My Ex Texted Me, Should I Reply?

When your ex texts you, you should almost always reply. You should reply so you can see what your ex wants and expects from you. If your ex is curious or wants a favor from you, that, of course, won’t help you heal and feel better. It will just hurt you and make you analyze your ex’s reasons for reaching out.

But if your ex wants you back (and you want the same), then replying is essential. By responding, you can talk about getting back together and actually get back together. You can communicate like adults, meet up, and work on fixing things that need fixing.

If you ignore your ex’s reach out, however, you’ll stop the dialogue before it has a chance to develop. Yes, there’s a chance that your ex will want you back even if you ignore your ex and treat your ex badly, but there’s also a chance that your ex won’t.

That’s because ignoring a person shows you lack respect for the person you’ve ignored and that he or she is not welcome in your life anymore. He or she lost that privilege and must now find someone else to bother. Any person with self-respect will give up after seeing that you’re not replying (aka showing respect). So make sure your actions don’t assert the opposite of what you want.

Make sure not to ignore your ex if you still have feelings for your ex and want to reconcile. Ignore your ex only if communication with your ex is triggering panic attacks or some uncontrollable, unwanted feeling you badly need to get rid of. In that case, you can put yourself first and focus fully on healing without speaking to your ex ever again.

But most people reading this are still brokenhearted and interested in getting back with their ex. They want to say and do whatever it takes to maximize their chances of getting another chance with their ex. If you’re one of them, you should definitely reply after your ex has texted you.

You should say hi back and wait for your ex to express what he or she wants. Your ex’s message will most likely be a meaningless breadcrumb, but you won’t know that unless you reply to your ex. So reply to your ex and let your ex tell you what he or she wants.

If your ex doesn’t tell you the purpose of reaching out, ask your ex why he/she reached out. You need to have this conversation so you know whether to keep talking to your ex or go back to no contact. Tolerating breadcrumbs would only hinder your healing and growth, which is why you must cut your ex off the moment your ex contacts you out of boredom, curiosity, guilt, or some other unimportant non-romantic reason.

You must say you’re not ready to talk and that you’d like more time to focus on yourself.

This post is for dumpees and dumpers who wonder whether they should reply when their ex texts them.

My ex texted me, should I reply?

No matter who dumped who, you should always reply to an ex. Doing so is respectful, thoughtful, and simply the right thing to do. Everyone deserves a response, even an ex who mistreated you. But that doesn’t mean you owe your ex friendship and long conversations. It’s quite the opposite, really. If you, your ex, or both aren’t ready to be friends, talking will cause more harm than good as it will pressure the dumper and wound the dumpee.

It will cause different problems for both of them and make them think about whether getting back in touch was a wise decision.

In other words, you mustn’t jump the gun and be friends with your ex before you’re ready to be friends. As long as someone is still processing the breakup, you should stay away from your ex and focus entirely on yourself. Focusing on yourself will allow you both to keep healing and regaining your identities.

Dumpees and dumpers should both reply to the person reaching out. Dumpers should reply empathetically and be supportive of the dumpee whereas dumpees should reply out of politeness and see if their dumper wants them back.

If the dumper isn’t anxious, scared, and regretful, they can immediately ask for space and continue detaching. There’s no need for them to communicate when the dumper is enjoying the breakup and doesn’t plan on getting back with the dumpee immediately.

So if your ex texted you and you’re wondering if you should reply, my advice is to reply and keep your distance. Keep your ex away from you so that your ex doesn’t think it’s okay to be friends and confuse you for no reason.

As a dumpee, your job is to heal while being respectful to the dumper. And as a dumper, you must consider the possibility that your ex is reaching out because of overwhelming anxiety and the need to obtain your validation and reconnect emotionally.

If you ignore an ex who badly needs to see that you care about him or her as a person, you’ll cause a lot of problems for that person. You’ll make the dumpee think that he or she is not good enough to receive kindness and respect and that you don’t care what happens to anyone but yourself.

You don’t know what your ex is going through, so at the very least reply to see if the person you left is struggling with separation anxiety and a lack of self-love. Replying won’t instantly heal your ex, but it will make it much easier for him or her to cope with pain.

The only time you needn’t worry about your ex very much is when talking to your ex endangers your or someone else’s health. That’s when you can ignore your ex and get a restraining order against your ex. Just keep in mind that ignoring a person who loves you and has expectations of you could cause that person to do something impulsive.

Something like message your friends or show up at your door. It depends on his or her self-esteem and attachment to you.

Today’s lesson is not to ignore people who reach out to you. If you don’t want to talk to them, you can tell them that like a mature and responsible adult. There’s no need to ignore them and indirectly send them a message that they’re not worth your time and effort.

With that being said, here are 6 reasons you should reply if your ex texted you.

Some people don’t reply to their ex because they’re afraid their ex will see their reply as a chance to communicate again. But you don’t need to be afraid of that if you explain that you need more time to process the breakup.

You can say that whether you’re the dumpee or the dumper as it’s a polite way of saying you’re not ready to be friends yet. You’re ready just to reply because it doesn’t cost you anything to be a decent human being.

Reply but don’t initiate

Many dumpees make the mistake of contacting their ex after their ex has reached out. They think that their ex has broken no contact and that it’s safe for them to go into full contact with their ex. This is why they scare and pressure their ex and make their ex ignore them or block them.

If your ex texted you, know that this isn’t the time to start contacting your ex again. Your ex may have made some emotional progress, but your ex isn’t ready to handle everything you throw at him or her. Your ex can probably only handle a quick surface-level conversation before he or she must go back to no contact for a while.

You need to keep in mind that if the breakup happened recently that it’s still too early to initiate texts or calls. Reaching out on your terms would only show that you’re still attached to your ex or that you might want to get back together (if you’re the dumper) and that you don’t understand what your ex needs.

So remember 3 things.

1. Don’t initiate conversations
2. Reply to your ex when your ex reaches out
3. And go back to no contact when you find out your ex doesn’t want you back. That’s the best way to handle your ex’s texts without getting strung along for ages.

You probably feel happy to hear from your ex, but you mustn’t act on that happiness. You must let your ex (the dumper) put in the work and ask you back (not just initiate) so that your ex can learn to value you and respect you again. Without respect, talking to your ex won’t make a difference.

Your ex will stay detached and keep using you for security or convenience.

Always remember that when your ex wants you back that your ex will do much more than just reach out. Your ex will also invite you out and look for a place and time to apologize and get back together with you. He or she will do everything to win your love and trust back.

Even if your ex has to fight hard for it.

Don’t think that your ex is too stubborn and prideful to admit fault and confess feelings. Pride doesn’t get in people’s way when they’re hurting. It gets in their way only when they’re doing okay and like the way things turned out. Such people haven’t reflected and aren’t thinking about getting back together. They’re happy and will stay happy for as long as their perceptions of their ex remain the same.

It’s best that you keep them away and wait for them to show romantic interest (not just regular interest – curiosity). They need to discern your worth both as a person and a romantic partner so that they can ponder about you and develop cravings and expectations.

Be nice to people but not so nice that they use you and hurt you

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend texted you, you should be nice, but not too nice. If you’re too nice, you will come across as clingy or needy and push your ex away and get hurt again. That will set you back big time and make you even more obsessed with your ex.

So instead of annoying your ex and receiving a painful response in return, show your ex you don’t have any expectations of him or her. Show that you’re doing fine and that you’d rather stay single than settle for friendship and months of confusion.

You can do that simply by stopping all communication with your ex and spending time with friends and family who support you and care about you. It may feel like your ex wants the best for you, but your ex can’t give you what you need if you’re hurting and feel lost.

Your ex can give you closure if your ex is empathetic, but your ex can’t heal your broken heart. Only you can do that by talking about your feelings, writing them down, surrounding yourself with people, and staying busy. You are the one who decides whether you detach or hold on to your ex.

So do what it takes to let go of your ex. Letting go doesn’t mean you must become resentful and not want your ex back, but that you accept the possibility that your ex may not return. Once you’ve accepted it, you’ll stop wanting to reconnect with your ex and become okay with whatever happens.

This means you’ll be okay with your ex dating someone else and even talking badly about you. You simply won’t care because you won’t take the breakup personally and have any expectations of your ex.

That’s the mentality you should strive for. Once you detach, you’ll see that your ex isn’t worth texting back and forth with and that obsessing about what to do and not to do is a waste of time. But I suppose you’ll get there when you get there. It’s only a matter of time.

Are you still wondering whether you should reply if your ex texted you? What do you think the right thing to do is? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you want to talk to us about your ex’s texts, reach out to us by subscribing to personal coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.