Why Is My Ex So Angry Towards Me?

Is your ex angry towards you and you can’t figure out why? Don’t worry, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you. Your ex must be angry because he or she feels victimized, trapped, and uncomfortable. Your ex’s anger is an impulsive response, triggered by your ex’s need to push you away and self-protect.

How your ex feels is something you can’t control because your ex is focusing on the bad aspects of the relationship and needs time to himself or herself. All you’ll do by trying to make your ex relax and see your worth is make your ex even angrier.

And when your ex gets angrier, chances are that you’ll feel even more hurt and rager to reconnect with your ex.

You have to understand that an angry ex-partner is angry because he or she chooses to be angry. Anger is your ex’s method for dealing with situations that are out of his or her control. That’s because anger gives your ex power and makes certain that your ex’s opinion of you stays the same.

Your ex’s negative opinion of you essentially makes your ex feel victimized and allows your ex to move toward desired goals without any obstructions and reminders of the past

So if you’re wondering why your ex is so angry towards you, one of the most important reasons is that your ex is used to feeling angry and wants to feel angry. Anger does the work for your ex as it tells you to stop doing what you’re doing and gives your ex the space to enjoy his or her post-breakup life.

Of course, your ex could handle the breakup maturely by expressing his or her emotions and wants calmly, but your ex can’t do that. Your ex lacks self-control and thinks that your behavior is disrespectful or intrusive and that you need to back off immediately.

By backing off, you would let your ex breathe and allow your ex to focus on things and people your ex had been wanting to focus on.

Whenever your ex gets angry, you need to remember that your ex has always been capable of being this angry towards you. It’s just that your ex never felt this smothered before. Your ex didn’t have a reason to feel this way because he or she loved you, respected you, and saw you as an equal.

Today, that’s no longer the case. Now your ex sees you as the person responsible for his or her pain and unhappiness and refuses to take any responsibility for the demise of the relationship. Negative emotions prevent your ex from being rational and seeing things from a clearer perspective.

Today’s topic is for dumpees who wonder, “Why is my ex so angry towards me?”

Why is my ex so angry towards me?

The most plausible reason your ex is so angry with you is that your ex isn’t getting the space your ex needs. You’re not letting your ex self-prioritize and enjoy life in ways that he or she envisioned. That’s why your ex is getting angry and trying to push you away forcefully.

If your ex is reaching out to you, however, then your ex may be thinking that you’re getting away with hurting him/her and that your ex needs to punish you and have the last laugh. Most dumpers don’t get angry with their dumpee ex if their ex accepts the breakup and leaves them alone.

Most of them are happy that they can finally breathe and don’t feel the need to seek validation by hurting their ex. Only extremely immature dumpers do that because they have an eye for an eye mentality and think they need to get even before they can move on.

Your ex is probably angry towards you because you’re not giving your ex enough space to disassociate from you and enjoy the breakup. You’re deliberately or indeliberately guilt-tripping and forcing your ex to respond to you on your terms. This is pushing your ex into a corner and making him or her show teeth.

Your behavior, though, is only partially responsible for your ex’s anger. A much bigger issue is your ex’s perception of you and impulse control. These things determine how your ex understands people and responds to stressors and unwanted situations.

If your ex lacks maturity and doesn’t care about hurting others, your ex is going to do what angry people do best. Your ex is going to project discontent onto you and make you feel responsible for the way he or she feels. And your ex won’t stop doing that until he or she feels that you got punished for the things you’ve done or the way you are.

Anger in general signifies that a person feels hurt and that he or she doesn’t consider himself or herself responsible. On the contrary, the victimized person feels emotional and is acting purely on emotions of anger. That’s because anger prepares a person for a fight and helps him or her stay in control of the situation for as long as possible.

If there’s one thing dumpers want is to decide how the breakup goes. They think they didn’t have enough power and control throughout the relationship, so they become rebellious after it. By stating how things will work, they raise their egos and control the flow of the breakup.

With that said, here are 6 things that might be making your ex angry.

How to stop making my ex angry?

To stop making your ex angry or seeing your ex angry, you need to stop interacting with your ex. Instead of going against your ex’s expectations and wishes, show your ex that you understand what your ex needs and that you’ll be giving him or her some space.

That should show your ex that you’re aware of his or her problems and needs and that you’ll be taking your leave.

I don’t know what exactly you’re doing that’s making your ex angry without hearing your story, but the easiest way to stop making your ex angry is to stop doing the things that bring bad reactions out of your ex. If you’re begging your ex to get back together, for example, stop begging your ex.

If you’re messaging your ex on social media, asking for explanations, stop asking your ex things your ex doesn’t want to talk about. And if your very presence annoys your ex, then stop being close to your ex.

You basically need to identify what words or actions annoy your ex and do things differently from now on.

Many times, dumpers get angry not because of something their exes say but because dumpees try to stay too close to them. Their very existence annoys dumpers because dumpers expect to finally get enough space to focus on their wants and needs and stop worrying about their ex’s.

If they feel they can’t live their lives peacefully without reminders of the past, they oftentimes react in anger and criticize the dumper.

You can’t blame yourself for your ex’s emotional reaction, but you can give your ex enough space to process the breakup on his or her own.

Do that by going no contact with your ex and showing your ex that you’re going to be focusing on your needs while your ex is focusing on his/hers. This won’t guarantee that your ex’s perception of you will improve, but as time goes on, your ex should slowly calm down and let go of the most toxic emotions.

When that happens, your ex could decide to check up on you and try to have a conversation with you.

But while your ex is angry, don’t try to fix your ex’s problems for him/her. You can’t placate someone if he or she doesn’t want to be placated. You can only wait and hope for your ex to process negative breakup emotions willingly. Either that or you need to wait for life to teach your ex a valuable lesson, which is to stop being so reactive.

To learn self-control, your ex will need to reflect deeply and realize that it’s not healthy for your ex and good for you to keep being angry with you.

When will my ex stop feeling angry?

The fewer negative thoughts your ex thinks, the quicker negative emotions, such as anger, contempt, and resentment will subside. Some people stop feeling angry weeks after the breakup whereas others (the most bitter dumpers) stay resentful for months or years.

If you leave your ex alone, your ex should cool off rather quickly. This is especially true if something bad happens to your ex because bad post-breakup experiences can nullify your ex’s anger almost instantaneously and force your ex to focus on more important things than hatred.

On things that help your ex heal and feel better.

So if you’re waiting for your ex to stop feeling angry towards you, know that it could your ex a very long time. We’re talking about months and months of time.

It’s better for you and everyone involved that you don’t keep checking your phone for your ex to message you and apologize. Although your ex will most likely eventually stop being angry with you, your ex’s perceptions of you may never improve.

This is because your ex would need to find a good reason to let go of negative thoughts and emotions and focus on seeing you in a more positive light.

And to see you in a positive light, your ex would need to become more mature and self-aware.

The question you should be asking yourself is “Why does it even matter if my ex is angry towards me?” Your ex’s anger is your ex’s problem. Most of the time, people are angry towards others not because others are threatening them, but because they’re putting themselves first and can’t see things from others’ perspectives.

They’re stuck thinking about their own needs and by doing so, think that the world is against them. In reality, though, they’re unhappy with anyone who doesn’t reach their expectations.

Always remember that when a person feels great anger towards you that it’s got absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person and what you’re doing or saying. An angry person is merely responding the way he or she has been taught or learned to respond.

You can’t take him or her seriously unless you’re a minor and that person is raising you and trying to help you.

We’re all capable of feeling angry inside. It’s what makes us human. But the more we understand our negative emotions and the better we control them, the less reactive we are and the better we get along with people.

Are you still wondering why your ex is so angry towards you? Does it bother you that your ex is angry? Post your thoughts below the article.

And if you’re looking for breakup guidance, sign up for coaching with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.