Cause I see how toxix it was on me.
Thank you again.
I keep reading your blog. I learn a lot from it.
Las
you always create best topics. Thank you for this new article Zan ā¤ļø
Thanks for saying that, Linda.
I’m super grateful.
Zan
Hi Zan,
Great article, as always.
I wonder if you could possibly help me here.
My girlfriend of 7 years told me about 6 weeks ago that she wanted to break up. She said she didnāt love me any more and it was final, she was going to look for her own place. I moved to another room and tried to minimize contact until that would happen.
However, she hasnāt moved out so far. Sheās staying in our common apartment. She keeps taking care of things just like before. She bought a few new things for the apartment. Sometimes we talk. A few times we even hugged. One time she referred to me as āmy boyfriendā when talking to another person.
Iām confused. Iām scared of asking her directly, āSo, are we broken up or is there still hope?ā. Especially because, according to her, one of the chief reasons for the breakup was my controlling, pushy character, the pressure I put on her demanding constant answers. I must add that she is from a conservative family, her parents are vehemently against our relationship and havenāt even met me in those 7 years, forbidding her to marry me. We are from different cultures and Iām much older than her.
I donāt know whatās going on. Is this breadcrumbing? She doesnāt look guilty or needy in that particular way youāve described. Rather, she looks like there is some kind of battle going on in her.
Should I just keep waiting, give her some space, see what happens? Should I try to initiate something clearly romantic? Should I move out?
Iām afraid of doing the wrong thing. I very much want this to work, if there is any hope.
Thank you very much in advance!
Best regards,
Oleg
Hi Oleg.
Your girlfriend or rather ex-girlfriend is avoiding her emotions. Instead of working on them and improving them, she’s ignoring the elephant in the room and making you feel like things are getting back to normal. This is, sadly, not true as things of such importance can’t improve on their own. You have to remember that she’s not moving forward or backward because she’s feeling comfortable.
Sooner than later, something or someone will likely push her to get through the breakup. She’s not breadcrumbing you, Oleg. She’s just… doing nothing. You should keep giving her space and let her do what she wants for now. Someone will eventually need to move out. You’ll talk about it when she expresses it to you.
You’re stronger than you think, Oleg. Hang in there!
Zan