Updated on September 18, 2025
Most of the time, dumpers don’t have to pretend they’re over you because, to them, the breakup already signals that they are. They ended the relationship with the intention to be free, focus on themselves, and prioritize their own happiness and well-being.
They left to stop worrying and thinking about you—and regain control of their own life. Freedom and control are their top priorities, so it makes no sense to pretend they’re doing okay. If they were to pretend, they’d waste their precious post-breakup energy and time on things that don’t matter anymore.
Besides, the breakup empowers them and triggers a ton of relief, making it impossible for them not to be happy. Only dumpers who are forced to leave or feel depressed cry over their ex and sometimes hide their feelings. They do it because they know they must appear resolute and not give their ex any false hope or strange ideas.
They initiated the breakup, so in their mind, there’s no going back. Not as long as they’re convinced the breakup needed to happen and benefited them immensely.
Dumpees, on the other hand, struggle to put on an act. They’re deeply heartbroken and can’t keep their feelings hidden forever. Despite wanting to appear strong and detached, they often make a (breakup) mistake and reveal their feelings and expectations.
They don’t have to say they’re still in love with their ex. Their actions do it for them as they continue to interact with their ex and say or do things that demand attention, bonding, and validation.
If you’ve been dumped and you’re wondering whether your ex’s actions are genuine, there are certain signs that can reveal if your ex is only pretending to be over you. They may just be indications, but when several of them line up, it becomes much clearer that your ex isn’t as over the breakup as he or she claims or appears to be.
Sometimes, exes pretend to be doing well on their own or even with someone new, just to avoid hearing, “I told you so.” They’d rather keep up appearances than let their ex feel superior or rub the breakup in their face. This act often reveals more about their pride and unresolved feelings than about genuine happiness and disconnection.
It’s not very common for dumpers to fake their detachment and secretly crave their ex’s approval. But when it does happen, they usually reveal it through subtle signs.
That’s what we’ll talk about today. This article is dedicated to dumpees looking for signs their ex is pretending to be happy and over them.
1)Your ex can’t stop looking at you
If you notice your ex repeatedly gazing at you and then quickly looking away, it’s a strong indication that your ex still has feelings for you.
Eye contact aversion is an important non-verbal romantic gesture that signals interest, attention, and most importantly—respect. It shows that your ex is trying to interact with you and obtain your validation.
The reason why this sign is so important is that when your ex is truly pretending to be over you, he or she becomes obsessed and self-conscious. Your ex feels pulled toward you but doesn’t want to show it. Because your ex doesn’t want you to know the truth, your ex focuses too much on pretending, which makes his or her body language exaggerated and his/her reactions more noticeable.
As a result of unwavering anxiety, your ex succumbs to the pressure and begins to pretend to be over you. In other words, your overly self-conscious ex starts having trouble remaining calm and in control, so he or she acts out of character.
People rarely notice how they act when they’re relaxed and simply being themselves. The same goes for those who lie. Once they feel pressured by their own deception, they slip and send out artificial signals.
Signals that reveal they’re not truly over you and that you still affect them emotionally.
So if you have trouble identifying your ex’s true feelings or intentions due to a lack of communication, look at your ex’s eyes. The saying “the eyes speak a thousand words” isn’t just a cliché. It often reveals exactly what your ex is thinking and feeling.
2)Your ex is trying to prove that he or she is over you
The second sign your ex is merely pretending to be over you is when your ex goes the extra mile to prove how detached and happy he or she is.
The more your ex feels the need to brag and defend himself or herself, especially when others tease your ex, the stronger the sign that your ex is not entirely over you. An ex who’s over you won’t go around telling people that he or she is ultra happy with the breakup. Instead, he or she will stay quiet and simply enjoy newfound peace and freedom.
If your ex isn’t over you, your ex will, therefore, try to make it seem that he or she is. Your ex will do this by appearing angry or stressed while telling you or others that he or she is finally happy.
Don’t confuse this with happy social media posts. Many dumpers (as well as dumpees) post their new relationships or happiness online. Unlike dumpees, who often do it to attract attention, dumpers do this because they feel relieved and excited to move on. For your ex to convincingly pretend he or she is over you, your ex has to act unhappy, scared, or confused. He or she needs to show uncertainty and give the impression that life isn’t going according to plan.
Sometimes, dumpers go out of their way to show how “unaffected” they are by the breakup. In doing so, they often act so irrationally or emotionally that their friends and family quickly notice their erratic, unnatural behavior. They see that something’s up and that he or she is still processing the breakup.
My psychological theory is this: the more you focus on what you don’t want, the more you reveal what you actually do want. If you spend your time proving you don’t like, miss, or love your ex, you prove exactly the opposite, which is that you’re not over your ex and need more time.
3)Non-verbal giveaways
Exes who pretend to be over their ex-partner often give off clear non-verbal signals that are hard to miss. Our bodies naturally respond to the world around us, silently revealing our thoughts, desires, fears, and insecurities.
Here are five clear non-verbal signs that your ex is pretending to be over you.
There are countless non-verbal ways to tell if your ex is pretending to be over you. If you have the chance to see your ex in person, the signs above are the most obvious ones to watch for. Just ask your ex some questions and observe how he or she responds non-verbally. Words your ex can control, but emotions and knee-jerk reactions he or she can not.
Hence, it’s essential to consider any non-natural reaction a sign that your ex is not over you.
Just don’t mistake your ex’s unease or contempt for a sign that your ex is pretending to be over you. If your ex refuses to look you in the eyes, this is a sign of guilt, shame, and a wish to escape confrontation.
Other body language signs are awkward hugs, minimal or no physical contact, keeping his or her distance, turning his/her back to you, and generally avoiding you.
4)Trying to make you jealous
Usually, dumpees are the ones who want to make their ex jealous. They want to see that their ex still cares about them and wants to be with them.
Sometimes, they go above and beyond to show how much fun they’re having with other people and post their post-breakup happiness all over their social media. By doing so, they deliberately set traps for dumpers to get caught in.
Unfortunately for them, dumpers seldom fall for the jealousy trap. They don’t reach out and complain because they’re over their ex. Instead of reacting negatively like dumpees expect them to, they see that their ex is in pain and that he or she isn’t having as much fun as he or she is pretending to have.
Most dumpers get annoyed by their ex’s provocations. They think their ex is posting too much too quickly and believe that their ex should take the time to invest in him/herself rather than someone else.
Dumpers use many different approaches to spark jealousy in dumpees. Most of them are indirect and subtle, designed to get a reaction without openly showing their intentions.
Dumpers try to bring a reaction out of their ex by:
- posting pictures with their new partner
- showing off their new friends
- pointing out how unbelievably happy they are
- comparing their new partner to their ex
- dressing in revealing or attention-grabbing outfits
5)Stalking profusely
If you notice your ex frequently checking up on you on social media—especially without realizing that you know, you have one of the best signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
Social media stalking indicates that your ex is still curious about you and isn’t entirely over you yet. Romantically, your ex may be done, but there are other unprocessed emotions your ex needs to work through. Emotions like curiosity, guilt, shame, anger, or jealousy.
An ex pretending to be over you is going to, as the phrase says, pretend to be over you. Your ex is going to try to hide his or her feelings for you so that you, your ex’s friends, family, and anyone related to your ex doesn’t find out.
Since your ex still cares about you, your ex will inevitably give away subtle signs that he or she is only pretending to be over you. Paying attention to who you spend time with, where you go in your free time, and how you’re coping after the breakup are just a few clues that reveal your ex is not really over you.
Whatever you do, don’t mistake an ex blocking you or ignoring you as one of the signs that your ex is pretending to be over you. A person who blocks you and ignores you does these things out of spite and self-protection, not because of love and desire to reconnect romantically. Romantic cravings urge exes to communicate, learn more about each other, and secure exclusivity.
6)Refusing to give you your stuff back
Another possible sign that your ex is just pretending to be over you is when your ex refuses to give you your stuff back. There are only 2 possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend would do that:
- Due to fear of confrontation, anger, or bitterness.
- Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on.
And that’s it. There are no other explanations as to why an ex would withhold your belongings from you.
If you ask your ex for your stuff back and he or she refuses to do so without a reasonable explanation, your ex has an ulterior motive.
And since he or she won’t tell you what that motive is, you can consider it one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you and is leaving the door open for a future reconciliation.
7)Holding on to memories
Dumpees hold onto memories more often than dumpers. That’s because they’re consumed by despair and regret making mistakes that led to the breakup. They blame themselves, whereas dumpers blame them for the end of the relationship.
Nostalgia is a powerful emotion. Dumpees know just how bittersweet it feels to look at old photos, conversations, or anything that reminds them of their dumper ex. By reliving the past, they keep their hope for the relationship alive and stop themselves from going crazy.
Nostalgia gives them the strength they need to get through each day. It doesn’t help them long-term, but it does empower them in the moment and prevents them from letting go.
Hence, one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you is when your ex keeps his or her reminders of you. Gifts, pictures, and things from the past often stir up powerful nostalgic emotions—even for dumpers. They show that your ex still thinks about you and that he or she may feel bad for hurting you.
You may notice that your ex is pretending to be over you when your ex:
- holds on to pictures of you and various relationship memories
- refuses to delete shared pictures from social media
- keeps personalized gifts such as love letters and jewelry
Of course, there are exceptions. Expensive, impersonal gifts like phones, computers, and cars don’t count, since they’re items your ex uses daily and doesn’t feel sentimental about.
8)Talking and asking about you
The more your ex talks about you in a neutral or positive manner, the more he or she respects you as a person. Your ex may not say it directly or be in direct contact with you, but an indifferent or angry person wouldn’t ask or talk about you in a nice manner.
Dumpees and dumpers often mention only bad things about each other. They do this to self-victimize, disconnect emotionally, and gain people’s support.
You need to know that a person who has no interest in you will probably not talk about you or ask your friends and family hundreds of questions about you. Your ex will likely avoid talking about you altogether, as doing so will give your ex the space he or she needs to enjoy life to the fullest.
Of course, asking a single question about you doesn’t mean your ex is pretending to be over you. But asking multiple questions every day could certainly be a sign. It could mean that your ex’s life isn’t going well and that he or she is thinking about getting back with you.
As a dumpee, you need to know how to distinguish romantic feelings from mere curiosity. Curiosity is normal and often drives dumpers to reach out. In breakup terms, it’s a breadcrumb. Conversely, an ex who still has feelings won’t just need to know what you’re up to, but also want you back due to anxiety and uncertainty.
So if your ex is a bit nosy, don’t immediately assume that your ex wants you back. Your ex probably feels a bit jealous. Especially if he or she asks people who know you things like:
- is he dating anyone?
- what is he doing now?
- who are his new friends?
- why is he not replying to me?
9)Constant communication
There is no better sign that your ex is pretending to be over you than when your ex can’t stop talking to you. When an ex is interested in you romantically, he or she will give you his or her undivided attention.
Your ex won’t stop talking to you because not talking to you will make him or her anxious and afraid of being forgotten and replaced.
If your ex makes you feel special and shows that he or she cares about you by giving you all of his or her attention, you can be certain that your ex still has feelings for you and wants to reconcile.
Your ex cares about you, otherwise, he or she wouldn’t be in constant contact with you.
10)Your ex gets jealous and envious
If your ex gets envious of your achievements or jealous of your new partner, it’s a sign your ex still possesses feelings for you. According to Psychology Today, jealousy is a complex emotion that arises when a person feels threatened.
A person’s threat can be real or imaginary, but it almost always portrays low self-esteem and a desire to connect with an object of desire (in this case, you).
If your ex gets jealous of you, he or she most likely covets what you have and, coincidentally, wants it for himself or herself. This means that your ex considers you valuable and respects you enough to want to be a part of your successful life.
Success is extremely attractive. If you want your ex to see you as worthy of attention and affection, you need to become successful. On top of that, your ex may need to experience a significant setback that hits his or her ego and self-esteem.
11)Hiding his/her new partner from you
This is another one of those ambiguous signs. If your ex hides his or her new relationship from you, it could mean many things. The most possible explanations are:
- your ex feels guilty and doesn’t want to hurt you and be seen as a player
- your ex wants to keep the doors open in case the new relationship doesn’t work out
Either way, you should wait for your ex to hit a snag and contact you first. Once he or she does, your ex might express regret and bring up getting back together. Before you take your ex back, though, you must figure out if your ex has come back for the right reasons and is ready to invest in you.
Don’t take your ex back if your ex merely needs help getting over his or her recent breakup.
Here’s a video of the 11 signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
This wraps up the article. If you can think of any other signs that your ex is pretending to be over you, share them in the comments below.
And if you’d like to talk to us about these signs, get in touch with a breakup coach here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Such ridiculous advice. ‘See if your ex is staring at you’
What sort of nonsense is this?
An ex leaves you. They don’t hang around waiting for you to pick up some visual cues ffs.
Hi Elinoo.
They indeed don’t wait around for you to notice them. But an ex who is curious or has feelings for you will look your way to see what you think and feel. He or she will gauge your happiness and interest and then decide what to do.
Best,
Zan
My ex has given me some of those signs, but I went to NC. And I said to him not to write me again if he didn’t want to talk about the relationship.
And he never did, so yeah! I had the chance to heal thanks properly to Zan’s help as well 🤍
Hi Linda.
You did what most dumpees don’t have the guts to do. And for that, you have my respect. 🙇♂️
Zan
me and my ex broke up about a year ago and now he is throwing all these signs at me and i dont know what they mean. he shows me his new relationship but he cant keep a stable one after me, he always stares at me and then when i notice him staring he turns away or looks for a reason to look away, he kept the truck we picked out together and sold the other truck, he keeps going after my friends but never really wants them he just wants to be able to get near me and i dont know how to feel i just wish i knew what all of this meant, im tired of getting stared at like a barbie doll on the self
my ex left mine a month ago as long as she started a job in other region and wanted to pursue her military career. he did it very abruptly and suddenly when I asked him to rehearse our story from a distance. he was very jealous of me (and also very insecure) and he always thought that I could betray him at any moment because I have always been very courted. when we met after the breakup (I always wrote to him and he always called me back) he came to the appointment dressed and perfumed like a model. he yawned nervously and paced back and forth. one day we met and had sex, he wanted it and so did I. the next week, he sees my status on whatsapp where I’m having dinner with friends and when we see each other the following Saturday (we were in the car and he took me up a hill he knew I loved very much) he pulled out his cellphone and put it right under my eyes to answer a chat. I saw that the chat was with a woman he told me he recently contacted in the new city where he is a military. that you see and is getting to know it. at that point I asked him why and if he missed me that week. he replied no, he didn’t think of me because he was taken from the course and in any case no. then I told him that I would never see him again and he tried to tell me that nothing had happened with this girl but I now told him that we would never see each other again. And I deleted his phone number. I told him he had to give me something back that I had thrown at his house but he refused and told me he would return it to me later. now I have been on no contact for 9 days. first time I haven’t contacted him since we met.
What do you think?
My ex and I broke up 6 years ago, since then I find it hard to move on, he also calls me periodically and hasn’t been in a stable relationship over the years. He calls my siblings more often and not me I miss him so much……days ago we spoke at length and I asked him if he has someone else he contemplated before telling me, after he told me there was someone I felt bad….. Please what should I do
He wants you back…trust me
Act indifferent towards him. Act happy for his new relationship, although I believe he only said that to make you jealous. Be happy and nice when he calls, but don’t always answer. Men LOVE to chase. Let him chase you.
No, men do NOT love to chase. That is what women want to think, and is the story for magazines and Hollywood, but not in real life. Women are used to numerous men chasing after them all the time, and it is boring for them. Real men are NOT going to chase. Don’t get confused or conflate dating situations: Men are to make initial contact, to call and set up dates. However, after a handful of successful dates, men can back off and let women do most of chasing. This is the NATURAL, biological order of things.
Chasing is not a masculine behavior but a feminine behavior. To think that men love to chase is wishful thinking on the part of women, because they think that will give them the upper hand, but it dismisses biology and primal behavior. It is exactly why that when men chase, women lose attraction. It leaves men feeling stupid, and women frustrated and confused.
If a man is chasing a woman, then he is showing to her that he is strongly attracted to her, but at the same time is not behaving in an way that is attractive to women. It has been scientifically proven that women are attracted to men whose feelings are UNCLEAR.
Case in point: In the OP’s posted situation, is the man chasing the OP? Nope! In fact, he is doing the opposite. Equally important, look at the positive attraction he has created by NOT chasing her, and by her ex dating numerous other women. After SIX YEARS apart, she is attracted to him! This is quite common and the behavior is natural.
To the OP:
After 6 years, you had your chance to be with this man. He moved on and so should you. However, if there is a point in time when you are still attracted to him, and you have reason to believe that he is now single, then YOU need to take action let him know (NOT wait for the other way around to happen). YOU have to be prepared for rejection (and have some appreciation for what single and active men have to deal with every day).
However, you might be surprised that if your ex is single, and has interest in you, you could have a really good shot with him. If you know of some event coming up, where both of you might be present, say a mutual friend’s backyard BBQ, party, etc., then you have a great opportunity to put yourself into his orbit, and approach him for conversation. Where an outfit, specific color that you know he likes.
Be very genuine with him. Keep the conversation lighthearted and fun. If he brings up anything of your past relationship together, use that opportunity to remind him of great times you both had together, and look for opportunities for you to speak to and / or show in a subtle way of how you have improved things in your life (especially if it was something that might have been a previous breakup factor). If things are going well, then do things like making strong eye contract, brushing hair over your ears with your fingers, lightly stroking his arm, etc., all as you are talking to him. Keep the conversation lighthearted and fun. You probably know his style of humor, so find ways to make him laugh. Then pull back a bit, but do NOT go cold. Then wait and gauge his reaction. You may need to repeat some of these things in additional cycles during your interaction with him. Be playful, but be genuine. I believe you will have a good chance. GOOD LUCK!
I think your generalizing. I agree some men do not chase others,do . Eemotions are complex. It either works out or not. The main thing is to look after yourself. \breakups stink !
So basically I started catching feelings for a person in my friend group. I fall in love with her after a long time and eventually I had to do something about it. So I asked her out, since she was also showing interest. When I expressed to her my feelings she started shaking and showed me the same. She wasn’t really expressing her love through words but through her body. Through gestures, she looked more passionate than me even though I was probably the one feeling the relationship more. Always was so romantic, the way she was looking at me talking to me, kissing me. Everything was great. Due to holidays we were distant for a period of time, less than a month. We were talking casually, almost everyday. However when he finally met she showed contempt, she was kinda sick at that point and time so I didn’t take it into consideration. After a weak we met again but in a friend group, she wasn’t giving my match attention. Eventually a weak after she broke up with me. Indeed I was surprised and expressed that anxiety by pleading. However from the next day I went distant, even more distant than her. I realised that since that was her choice I had to respect it and it was time to work on that. After the break up she was communicating with me almost everyday for a weak which gave me some weird hopes but by the end of it, she stopped. At school she wasn’t giving me any attention. I was confused by her reactions that I tried to find some sort of translation on the google. I found a guide that basically said that if you want to get back with your ex you have to get over them, change, work on yourself emotionally etc. And that is what I did. The first two months she showed no signs of interest. I had accepted the whole break up. I started working on my emotional stability. Almost after 3.5 months she started acting very strangely. Even a close friend of mine realised that she was secretely looking at me. We had some school projects together and she was always acting very shy, showing nervousness, highering her pitch and lowering the volume of the voice. So I decided to start working on coming close in order to see if there was another chance. Whenever I made jokes in class she would never react to them. In personal she wouldn’t laught either but once she blurted. Overall she was gazing and averting her eyes at me very casualy through out the day. When we met in the school party she hugged me very tightly but after that she avoided me through her body language, looking away showing me her back. She was overal looking weird, kinda depressed some times. However she never reached out, neither in social media nor in private, even though she had the chance to start a convo. I was really confused so I talked to a person that was really close to both of us. They told me that she was okay, that she was never talking or referring to me or showing any emotion. I accepted it and continued. Next school season started about 3 months ago, we started hunging around since we had same friends and she aas very chill and casual with me. I felt very nice about it because there wasn’t anything awkward between us. However after two months she started acting weird again. She does all of the things mentioned in this blog especially the non-verbal ones (I feel like she is ghosting me irl) except of talking to me or about me and I dont know about her holding memories, hiding thinfs etc. I dont know if her awkward actions are a sing of contempt and unease or she is trying to to hide interest and feelings.
I agree paul ..men dont like or want to chase i know very few that will ..we always for most part have to make first move etc…my ex broke up with myself 7 months ago for many reasons to do with herself and self worth and personal issues that had nothing to do with me i will fully agree too..taking alot of work and self healing to understand it all. I did everything possible for her and her kids. That being said i havent once shown any chase at all. Went into NC AND everytime it was her that keeps reaching out non stop since. I will
Continue to do NC and we talked again briefly but once again was always her. We hadnt seen each other in 3 months and i saw personally first hand the smitten again this past week!! I said the balls in your court u ever wanna hang out visit or let me see the kids Ill leave it to her . I will never ever ever chase she left she can do and show me the work to come back and show me if im that important in her life !! If not time has definitely helped heal the excruciating pain over the months ive healed from..And get my confidence back!! When someone leaves u as hard as it is. He or she. U have to let them go. If they come back you have to let them do the work to prove themselves by then who knows how one will feel and itd be your person choice !!! If u dont it will stay unbalanced and will not work out. Im no professional but i ve done alot of personal work over the last 7 months and realized my self worth respect and what I deserve. I will never ever ever ever be an option or be unappreciated by anyone ever ever ever again!!!! All the best to all out there and zan keep up the great work as your work has 100 percent helped myself 🙂 cheers
That’s the problem. We not doing that shit anymore.
Hello. I wouldn’t usually comment but the advice by Diana Burns is so completely 100% wrong. Men don’t love to chase and they don’t like women who pretend to feel what they don’t and the other way round. There are rude words men use about it that reflect a certain amount of contempt for it. If you have feelings for a man and especially if he’s someone special and you’ve been in a relationship with him – just tell him or at least let it show. Don’t act indifferent: for one thing if other men are like me we’re too dim to see through it and will give up but more importantly it’s about emotional connection not saving face. Don’t miss out on it just for fear of being vulnerable and it’s better to look hard.
Hello! Okay so me and my ex broke up 3 months ago, we haven’t talked for one month but then it was his birthday so i congratulated him, then we started talking again, we are friends now 2 months after break up, but i still love him and i don’t know if he feels the same, he told me he lost feelings but it don’t look like that. He acts weirdly, and we always talk about our relationship that didn’t work out, and always keep reminding things we did when we were in relationship, and he keeps saying that he don’t like anyone after we broke up, he opens up to me and tells me im the only person he opened up about everything and that he cares about me, when im sad he is always here to listen and help. And sometimes he says something flirty ant then be like ‘im joking’. Like i told him that everyone is bad for him and he can’t choose person to love, and he said ‘you are good to me’ and after that he said ‘joking’. Or he started sending me goodnight texts like ‘ goodnight muah<3’, does that mean something too? He replies fast ant we talk till 3am. When we talked about zodiac sighs i joked around and said that we are not compatible at all, he kept saying that its not that bad and our zodiac sighs are compatible. I don’t even know we are planing to meet soon and he said that he want to hug me as same as he wanted when we were in relationship. And we talked about how tight we will hug each other till we can’t breathe. And when we started talking after break up again, we apologized to each other and explained what we did bad in relationship that hurt us, and he said that he missed me alot, and he said that he is really sorry and don’t want me to feel pain. I just don’t know, does that all mean something? Even when we started talking after break up again he said he lost feelings