Why Is My Ex Calling Me All Of A Sudden?

People call their exes for all sorts of reasons. Dumpees (those who get dumped) call their exes because they miss them and want to talk to them/get back with them. They find the post-breakup silence unbearable, so they try to restore communication, connection, and feelings.

Dumpers, on the other hand (people who do the dumping), tend to feel guilty, curious, or bored and check up on their exes for trivial reasons.

They want to know if their exes are doing okay and use the gained information to forgive themselves for leaving and hurting them. By observing the situation and seeing that their exes are coping with the breakup, they can essentially lower their guard around their exes and move forward with a clear conscience.

It’s difficult for me to pinpoint the exact reason your ex is calling you because each person is different and reaches out for slightly different reasons. But from what I see, curiosity, guilt, and nostalgia are definitely the 3 most common reasons dumpers contact their exes out of the blue.

Dumpers don’t know how their calls and texts affect their exes. They don’t feel the same way as their exes (rejected and dejected), so they assume they’re being nice and that they’re doing their exes a favor. In reality, all they’re doing is messing with their heads and delaying their recovery and internal peace.

I suppose dumpers reach out eventually because they realize they were too hard on their exes and that they’ve caused problems for them. Problems they don’t necessarily want to fix. Their top priority is almost always to check up on their exes and wait to see if their exes feel better.

Usually, they reach out indirectly by asking random questions and talking about random things. Their goal is not to be forgiven but to forgive themselves.

You need to understand that dumpers like all people don’t always need to hear that they’re forgiven. Usually, they’re happy just to call once or twice and receive some kind of reassuring response. That’s because their exes’ friendliness and willingness to converse tell them they’re not bad people and that they can start dating someone else if they want to.

So if your ex is calling you all of a sudden and you can’t figure out why, know that it’s probably not about you. Yes, your ex wants to know how you’ve been and what you’re doing, but that’s got nothing to do with your ex missing the romantic aspect of the relationship.

Your ex most likely just misses some parts of your personality or the way his or her life was back then.

In today’s post, we talk about why your ex is calling you all of a sudden and what you can do about it.

Why is my ex calling me all of a sudden?

There are many possible reasons why your ex is calling you all of a sudden. It could be guilt, curiosity, or nostalgia as we’ve mentioned earlier, but it could also be unhappiness, doubt, regret, or various problems.

Your ex might be dating someone else or going through something unpleasant that makes him or her want to confide in you and receive your validation.

Many times, dumpers reach out when they feel some negative emotion. An emotion like sadness, distress, loneliness, depression, fear, emptiness, helplessness, shame, or anything they don’t want to experience.

Of course, they don’t always reach out just because they’re hurt and need emotional support. They also call their exes because they’ve processed the most difficult breakup emotions such as suffocation and disgust and want to be friends again.

The desire for friendship is one of the most common reasons dumpers contact their dumpees and engage in conversation. This reason may not be as common as guilt, but many exes do want to bury the hatchet and/or try to be cordial with their ex.

They see things more clearly after a while and wish to keep their exes in their life and forget about all the drama they went through in the relationship.

Since dumpers typically become ready for friendship much quicker than dumpees, they oftentimes start calling their exes months after the breakup. They make it look like they’re back to normal even though that is seldom the case. They typically feel uncomfortable speaking with a person who has romantic expectations of them.

You probably won’t know why your ex is reaching out to you all of a sudden unless your ex is very vocal about it. But that’s okay. Just keep in mind that your ex would have asked to see you/get back with you if he or she made a huge mistake and wanted to reconcile.

That’s what regretful dumpers do when they realize they’ve messed up big time and want to get out of the mess they’re in.

So whatever you do, don’t assume that dumpers contact their exes to wait and be guided back into the relationship. Dumpers who want to reconcile show or express their regret and make it obvious they want their ex back.

Having said that, here are 10 different reasons why your ex might be calling you all of a sudden.

Now that you know there are numerous possible reasons your ex might be calling you all of a sudden, keep your hopes low and try not to assume that your ex wants you back.

Although it’s possible your ex is trying to figure out whether it’s possible to get back together with you, it’s just as possible that he or she is calling you for one of the other 9 points mentioned in the infographic.

Remember that dumpees are hurt, emotional, and hopeful. They tend to think their ex is calling and texting them for the same reasons they would contact their ex. But sadly, this isn’t always true. It usually isn’t unless something goes horribly wrong in their lives and makes them regret leaving their ex.

It’s much healthier for you to consider your ex’s reach out a breadcrumb (an empty message) and continue to detach. Your ex will do much more than call you when he or she falls back in love with you and wants to be with you. Your ex won’t leave reconciliation to chance because his or her happiness will be on the line.

See what your ex wants

Many coaches on the internet will tell you to ignore your ex or conversely, to become friends with your ex and then try to make your ex fall back in love with you. Both of these approaches are extreme and highly unlikely to bring a positive outcome, which is why I strongly encourage you to neither ignore nor befriend your ex.

The best way to deal with calls and texts from an ex is to welcome them and decipher them. Figure out whether they’re about you and if they concern you. If they do concern you, you’ll notice that your ex has a lot of respect and love for you and that your ex wants you back right away (not someday in the future).

You’ll be able to tell your ex wants you back in just a couple of minutes of speaking or after a few texts because your ex will be in a hurry (almost desperate) to talk to you and get you back. That’s how you’ll know that you’re getting your power back and that you can tell your ex what you expect from him or her in the new relationship.

If your ex doesn’t hint at getting back together, though, there obviously isn’t any point in continuing to talk. Your ex’s opinion of you isn’t going to change in the near future because it would have already changed by the time your ex reached out.

If you ignore this advice and stay in touch with your ex, know that you’re not going to attract your ex, but rather get friendzoned. And friendzone will be difficult to get out of as it will make you think your ex will eventually come back around.

You can avoid putting yourself in a dead-end situation by analyzing your ex’s reach out and doing your best to understand what your ex wants. If you can’t figure out what your ex wants, you can ask your ex.

Say, “How come you called me today? What is it you wanted to tell me?” Once your ex tells you the reason for contacting you, you can then accept your ex back or say you need more time before you can be friends.

Your ex will most likely understand your decision and give you the space you ask for. If he or she doesn’t, you should reiterate what you said and be more firm.

Don’t be afraid of letting your ex know his or her place. No one says you must communicate with someone who broke up with you and caused you tons of pain and anxiety. Your job as a dumpee is to recuperate and be happy again. That’s all you’ve got to focus on.

So if your ex is calling you all of a sudden and the call or calls aren’t about getting back together, don’t entertain your ex longer than you need to. If you talk to your ex despite knowing your ex doesn’t want you back, you’ll receive a lot of unnecessary information.

I’m talking about information that hurts you and confuses you.

You should try to be brave and quickly end a conversation that isn’t leading to reconciliation. It won’t be easy to do that because you’ll be happy to hear from your ex, but it must be done. You don’t want your ex to string you along for selfish purposes and make your life more difficult than it already is.

The time after the breakup is the time for you to stand up for yourself and do what’s best for you. Your ex did just that when he or she broke up with you.

What if my ex keeps calling me?

If your ex doesn’t stop bothering you, you need to take back control of the situation and stop letting your ex mess with your brain. The first time he/she reaches out, you have to tell your ex that you’re not ready to talk. The second time your ex contacts you, you must reiterate you need space and that you hope he or she understands.

The third time your ex ignores your feelings, you must tell your ex you’ve asked him/her to stop reaching out at least twice now and that the next time he/she does it, you’ll be forced to block your ex.

Of course, you need to be more understanding and tolerant if you have kids or something important you regularly need to talk about with your ex.

But if your ex talks about irrelevant things, you should still follow this advice with the addition of telling your ex to reach out only about essential matters. If it’s about random things that don’t indicate regret and reconciliation, your ex needs to know that you’ll have no choice but to block your ex and force him or her to communicate to you about important stuff through other people.

That’s how you can put your foot down and let your ex know that he or she isn’t welcome in your life as an occasional friend.

You have very little to lose by shutting your ex out of your life. You won’t ruin your chances of getting back together with your ex or anything like that. You’ll actually increase them because your ex will see that you respect yourself and that you’re focusing on moving on with your life.

Are you still wondering why your ex is calling you all of a sudden? Why do you think your ex is reaching out? Post your opinions below.

And lastly, if you’re looking for breakup advice and want our help, subscribe to coaching via our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.