Christmas holidays can be very painful and challenging for dumpees. They can make dumpees feel incredibly nostalgic, lonely, and sad—as for the first time, they’re forced to spend Christmas without their significant other.
They need to spend it with people who love them but aren’t romantically in love with them. And this doesn’t feel the same to them. It makes them feel strange as the thought of celebrating holidays without their ex makes them feel empty inside and defeats the purpose of Christmas.
Christmas is about gratitude, happiness, and hope, which sadly, there isn’t a whole lot of for dumpees. Dumpees find it hard to emotionally appreciate the people around them when they struggle to cope with breakup anxiety and self-love.
For many, Christmas is the happiest holiday of the year. They want to spend it with their significant other so they can exchange gifts, eat together, talk, bond, listen to songs, and enjoy a merry, relaxing atmosphere.
Christmas is for family. And family doesn’t feel complete without their partner. That’s why dumpees often fall into a spiral of depression and wistful longing for the old days. Christmas lights, songs, and movies don’t make them feel any happier either.
If anything, they make them sadder and force them to wish this year was more like the previous year.
Getting through a Christmas breakup isn’t easy when everyone seems to be doing so well. It can make you wonder what you did to deserve to suffer so much during this joyful time of the year and force you to chastise yourself for your mistakes and who you are.
If that’s what you’re doing, you need to stop. You need to remember that comparing your unhappiness to others’ happiness is a complete waste of time. Not only is your life completely different from others, but it’s also at a different stage.
You’re currently still healing from a loss of a romantic relationship whereas others are not. You can’t expect to be elated by Christmas, jump up and down in joy, and pretend everything’s okay. If you try to pretend, you won’t deceive yourself or anyone else.
You’ll just hurt yourself.
The good thing about your well-being is that you don’t need to fool anyone. If you’re having a difficult time, be honest and express it to your family and friends. Tell them it’s the first time you’re dealing with something so difficult and that the holidays have hit you harder than you’d expected.
Don’t worry about coming off as a downer. You’ll be alright as long as you thank them for their support and do your best to distract yourself from thinking about your ex. It will take a lot of self-distraction and patience to get through the Xmas holidays.
But with the right kind of determination, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t make it through.
So if you got broken up with before or during the Christmas season, don’t deliberately think about the previous years and all the fun you could have with your ex this year around. As difficult as it may be, try to focus on the present moment instead.
Think about the people who love you unconditionally (your family) and participate in various conversations and activities.
You’ll find the Christmas blues much easier to deal with if you try your best to take your mind off your problems and spend as much time as possible with your loved ones. The people closest to you will be of great assistance as they’ll grab your attention and indirectly encourage you to remain in a functional, emotionally stable condition.
If you’re doing everything you can to remain in control of your emotions but it’s not working, the breakup is probably very fresh and needs more than self-distraction. It needs time and self-love as you’re still in the process of accepting it and improving your flattened self-esteem.
Either that or the Christmas holidays mean a lot to you and you don’t like the feeling of abandonment and loneliness.
This probably doesn’t help much, but you need to know that what you’re feeling is very common. The reality of the upcoming holiday season brings on feelings of sadness, anxiety, and depression for many people.
Financial stress, grief from missing loved ones, separation anxiety, unrealistic expectations, isolation, and unhappiness with living situations are just some of the reasons people get stressed during the holidays. These things make people overthink their problems and overwhelm them.
There is no quick solution to breakup anxiety and regrets, but fortunately, there’s a lot you can do. In this post, we discuss the dos and don’ts of dealing with a devastating breakup during the Christmas season.
Why do I miss my ex more during the Christmas season?
The festive season is the season of joy and giving. It’s the time of the year when everyone comes together and celebrates together as a family.
Family is what Christmas is about. But this year, family is incomplete. Your ex is no longer around, so you’re thinking back to when he or she was. You remember the Christmas season as one of the most memorable, social, and cheerful events of the year.
You remember the shopping you did, the baubles you decorated the Christmas tree with, the food you ate, and the warm atmosphere you indulged in. Things weren’t perfect, but they seemed perfect to you because you enjoyed spending time with your loved ones and created lots of warm memories and emotions.
This time, though, things are different. Your ex is no longer around, so you wish to re-experience the previous year or years with your ex and feel the way you did back then. The problem is that you and your ex aren’t a part of the same family anymore.
You’re probably not even friends as the breakup made things odd.
And that bothers you because you vividly remember how reassuring holidays felt when you were close. Now that the holidays are approaching again, you consciously or subconsciously crave happiness and reassurance from the past.
You wish to feel loved and wanted. Your previous Christmas holidays were peaceful and joyful whereas this one makes you feel anxious and uncertain about your future. Frankly put, thinking about your current situation scares you and tells you over and over again that you could be much happier.
What your anxious brain doesn’t tell you, though, is that you could also be much more miserable. You could have no family to spend Christmas with and be incurably ill. Your brain doesn’t tell you things like, “At least I have food on the table and people to eat it with.”
It instead focuses on things that you don’t have. Drug addicts, alcoholics, and obsessed people know what I’m talking about. They know how anxious they get when they start craving something they haven’t had in a while.
It’s in human nature to obsess about things and people that make us anxious and unhappy. We do that even though it’s bad for our health. The only way to stop obsessing about them is to let go of the unhealthy attachment or the substance making us dependent on them.
So if you’re emotionally dependent on your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, know that missing your ex during the holiday season is completely normal. Heck, it’s normal to miss your ex when it’s not the holiday season. It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is because the breakup triggers your deepest fears and separation anxiety.
Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and special events merely make you nostalgic. It’s your ability to deal with nostalgia that determines how affected you get.
Until you’ve gotten stronger, detached from your ex, and rebuilt your self-esteem, you can expect to miss your ex.
With that said, here are 5 reasons why you think about your ex and miss your ex more over the Christmas period.
If you were making great emotional progress and keeping yourself together up until the Christmas holidays, you should be proud of yourself, not disappointed. You stayed busy and managed to stay in control of your emotions and actions.
But now that the Christmas holidays are here, you sidetracked a bit and pondered about your ex. Nostalgic thoughts about your ex made you start missing your ex and wondering about celebrating Christmas together.
This doesn’t mean you’re weak but that you want the best for yourself. You want your Christmas to be full of joy and peace.
Because you haven’t fully detached from your ex yet, you desire the past and want to feel reassured by your ex. You want an emotionally-fulfilling relationship and stop feeling sentimental.
What you’re doing is taking a trip down memory lane and thinking of your ex as your savior. You should instead be thinking of him or her as the cause of your problems. That way, you can stay resolute and keep your ex emotionally and physically at a distance.
Does my ex think about me and miss me during the holidays too?
If your ex dumped you, it’s unlikely that your ex thinks about you day and night and misses you like crazy. Loneliness and breakup aftereffects don’t hit your ex as hard as they hit you.
Dumpers don’t miss their dumpee to a big extent because they feel relieved. They’re glad the breakup ended and prefer to be on their own. It’s why they ended the relationship.
Although some dumpers miss their dumpee ex, they don’t miss the dumpee romantically. They miss having him or her around as a friend (a person they can talk to and have fun with). This means they can handle not speaking with the dumpee and not knowing what the dumpee is up to.
Their expectations aren’t romantic, so they focus on themselves and others.
Don’t let that bring you down though. Your ex most certainly thinks about you every now and then. It’s not as often as you think about him or her because your ex isn’t anxious and heartbroken, but your ex does remember you from time to time and wonder what you’re up to.
It’d be impossible to forget about you and not think about you. This is true regardless of whether your ex is dating or not. Your ex may be busy, but certain things still remind your ex about you. Words, songs, jokes, gestures, behaviors, and fashion are just some things that could remind your ex of you.
The more recent the breakup is, the more likely that your ex will think or dream about you.
Also, if your ex is spending Christmas with his or her family, your ex will recognize your absence and perhaps even speak about you. I can’t foresee the conversations your ex’s family will have, but if you were with your ex for a while, you can be certain you’ll be on everyone’s mind at the gathering.
I know you want your ex to miss you and want to be with you, but the holiday season isn’t the time for your ex to become regretful and want you back. It may seem like the perfect time for your ex to cave in and come running back, but your ex isn’t waiting for an opportunity to do that.
An ex who wants you back wants you back right away. He or she isn’t waiting for a birthday/holiday opportunity to slide back into your DMs. A regretful man or woman would be in too much pain to delay reconciliation.
Should I wish my ex a happy Christmas?
As a dumpee who isn’t over the breakup and in frequent communication with the dumper, you should abstain from wishing your ex happy Christmas. You should adhere to the rules of no contact and by doing, let your ex know you respect yourself as well as his or her silence and the decision to break up.
You’re not a bad person for not wishing your ex happy holidays. You’re a person who understands when he or she is not wanted and when it’s better to stay in no contact. All wishing your ex happy Christmas will do is put you in a position of weakness where you could get hurt.
And you could get hurt if your ex:
- ignores you
- mentions he/she is doing great (especially with someone new)
- tells you to stop reaching out
- gets in an argument with you
- points out your flaws
So if you haven’t spoken to your ex recently and you’re anxious, don’t send your ex merry Christmas cards, texts, or voice recordings. A lack of interest from your ex tells you that your ex is still processing the breakup in dumper ways and likely isn’t ready for chit-chat.
Your ex is ready to embrace the quiet and continue to self-prioritize. If you reach out, I can’t say what will happen. But your ex will probably feel pressured and uncomfortable. And when your ex feels uncomfortable, he or she will likely respond in hurtful manners.
The only time you can send your ex a Christmas greeting is when the following conditions are met:
- Your ex still initiates and communicates with you
- You both respect each other
- Romantic feelings and expectations are gone
- You’re certain your ex will respond
You need to understand that breaking no contact and reaching out to your ex for Christmas is generally a bad idea. It’s bad for your health and completely unnecessary. All the emotional progress you’ve achieved thanks to no contact will vanish in seconds.
It will hit you like a ton of bricks and force you to have a painful setback.
Also, your ex might be dating someone else already. Your reach-out could make them both a bit uncomfortable.
So don’t send Christmas wishes to your ex just to be polite and friendly. Don’t send them to check up on your ex and see if your ex has changed his or her mind about you. I get that you’re curious, but if you haven’t heard a peep from your ex, you have all the proof you need that your ex wants to stay broken up.
You should keep your expectations low and bear in mind that you won’t be able to talk your way back into a relationship with your ex. Your dumper ex is too detached and unreceptive for a miracle to happen.
And lastly, don’t even think about sending your ex a Christmas present. Your ex hasn’t earned it and doesn’t expect it. If your ex sends you one, it’s because you got friendzoned.
What does it mean if I receive a merry Christmas text from my ex?
If the dumper reaches out for Christmas, keep in mind that he or she contacts you out of habit and courtesy. He or she wants to be surface-level friendly just like with other friends and acquaintances.
As I said earlier, a Christmas text is just a text. It’s not a golden opportunity for you to sweep your ex off his or her feet and get back together. Although your ex could be experiencing Christmas blues, your ex could also not be.
It’s hard to say, so you need to wait.
The best way to handle your ex’s reach out is to wish your ex a merry Christmas back. Be polite, say something like, “Merry Christmas to you too,” and don’t prolong the conversation for no reason.
Asking your ex questions might get your ex to respond, but it won’t bring your ex’s feelings back. It will likely just make you more hopeful and anxious. So don’t get too excited if you hear from your ex on or around Christmas.
It’s probably just a friendly Christmas wish.
If your ex wants you back, your ex will keep you engaged and make a romantic move on you. You won’t have to do anything other than respond and see if your ex misses you romantically.
If during the Xmas reach-out, your ex talks and talks without wanting to meet up and reconcile, you’ll have to tell your ex you’re not ready for friendship and ask him or her not to reach out. You’ll have to protect yourself because your ex certainly won’t.
Christmas conversations don’t make your ex get through the dumper stages quicker. But if you haven’t heard from your ex until now, it does show that your ex has made some progress and that your ex has at least some respect for you.
Should I wish my ex happy Christmas as a dumper?
If you dumped your ex, everything is the same, but reversed. You need to be considerate of your ex’s healing and feelings and reach out only if you’re communicating or over each other.
If the breakup is less than a year old, you probably won’t know if your ex is fully over you. But if your ex reaches out only occasionally (let’s say for birthdays and holidays), it’s probably safe to assume your ex is doing okay and can handle your Christmas wishes.
You should be able to tell what your ex’s expectations of you are by analyzing his or her recent words and behavior.
It’s not okay to reach out, however, if your ex is emotional, angry, vengeful, asking to get back together, and difficult to understand and deal with. Such a person will likely get his or her hopes up and think you might want to get back together.
Once he or she sees you’re not reaching out to give the relationship another chance, your ex will get his or her hopes crushed and experience a painful setback. How hurt your ex gets depends on the progress he or she has made and the hope you destroy.
So keep in mind that wishing your ex happy holidays as a dumper isn’t a good idea if your ex is still recovering from the breakup. Your ex may badly want to hear from you to feel validated, but your validation is just going to make your ex hungrier for your love and attention.
It may be better not to give your ex anything to latch to.
What can I do to not miss my ex during the holidays?
If the approaching Christmas holidays make you nostalgic and emotional, you have to force yourself not to think about them.
Instead of indulging in them by looking at old photos of your ex, going through your ex’s texts, and imagining being with your ex again, tell yourself this Christmas is a bit different from the previous ones and that there will be more Christmases to celebrate with significant others in the future.
This year, your priority is to recover from rejection and fall back in love with yourself. You have to surround yourself with family members who love you as you are and try to be grateful for them. It won’t be easy to do that and forget your ex, but this is just step 1.
Once you’ve convinced yourself it’s not your final Christmas, you must find ways to keep yourself busy. Most dumpees find success in things that distract them from thinking about their breakup and pitying themselves.
Some things that could help you cope with your breakup this Christmas are new and old hobbies, work, exercising, socializing, learning new things, helping people, improving yourself, and participating in activities that make you passionate and engaged.
It might be difficult to see purpose in life if the breakup happened very recently, but that doesn’t mean you should sit at home and push everyone away. Christmas or not, you need people around you to cope with the breakup. You need to connect with like-minded people and let them help you.
Another thing you can do is help people get over their breakup. By helping dumpees recover, you can talk about topics that interest you and also receive some useful tips and comfort from them. You can find plenty of people who need help and are willing to help you push through the Christmas holidays on our Discord.
I also encourage you to sign up for therapy if you haven’t yet. Or if therapy isn’t available or affordable for you, do some journaling. Dumpees feel much calmer and happier in general when they write down what they think about their ex and how they feel.
Journaling is a very underrated therapeutic technique. Give it a try whether you got broken up with 2 weeks or 5 months ago.
Journaling probably won’t get rid of all your longings, but it should help you express yourself when no one is around to let you vent.
My advice is to focus extra hard on changing what Christmas means to you. If you placed a high importance on it and badly want to spend it with your loved ones, you’ll most definitely suffer a lot when reality hits you.
You’ll think that Christmas is the happiest time of the year (even songs say it is) and as a result, refuse to forgive yourself for being unhappy. You’ll focus on your unhappiness so strongly that you’ll only allow yourself to feel miserable.
What you should do instead is strive to accept the situation as it is. Tell yourself that things are out of your control and that your only option is to move forward and take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself involves being kind to yourself and doing what’s best for you.
If Christmas affected me this much, can I expect to feel hurt during other holidays too?
Other holidays and events probably won’t affect you as much as Christmas did.
And there are two reasons for that.
- You likely put a higher priority on Christmas than other holidays.
- You’ll continue to detach, have fewer expectations of your ex, and care less about what your ex thinks, feels, and does.
Time will help you process the breakup and allow you to focus on yourself and forget about your ex. How quickly you heal depends on your coping skills and whether you make breakup mistakes that force you to stay attached to your ex until the next big event.
Breakup mistakes could indeed hurt you as you could see your ex having a great time with someone else 2 months from now on Valentine’s day.
Lovebirds’ favorite day could make you a bit nostalgic (especially if you observe other couples). But if you focus on healing, it shouldn’t hurt you as much as Christmas holidays.
You should be much wiser, stronger, detached, and in control of your emotions the next time you and/or others celebrate something.
How do you intend to get through the breakup this holiday season? Share your plans with us in the comments below.
And if you’d like to talk about your breakup blues with us, click here to learn more about our breakup services.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan, it’s been like 8 months since she ended it with me. She sent a positive message a few months back saying she’s sorry she hurt me. I told her I had a lot going on at the time. I told her it’s been when don’t stay in communication. She sees me as a friend now and has been dating a guy for 6 months. I wish her the the best. I really want to wish her a merry Christmas to show I still care about her. The other the message I said I still liked her couldn’t be friends. I always feel the right timing can change everything.. I miss her.
Hi Tanner.
The last time you spoke, she felt bad for hurting you. But since you’re not a couple anymore, you don’t need to show her you care. You can, but it won’t change anything. It might just make her or her boyfriend feel on edge.
Sincerely,
Zan
Merry Christmas, wish you all my very best.
Now, i would really appreciate an article Zan about dumpers claiming the high ground during no contact.
From personal experience, although i cried and pleaded and begged for some reasonable explanation (well, until i discovered cheating on my own) or the respect i thought i was worth after 24 years together ( also married 14 of them and having a kid ) …
in the end, i made my decisions, pushed forward the divorce and secured a normality for our kid in the years to come.
A few months down that road i start to sense an urge to keep it more than typical ( for the sake of our kid ).
Asking for favors, nameday wishes, trying to keep it rolling by herself and her family.
I have been a role model so far, fully typical in my obligations as a father, polite when wished over the phone or even acceptable when they keep an eye on my social media months after the breakup.
Same time i have blocked my ex from my social media accounts as a way to keep my sanity and well psychological being. Breakups DO happen for a reason and to me it was enough that i started finding myself and my smile even after this trauma and messy situation.
But although it is obvious from my part i want to have no part in their lives, i ask for nothing and i do not want anything other than the happiness of the kid, they keep on coming.
I do not want to be rude or bitter although bitterness is hard to fight on your own and phonecalls, social media comments and chat messages keep this rolling.
So it would be a nice article to see how dumpers keep on our lives through holidays, kids, wishes and all this need for post breakup interaction… until they realize this is a river that drifts us away and not together.
Even my own parents due to their age have hard time realizing this is for good.
I have thought a lot about this though and maybe it is guilt, maybe it is her need to get over something unpleasant like being the cheater … or simply an absolute lack of empathy making her believe i will be around no matter what forever.
Who knows, i surely do not.
The more i detach the less it bothers me though. I poetically say this to friends of mine … it is like embarking on a ship and slowly leaving those people at the shore. So they keep waving and shouting until i am far far away to be seen or heard.
sorry to quote on my own Zan, i really appreciate you are devoting yourself on this blog and also your own personal time discussing like that. I now i have posted too much over the past few days but this is our of sheer enthusiasm having open communication and also it feel great validating and confirming decisions and a course set months ago.
I made my honest mistakes as i had a life to leave with her but it is now less than a year and i have so much energy and feel so active like hardly even before. This is why i am split sometimes … i miss my set life and yet i was ignorant to what lies beyond the fence. But in the end it all breaks down to our decisions and circumstances.
Please read above when you get a minute … i know now each case has similarities and differences … in my own situation i see requests on many issues and the tendency to leave all behind, stay friends, be supportive in way more ways than just for the kid. This is where i feel more disrespected:
when my wife tried to victimize herself as not being heard or me working too hard to provide ( i was the sole breadwinner practically or let’s say 95% of it ) or being too nervous and stressed ( working all day ) so she found a soulmate …
it is a bit contradictory a few months later trying to be close to ask for favors right ? from her “abuser”
this cake is amazingly tasty so they do want to eat and save it as well if you ask me.
Hi Nick.
Because you have a child together, you’re advised to interact only if it concerns the child. You can be friends later if you choose so, but right now, she feels victimized and doesn’t want nor deserve your friendship. She should focus on herself and ask for support from her actual friends. You have to remember that you’re far from being friends. You’re closer to strangers than friends.
I suggest you block your ex only if it gives you immense anxiety and you can’t control what you do. Unfollowing is usually a much better option.
If that doesn’t work, then stay off social media for a while.
Best,
Zan
Thank you Zan for telling all of us every possible scenario that we can have as dumpee and most important what our anxious brain doesn’t tell us.
You are truly the best 🫶🏻
Thank you for commenting, Linda.
The brain can confuse us at times as it makes us believe things that are not true, half-true, or could be true.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
A timely article and great read. I hope those who need it the most will find it helpful.
Best,
BR
Hi BR.
Thank you for sponsoring this article for the community to read, BR. I hope it helps dumpees cope with anxiety and loneliness during the holiday season.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Thanks for the article.
My ex left me for somebody else 4 and a half months ago; it has been an absolute uphill battle with multiple crying sessions a day. It hasn’t helped that I made a ton of post breakup mistakes, such as checking her and her SO’s social media.
I saw that they went to a spa together on the 19th of December so I can only imagine how well the relationship is going and how much she loves him. I’m still trying to process this whole situation and am very much deep in the trenches whilst she’s out having the time of her life.
I’m back in the gym and will make my body my main focus next year so that I can gain confidence about myself again.
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Zan, and all the other dumpees on here 🙂
Hi Callum.
I’m sorry you’ve been through so much. What your ex did was undeserving of respect. Perhaps one day she’ll realize she was selfish in the pursuit of happiness and that this guy isn’t as good as she thought.
Rebuild your confidence and get over her, Callum. Life gets better.
Merry Christmas,
Zan
Dear Zan,
This article really match with my condition right now. I suppose to celebrate christmas and new year with him but i couldn’t do that because he dumped me 3 months ago and start dating one of our mutual friend 1 week after break up. They are official in relationship 2 months after our break up.
It hurt me a lot especially when thinking they will spend the christmas and new year together and i will spend those days alone since i just moved to the new city and haven’t got much friends.
I hope i can survive in this situation. I miss him a lot but not much i can do. I decided not to wish him merry christmas because i know it will hurt me. I uninstall my social media and delete his number so i don’t have any temptation to contact him.
Thank you so much for your article.
Hi Eve.
Your ex cheated on you with this mutual friend. He didn’t leave the relationship and then develop feelings for her.
You’ll survive this, Eve. If possible, go see your family and stay busy. When you stop hurting, you’ll see that he’s not worth your time or your Christmas wishes.
Kind regards,
Zan