The rules of no contact are very straightforward, yet so many people refuse to follow them down to the T. Some dumpees instead choose to implement their own versions of no contact and in doing so, prolong the grieving stage.
Although 90% of dumpees will hear from their exes again, this doesn’t mean you should completely prioritize your ex.
Your life is yours to take care of so make the rules of no contact about you first and your ex second.
If you don’t, you could end up really disappointed if your ex never comes back.
Or even if your ex comes back and all you did in no contact was think and cry about your ex, then you would still be pretty desperate and emotionally dependent on your ex. This would occur due to a lack of self-love.
You can avoid this unnecessary ex-partner reverence by improving your emotional and mental well-being. Once you’ve achieved great results, you will no longer fear your ex like the devil. Your ex will have become an equal instead.
But for that to happen, you must move on first.
Without further delay, let’s discuss the rules of no contact.
Rules of no contact
The rules of no contact apply to all broken-hearted dumpees who want to get over their exes, get their exes back or to those who want both.
The rules of no contact apply to those who:
- got abandoned
- got cheated on and left for someone else
- cheated themselves and got abandoned
- were left and their exes went back to their exes
- were in a long-distance relationship
- neglected and took their dumpers for granted
- were asked to change a million times
- were in a toxic relationship
- are getting ignored and avoided by the dumpers
- got blocked
- were needy pre-breakup or post-breakup
- were told they are the worst or the best
- got angry on the day of the breakup and after
- did something despicable
- begged harder than a beggar
- were given any of the generic breakup excuses
- are miserable and encountered life problems, such as drugs and addictions
- are teenagers
- used the no contact rule before
- don’t want their exes back and “have nothing to lose”
- just want their “friend” back
- work together
- have kids
- think their exes have/will move on without them
- have unfinished business, such as finances and mortgage
- are depressed or pregnant
- are getting divorced
There are probably many more cases where the rules of no contact apply, but the point is that the indefinite no contact rule is the solution to most situations.
This is because after the breakup—especially if it was your fault, your ex needs time – a lot of time. Reasoning with your ex is therefore not an option, hence why “winning” him or her over won’t work.
Moreover, if you try to speed up the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper, the breakup would only blow up in your face, causing even more damage to the already broken relationship.
Insecure behavior would force your ex to think less of you, which would push him or her away. It would also worsen your post-breakup persona as well as your mental health.
That’s why chasing after the dumper is never an option. Once the dumpee gets broken up with, his or her final exam has ended and the result is the breakup.
There is no immediate retake of this exam as your ex first needs to reject you. And only once he or she has personally experienced failure, will your ex be willing to give your failure another chance.
Basic rules of no contact
The basic rules of no contact consist of self-imposed restrictions which you must never, ever break. If you happen to break the rules of no contact, you could experience setbacks which regularly naturally occur during the 3 stages of no contact when you’re healing.
These deliberate setbacks can be prevented as long as you diligently follow and respect the rules of no contact.
Nothing matters more than your recovery after the breakup so it might be best you start looking for a way to prioritize yourself over your ex and instead give yourself the love you so badly deserve.
Luckily, the basic rules of no contact are here for you to help you retain your self-esteem, confidence and at the same time, help you improve your health.
Here are the 6 basic rules of no contact.
To prevent slip-ups, such as pushing your ex away and ruining your chances, you must go no contact immediately after the breakup. No buts, ifs, whys, and hows.
These 6 basic, yet prominent rules of no contact will portray high self-esteem and confidence and either cultivate your desired results or help you move on with dignity.
If you don’t ever get back together with your ex, you will be so thankful you went no contact and saved face. Trust me about this and believe in the healing power of no contact.
Intermediate rules of no contact
The intermediate rules of no contact are all about giving your ex everything he or she has asked for.
Since a breakup demands a physical and emotional separation, stepping back and letting your ex have it his or her way is essential. By no means should you bargain with the dumper when the deal is final.
Unfortunately, breakups are always final the moment dumpers make a decision so there’s no fighting their decision.
Out of respect as well as self-respect, allow your ex to experience relief, elation and eventually nostalgia so distance yourself from him or her. Give your ex more space than possible and sit tight.
You can wait for your ex by remembering the 4 intermediate rules of no contact.
These 4 rules of no contact are more of a guideline and something you need to remember after the breakup. They work like a rubber band as they hook around your ex and stretch and stretch until the rubber band stretches as far as it can before it comes shooting back at the speed of light.
Push-pull technique
Intermediate rules of no contact are a variation of a push-pull technique, with the only difference that they aren’t meant to manipulate and abuse the person who cares for you.
Since dumpers don’t care enough (if any at all), the push-pull technique is absolutely necessary to reel the dumper back in. It works one day at a time at a very slow pace.
Nobody knows how fast it will work with your particular case because it isn’t even about you. It’s about the dumper’s mental and emotional state which you have absolutely no control over.
Intermediate rules of no contact have a second part. They are about repairing your post-breakup persona. Any begging, apologizing, promising, incessant messaging, calling and even some pre-breakup flaws are slowly being forgotten over time.
Please note that this will not happen during the 30-day no contact rule because that rule is not an effective rule. It’s not even a rule, but rather a hoax.
Rewriting the negative memories
Forgetting a few bad memories will happen over many, many months. If I had to guess I’d say it starts at about a year, 2, 3 or more after the breakup—depending on each person, of course.
Our brains continuously rewrite old memories. Every time we remember a scene from the past, we change a thing or two about it and store new information in our long-term memory. As we keep rewriting history over the course of many years, we eventually change most things about our pasts.
Since dumpers don’t think about dumpees too often, they slowly let go of some of the negative associations with the dumpees and mainly remember the worst ones – the ones they often reinforce with their thoughts and emotions.
Dumpees, on the other hand, continuously drown themselves in sorrow and nostalgia and therefore regularly reinforce their adoration and reverence for the dumpers. Only when they learn to control their emotions can they finally stop putting their dumpers on a pedestal. That’s when they start seeing their dumpers for who they truly are.
Fortunately, the rules of no contact help the dumpees let go of that which no longer serves them and reinvigorate them with new hope.
Advanced rules of no contact
The most important and the most neglected rules of no contact are the ones that are about the dumpees and their health.
I know dumpees initially start following the indefinite no contact rule with the intention to get their dumpers back. I think that’s completely fine as long as they make sure they are moving on as well.
Taking the appropriate actions, such as reducing the amount of time spent at home is crucial for the dumpees’ recovery. It’s difficult to take the first steps toward recovery, but the reward is so gratifying once the detoxing process begins.
As long as dumpees stay away from their exes as if they don’t exist anymore, they are healing. If they don’t, they keep their dumpers on the pedestals and delay their pain.
Here are the advanced rules of no contact every dumpee should follow.
These advanced rules of no contact seem simple, but so many dumpees don’t follow them very diligently. They often think that following the no contact rule is just about leaving their exes alone and completely neglect their own healing.
No contact is about the dumpee first, secondly about the dumpee and thirdly – about the dumpee. And if the dumper comes back as a result of NC, then that’s a bonus and a decision to consider.
The rules of no contact work in your favor!
No contact has certain rules or restrictions for a reason. These rules will either help you move on from your ex or help you get rid of neediness and bring your ex back.
No matter what the final result is with your ex, you will win one way or another. It’s impossible not to as long as you are determined to pull through your breakup.
If your ex doesn’t come back, you will be surprised when you find someone better than your ex. You will never in a million years dream of getting back together with him or her.
There are some people who don’t get over their exes for years. The reason why it takes some longer than 8-10 months on average is because they don’t follow the strict rules of no contact mentioned in this article.
Instead of healing, they keep contacting their exes and reopening their wounds.
Some dumpees have the “I will fight for my ex’s love and if it kills me” mentality. This is absurd and complete self-torture.
Not only do those dumpees’ exes absolutely destroy their ego, but they ruin their health too. That’s why dedicating your life to getting your ex back is a waste of a perfectly good heartbroken life.
If you think it’s your responsibility to fight for lost love, you’re mistaken. Your job is to heal and your ex’s job is to contact you and express the desire to want more.
What happens if you break the rules of no contact?
Breaking the rules of no contact is not a good idea. Every time you reach out “in your moment of weakness,” you push your ex further away. Basically, you prolong the time it would take you to get over your ex. You do this by intentionally hurting yourself, as well as by giving your ex the remaining source of power.
Not only do you empower your ex and make him or her feel good, but you also ruin your image in your ex’s eyes.
Since your ex broke up with you, your post-breakup persona is already inadequate and lacking in many ways for your ex. You needn’t make it worse by contacting your ex which screams “I know you broke up with me, but it’s fine if you treat me badly.”
This is unacceptable, and most people will take advantage of it. They will treat you the way you let yourself be treated and make you feel worthless.
Don’t let your ex treat you like a second-class citizen or you will have a hard time regaining value.
The fact that your ex isn’t talking to you tells you everything you need to know. Your ex is not valuing you high enough to talk to you. It may or may not have anything to do with you and it really doesn’t matter.
Since your ex is grave silent, you need to be quiet as well. Remember that your ex is dead to you for as long as he or she acts disinterested and annoyed toward you. So gather up your courage and start following the many rules of no contact right after the breakup. Thes rules can only do you well.
Can the rules work the second time?
If you break the rules of no contact once or twice, your ex may recover from your mistakes. But just because you might get another chance in the future, you shouldn’t rely on breaking the rules too often. At some point, you won’t get away with it anymore so it might be in your best interest that you get it right from the start.
No contact works five times on some dumpers and not even once on others. So no matter what happened to you and what brought upon the breakup, you won’t get anywhere if your ex doesn’t reach out first.
Your ex has to want to talk to you or you will never be able to start a new relationship with him or her.
And this is what the rules of no contact are all about. By following the NC rule, you wait for your ex to get rid of post-breakup emotions and develop an attraction for you. It may not be a love-like attraction, but the curiosity and the eagerness to talk to you are good enough for starters.
Your ex may move on, but so will you!
You have to remember that you are following the rules of no contact because your ex has moved on and not because he or she still loves you. In some rare cases, exes come running back within days or weeks. In cases like that, we can call that love or a lack of emotional independence.
But most of the time, exes move on way before the actual breakup so worrying that your ex will move on is crying over spilled milk.
Moving on has happened already so you probably don’t mean as much as you should to your ex anymore. Because you’re no longer #1, it leaves you with no choice but to move on.
You likely have the what if questions and concerns about your previous relationship. You probably think, “If I haven’t said this or if I didn’t do that, my ex would still be with me.“
Although your last action may have pushed your ex over the edge, it was not the main reason for the breakup. Everything else prior to the breakup led to the separation and your last mistake was just the last push.
Due to your ex’s mentality, the relationship couldn’t survive its downfall, so it broke apart.
You need to understand what went wrong and accept the end of the relationship.
Your life is yours to live!
The most important person in the world is not your ex. It’s you! So no matter how your breakup story unfolds, make sure you prepare for the worst.
Follow the rules of no contact and mix them with Dale Carnegie’s principles, mentioned in the self-help book – How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
You loved yourself more before you met your ex, but you probably lost yourself somewhere in the relationship. You may have underinvested in your ex’s life or perhaps the opposite – overinvested and made your ex take you for granted.
It goes without saying that your breakup happened for a reason as it was caused due to a lack of self-awareness on somebody’s end. And since it’s impossible to have a functional relationship with one person doing all the work, the breakup is out of your power to control.
You can control your own words and actions, but you can’t force someone to change his or her opinion of you. Not unless that person wants to change his or her thoughts about you.
But for thoughts to get to the cortex, emotions have to first override your ex’s logical thinking and make him or her act emotionally – instinctually. This usually occurs when something bad happens. ?
Did you enjoy reading about the rules of no contact? I’d like to hear your opinion on this matter so please comment below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
I’m in no contact right now and I’m the dumpee long term relationship over 10 years but it’s been complicated mostly because of my reactions to his very very dismissive avoidant behavior and I do love him so much and he knows this well he’s never ever blocked me and wouldn’t respond to my son a couple weeks ago to get my mothers table and chairs and my mom is gone and it’s prettty much all I have left and we have it in our apt her still lives in I want to keep enforcing no contact but I don’t want him getting rid of it or anything else stupid and I May have more stuff there he was so angry with me when we broke up about month ago I got most of my stuff a week later I didn’t even know there was a problem cause we talked them all at once he never called back and I didn’t overtly send alot of texts I was just worried about him it took me to threaten coming to the apt to check on him then he called back saying he was done with me we live in different places because of my kids and they live in a different city I do care but I know it wasn’t all me but what should I do no contact or third party contact because I’m blocked and he won’t answer phone from any different numbers
Hi Scarlet.
If he doesn’t want to return your belongings, there are only a few things you can do. 1)Contact his friends and family and have them convince your ex to give them back. 2)Wait for your ex to reach out and give them back (hopefully). 3)Give up on them and forget about your ex. Sometimes it’s better to stop fiighting over your perseonal belongings because it saves you a lot of pain. 4)There’s also the court option, but I don’t suggest going down that route. It would keep your feelings of anger alive longer than necessary.
Kind regards,
Zan
HI Zan,
We were dating for about 3 months – During that time she never offered to pay for anything not even a cup of coffee. I initially raised it as a joke to see if there would be change in behaviour – there wasn’t. She was in unhealthy relationships before me. We were moving our relationship to the next step, meeting close friends etc.. She brought up the previous comment and wanted to go through it – i explained that money wasn’t the issue, however if I’m in a healthy relationship then overtime it needs to be a partnership from all aspects , love, loyalty emotionally and financially to allow us to grow together and ensure we meet all our values and goals “together” . I also explained that i wouldnt be sacrificing my current goals by funding her “wants”. The following day she ended things , saying she couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t provide for her financially and that our values didnt align for someone she saw as as life partner . I responded by saying that i felt there was a misunderstanding and that i was talking long term. I also said that all i was doing was setting my boundaries and didnt want to feel, i was been taken advantage of. It was all a bit off the cuff because our communication was very open and honest and this blindsided me. – I sent her a message saying that i wished her all the best for the future and to take care – I went into NC immediately. She hasnt been in contact, however i noticed she has a week later changed her profile pic after a night out. Im unsure if shes looking for a reaction or trying to be manipulative. I havent and wont break NC however her birthday is coming up and i have just read your article on no messages for birthdays. Id appreciate any of your thoughts around this.
Hi John.
It seems that she wanted you to be the sole provider in the relationship. She expected you to take care of her financially and didn’t understand nor care how that made you feel. As a result, she got offended and decided you weren’t the right partner for her. I don’t think this person can give you equal partnership, John. Financially, she only wants to take from you.
Stay in no contact and you’ll pull through this.
Best,
Zan
Thank you for everything Zan
P
i hope soon we will be able to talk, or maybe I dont know if I should wait and go to Ireland and talk to her face to face
Thank you for everything zan
P.
Dear Zan
Wow, reading your articles had made me feel better. I’ve been in no contact for 2 weeks now, and I almost wanted to quit. I have been struggling at work, when going home and a lot of things. I started going to therapy and today every day is becoming better.
I miss her so much, we are on a long distance. she is in Ireland and I’m on latin-america. We broke up because of my insecurities.
The question that I would like to ask is that I already had a ticket to go to see her and we planned it together but she asked for space 1 month before we had this big fight. Now I still want to go, but I dont know what should I do
Hi Pablo.
I’m sorry to hear you’re hurting. This breakup must be extremely difficult, especially if you consider all the insecurities you need to work through. Despite that, you shouldn’t go see her. If you do take the flight, though, make sure not to be in her city. Stay far away from her as it will help you avoid feeling nostalgic.
Sincerely,
Zan
I wont say much, I have loved my ex since day one. We got apart for about two years then she contacted me about how my mom is doing. Then we got back together, she cheated on me twice with her ex, I cheated on her once with my ex. We started having fights over trust, I would make her show me her phone. Sometimes the fights would end in her getting some bruises because she has soft skin or something. In all that I am always the one who fights for the reunion or asking for forgiveness. But when she told me she no longer feels good seeing me or talking to me, each time I tried to reason with her she would be verbally abusive and so disrespectful. Well I was on no contact for a month but decided to just drop some gifts before her birthday. She said she is going on a date. I told her I hope she enjoys it. I am initiating another month long no contact. But I just want to know if I am being stupid or maybe it’s my fault, maybe I can try again more directly asking how I feel after the no contact, thank you.
Hi Elijah.
This relationship was unhealthy and needed to end. Don’t do a month of no contact, but rather indefinite no contact. You have to let her go and identify your reasons for reacting the way you did. Don’t buy her any gifts either. You’re not together anymore and must act that way.
Sincerely,
Zan
I’d been seeing my ex for 5 months. I never showed her enough commitment and she met someone else and then told me we were over. I never saw it coming but looking back I probably pushed her away and accept I made mistakes.
After she told me I got emotional and we have had long messages and phone calls during which I told her how much I cared and got things wrong. She seemed to accept this but has told me she can’t see me at the moment even though she still has feelings for me and wants to continue seeing her new man.
I’ve left it with her and said if she wants to chat or see me then she should contact me. I will now go no contact but I’m worried I may already have messed it up and don’t expect to ever see her gain.
The temptation to contact will be overwhelming but I now that it won’t help if I keep contacting her.
I shouldn’t have had the emotional messages or phone call with her and now I’m worried that if she was ever going to come back I’ve probably spoilt that.
Hi Stan.
She emotionally cheated on you with another guy. If she truly loved you, she wouldn’t have meet another guy and gotten close to him. She would have talked to you first and try to resolve the problems. If no solution was found, she could then leave, grow, and ultimately, find someone else.
Go no contact and preserve your worth. If her relationship fails, she might contact you, depending on how much respect she has for you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me last April 17 after three years of a healthy relationship. The main reason of the breakup is his parents’ disapproval of me and our relationship. He comes from an affluent family and I am just an ordinary person and a single mother. We were supposed to get married last year however his parents blocked our plans and I was really shattered. His parents said that our relationship isn’t sustainable because we come from different worlds/family culture. My ex said that he can’t go against his parents and our situation has been affecting him mentally. He said that his decision was for the best and that he may look like the villain now but said God has a purpose.
I’m thankful I stumbled upon your blog and I am committed to follow the No Contact Rule. We are living together so I’ll be moving out and try to start anew. My only problem is I work for their Company and I can still see him everyday in the office. I don’t have a problem maintaining my professionalism at work but I’m afraid the No Contact Rule doesn’t apply since we work together. Any thoughts?
As of now I am very disoriented and in so much pain I can’t even eat.
Hi Grace.
The guy chose his parents over you. This means he’s not prepared to go against their beliefs because they’re the people he takes the most seriously. They’re mentors and people with absolute power. If he were to resist, he’d anger his parents and suffer the consequences, whatever they may be.
If I were you, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship in which my partner’s parents resent or dislike me for not measuring up to their standards. The worst thing about it is that you ex’s parents expect superficial things. They don’t care that you get along and share the same goals. They value things that don’t decide the fate of a romantic relationship.
You can do no contact even if you live/work together, Grace. It’s a limited no contact rule that gives your ex space and time to think and do the things he wants. I encourage you to move out and find a different job. You don’t want to stay close to your ex and rely on his family financially.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
How do you go about no contact if you’re the step parent and also have shared financial things. Is it considered breaking no contact if you contact them to tie up those loose ends; i.e. belongings, shared financial things, also involvement/schedule with step children?
Hi Lameka.
Don’t worry about it. If you need to get your stuff back or discuss something important, it’s not considered breaking no contact. It’s something you need to do for the sake of moving on or your kids.
Make sure you talk to your ex only about important things, though. Don’t look for excuses to reach out.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan. Thank you for responding. What do I do if he tries to spark a conversation by asking how I’m doing healthwise? Should I just ignore him?
Hi Lameka.
You can answer and then end the conversation. Show no interest so you don’t encourage him to give you unnecessary information. If he persists, ask him for space and wish him the best of luck.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I have an urgent question. I have been in NC with my ex (the dumper) but I recieved a text on my birthday and another semi urgent situation. I texted politely back and we had a small, weird phone conversation. However, I really fell back into a downward spiral after breaking NC, which I do not want no more. What to do now that Christmas and new years is coming? I am sure my ex will text me politely, however, is it really rude to not respond? Do you believe radio silence, not even texting back, would ruin our chances (if there were any) for a possible future?
Thank you so much for all your great articles and advice,
Sloro
Hi Sloro.
You have two options in front of you. You either thank your ex and end the conversation or thank your ex and ask him/her not to reach out anymore. It’s best to respond and be polite both for reconciliation purposes and self-growth.
Best regards,
Zan
Hello,
On fb, does the no contact rule also mean I exclude him from my posts. I’ve unfollowed him, but he occasionally likes my posts.
Hi Penelope.
You don’t have to select “Don’t show posts to this person.” Just post as you always do.
Best regards,
Zan
Brilliant article as usual.
My ex, he left in January after 23 years has gotten into a bad on/off relationship with a very unstable woman (I mesaged you abut that about a month ago).
I hadn’t gone into indefinate no contact until June 25th, when he started seeing this woman again. My respect for him plummated and he knocked himself off of the pedestal.
Things I’m finding strange is that he took, and kept, all my gifts to him. The other really strange thing is that he’s kept a notification text service from our once joint bank (he severed financial connections) and just two weeks ago messaged me to say he’d received the low notification text and x amount needed to be paid in by 2pm for payments to be made. He asked if I had it covered (I didn’t) and did I need some money. He ended up giving me £95 more on top of his mortgage and child support payments.
He did ask me to remember he’d given more than usual, but why? Is he trying to alleviate his guilt? Trying to prove for himself/future partners he’s been a good provider or does he still care a little?
I wish I was totally financially independent but I was a stay at home mum and only returned to the work place part time in January.
He recently messaged to say he was missing our dogs and daughter (didn’t mention me) and I said he can see the dogs anytime, for which he thanked me (when he left he said having 3 dogs to walk had broken him). Our daughter, who’s 16, doesn’t want to see him. I have to admit detecting some remorse from him as time goes on. I know he’s not ecstatically happy with the new gf as he’d posted something on twitter about women making excuses to not meet up (sorry, I do still check up occasionally).
I have to say EVERY article I’ve read of yours could be about my ex and our break up!
I no longer long for him to come back and on good days I get a pang of excitement at the thought of maybe meeting someone else one day if that’s in my destiny. All because thanks to you I am rediscovering my worth and self love. I’ll work harder at getting my finances in order too because in the relationship I’d become TOTALLY dependent on my ex.
So thanks again Zan. If money was no problem I’d sign up for a coaching session.
Bev.
Hi Beverley.
He probably reminded you about the money thingy for his own conscience – that he wasn’t a bad person. He doesn’t want to be the kind of guy who just cuts you off completely and shows no concern. It looks like you already know what to work on, Beverley. Start by regaining your financial and emotional independence so that you don’t need but want a guy to be with. You’ll be much happier if you can support yourself and your children both emotionally and financially.
And try to stop checking up on your ex. You won’t find anything of value on his socials. Only more pain. Feel free to respond here. I’ll do my best to help.🙏
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I am in NC with my ex GF after she broke with me, I did 2-3 post breakups mistakes after break up. After this I went to indefinite NC and now its 50 days, but yesterday coincidently we saw each other for few seconds as we are living in same area. She was watching me by hiding herself backside of car. I just acted like, I didn’t seen her. Is this will break NC rule. After seeing her, I got anxious but acted like nothing happens to me. Many questions arise in my mind….
1. Why she was stalking on me.
2. Is still she having feelings for me.
3. Just for curiosity how I am doing.
What shall I do (leave the area) to avoid such things not happens. As I started my healing process but its stops again because of yesterdays incident.
Hi Shrikant.
You didn’t make a mistake as you didn’t pressure her. The reason she was looking at you was that she had spent a lot of time thinking about you and felt strong emotions. Those emotions weren’t romantic, however. They were inspired by guilt, curiosity, and other emotions dumpers go through. You had a bit of a setback, but you’ll recover soon. You don’t need to avoid her as it’s your home.
Stay strong,
Zan
Hi Zan, I have been following no contact with the exception of #3, checking up on Instagram and other social media but not texting/calling/poking. No matter what indefinite no contact is the decision I’ve made. I now started to not check up on my ex that left me, and I’m noticing even further improvements in my health and overall well being. To that I thank you. The last freebie question, next time I’ll pay for a session, you have helped me tremendously. but could you please advise me on the advanced nuking the dumpers existence? I don’t like deleting photos, of anything, because it shows my growth over the years. Now if these photos of my ex are in Google photos and iPhotos and any communication is boxed away can we say I’m adhering to the advanced rules of no contact. This was a 7 year ex so it is extremely hard, but like other exes and girls that I had attachment to, I didn’t delete their photos from years ago and now feel indifference by looking at them. That’s why I feel dealing scteenshots of communication, emails, old photos, old texts, storing them in a box is better, because I can look back and see how I transformed as a person. I am confused since this is in violation of your first principle of advanced no contact (I’m on this level months since I’ve texted/emailed her). Could you please advice if storing away these photos/rememberings aligns with advanced no contact as long as I am not looking at them at all? I appreciate everything you write, your authenticity, and my alcohol/substance abuse has gone significantly down by your help getting over the girl that left me, and my physical/mental/ well being improving, and I am even landing big business deals for my company, which before I was stuck waiting on my exit. Thank you much.
Hi Zachary.
If keeping your ex’s photos doesn’t hurt you, I guess it’s okay to keep them. But you should keep two things in mind. 1)Keeping photos is going to prolong the time it takes to let go of hope and move on. 2)Your next partner most likely won’t like it because she’ll fear that you’re stuck in the past. You can keep [photos that don’t have your ex on them, but not your ex herself. Give it some thought.
Zan
Zan, again proves his genius, the messages with friends about the breakup I keep, and growth no Ex photos I can leave on my phone. They show growth from my old self. Under no circumstances, to respect for myself, will I keep photos of her. Stop being weak and delete the photos of her. I know all family is dead and she is from the past but do it. For your mental health and well being and to reach a stronger level of existence. Keep photos of her you need to level up in self respect.
I appreciate Zan candidacy and understanding, he will tell you what you NEED to hear, but at the same time he will analyze your viewpoint objectively ,” Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.” -Nietzsche. I have to do it. May have all my family, father, mother, gone, and this girl is last from the past. However like Zan said, it will prolong your healing process. All I care about is myself now. I want to move on from my ex to someone better. She failed me for not having the ability to withstand the relationship ship difficulties. She was not strong enough. I should be high value that the girl chases me. That’s my last freebie, next time consultation.I don’t want her back, I want independence and them chasing me. I don’t need them for my happiness. Thank you much Dan.
Hi Joshua.
Pictures, online friendships, gifts, and things like that are just making the dumpee hold on to hope. The sooner the dumpee gets rid of these things, the quicker he heals and finds joy in life again. So you’ve got to be brave and erase all reminders of her immediately.
Thanks for the comment.
Sincerely,
Zan