How Long Does It Take After A Breakup To Get Back Together?

How long it takes after a breakup to get back together varies for each ex-couple. Some exes become regretful after a few days whereas others take months or even years to realize their ex’s worth. The time it takes dumpers to come back depends on what kind of thoughts, emotions, and experiences they go through after the breakup.

If dumpers feel extremely relieved, they have to go through the breakup stages and date other people to have someone to compare the dumpee to. It’s through comparison, regret, and failure that they realize the dumpee’s worth and crave the love and stability they had while they were with the dumpee.

But if dumpers left just because of an argument and anger, then dumpers don’t need to go through the breakup stages and date people. They still feel connected with the dumpee and oftentimes come back once they cool off, start missing the dumpee, and become afraid of the dumpee meeting someone else.

Although dumpers tend to leave because they lose feelings, they all have different reasons for losing their feelings. Their reasons for coming back also vary from person to person. Not only do they vary, but the interesting thing about them is that they tend to be unrelated to reasons for leaving.

For example, if a woman leaves her husband because her husband doesn’t water the relationship and make her feel loved, she doesn’t come back to him because he’s realized his flaws and improved them. Dumpees think they’ll get an ex back because of their improvements, but this is seldom the case.

A woman usually comes back because something or someone convinces her to. It could be a family member or a friend encouraging her not to give up too soon or her dating someone else and realizing that the person she left had flaws but that he was a good match for her. She just wasn’t able to see it while she was with him because she focused on his bad points and took him for granted.

So if you recently got dumped and you’re hoping your ex will come back, bear in mind that self-growth is important. It makes your life easier and helps your next relationship with your ex or someone else be stronger.

But, unfortunately, it doesn’t necessarily make your ex come back. Not unless your ex is keeping the door open and has said something like, “I’d like you to work on this and that. When I see you’ve made progress, I’ll consider giving you another chance.”

Most dumpers just don’t wait for dumpees to grow within so they can get back with them and be happy together. They tend to feel relieved and enjoy their relief until they stop feeling elated and make similar mistakes in their next relationship. That’s when they get hurt and come running back for love, support, and validation.

How long after a breakup couples get back together depends on many, many factors, starting with:

• how long, serious, and healthy the relationship was
• why the relationship ended
• what (negative) perceptions dumpers associate with dumpees
• whether they’re capable of disassociating those perceptions
• what they do after the breakup (do they date, hang out with friends, stay at home…)
• whether they fail in ways that are important to them and get hurt
• whether dumpees smother, anger, or guilt-trip them
• what their attachment styles are and how secure they are
• whether they have a tendency to go back to exes
• how lucky they are

How long after a breakup couples get back together is a hard question to answer because people are very different. They have different stories, feel different emotions, go through different post-breakup experiences, and have different ways to cope with those experiences.

But generally speaking, most couples who reconcile get back together very fast. They realize they’ve made a mistake within a few months because for a few months after the breakup, couples are still on familiar terms and are sometimes each other’s backup plans.

If things go awry soon after the breakup, dumpers quickly come back. They want to secure a place in their ex’s heart and the relationship because they’re hurt and need an ex who knows them and has the ability to validate and support them.

This can also happen let’s say a year after the breakup because dumpers get hurt much later too. But if a lot of time goes by, dumpers can also move forward rather than backward after they’ve failed with someone new and not worry about getting back with an ex. This is especially true if they’re secure individuals who believe a relationship with their ex isn’t worth revisiting.

Their steadfast beliefs, high self-esteem, and things going according to plan after the breakup can delay reconciliation or prevent it altogether. So don’t keep your hope for your ex alive. Don’t hope that your ex will return, take your pain away, and make you feel the way you want to feel.

If you want to be happy and independent, you mustn’t rely on your ex for validation and support. You must be strong, healthy, and self-reliant so you can take care of the things you need to take care of on your own.

The question of today’s article is how long does it take after a breakup to get back together. We’ll talk about ways to increase the chances of reconciliation and how long you should wait before you get back together.

How long after a breakup do couples get back together?

From my observations, most exes who get back together do so within a week or two after the breakup. They realize they went too far and that they still love each other, so they come back to give it another go. If your ex hasn’t come back that quickly, don’t be discouraged. Exes who reconcile within days or weeks don’t disconnect emotionally and go through the stages of getting back together.

They normally still have feelings for each other and oftentimes, don’t intend to break up or stay broken up. They just exercise power over each other, and as a result, come back when they’ve calmed down or feel that they’re losing control. Such couples go through a fakeup which as the name suggests isn’t a real breakup.

It’s a breakup caused by momentary doubts, fears, anger, bitterness, and a need for validation and control.

Other ex-couples need much longer than a few days to reconcile. That’s because while dumpees are going through the dumpee stages, preserving their worth, dumpers are normally enjoying relief and elation. They’re convinced that the breakup needed to occur otherwise they wouldn’t feel so liberated and empowered by it. They’d feel sad and think that something important is missing.

Little do they know that their post-breakup emotions have very little to do with the quality of their relationship. It’s mainly got to do with their negative perceptions of their ex and their ability to handle those negative perceptions. In other words, the more elated and relieved they feel, the worse they communicated with their ex about the way they felt.

That’s essentially why some dumpers become resentful, blame their ex, and try to ruin their ex’s reputation.

As a dumpee, you mustn’t wait for your ex to come back. Whether your ex is bitter or friendly, you must understand that your ex has lost feelings and that waiting for your ex would be a bit mistake. Not only would waiting put your life on hold for your ex, but it’d also stop you from enjoying your life and growing as a person.

It takes strength to accept the breakup and move on, but strength is what you need. Exes come back when you’ve moved on because you depict strength and independence. You show you’re self-sufficient and that you’ve got what it takes to handle anything life throws at you.

Even if it’s a romantic rejection.

If you wait for your ex, know that you could be waiting for a very long time. I can’t say how long that will be, but it could be years or decades even. Your ex might also not come back because some exes fall in love with someone else and create a family with that person.

They stay with their partner unless something goes so badly wrong that they look for happiness elsewhere. That’s essentially what reconciliations are. Exes get back together because dumpers can’t get or keep what they want, so they have no choice but to return to a person who might be able to help them.

If you want to be the person your ex returns to, try to accept that you can’t make your ex love you by force, but you can increase your chances of your ex falling back in love with you.

You can do that by:

• cutting your ex off (going no contact)
• stopping your ex from breadcrumbing you (asking your ex not to reach out when you hear from your ex)
• avoiding post-breakup mistakes
• understanding breakup dynamics and what your ex wants and needs from you
• focusing on improving yourself
• spending time with people who care about you
• occasionally posting your achievements and things that give meaning to your life

Here are 5 reasons why it normally takes exes a while to miss you after a breakup.

If you come across ex-back coaches who tell you to purchase their services to get your ex back before it’s too late, don’t let yourself be deceived. Always remember that you can’t get your ex back by saying or doing something that makes your ex remember what a great romantic partner you were or can be.

You can’t do it whether your ex is in a rebound relationship or struggling to connect with other people. The only way your ex will want to reconnect with you romantically is if your ex wants to reconnect with you. Let me rephrase that. Your ex will want to be with you if your ex has a reason to want you back.

And your ex will have a reason to want you back when he or she:

• sees that you know your worth and respects you for it
• becomes curious and nostalgic
• feels a desire to get close to you and obtain your recognition
• understands and accepts your differences
• gets hurt by someone or something your ex cares about
• processes the negative breakup emotions
• knows that he or she acted on emotions and has made a huge mistake

You shouldn’t expect your ex to come back randomly without a reason. If your ex returns just because he or she can, it’s unlikely that the relationship will last. It will probably be missing the two most important emotions a relationship can have – love and fear.

Fear is important because fear helps people stay committed. Those who don’t fear breaking up don’t stay with their partner. They leave when they get tired or when they get “better” opportunities, aka GIGS.

To say that love is just an emotion would be wrong. Love is also an expectation because people in love expect their partners to contribute to their lives and make them feel wanted, loved, and secure.

How long should you wait before you get back together?

As a dumpee, you don’t have any control over the reconciliation. You can’t decide when to get back together because you can’t control what your ex thinks, feels, and does. All you can do is wait for your ex to discern your worth and come running back.

When your ex comes back, that’s when you can take back power and control and tell your ex how you want the reconciliation to go. You can tell your ex you’d like to wait a couple of weeks or so to see if your ex has come back for the right reasons and to see if he or she is ready to work on himself/herself and the relationship.

Two weeks of time should be enough for you to discern if your ex wants you back and is committed to being with you.

Taking some time to decide is important because if your ex waltzes back into a relationship with you, your ex could leave again when differences of opinion, stressors, or temptations arise.

Ideally, at least a few months should pass before an ex comes back so you and your ex can get some distance to see issues more clearly and work on yourselves individually. You as a dumpee will do the work on yourself right after the breakup because anxiety will force you to grow.

Your ex, on the other hand, will have to grow later when he or she wants you back and sees that you respect yourself and aren’t in a hurry to get back together. That’s when pain created by failure will push your ex to listen to you and take you seriously.

How long should you wait to get back together?

If you got dumped and you’re wondering how long you should wait for your ex to come back, you shouldn’t wait at all. Whether your ex was with you for three months or 30 years, you can’t keep waiting for someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

It’s not worth it because you’d place your expectations on your ex’s return and stay emotionally dependent on your ex.

It’s much better for you to focus on yourself and detach from your ex. Detaching doesn’t mean that you’ll become resentful and not want your ex back if your ex does come back. It means that you’ll stop relying on your ex for validation and create a self-sufficient life for yourself. You’ll get over your ex and stop waiting for your ex to realize what he or she has done and come back.

This is important because the sooner you stop waiting, the sooner you’ll stop blaming yourself for some of your mistakes and cultivate a sense of unconditional self-worth.

Dumpees who keep waiting for exes stay hooked on their exes for years. I know some people who got broken up with over 5 years ago and still want to be with their exes. They have convinced themselves that they can’t find a better person than their ex and put their ex so high up on a pedestal that there is no better person for them.

Their ex is everything they know because they gave their ex so much importance.

I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to keep craving your ex that long. It’s unhealthy but also a big waste of time and emotions. You’ll be much happier if you learn to let go and eventually start talking to other people. Do that and you’ll see that you had your rose-tinted glasses on and that there are plenty of people out there who understand you and want to be with you.

How long are you prepared to wait after a breakup to get back together with an ex? Are you okay with your ex dating other people and coming back when those people hurt and disappoint your ex? Post your thoughts below the article.

However, if you’re looking for breakup coaching and want to confide in us, visit our coaching options page to learn more on how to get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.