Is your ex with someone else but still contacts you? Does your ex’s behavior confuse you and/or hurt you? If it does, your ex likely wants the best of both worlds. He or she wants to enjoy the new relationship while keeping you around as a friend to speak to and rely on from time to time.
Your ex is used to talking to you, so your ex can’t just cut you out of his or her life and forget about you. Your ex thinks that would be unnecessary, which is why your ex contacts you occasionally and tries to keep the bond going.
Whatever you do, don’t assume that something’s not going the way it should be in your ex’s new relationship. If you think that way, you could start to believe that your ex is leaving the door open and waiting for you to bring up getting back together.
In reality, though, your ex is just bored, curious, or needs some kind of advice or support from you. You should think of your ex’s reach-outs as breadcrumbs so that you don’t get your hopes up and strung along.
Always remember that dumpers reach out for themselves. They feel that talking to their ex can lower their guilt and give them what they’re looking for. Usually, what they’re looking for is a familiar person to converse with (friendship).
So if your ex is with someone else but still contacts you, try not to jump to any conclusions. Remind yourself that your ex doesn’t know what contacting you is doing to you and that your ex will likely keep reaching out for as long as you keep responding and letting your ex reach out.
This article is for dumpees whose dumpers are with someone else but still contact them.
My ex is with someone else but still contacts me
If your ex is with someone else, your ex is committed to that person and shouldn’t be messaging you. Your ex should be completely transparent with the new person and always tell his or her partner whenever he or she is about to talk to you. Doing so would build trust in their relationship and help them get along better.
It’s hard for you to judge their relationship from afar and determine whether your ex is respecting the new person, but luckily, that doesn’t bother you. Their relationship is their responsibility and shouldn’t concern you too much. What you should be worried about, however, is the way your ex’s reach-outs make you feel.
If they hurt you, confuse you, or give you hope, you shouldn’t be tolerating them and waiting for your ex to do something about them. You should be handling them yourself by making sure your ex doesn’t contact you as long as you’re emotionally dependent on your ex and not over your ex.
There are many possible explanations for your ex’s breadcrumbing. Guilt is one of the most common reasons. But it’s also possible that your ex misses certain parts of the relationship and wants to communicate about non-relationship matters.
Meaningless conversations reassure your ex that you’re not going anywhere and in turn, help your ex forgive himself or herself for dumping you and hurting you. They also show your ex that you don’t hold any grudges and that you want your ex around as a friend or a best friend.
So if your ex is with someone else but still contacts you, know that your ex doesn’t see anything wrong with that. Your ex doesn’t even understand that texting you or calling you is making you feel uncomfortable and causing you to analyze his or her behavior.
Your ex probably thinks you’re happy to chat just as much as he or she is. But this is because your ex is happy with the way things are at this moment. Your ex is dating someone else already which means that you and your ex are in completely different emotional states.
Your ex is detached from you and elated to be with the new person whereas you are still in love with your ex and depend on your ex for recognition. As long as you’re in different emotional states and want different things from each other, communication (especially frequent one) is extremely harmful to you.
It’s setting you back emotionally and making you adhere to your ex for hope and recognition.
If you want the best for yourself, you have to take your ex’s ability to breadcrumb you away. You have to do it as soon as possible so that you can focus on yourself and find joy and purpose in life again.
With that said, here are 5 reasons why your ex contacts you when your ex is already with someone else.
What does it mean if my ex is with someone else but still contacts me?
It can mean a lot of things when your ex contacts you out of the blue—or it might not mean anything at all. Dumpers often reach out for little to no reason at all—just to see if their dumpees hate them. They have no intention of having any important conversations as their goal is merely to check up on their exes and alleviate their guilty conscience.
Usually, they achieve their goals indirectly without apologizing and expressing their regrets. They get what they want simply by talking to their exes and reading their exes’ attitudes.
If their exes’ attitudes are positive, they reciprocate their exes’ positive vibes and stick around for a while. But if their attitudes are poor or not the way they want them to be, they fight back or just leave. They typically don’t waste their time if they feel that their exes aren’t behaving the way they want them to behave.
This means they’re not reaching out to help their exes but to get something out of them. Something only their exes can provide them with.
If your ex is with someone else but still contacts you, you need to keep your longing for your ex under control by understanding that your ex doesn’t want to get back with you. Your ex isn’t contacting you to see if he or she can return to you in case the new relationship fails.
That’s because dumpers don’t make backup plans. They’re in love/attached to their partner, which means that they focus solely on the new person. They do it so intensely that nothing and no one else matters to them.
The only time they start thinking about their exes is when they’re almost done with the relationship or when they’re actually done with it. That’s when they normally come back very quickly in a matter of days. They don’t need more time as they’re in pain and need immediate support.
Your ex doesn’t feel the need to pick one or the other
If your ex is with someone else already but still contacts you as if doing so is a completely normal thing to do, your ex isn’t a very mindful individual. He or she is someone who lacks the ability to put himself or herself in the dumpee’s shoes (as well as the new partner’s) and figure out that his/her that breadcrumbing is confusing people.
Your ex probably thinks that he or she is entitled to friendship and that friendship with a dumper is what you need. Your ex doesn’t realize that you’re not ready to be friends yet and that you’d rather focus on yourself and the people who support you.
People who support you don’t trigger your separation anxiety and breakup fears. They give you the kind of support that distracts you from the breakup and encourages you to forget about your ex.
Your ex, on the other hand, is just doing what’s best for him or her. If your ex had your best interests at heart, your ex would have left you alone to heal. It would probably make you wonder if your ex even loved you and why it was so easy for your ex not to message you, but at least you’d be able to process the breakup peacefully without interruptions.
You wouldn’t have to keep responding to your ex and thinking that your ex may still feel something for you.
If the breakup happened recently, your ex may be reaching out to appease guilt and to know it’s okay to date again. But if the breakup happened a while ago, then your ex probably wants to be friends and keep you in his or her life for convenience.
Lots of dumpers bother their exes with meaningless texts just because they’re afraid of losing their ex completely. They want their ex around to a minimum degree just so they don’t feel like they’re getting rid of their ex completely.
You need to figure out how your ex’s breadcrumbs make you feel so that you can decide if there are any benefits to staying in touch with your ex.
What do I do if my ex is with someone else but still contacts me?
If you get hurt when your ex contacts you, you obviously shouldn’t keep pretending that you’re happy to talk to your ex and that you don’t mind him or her dating someone else. Doing so won’t just keep hurting you and prevent you from letting go of your ex, but it will also affect your self-esteem and keep giving you hope.
The best thing for you to do in this particular case is to tell your ex you’d like some space and that you’ll let him or her know when or if you’re ready to chat again. You don’t need to explain that what your ex is doing is wrong and that it’s hurting you.
Don’t say that your ex is welcome to give you a call if he or she has a change of heart and wants you back either. Your ex doesn’t need to know that you’ll be waiting for his or her new relationship to fail. That would extinguish your ex’s desire to communicate and get back with you.
Just say that you’re having trouble focusing on yourself when he or she reaches out and that you’d be happy if he or she gave you some space and time to process things. After you’ve said that, your ex should understand and give you the space you’re asking for.
If you’re over your ex, however, then you can decide what you want. If you want to be friends with your ex and your and your ex’s new partner are okay with it, you can try to give friendship a try for a while. I suggest that you communicate only occasionally at first so that you don’t redevelop feelings and start thinking your ex is the person you’re meant to be with.
Friendship doesn’t mean you should hang out as if nothing happened between you two. Friendship with an ex means you need to draw healthy boundaries and stick to those boundaries out of respect for all parties involved. If you’re with someone else, there are 4 people you need to consider, including yourself.
Don’t think that you and your ex’s opinions are all that matter.
Is your ex with someone else but still contacts you regularly/sometimes? How does that make you feel? Feel free to leave a comment below. We’ll respond shortly.
And if you’re looking for 1-on-1 breakup guidance and want our help, take a look at our coaching options.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
So I broke up with my girlfriend last summer. We kept in contact and stayed friends. 4 months later, the conversations were still good and she asked me on a date and I said yes. A few weeks later she started seeing another guy (I wasn’t aware) and we never made that date, something kept coming up (covid excuses) yet she kept messaging me, flirting with me, etc. This went on for a couple months until I found out what was really going on. Now I’m being told she is afraid to get back together because I will just break up again. She stayed with the other guy but still kept talking to me although it wasn’t the same. Confusing because she had plenty of chances to just stop talking to me but she could never let it die and if she was really into that other guy then why would she bother with me. I basically told her in a long message that I was still interested and she knows where to find me. Then I blocked her and started the no contact and I’m a couple days in but I’m guessing I’ll never hear from her. She has other avenues to get a hold of me, but I figure the blocking sends a message as well. Just curious if she will ever reach back out.
My ex and I went into no contact after she left me and then I found out she was messing with this guy that I made her meet at work because she said that he saw her crying and comforted her and they started talking and this texted me saying he’s sorry etc and then told me I’m stupid if I get back with her a month passed during no contact and I see this guy watching my story almost every other week, then recently my ex hit me up saying she’s sorry about how things went etc and started talking to me again not mentioning the other guy at all telling me how he’s weird and controlling so I asked her if she wanted to work out w me and she said yeah , even started making comments about how good I look now and how her life hadn’t been good she’s been eating less etc , so we were talking for 3 days nice and good then I call her asking if she wanted to go have dinner and catch up better , all of sudden she says she doesn’t know how the other guy is going to feel , remind you she liters told me days prior that she wasn’t seeing anyone anymore , so after she basically said she can’t see me I said ok and an hour later the guy text me saying “you can have her , I don’t want her anymore “ so now I’m confused he later said that they had a big argument and how I don’t find it weird that now is the time she wants to make things right and apologize about the way me and her broke up saying it was wrong and we should’ve talked , hours later she text me saying she doesn’t know wat I told him that she didn’t have any intention of getting back with me , so I showed her that he text me , so she said goodbye she doesn’t want to speak to me anymore then hours later she text me asking for our conversations saying she deleted them , and I didn’t respond then she text like a few minutes later saying nvm me and my mans are good , after the guy was just telling me he wants nothing to do with her anymore . So I’m really confuse I don’t know what to do it’s like I’ve gotten broke up with all over again , remind you even when I called her asking her for dinner she said that they’re talking but they aren’t together they’re taking a break from each other to now saying “ nvm me and my mans are good “ what should I do ? Anyone that takes the time out to read this id really appreciate it . Can someone give me advise please ?
The main thing you have to realize is that you are a CHOICE not an option. She is treating you like an option. From the moment she left you because she thought the grass was greener on the other side that’s when you must realize and accept that you just became an option for her and because you stuck and continue to stick around you will continue to be treated as an option. Which you are not… remember.. you are a CHOICE not an option. If anyone does not treat you as such.. you must remove yourself from that situation at all cost. Let her go, stop convincing yourself that she is for you. The universe is showing you exactly who this woman is and what she will continue doing to you if you continue sticking around. Just do you.. if you don’t know who you are then start figuring out exactly who you are and start becoming the man you are born to be. Don’t worry anymore about what she does in her own personal life or who’s she’s with, that’s none of your business. Your business is YOU and get to know you and who you are. Find your greatness and the universe will bring you all the love and happiness you deserve. Never allow yourself to lose track of that and never let anyone take away your greatness because they’re confused and they don’t know what they want. There’s a woman out there that will love you unconditionally but first you must learn to love yourself first unconditionally. That means your needs come first and must be met by yourself first. Don’t worry, the process is easy, don’t over complicated and you’ll be alright. Take care of you and love yourself more than anyone can and you’ll never feel alone.
Stay Gold.
My ex left me twice in 8 years . Both times for other guys.
She stopped coming home and started picking fights with me as a reason to leave.
Only a month after she kicked me out she moved another man in. Took family photos with him. Sold n destroyed all my stuff.
She smeared me online and started hanging out with all these random people.
It’s been two years since the break up. She still asks me for help n rides even though she had a boyfriend apparently.
I’ve never met him even though we share a daughter together. She keeps her life secret.
I don’t know why she always comes to me for help when she replaced me with a new man.
But I think it’s pretty shady of her to ask me behind his back even though she left me for him n planned it behind my back .
This woman is so toxic. Sometimes I feel pitty for her . But she’s doing all this fucked up shit to get self
My ex has contacted me after 3 years to tell me his problems with the woman he left me for and how it is affecting his new relationship. Not sure how I feel about this
My relationship lasted 17 yrs and a beautiful daughter, ok so here we go. She cheated on me with a good friend of mine for 3 months she had no respect for me at the time, I lost my Dad and she gave me no comfort to lean on, I lost my cousin/ godfather/ father figure and the way I found out was that my sister called her and im litterly in bed next to her and my sister breaks the sad news and I’m like “what’s going on” she ignored me and ends the call with my sister and I’m like “what’s up what happened, she then spits it out like nothing and tells me that Julio has died I’m devastated, so I’m like why didn’t you give me the phone so she can break the news to me and she starts an argument with me and I’m in disgust with her attitude. At the funeral she don’t even comferts me and doesn’t even talk to me just sits there. I bring up ideas she turns them down live a savage. 1 time i told her we should tint our windows in the house and she said “hell no that shit is scandalous, that’s tweaker shit”. Her brother walks in and he starts talking about tinting house windows and she says ” oh yeah that would be cool cuz it would keep the sun out like her brother was saying and exactly what I was saying too. Then I’m like ” wait a minute you just told me how scandalous that looks and that’s tweaker shit. Then I’m like oh so when I say it its all fucked up but when your brother says it its a fabulous idea and she couldn’t even talk, then i said ” see that’s what I’m talking about that fucked up way you treat me and you always deny and I finally caught it and confronted you about it and you can’t talk”. So much more and after all this I love her but I’m confused about if I’m wrong or just real love. Please let me know, in any way please I would greatly appreciated.
I am currently in the same situation. My ex girlfriend who cheated on me for someone when I was abroad, came after 6 months and asked me to be friends several times , but I denied it because I still have feelings for her. So I blocked her and unblocked her several time after that. Finally I unblocked her after two weeks just to accept the reality that she is gone from my life, but she is not showing much interest as she used to do before, but still she messages me everyday. Whenever I unblocked her, she always wants my attention, so she puts sad statuses on the social media so that I can react. I do not like the way she treats me, but I do not know what to do?. If I want to ignore her, I am afraid that she will not be in my life anymore after that even I knew that nothing was there between us. Sometimes she often cries for no reason. When I ask her about the reason, she wants to tell that reason when I visit her. I do not know why she wants to meet me ?. She wants to tell me that she left me because of her professional benefit i.e., her new boyfriend is in the same business, so she feel that he is the correct person to help and grow in her business. Is it necessary to cheat me for her career benefits ? How should I take that? What is she gonna explain me when I visit her ?. I do not know what to do in this situation. help me please.
Bro she’s using you. What you are feeling is trauma bond (Unhealthy attachment to toxic person). She’s a cheater she will never change. Once a cheater always a cheater. She knows your weak points and she’s playing with your emotions. Have some dignity , self respect and move on. Don’t allow others to control your life. Concentrate on things you like the most ignore her , neglect her. Think she never existed. You live only once why do you want to spend your energy and emotions on someone who mistreats you. Don’t give a shot. Why do you want to block and unblock several times ? Now she knows how to let you know when to unblock her. This ain’t game bro. If she has left you it means she secretly lived someone else behind your back. Let her miss you. She should know your worth and she should regret losing you for the rest of her life. We are all there but the difference between many and few is they don’t give a shit. If she goes she lost you, lost whatever you had planned to offer. It’s her lose not yours.
This girl and I dated a few years back. It was about 9 months. It seems like such a short time, but I honestly was head over heels in love. Fast forward, she ends up leaving me for somebody else, during that time she would call me here and there. This was all in 2018-2019. Finally I wrote back, and we had cordial conversations and we ended up hanging out again after she broke up with her gf. This lasted for a couple months, then here we are in 2020. We didn’t talk or hang out as much, then here she goes again writing me and calling me. I noticed she was with somebody else again. I left it alone and just continued on. This past weekend a mutual friend of ours had a birthday . A few of us gathered together for dinner, the person I was dating who called me a couple days prior walks in with her new gf. I instantly felt like I did when I found out 2 years ago that she was messing around. I was upset mostly because I would never bring someone new around out of respect, but also it’s like why do you keep contacting me . I was okay, then out of nowhere I just began to cry ( a few days later while I was home) I just hate this.
I feel you. I am currently going through the same thing. Why contact me for? you’re with someone. And the thing is I changed my number and she still manages to contact my work phone. Yesterday was the day she wanted to fuck with my mental. At first I was like whatever and than she continued to talk about how she felt and how much she fought for this and us. I cried all day yesterday and when I got off work I grabbed me a case of Truly and drake my hurt away and fell asleep just feel the hurt in the AM. I think she forgot how she cheated on me multiple times and I kept catching her cheat. I can’t continue to let her get to me. My heart is broken but I know in the long run I made the right decision to leave. Know your worth. It’s hard to deal with someone who can’t seem to stop contacting you. They don’t care at all. I have a restraining order on her too. So next time she contacts me I’m contacting the police. I pray you find peace and comfort moving forward in your life. You deserve happiness and love.
Hi,
I broke up with my ex 7 mos ago. I had a feeling she was still had feelings for her ex, and wasn’t truthful but the whole ex thing. She became distant and I cheated on her.
She broke up with me, changed her number and when back to her ex.
Then a week later got a call from an unknown number and it was her?….
I still think she has feelings for me but insisted that she cares for me as a friend.
We’ve been broken up for sometime now. She stills calls me everyday and from time to time we fool around. Then I think there’s hope to reuniting but she tells me no, just friends. And she can’t do this to her new partner? What about me it’s ok to do that to me???
She still gets upset if I go out, talk to any other females and if I drink?
What should I do? I love her very much, and every time she calls I gotta answer, I gotta hear her voice?
Thank you for your time
Troubled
Me and ex broke up at the end of last year but haven’t stopped taking. We slept together back in March and he was saying how he missed me and how he messed things up with someone who made him feel a certain way. He got jealous when he thought I was seeing someone and asked if I’d slept with anyone since we broke up (we told me he hadn’t).
We’ve been texting and meeting as normal but he won’t come back to mine and vice versa (we’ve been going for walks). I found out he’s been seeing someone from the start of the year and its completely thrown me. I’m completely confused by his actions. He told me “hes changed” but is speaking to an ex in a new relationship. He has told me he doesn’t want to be with me but I don’t understand why he has continued to talk to me?
Hi there I’m lesbian and I will share my current story to you.
We had a crush on each other like 2 years ago, talking daily. She kept telling me she is over her ex (who cheated her & chasing her). She kept to postpone our relationship and dates but reaching out through texts and snapchat daily! I have tried to no contact her but she reach out sending love signals. After that, she suddenly inform me she is back to her that ex 1.5 month ago! She wanted to make sure that she is ok with her ex while during that telling me she loves me! I replied gently, she kept texting me, I ignore here then I have blocked her on all my social media accounts. She was my first love and I’m still struggling with this (1 week ago).
I’m happy you’re taking the steps to move on. There really isn’t an explanation to why people do these type of things. I pray all goes well in your life. I am currently going through a breakup with my toxic ex.
That’s the similar thing that happened to me, I was talking with this girl for three months and she would tell me that she loved me and we would talk daily, and I asked her out on the third month and she said she wasn’t ready so I gave her time. But as days past I felt her distancing away. The next day, she posts about not moving on from her ex and that she commit to anyone. Basically she led me on so yeah really tough to take in. After a month of not talking much she would text me here and there to check up on me. I guess I was alright with it. Then today she said she was sorry out of nowhere. Told me that if she was still unsure about things she wouldn’t have led me on. She has a girlfriend and I wonder why she still texts me. Every-time she texts me all the emotions run through me again. I hate that I still love her. She was my first love too. 🙁 and it just it’s so hard to move on part of me wants to move on and part of me doesn’t. I’m just tired of always being the second option. I don’t know. Love is tough.
This was a good article. I dated a guy for about 6 months about a couple of years ago. He now has a girl friend but I was the last woman he dated before her. He calls me all the time but always discusses our past sex life or things we did when we dated. And inquiring about who I’m currently dating. He always initiates the contact and when I don’t contact him back he gets upset. He also wants me to continue to have a friendship with his mom. I can always tell he’s been on my social media when he calls because he will bring up things I’ve posted. He’a always calling me but posts her on his social media all the time. I honestly don’t take him seriously I’m just confused as why he calls and talks for sometimes hours on the phone with me.
Hi Bro
I was in a good relationship with my GF for three years but we could not marry due to different cultures and nationality. Suddenly she started new relationship with same of her culture and nationality and accordingly she changed on me . I am keep thinking about her. She is still contacting me and saying she loves me she and only had him for her future since we could not marry but the reality I feel she is happy with him and he is her priority now he has all her time and attention.
We are talking on daily basis and we are fighting always but one of us will call within three to four days. She is saying she can not imagine her life without me I was always supporting and protecting her.
I am keep checking her social media and I am feeling bad seeing them together.
I want to stop thinking about her but I am not able.
Please advise
Hi Joan.
Find your passion and get very busy with life. She’ll sooner than later stop being very important to you.
Best,
Zan
I’m in the same position. If she gets married you have to move on. Or she needs to dump this guy. Just spend time apart. Don’t talk to her so she knows what life is like without you.
Your not alone.
Hi so my ex broke up with me 4 months ago and is already in a new committed relationship. He moved in with the new girl. But he texts me here and there randomly and tells me he’s feeling sexually frustrated. Just recently one of my close guy friends messaged my ex and told him to leave me alone and then my ex blocked me off of all social media after that encounter. Do you think it’s the last time I’ll hear from him, also what do I make of this situation? I’m still so hurt from it and surprised he moved on so fast.
Just leave it, your guy friend has also done the right thing.
He will unblock you one day I’m pretty sure. just maintain silence and move on
I been with a girl for a year off and on our anniversary is next week the 28th and me she is pregnant by with twins she say she is pursuing another man and she don’t want me and we are never getting together again but she contacts me talking bout the date we suppose to have next week when I say I’m out or something she ask where who I’m with but say she not jealous she don’t care bout my feelings etc etc I really don’t know what to do I’m not sleeping food just doesn’t taste the same I. So hurt by this because I love her what do I do
Hi dude, would appreciate some input from someone objective.. Sorry for the textwall ^^
So my ex who I’ve barely spoken to for 2 years, has in the last year began contacting me once in a while, being all friendly, and I’ve kept things short or not replied at all (either because I’ve been in a relationship or been busy).. We were in a long-distance relationship and never met up, but had really intense chemistry even with just text/voice/cam.. Things ended somewhat mutually, though it was mostly me pushing her away to the point where she too wanted to end things (and she met a new guy not too long after who she is still together with).
But recently, she messaged me out of the blue because she said she’d seen someone reminding her of me.. After a bit of conversation, in which I’d alternate between needling her, as I’d always enjoyed teasing her, and being completely forthright & honest with her, she started asking things about our past..
For example she asked for my starsign and such, and began talking about how of course I am an airsign when she is a firesign, because the conversation is making her emotions cooking..
I replied saying that “it was probably a good thing we broke up then, because we’d likely have killed each other :-D”
She then said she disagreed, and that it’s always difficult long-distance, and that “I think if we met in person, it’d have been pure fire and passion”..
After that she asked why I was never really open with her on some things (I was a bit secretive and commitmentphobic when dating her). I told her completely honestly that if she wanted to know something now, I’d tell her, and that at the time that I’d felt vulnerable and had other things weighing on me.. To which she replied “And now you don’t feel vulnerable anymore?”.. And I said that no, I don’t, because I’m not in that place anymore and due to us never happening again what’s there to feel commitmentphobic about..
She said she didn’t really believe me that I wasn’t feeling vulnerable, and why did I develop feelings for her when we, “what made you do that”.. I again was honest and said she’d been irresistable.
Then came the “so why do you think this can’t happen anymore? xD” question.. I told her the reasons (like the obvious one being that she’s in a relationship) and asked why does it even matter.. to which she replied “It doesn’t, I’m just curious xD”..
She then tried to rope me into adding her on Instagram, where I know I’d find plenty of pics of her with her new guy together, so I declined.. Whining ensued, then she started flirting a little, etc.. After another bit of convo, I broke it off as I had to return to work..
My question is.. why do you think she’s doing this? I mean, had she been contacting me while she was single and being all like this, I’d have taken it as a sure sign she was more than a little interested in getting back together, that she’d been thinking a lot about me, etc.. But since she’s (supposedly) happy in life, moved into a new apt with her bf, etc.. Is she trying to make me jealous? Keep me on the line as a backup? Sounding me out to see if I’d be there in case she broke it off with her current guy?
I’m trying to decide between just ignoring her, or blocking her everywhere after a polite goodbye.. If she was single, I might have been interested to explore possibilities of getting together again, but definitely not like this..
Help me, Obi-zan Kenobi, you are my only hope.
Hi Zan.
Broke up.with my ex girlfriend 7 months ago. Shes been seeing someone now for 5 months. We are in contact and she does most of tje initiating. Ive realised every time she calls me she is in tbe car driving home alone. Never around her guy or anyone. Also she never talks about him. She has category 3 breast cancer and is doing chemo so im being lenient on her. If we are just friends as she wants and claims, then why hide our conversations?
Hi Zan. I was with my wx for 4 years and lived with her. She loved me but due to me being in a bad head space i couldn’t give her what she wanted such as love and a family. She moved out 6 months ago. Since then she has been seeing another guy and they’ve been together now for at least 4 months. Just recently ive got my head right and i told her this amd she also knows how i feel amd want her. Shes displayed her new relationship on fb. Ive asked her recently about us and she said you never know in the future and about them and she said time will tell. Last night she called my mum. She is going in for surgery next week for lump on her breast and i offered her my support . I know she has a hidden agenda but all this is starting to make me sick in terma of sje cant habe the best of botb worlds. Its a joke . I told her last week id call her this week but i dont think i will. Any advice?
Me and my ex (of 6 years) ended things 4 months ago. I took her for granted to be honest. She found someone new almost immediately. She used to reach out quite often bud I couldn´t emotionally handle that. The conversations were so empty. Its been 3 months sice her new relationship began. She seems to be happy in her new relationship. I have a giant urge to reach out to her to tell her I miss her. But it´s not going to change anything. I´m quite sure that she will reach out to me soon. I feel quilty for the break up and I´m not ready to tell her to leave me alone. I still have a hope that we could work things out. But It´s false sense of hope. I know. My question is – If i still want to reconcile what should i do? Vanishing from her life doesn´t seem to be effective.
Hi Tom.
Your emotional well-being comes first. Hoping she’ll change her mind is therefore not a very wise strategy. She will keep you in a loop until you decide to separate from her. And my guess is that you’ll only do this when you’ve detached enough.
Kind regards,
Zan
So me and my ex ended things around 6 months ago, she found someone new but still called me all of a sudden 6 months later how she can’t move on from me and it’s not letting her be with someone new. I have been texting here since then and sometimes she calls me talking about how we could have something in the future but while we text she replies very dry and takes a very long time, it almost feels like shes playing with me or regretting making that call, because mainly I’m thinking it was because she was drinking.
Complicated situation which was harder to explain than i though.
Any advice?
Hi Marcos.
I believe your ex feels guilty and just isn’t in a very good emotional state. My advice is to distance yourself from her a little bit and have her instinctually chase more.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex’s father passed away recently and I was away on a business trip in the midwest. The ex reached out to me via a friend that was on that trip with me. I broke no contact and sent a short text stating my condolences. For a few days the ex kept the conversation going and all I did was offer my sympathies. The ex went as far as telling me to “check up on her from time to time.” That’s not my job anymore as she is with someone else. I feel as if my ex utilized that opportunity, as sad as it sounds, to obtain validation and relief for her guilt all the while seeing someone else. I have since then pulled back and have not contacted nor conversed with the ex and resumed no contact. Any other advice on this would be greatly appreciated and thanks so much for your awesome blogs.
Hi JD.
The best advice I can give you is to stay in no contact next time something like this happens. She quite frankly doesn’t deserve your support so show her what it’s like to be without you.
Stay strong and best of luck!
Zan
I have been in this situation. Long and short is he was a habitual cheat when we were together and never gave away any emotion. Kept me hanging for years, gave very little while I gave so so much. He eventually cheated with a childhood friend. Then cheated on her with me 🙄🙄🙄🙄
He would happily keep me in the triangle if I agree and he would happily sleep with me too. I had to stop that as it nearly destroyed me. I pull away and he chases saying he misses me, sending me selfies, saying he wishes he was better with me, wishes he did all I wanted in the relationship. He would text me from Am to PM, even call me. I start to think he wants us back and get emotional because I feel if you are happy with the other you won’t pay so much attention to me. When I ask him how he feels about me, he reminds me he has a girlfriend.
I pull away, and he finds me again saying he misses me and the connection we had was the best he ever had and he can’t get this with the new person. Inviting me to spend the weekend. Then I ask again if he wants to try us agsin and he says nope, remember I have someone.
I was furious but I calmly told him I am no longer going to play mind games and be used and abused. He swore he is clean and he has not done anything wrong.
I hope to never hear from this extremely selfish and immature, evil individual again. It took me a lot to move on but I have peace in my heart and mind now and I am working hard on myself to repair the years of damage he caused. I will allow the universe to speak for me.
Hi Ananti.
It’s saddening to hear that you went through that.
I strongly suggest you permanently detach yourself from him and find someone who won’t cheat on you and treat you that way.
You deserve much, much better after all.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey Ananti. Just want to congratulate you on your wise attitude, and to thank you for sharing your story, because until I read about your experience, I felt sure no one else could possibly have endured what I’ve been through. It’s helped me find some strength and peace. Here’s to a future for both of us!
Rycha
I am currently going through the same thing💔😔 she continues to contact me. She just came back from a trip with her girlfriend and started calling me and emailing. I don’t wanna start any problems but I’m getting really tired of her shit.
Due to different cultures we could not marry me and my ex Gf we spent three years together. Now she has new Bf same nationality and culture she looks happy with him but we still chatting and she is saying she loves me and can’t imagine her life without me but actually he is her priority now and her whole time with him.
We fought many times and we were not talking for many days but one of us will call back and fix it.
I want to forget her but I am not able always thinking about her what I can do?