Why Did My Ex Call Me Late At Night?

Sometimes exes call us at predictable times such as our birthdays and celebrations, and other times they call us at the strangest times imaginable. A strange time to receive a call from exes is any time they know we’re busy or not available such as late at night when people are generally asleep.

A late call usually indicates that the dumper is staying up and thinking about the person he or she left and hurt.

Now, usually, the dumper doesn’t overanalyze things and loses sleep over the breakup. He or she can sleep just fine as the dumper is relieved and doesn’t experience depression and engage in self-blame. That’s what the dumpee typically goes through as the dumpee is the one who gets rejected and feels unworthy.

The dumpee feels disorientated and thinks about getting back together 24/7.

Of course, the dumper can also feel hurt, but this tends to happen in rare situations such as when the dumper caught his or her partner cheating and/or for some reason had no choice but to leave the dumpee on the spot and start detaching.

Such a dumper will likely feel betrayed and go through the dumpee stages. The most notable stages include continuous back-and-forth transitions between anger and depression. Today, the dumper could be angry and resentful, and tomorrow, he or she could be sorrowful and nostalgic.

This is common for dumpees who are in the process of accepting the breakup and the injustice that was done to them.

If your ex didn’t decide to dump you on the spot, you need to know that your ex had detached over a long period of time. For most dumpers, this period is at least a couple of weeks. That’s how long dumpers need for negative thoughts to create negative emotions and make them fall out of love.

Anyway, if your ex called you late at night and you’re looking for some kind of explanation, the very first thing you must understand is that a single late-night call doesn’t indicate much. An ex who left you and wants you back most definitely won’t call you once. Especially not in the middle of the night.

He or she will call you at a reasonable time when you’re available and ready to listen to him or her. The dumper will do this so that his or her romantic advances are as effective as they can be.

Evening messages or calls can be successful too, of course. But they normally signify loneliness, nostalgia, or sexual urges.

Whatever you do, don’t immediately assume that a late-night call from an ex indicates your ex wants you back. It most likely means that your ex is out with friends and had a few drinks too many. Alcohol overwhelms some guilt-ridden dumpers and makes them reach out to their ex to say how bad they feel for leaving and causing pain.

You see, dumpers can become nostalgic and realize their ex didn’t deserve to receive the kind of treatment they gave their ex. This realization can quickly increase their levels of guilt and forces them to explain themselves and seek forgiveness.

Some dumpers also contact their ex in the middle of the night because they don’t want to lose the friendship they had with their ex. Such dumpers say things like, “I missed you, I still love you, I need you in my life, I want things to be good between us” and confuse their ex extremely.

They have no idea they’re giving their ex false hope and prolonging healing.

You need to understand that a person who says sweet things to you may not even want to be your friend. He or she might just want to communicate like you used to and be on good terms with you and your family.

By being on good terms with you and your loved ones, your ex can stop feeling responsible for breaking the commitment and forcing you to experience gut-wrenching pain and misery.

A self-aware ex who leaves you knows that he or she has hurt you badly. But to reach out for forgiveness purposes, he or she must be capable of empathy and guilt. It’s sad that some dumpers don’t have these abilities. I suppose they prefer to think of themselves as victims and their ex as a person who didn’t listen, care, and grow.

So if your ex called you late at night, know that your ex probably wanted to check up on you. He or she must have felt emotional and thought that the best way to deal with his or her sentiments was to call you and see how you were.

This is the most feasible reason why your ex called you in the middle of the night. There are more possible reasons he or she did that. Stick around to find out what they are.

Why did my ex call me late at night?

It’s safe to assume that your ex doesn’t despise you or feel repulsed by you. Your ex has enough respect for you to think positively about you and call you.

I suppose the question popping into your mind is why did your ex have to call you in the middle of the night? Why couldn’t he or she wait until the morning to contact you?

The simplest explanation for your ex’s behavior is that your ex found a reason to contact you at night. Something or someone made your ex want to communicate with you minutes before your ex reached out.

Maybe your ex thought about his or her post-breakup behavior and wanted to apologize really badly. Or perhaps your ex was drunk and needed a favor (a ride back home). You’re not your ex’s go-to person anymore, but maybe your ex considers you a good friend and thinks you can be relied on in times of need.

Whatever the case may be, your ex wanted or needed something from you. And your ex needed it at that particular moment. That shows a lack of premeditation on your ex’s part. It shows that your ex wasn’t thinking about getting back with you and that your ex just wanted to talk or needed help with something.

It’s no secret that most exes reach out for themselves when it’s convenient for them. They don’t know or care how their ex feels, so they contact their ex and steer the conversation in the direction most favorable to them.

This sadly, makes dumpees believe their ex still has feelings for them and that they may be able to “win” their ex back if they just try hard enough.

What usually happens, though, is that dumpees get their hopes up, come on too strong, make things awkward, and push dumpers away.

They completely misread the situation and as a result, make their ex even less interested in them.

What you need to understand is that unless your ex tells you or shows you very clearly that he or she is sorry and wants you back that your ex isn’t serious about being with you. It doesn’t matter whether your ex calls you late at night or during the day.

Actions speak louder than words—and you need to take them seriously. A lack of desire for affection is proof that your ex’s opinion and feelings about you haven’t changed and that pursuing friendship or whatever you have with your ex is a waste of emotions and time.

I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear (especially if you’re trying to get back with your ex), but your ex has to try much, much, much harder. Your ex has to abandon his or her pride and show you that he or she will never be the person your ex was when the breakup happened.

So remember. Dumpers who want their ex back and want to make the relationship work nearly beg their ex to forgive them. They promise to do better, call frequently, update their partner, communicate better, show consistency, and work on their flaws.

Regretful dumpers are in a position of weakness (unlike relieved dumpers), and, therefore, try to convince their ex that THEY, not their dumpee will do better next time. They try to lower their ex’s guard and be trusted again.

Subconsciously, they know that trust is the foundation of every relationship and that they need to be trusted before their ex will consider taking them back.

We can talk about the various reasons your ex called you late at night for a very long time. But instead of explaining each situation extensively, take a look at the infographic instead.

Here are some possible explanations for why your ex called you late at night.

If your ex called you late at night, your ex likely called you intentionally and wanted to talk about something he or she deemed important.

Generally speaking, an eager-to-converse ex is a good sign of reconciliation as it showcases the urgency to get in touch with you. But still, an ex who contacts you late at night more often than not has selfish intentions or intentions that don’t concern you.

You should learn what your ex’s intentions are so you can respond accordingly.

My ex called me late at night but I didn’t pick up

If your ex called you late at night and you didn’t pick up, rest assured that you didn’t waste the chance to reconcile with your ex. A person who loves you is infatuated with you and won’t get over you overnight.

He or she will stay enamored with you and will likely try to get ahold of you soon.

You won’t even have to express interest or concern because your ex will do all the necessary work. I’m certain about that because an ex with regrets will be anxious and afraid of losing you to someone else.

So don’t worry about not picking up your ex’s call. Your ex’s late-night call may not be important anyway. You’ll find out if it meant anything very soon (most likely early in the morning).

If you frequently communicate with your ex (which you shouldn’t), you can ask your ex what the call was about. But if you’re in no contact and haven’t heard from your ex in a while, then you should just stay away from your ex and continue to heal.

There’s no need to interrupt your healing process for an ex who probably had nothing important to tell you.

My advice is to do what’s best for your healing and stay away from your ex. If your ex has some kind of emergency, he or she will call you numerous times, send you tons of texts, and contact your friends and family.

My ex called me late at night and I picked up

If you picked up your ex’s late-night call, your ex probably had something to tell you. Your ex had some kind of excuse to reach out to you and get something from you that only you could provide.

I don’t know what that is, but many dumpers who contact their exes late at night are emotional and want their ex to reassure them. They want their ex to help them deal with guilt and other emotions preventing them from moving on and forgiving themselves.

If that’s what your ex wanted, your ex probably indulged in recollection of past events and made sure you were going to be okay without him or her. Seeing that you were strong enough to cope with the breakup blues alleviated your ex’s guilty conscience and made it possible for your ex to keep moving forward in life.

So if your ex called you late at night and you talked for a while, don’t get into the habit of talking to your ex again. Keep your distance from your ex instead and do your best to focus on yourself and others. Distance will boost your recovery and show you that you don’t need your ex to be happy.

Why do you think your ex called you late at night? Did any of your exes contact you late into the night before? Post your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll get back to you.

And if you want to open up to us about your ex’s late-night calls, click here to sign up for breakup coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.