What To Do When Your Boyfriend Cheats On You But You Still Love Him?

Many people who get cheated on instantly forgive their partner. They claim they still love their boyfriend or girlfriend and that love can overcome all problems. But what they don’t realize is that love isn’t all that’s making them want to be with their partner.

They want to be with their cheating partners because:

• they’re hurting and want to stop hurting
• they’re afraid of being all alone and starting from scratch again
• their egos got crushed and wish to validate their importance
• they have low self-esteem and don’t love themselves enough

People who give their cheating partners another chance without a second thought haven’t yet discovered their self-worth and developed the ability to defend themselves against cheating behavior. They still think they need their partner to be happy, so they refuse to stand up for themselves and instead beg or plead or give their partner another chance.

Little do they know that their partner doesn’t deserve another chance and that he or she must earn it back.

I was once cheated on and didn’t walk away when I found out about it. My mind told me to leave, but my heart refused to. That’s why I pathetically begged to work things out and gave up all my power.

People say things like, “Follow your heart, love will take you places.” But what such people don’t know is that some men and women are badly attached (codependent even) and that they can’t make good rational decisions. They lack the strength to pull away when their partner mistreats them, so they tolerate all kinds of abuse.

In their minds, they’re convinced that their partner makes their lives better, so they stay committed until their partner falls out of love and breaks up with them.

The topic of today’s post is what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him. Your heart will probably disagree with some of the things you read, but deep inside, you’ll know it’s the right thing to do.

What to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him?

When your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him, there are three things you can do.

1. You can give him another chance and hope he changes.
2. You can leave him or walk away if he’d already left.
3. Or you can take him back on a trial period and see how he does.

I suppose you should figure out if your boyfriend even deserves another chance. If he has a history of cheating and you took him back every single time, he obviously doesn’t deserve you. He’s incapable of changing at this point in life and needs to be single so he can learn his lesson.

Also, you probably don’t only love someone you took back every time he betrayed you. What you feel for him is much stronger than love. Yes, there’s an emotion much stronger than love. It’s called unhealthy attachment or codependency. It affects those who have mental illnesses, poor self-esteem, anxious attachment styles, and broken egos.

So if you feel that you need your boyfriend rather than want him despite him cheating on you (betraying you in the worst way imaginable), keep in mind that you shouldn’t go back with your cheating boyfriend just because you’re anxious, hurt, and alone.

You should be rational about this and consider giving him another chance only if:

• he’s been loyal to you and a good partner all his life and is willing to redeem himself
• he admitted to cheating and appears regretful and ashamed
• your boyfriend told you what he’s going to do to improve himself (and started doing it)
• you can forgive him and disassociate the fact that he was sexual with someone else

Forgiving him could take time. So before you take him back, learn if he’s willing to work on himself and give you as much time as you need to let go of cheating. Some guys rush their girlfriend and say things like “Get over it. You need to forget I cheated and turn over a new leaf.”

Such guys don’t understand that cheating does bad things to a woman and that if they love their partner as much as they say they do that they need to be patient and caring until their partner has healed – even if it takes years. They can’t expect their partner to get over the cheating and stay together as if nothing happened.

Healing from betrayal doesn’t work like that. It takes time, understanding, sympathy, and most importantly, a lot of effort.

That’s why you now have an important decision to make. You need to figure out if you truly love your boyfriend or if you just don’t love yourself enough. If you don’t love yourself, you shouldn’t get back with him or you’ll find yourself under your boyfriend’s control.

You’ll get trapped and won’t be able to break free from his control. So instead of thinking about giving him another chance, learn to love yourself and then figure out what’s best for you.

You also shouldn’t try to get back with him if he cheated on you and left you. His monkey-branching relationship would indicate that he lost attraction for you and acted on his fascination and lust for the new person. This kind of person wouldn’t just cheat on you and regret it afterward.

He’d also decide to build a life with the new woman, which means that he’d be more than happy to throw away everything he had with you just to try his luck with someone he knows nothing about.

Sure, people make mistakes in life, but cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s a depiction of a person’s character and is inexcusable regardless of how good a relationship was. Cheating says a lot about a person, starting with his ability to control temptations and impulses.

So without further ado, here’s what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him.

What you do about a cheating boyfriend really depends on whether he wants you back and is regretful.

If he knows he messed up, asks for your forgiveness, and starts improving himself, he might be willing to earn your trust back. But if he doesn’t want to change and is still seeing the person he cheated on you with, then there’s not much to do about that.

He’d decided to be with her and doesn’t deserve your love and attention.

What to do when your boyfriend cheated on you but loves you?

Not all guys come back because they still love their girlfriends. Some come back just to relieve their anxiety and pain. Such guys often leave shortly after coming back because they come back for themselves. They just don’t have what it takes to stay loyal.

This is why the first thing you must do when your boyfriend cheats on you and says he still loves you is to discern if he’s telling the truth.

Did he come back because he loves you and wants to grow with you or just because he couldn’t make it work with the person he cheated on you with?

You can tell he wants you for the right reasons if he expresses a desire to work on himself and the relationship – if he gives you access to his social media, phone, and anything you need to trust him. That would show that he’s truly regretful of his actions and that he’ll do anything to prove he’s serious about improving himself and committing to you.

But if your boyfriend makes no post-cheating plans whatsoever and appears defensive, argumentative, or unmotivated, then don’t take a risk with him. He’s not worth the trouble because the chances of him improving and never cheating again are very small.

You’ll do much better with someone new who respects you and wants to grow with you.

So if you’re wondering what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you and regrets cheating, start by taking your power and control back. Tell your cheating boyfriend what you expect of him from now on and what you’ll do if he disappoints you.

He needs to be aware of the consequences of failing to reach your standards so he sees you respect yourself and love yourself more than he thinks.

Remember that love and respect are earned and that you need to show him you’re not going to put up with any more cheating or under-par behavior.

What to do when your boyfriend cheated on you but doesn’t love you?

If your boyfriend cheated on you and left you for someone else, it’s of utmost importance that you don’t fight for his love. You won’t be able to impress him and win him back by refusing to let go of him. All you’ll do is tell him that you’re sad and miserable—which will repulse him further.

Reconnecting with an ex can take years. And that’s because getting back with an ex has nothing to do with you putting in the effort to reattract him. It’s got everything to do with him failing with other women (or in other ways) and realizing you were the person who was best-suited for him.

What does this mean for you?

It means that you must leave your ex-boyfriend alone. You must let him date as many women as he wants while you stay in no contact and work on yourself. The improvements that you make during no contact won’t attract your ex back when he’s dating someone else, but they will grab his attention once something goes wrong in his life.

That’s when he’ll desire the stability he had with you and the things you’ve managed to accomplish while he was gone.

So while you’re “waiting” for your ex to discern your worth, improve as many things as you can about yourself.

• Learn to respect yourself.
• Rebuild your self-esteem.
• Find out what went wrong.
• Improve your relationship knowledge.
• Get over the breakup.
• Discover what you want in your next relationship.
• Improve your shortcomings.
• Make new friends.
• Strive for promotion/get a job.
• Engage in regular exercise.
• Try some new activities.
• And keep yourself busy.

When your boyfriend breaks up with you to be with someone else, he takes your power away and forces you to go through stages of withdrawal. He shows that you’re not his priority, which is why you mustn’t try to be.

You must instead show him that you’ve accepted the breakup and focused fully on yourself.

That’s what will make your cheating ex respect you whereas pleading for recognition and trying to be his friend will smother and repulse him.

So if you’re trying to figure out what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you but you still love him, do what needs to be done.

If he loves you and you can trust him again, take him back tentatively and temporarily to evaluate his eagerness to improve. He might finally be ready to do what you expect of him. But if his love and respect for you are gone and he’s no longer interested in being with you, don’t hope and pray that he’ll change his mind about you.

He likely won’t have an epiphany any time soon. Probably not until he’s in pain and realizes that he should never have taken you for granted and betrayed you.

Did you learn what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you and you still love him? Share your thoughts below the article.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.