If your ex wants nothing to do with you, your ex must be very tired of you and the relationship. Your ex must blame you for his or her emotions and has no energy and interest left to talk with you and fix things.
Your ex just wants to be left alone and enjoy the new post-breakup life.
The biggest reason your ex wants nothing to do with you is that your ex associates negative feelings with you and holds on to the past for anger and/or control. Your ex considers himself or herself a victim and finally feels strong and independent enough to self-prioritize and oppose your ideas, actions, and presence.
This is especially true if your ex feels that you’re resisting the breakup, asking for too much, or overstaying your welcome because in that case, your ex thinks that what you’re doing is emotionally draining and that he or she wants nothing to do with you anymore.
If your ex is hurting you and making you feel unwanted, you need to know that most dumpers make dumpees feel rejected. Dumpees have a lot of hope and anxiety, so whenever their exes turn cold or do something that kills their hope, they get hurt, question their worth, and fear that their ex may be done with them for good.
Whether your ex will come back in the future is something you, me, nor anyone else can tell you. But right now, it’s obvious that your ex wants nothing to do with you and needs time to process the breakup.
Your ex has plans that don’t involve you, which is why you must give your ex as much time as your ex needs so that you don’t suffocate your ex and make your ex resent you (or resent you more).
The best thing you can do when your ex can’t stand being in the same room as you is to go no contact and forget about your ex for a while. That’s the only way your ex will get what he or she needs from you and avoid becoming bitter and/or vengeful.
So if your ex wants nothing to do with you, stop bothering your ex. Show your ex that you respect his/her need for space and quiet and that you’ve got what it takes to handle the breakup confidently and maturely.
Do that and your ex will respect your self-esteem and perhaps even like you. Beg and plead with your ex or get angry with your ex and your ex will think and talk badly about you and avoid you like the plague.
How you handle the breakup is extremely important as your post-breakup behavior defines how your ex perceives you and most importantly, how you perceive yourself.
Why does my ex want nothing to do with me?
There are several possible explanations for why your ex doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. The most probable explanation is that your ex holds you accountable for the things you said or did throughout the relationship and isn’t willing or capable of forgiving you and taking at least some responsibility.
Your ex prefers to blame you for everything because doing so empowers your ex and gives your ex an advantage over you. It helps your ex keep you at a safe distance and allows your ex to focus only on his or her needs. The less your ex thinks about you, the less victimized and angry your ex gets and the better he or she feels.
Your ex would rather avoid getting angry with you. But if you come too close to your ex and your ex feels threatened, your ex will show you that he or she wants nothing to do with you and that you need to stay away for your own good.
The second reason your ex wants nothing to do with you is that your ex has painted a black picture of you and can’t improve the way he or she perceives you. In all honesty, your ex doesn’t want to perceive you in a better light because your ex wants things to stay the way they are.
By staying the way they are, your ex can continue to enjoy the relief and elation stages of a breakup without interruption, guilt, and doubts. Your ex can just do what he or she wants and not invest in you in ways that you hope or expect. You must remember that an ex who wants nothing to do with you isn’t thinking that maybe he or she will get back together with you in the future.
The dumper may say that the future is uncertain and that the breakup may not be forever, but I can tell you that dumpers say that mainly because they feel bad for hurting their dumpee. They’re afraid of hurting the dumpee and seeing their dumpee react strongly (emotionally), so they lie and use breakup excuses that give the dumpee false hope and delay his or her recovery.
Although some dumpers want friendship or friendship with benefits after the breakup, don’t assume that all dumpers want that. Most dumpers feel so exhausted from their prolonged relationship that they just want to be on their own and not think about their exes.
They think they must push their exes away and enjoy their life the way they deserve to live it. Because they’re relieved, they normally enjoy themselves a lot. They love their newfound freedom, so they appear elated and tell or show their exes they don’t want anything to do with them.
Generally speaking, the more impulsive dumpers are, the more strongly they react when dumpees reach out to them, reason with them, talk about things they don’t want to talk about, and guilt-trip them.
The most important thing you need to understand is that dumpers don’t want to discuss relationships. Oftentimes, they don’t want to discuss anything at all. They have trouble keeping their cool because they’re already dating someone else or want to date someone else.
Most people can bond with only one person at a time.
That’s because the moment they form a connection with someone, exes and other dating candidates become troublesome for them. They make them invest energy and time they don’t have and bring out the worst in them.
If they talk to them normally, they become cold. And if they directly ask for time, attention, and love or get angry with them, they get angry and perhaps even mean.
With that said, here are 6 reasons why your ex wants nothing to do with you.
It’s probably not your fault!
Unless you took revenge by posting your ex online or did something just as bad, it’s probably not your fault that your ex doesn’t want anything to do with you. Your ex probably can’t handle the way the breakup is making him or her feel and wants to avoid talking about the relationship and breakup at all costs.
Most dumpers become avoidant post-breakup as they kept prolonging the breakup. They wanted to break up and focus on themselves but something kept holding them back.
After the breakup, they don’t want you or anyone else to persuade them to come back. They don’t even want to think about it because thoughts alone make them doubt themselves. And doubts don’t feel good. There’s not a person in the world who likes doubting himself or herself.
Especially not when those doubts are about a decision a person has contemplated for weeks or longer.
So now that your ex wants nothing to do with you, know that your ex’s lack of interest isn’t your fault. It’s your ex’s because your ex had been wondering what to do for so long that your ex doesn’t want to think about it anymore. Your ex wants to stick to his or her decision and hopes that you’ll respect it.
What do I do if my ex wants nothing to do with me?
When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants nothing to do with you, you don’t have a choice but to have nothing to do with your ex too. You have to show your ex that you have no expectations of him or her because expectations tire your ex out and make your ex want to run for the mountains.
If you get so hurt that you reach out to your ex and ask for validation, you’ll make your smothered ex even more smothered. You’ll see a side of your ex you probably never saw before and get your self-esteem crushed.
So first things first, avoid resisting the breakup, asking for explanations, and reasoning with your ex. if your ex isn’t reaching out to you and conversing with you, you shouldn’t be either. You should be following no contact rules so that your ex can process the breakup at his or her own pace and reach out when the time is right.
The time will be right when your ex:
- realizes that he/she went too far
- cools off
- wants friendship/friendship with benefits
- gets hurt and needs reassurance
- feels guilty
- wants you back
As long as your ex wants nothing to do with you, you must stay far away from your ex. Your ex can’t even know that you still have feelings and hopes for reconciliation because such things will impede your ex’s feelings and the desire or need to communicate.
Any indication of denial is only going to make matters worse as it’s going to pressure and guilt-trip your ex. So if your ex wants nothing to do with you, give your ex space and time. Let your ex date other people if that’s what your ex wants. Just don’t interact with your ex anymore.
It’s time for you to rebuild your self-esteem and everything the breakup has complicated and worsened for you. You must also learn from your mistakes and strive to become the best version of yourself. That won’t attract your ex back, but it will make your relationship with your ex or with someone else much more successful and long-lasting.
Dumpees who work on themselves tend to outgrow their exes and detach to a point where they don’t even want their exes back anymore. They’re okay with anything as they value themselves more than their exes.
This is the kind of detachment you should aim for. You may not want to because emotionally you’re still hooked on your ex, but rationally, you should want to let go of your ex and find internal happiness. When you want to regain your emotional independence, you’ll slowly begin to let go of hope and get your happy self back.
So even if letting go of someone you love is not something you want today, try to at least understand that it’s the right thing to do. Your ex doesn’t want to be with you, so it’s only fair that you come to terms with that and distance yourself from your ex.
Distance and indefinite no contact will allow you to stop caring about whether your ex wants anything to do with you. You just need to put your trust in no contact so that you don’t break no contact on days when you feel that you can’t go on without your ex.
Your ex doesn’t deserve you
No matter who your ex is and what your ex has done for you throughout the relationship, your ex doesn’t deserve your loyalty and love. Your ex deserves the opposite, which is space and lots of time to think about all the perks your ex has lost.
Self-reflection is the only thing that could make your ex want to speak with you and keep you in his or her life.
So while your ex is more than happy to ignore your existence, know that your ex isn’t doing the kind of work that would allow your ex to see what you bring to the table. Your ex is probably just living a single life and thinking about his or her own needs.
This means that the only way your ex will want to talk to you is if your ex processes the breakup naturally with time or if something painful happens to your ex that forces your ex to grow within.
You mustn’t wait for that to happen because you don’t know when or if it ever will. You can’t place your bets on things happening to your ex or your ex doing something because your ex is your ex. You have no control over your ex’s thoughts and feelings—and never will.
All you can do is focus on the things you do have control over (yourself) and make sure to keep moving on.
Do you think your ex wants nothing to do with you? The thought of being abandoned and forgotten probably hurts you a lot and makes you want to do something about the breakup. Let us know how your ex’s lack of sympathy makes you feel in the comments section below.
And if you’d like to discuss the breakup or your ex’s behavior 1-on-1 with us, sign up for a coaching session here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Zan,
You have written the most heartbreakingly yet rational column I have ever read on this subject and I should know. I have been endlessly searching and reading for months now myself, trying to find reasons why my husband after 25 years of marriage sent me a text saying he wanted a divorce and from that, proceeded to ghost me. I spent months and months foolishly chasing him for answers, for closure, for commonsense to somehow prevail from what had become my insane life. You see, the divorce and ghosting came completely out of the blue. There were no signs, no fights, in fact that morning we spoke on the phone numerous times as we always did and he told me he loved me and couldn’t wait for me to be home. 3 hours later, he wanted a divorce because he was unhappy, didn’t love me anymore and wanted to be alone. He then avoided me 100% – even through the sale of our house and all our possessions. He became a ghost.
In your article you raised some truths that are so hard to hear yet in hindsight, so completely honest and true to how we should not chase. He had clearly left the marriage (emotionally and mentally) for a long time before actually telling me.
Blaming myself, torturing myself and him only resulted in further frustration, hatred and anger from both of us. I tore myself apart to the point I didn’t even want to live anymore, it was agony not knowing why.
I wish I had of found this column when it all happened. I would have saved myself some humility, some pride and some self respect. Instead I hounded and begged for answers which made him ghost me in every possible way and that only left me feeling more alone, scared, unsure and anxious than I have ever felt.
I’m okay now, I still have days where I question what was and wasn’t real and what I did wrong that would cause him to detest me as he did but they’re answers I’ve never gotten and never will get. We have children together and I feel for them having parents who did everything together and with them to having parents where the Father doesn’t want to even be in the same room as me for reasons I’ll never know and I’ll take those unanswered questions to my grave.
Your words hurt me, they hit me hard but they were what I wish I read from the beginning because your words speak nothing but truth. Please, if your new to this – walk away and close the door. Save yourself the heartache and humiliation as Zan has so brilliantly written.
Thank you. Eliza
Hi Eliza.
My heart goes out to you. No one should have to go through the things you went through. Your husband cut you off so suddenly without an explanation. He had no care or sympathy toward you and just wanted you gone. Your relationship was healthy and strong up until the end, so I suspect he may have met someone else and detached very quickly. We don’t know and we don’t need to. What matter is that you know your worth and stay away from him for good. No more begging and pleading and degrading yourself. You may feel unworthy and regretful of some of the things you did, but don’t forget that he treated you so badly and made you so anxious and afraid that you didn’t even have time to respond rationally.
Hang in there, Eliza!
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan, your predictions of there being someone else were spot on. I found out just a couple weeks ago that he was seeing someone for about 8 months before he sent me that text requesting a divorce and then ghosting me. His relationship with her didn’t work and he foolishly thought I would take him back but the damage was done, I had closed off and moved on mentally and emotionally. Thought you’d like the update. Your advice and columns have been a great help to me and many others I have forwarded it to. I am in a far greater position mentally and emotionally than I was when it all went down. Life does go on and it not only gets better but greater opportunities across the board can be found. I have just moved into my newly built home, I’m travelling and looking after me l. Thank you again.
Hi Eliza.
He thought you’d take him back and make him feel safe and happy, but you got over him and didn’t want him back. You moved on with your life and stood up for yourself. This shows you detached and learend to live your life without him.
Don’t go back to him even if your next relationship doesn’t go well.
Kind regards,
Zan
I promise you and myself I’ll never ever open the door to him again. I feel absolutely nothing towards him, the anger has even surpassed. Just a void because I am completely happy in where I am now. Thank you again for your brutal honesty in your article. And for your support to so many of us who get treated like we don’t matter.
On another note; do you have a book or is it in your plans to write a book on this subject as you have a way with words most of us women really understand? I’d certainly be interested in buying a book.
Hi Eliza.
Thanks for reading the blog. I’m glad you feel indifferent!
I wrote a book, you can check it here. I’m also working on another one, called “Letting go and embracing the unknown.”
Best regards,
Zan
That was brutal vulnerability. Your story is my story too. Except he won’t have anything to do with our daughter either. Left me when I was 10 weeks pregnant and never spoke to me again. EMDR therapy helped me immensely and almost immediately. You should try it.
Good luck and sorry for your pain. I appreciate your story. This was a good article.
Hi Susan, I am so sorry that I am only now seeing your message. I hope things have improved for you now after some time has passed. And if not, I promise you somehow we gather enough strength to keep pushing forward. If ever you need a chat, don’t hesitate to message me at eliza_byrd@outlook.com I know how hard it is and how isolating it all feels.
I feel ashamed because I just texted him happy new years even though it’s almost been 2 years that he has ended things with me. I rarely call him an ex at times. But he ended things with me abruptly on November of 2021 and since he didn’t give me a clear reason as to why I thought he meant he needed time for himself. A few months passed and he didn’t contact me and I decided to ask him why he ended things with me. He didn’t give me a clear reason and told me to move on. I then told him I was going to have a hard time moving on from him and that I really didn’t want to. I knew I had to stop talking to him and got myself in touch with a therapist to see if I move on. But I still felt urges of contacting him. I have deleted pictures I had and text messages I’ve kept of him so that I wouldn’t get triggered thinking about him but I still did. I usually just text him to wish happy birthday or happy holidays whilst the time past. He never responded back to any of my messages. Even though he doesn’t deserve it, I haven’t really made any friends or have gotten myself in relationships (in real life at least) to really move past it. I spent a majority of my time online and have been isolating myself from the world. Most of it is intentional because I am just scared of losing people or ending up in a relationship like I have had with him and be met with loss and devastation. So I have been shutting myself off a lot but at the same time have been feeling anxious and lonely frequently, I’ve tried my best to avoid talking to him but sometimes I’m met with defeat
Hi Deenie.
It’s okay to feel lonely and miss your ex at times, but if you still struggle to detach from him, it may be because you still seek closure from him or because you aren’t okay with being single. You can do a lot regarding these things, Deenie. Start by figuring out why he broke up with you. Instead of looking for your mistakes, look at his personality instead. The way he ended things with you speaks for itself.
Also, make sure to keep talking to a good therapist. He or she should help you regain your worth and encourage you to wean off your ex.
You’ve got this!
Zan
This is very similar to my story. I was dumped out of the blue and over the phone while away completing a work placement. I was shocked and upset and did exactly the same as you. It doesn’t work though.
Better try to focus on your life and don’t date anyone until you are over it. I’ve completed a postgraduate degree and got an amazing job and now the only thing missing in my life is a relationship. I often think about the good times and to be honest, they were probably faked. I think there was someone else in the background and I’m sure it was the ex.
The thing is, my ex was the one with the great job and a title, so I was the underdog back then, but not anymore. I’ve grown. She recently posted a photo and I was shocked at how she has aged and put on a lot of weight. Even her teeth were yellow yet she doesn’t smoke. I don’t know what happened to her, but at that point I realised – what the hell did I ever see in her?
Work on yourself… Statistically, dumpees have it hard to begin with, but later they outgrow their exes and when their exes realise that, they eventually realised they misjudged their ex and try to come back. We (dumpees) should by this point be strong enough to value ourselves and never open the door to them again, especially if it has been over one year.
My ex said some awful things to me and even called my Mum names that she never even met – my Mum died very young from cancer – I will never forget that. Each time, I think of that ex, I replay how she said such things about my Mum who was truly an amazing person and was kind to everyone.
Don’t let them back in. You deserve better and you deserve someone who will stay.
Blessings, friend.
I experienced this after breaking close to 8-month no contact. Thought my Ex would be more receptive, but no, I received silence! My text simply wish him didn’t get affected by the recent extreme weather. I feel devastated now that I received absolute silence, so all readers, make sure to follow Zank’s advice. No matter what, don’t reach out to your Ex first. Stay strong and try your best to lose false hope. Breaking no contact kind helped me to lose false hope. I think I’ve lost 90% of false hope now. I wonder if there’s another way to lose false hope without breaking no contact. I was feeling good before breaking no contact but I think it was mainly because I still had the hope that my Ex would reach out to me soon since we’d been in no contact for so long. And I still had the impression of him before our break-up, that he was considerate and kind. Now I got the reality check, and I will definitely stay in indefinite no contact. I am hoping my emotional setbacks will end soon. This is definitely not how I want to start 2023. Not to mention I am in my late 30’s so it just hard not to have self-pity at this point. My logical self is telling my emotional self that I must stop feeling self pity. There’s no one can help me but myself. I need to be grateful for what I have. My parents and my friends all love me, and I should not be crying for someone who doesn’t love and care about me anymore!!! It’s really easier said than done 🙁
Hi Sam.
You’ll pull through this. It may not seem that way, but you’ll soon stop caring about his lack of care and affection. You might even thank him because you’ll be glad he showed his true colors and showed you that the only way to deal with this was to move forward.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you for your kind words, Zank.
You’re welcome, Sam.
Thanks for responding!
Zan
I’ve read on a lot of realistic break-up sites that if you want your ex back, you have to let her go (or him). One thing to remember is a lot of things about trying to get your ex back (if that is your goal) is counter-intuitive. I’ve seen on a lot of sites that for whatever reason you ex will usually contact you when you’ve moved on. Like they have this sense that you are no longer in their reach. In a way that’s what you want. Because you don’t want to get back with an ex when you think you need her. You want to have moved on when they return to you so that if you do decide to get back with them it’s because you want to. You know you don’t have to but you’ve decided you want to give it another try. Now, that’s easy for me to say. I’m 6 weeks post break-up and it still hurts like hell. And I still want her back. Intellectually I know I have to let her go if I ever hope to get her back. My ex is a decent person, she has a good heart, I’m attracted to her, and I’m aware of her faults and am ok with them. I was needy and clingy, and I smothered her. So since the break up I’ve given her space while I take steps to work on myself. My hope is that I will get another chance with her, and that I’ve worked on my issues so I don’t make the same mistakes again. I don’t want to get her back only to lose her again because I haven’t changed. And I have to remember to take things slow next time.
When my ex-boyfriend wanted nothing to do with me, and with one on one help of Zan and all, all those articles that I read from him, I didn’t have a choice but to have anything to do with your ex too.
But I can’t say enough how grateful i’m for your help Zan!
Hi Zan,
When my ex broke with me over phone by saying she don’t have feeling for me now and told move on. I tried to convinced her, beg her but she didn’t listen. I think she was in anger but right now after reading this blog, I think she has nothing to do with me that time and predetermined to broke with me. She blame me for her emotions and she don’t have interest to talk with me and fix things. She developed negative feelings and holds on anger on me for initial 1 2 weeks. When I contact her, she told she don’t want me in her life and she started exploring others and sent me few photos with new boy and screen shots she asked for them. She lied so many things also. She started enjoying her life by going out and she blocked me since 1 month… I don’t know what will happened and I ma struggling to detached from her. After reading your blogs, I am getting little bit ok.. Thanks for that..
Hi Shrikant.
She seems to be very angry and bitter, maybe even vengeful, so don’t contact her anymore. She’s going to hurt you if you do. I know it’s difficult, but you must stay away from her for good. Her respect for you is gone.
Kind regards,
Zan