The no contact rule works. It may not bring dumpers back every time, but it does bring back dumpers who need some time to realize they’ve overestimated themselves and underestimated their dumpee. No contact isn’t a magic tool. It’s merely a technique that allows the dumper to reflect when or if he or she wishes to.
It lets the dumper enjoy his or her space and encourages him or her to process negative post-breakup anger, resentment, and need for space.
Therefore, no contact doesn’t manipulate the dumper to come back. It only prevents resentment and space-deprived reactions from your ex and maximizes the chances of reflection, forgiveness, and romantic feelings to develop.
No contact works every time when it comes to leaving your ex alone and preserving your worth.
The sooner you go no contact, the less pain you can expect to cause your ex, and the bigger the odds that your ex will respect you and want to communicate when he or she is ready and has a reason to communicate.
So yes, no contact really works. Not only does it reduce your obsession with your ex, but it also tells your ex that you respect yourself and his or her decision to terminate the relationship. Because it gives your ex what he or she wants (lots of space and time), it lets your ex breathe and tells your ex you have better things to focus on.
Things that feel right and move your life in a positive direction.
No contact essentially speaks for you. It says that you understand your worth and that you won’t beg an ex for time and affection. If your ex doesn’t voluntarily give you what you want, you’ll be okay without it and won’t chase your ex. It wouldn’t make sense to chase someone who doesn’t love you and consider you an equal.
Some people think no contact shows you’re hurt, bitter, or manipulative, but that’s not true. All it shows is that you understand when you’re not wanted and that you won’t put yourself in situations where you’re not treated equally and respectfully.
No contact is manipulative only if you ignore your ex when he or she reaches out or if you reach out yourself after a certain number of days and try to change your ex’s mind. Breaking no contact after some time on your terms can make your ex think that you haven’t moved on and that you’ve been waiting for the right time to reach out and (continue to) pursue him or her.
This could suffocate your ex and make your ex reject you and push you away by force.
So keep in mind that no contact works when you follow the indefinite no contact rule (not the 30-day no contact rule) and all the rules of no contact, not just the ones that are easy to follow. It works when you do the work on your part and wait for your ex to realize your worth.
Mind you, your ex might not be capable of realizing your worth. He or she might be too resentful, victimized, and quick to date other people. If your ex moves on for good and thinks poorly of you, your ex may not get rid of the unhealthy perception of you and fall back in love with you.
Not even if bad things happen to your ex.
A person has to be able to get hurt and reflect in order to become regretful and scared of being alone. If he or she has good coping mechanisms and never stops to think and regret making mistakes, he or she likely won’t indulge in nostalgia and think you were a good partner.
It takes a certain kind of person to come back. A person who can change his or her opinion of the dumpee and be willing to get affectionate and hurt again. Individuals with trust issues may not return. They’re often too scared to let an ex who hurt them close to them and risk getting hurt again.
The same goes for people who blame their ex for everything.
Such people often lack the tools to stop feeling victimized and see the situation from their ex’s perspective. They prefer to hog all the power and hold their ex responsible for their mistakes and how they feel.
Although most dumpers are angry and bitter after the breakup, they usually stop feeling that way after a while. When they do, they’re left with a negative perception of their ex that needs a good incentive to let go of. Usually, something deep and personal has to happen to them for them to stop blaming their ex for their problems.
Something like a rejection or a breakup as such things can make them question their worth and ability to be happy.
So bear in mind that the effectiveness of no contact doesn’t just depend on what you do. It largely depends on your ex’s personality, problems, and ways of dealing with problems. The dumper must be capable of reflection and realization that he or she made mistakes too.
By admitting his or her flaws and mistakes, the dumper can improve his or her negative views and give the dumpee the recognition he or she deserves and craves.
In today’s post, we talk about whether the no contact really works. We discuss when it works and how you can tell that it works.
Does no contact really work?
The no contact rule always works when it comes to healing and growth. Space away from the dumper allows you to wean off your ex, improve your health and well-being, and fix your flaws and mistakes. You just need to put your happiness now and in the future first. If you want the best for yourself and avoid acting on impulse, you’ll leave your ex alone, self-prioritize, and maximize your chances of happiness.
Getting your ex back with no contact, however, is a different topic. It’s much more complicated because, unlike personal growth, you don’t have control. What your ex thinks, feels, and does depends on your ex. Your ex’s actions and inactions determine your ex’s happiness and path in life.
No contact itself can’t force your ex to come back to you. It doesn’t have that power because your ex is in charge of his or her life and needs much more than time and space to return to you. Your ex needs some kind of (negative) experience to think about his or her (poor) decisions in life and regret making them.
When your ex understands he or she isn’t innocent and invincible, your ex could get rid of some negative beliefs and put an end to his or her unhealthy thinking patterns. That’s when your ex will be susceptible to pain, nostalgia, fear, and regret and might decide to give the relationship another chance.
Don’t think that no contact alone will somehow bring your ex back. No contact merely preserves your worth as a dumpee and encourages your ex to reflect on the relationship when the situation allows him or her to reflect. It doesn’t have the power to make your ex regret breaking up with you and chase you.
You may really want to be chased by your ex, but no contact works covertly without your awareness. You won’t know that your ex is having a hard time and that he or she is thinking about being with you until he or she admits it. You won’t know if no contact is working because you won’t know what your ex is up to and how he or she feels.
The point of no contact is to cut your ex off and block unnecessary information about your ex out of your life. If you know nothing about your ex’s new life, you won’t make breakup mistakes and look insecure to your ex. And if you won’t look insecure, your ex could find you attractive when he or she hits a snag and reflects.
So start detaching from your ex right away. Don’t wait for no contact to make your ex check up on you and see that you’ve been desperate to hear from him or her and get back together. Your ex should be the one desperate for a connection with you (not the other way around). If you need your ex more than he or she needs you, your ex will lose attraction and interest as soon as you give your ex what he or she is after.
So take no contact seriously and do your part. Your part consists of working on yourself, detaching from your ex, and letting your ex experience freedom. If your ex misses you and wants friendship, needs you to solve a problem, or wants you back, your ex will take the initiative and reach out.
You can be certain about that because your ex won’t be able to get or feel what he or she wants or needs without you.
Be patient and stay in no contact for as long as you need to. Don’t break no contact just because you’re curious about your ex and scared that your ex will move on without you. Remind yourself that your ex has already moved on and that the only way your ex will come back is if your ex has an epiphany and rediscovers your romantic worth.
Having said that, here’s why the no contact rule works and is so effective.
No contact rule works not when you want it to work but when your ex explores his or her options, fails, and realizes life didn’t get any better. That’s when no contact will affect your ex’s happiness and self-esteem in ways you want it to. It will show your ex that he or she didn’t benefit by breaking up with you but that things got much worse.
To minimize or undo the damage caused by regret and a lack of ability to be happy, your ex will either need to accept his or her losses and move on or get back together with you. Either way, your ex will have to make some changes and regain control of his or her emotions.
How to tell if no contact is working?
If you have no obligations and reasons to stay in touch with your ex, you probably won’t know whether no contact is working. You’ll be left in the dark and wonder if your ex misses you and thinks about you as much as you think about him or her.
The only time you’ll be certain no contact affects your ex is when your ex reaches out and shows you that his or her perception and behavior toward you has changed. You might notice that your ex treats you better and feels curious about you.
Respect and curiosity don’t indicate that your ex wants you back, but they do show that space helped your ex live life on his or her terms and that your ex is ready to be friends or occasional friends. They show that no contact helped your ex cool off a bit.
Before your ex wants you back, your ex will need to fall back in love with you. And to fall back in love, your ex will need to give up on finding love and self-love without you. Your ex will have to understand that he or she took you for granted and that others can’t make him or her happy.
When that happens, your ex will contact you and tell you or show you that no contact was successful. That’s because your ex will confide in you, apologize, compliment you, spend time with you, and ask for another chance.
You won’t have to do anything other than let your ex talk.
So if you’re doing no contact properly by preventing information about your ex from entering your life, know that you probably won’t know if no contact is working. You’ll see it working only when your ex contacts you and proves that he or she has processed the negativity.
However, if you know what your ex is up to during no contact, then you’ll hear or see your ex’s behavior change over time. Your ex will ask your friends about you, post sad, nostalgic, or confusing things on social media, and act differently. Your ex will want your validation, time, or perhaps even affection.
Wait for your ex to express his or her wants and needs and you’ll know that no contact is working.
What do you think? Does the no contact rule really work? Do you see any changes in your ex? Comment below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
