Will No Contact Work If He Lost Feelings?

When a breakup occurs, we’re usually taken aback by it and have no idea what to do. We think to ourselves, should we talk to our ex and settle for friendship? Should we occasionally reach out and see if our ex realized he overreacted and wants us back? Or should we “fight” for our relationship and convince our ex we can be the right partner for him if he just gives us one more chance?

It turns out that none of these options are good options as they can’t help us with our problem – especially not right after the breakup.

Friendship with an ex brings us physically close to our ex but makes us emotionally starved for love and recognition. Reaching out from time to time interrupts our ex’s need for space and hurts us when we don’t receive the kind of empowering replies we wish to receive. And fighting for the relationship proves we’re deep in denial, which then pressures, guilt-trips, and makes the dumper feel misunderstood and/or disrespected.

So what do we do when our ex has lost feelings for us? Do we just let him go and let the universe take care of it? Won’t that help our ex move on?

Before we talk about what to do, we need to make something clear. And that something is the dumper’s feelings. For some reason (probably because of fear, pain, and hope), many dumpees think their ex still has some feelings left for them. They think their ex loves them or likes them a lot, but is too stubborn or too afraid to admit it because he’s worried that going back to the same relationship will bring back old issues.

But in all honesty, this isn’t a big issue for dumpers. Sure, many dumpers remember the bad times and cling to those negative experiences like ticks because doing so self-empowers them with negative thoughts and feelings and helps them justify their decisions to others but mainly to themselves.

But a much bigger issue dumpers have is that they’re emotionally depleted and no longer think fondly of the relationship. They think “unfondly” of it as they’d spent days, weeks, or months prior to the breakup looking for reasons why the relationship couldn’t work.

This means they had taken the time to self-sabotage their relationship and chose to run away from it once they could no longer endure their own negativity.

So if you’re aware of the fact that your ex is drowning in self-created misery and you’re wondering “Will no contact work if he lost feelings,” the truth is that you don’t have a choice but to do no contact. It’s the only logical solution left to do because you can’t make your ex get rid of negative reminders of you and push him to redevelop feelings through sheer force.

You can only make things worse as refusing to accept reality will smother your ex and make him distance himself from you.

The topic of this post revolves around the question “Will no contact work if he lost feelings?” We’ll go into more detail about the effects no contact has on a male dumper and the things he needs to redevelop feelings for you.

Will no contact work if he lost feelings?

I’ve done no contact before, so I know that starting no contact is hard. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that sometimes we need to do the opposite of what anxiety tells us to do. Even though every fiber in our body tells us to cling to our ex for love and shelter, the right thing to do is to listen to our brain (not our heart) and muster up the courage to take a leap of faith.

Doing so gives us overwhelming anxiety because we’re uncertain about whether our plan will work, but just because we’re worried, uncertain, lost, and desperate, that doesn’t mean we should not go through with the plan. Emotions are merely reminding us that we’re going through hormonal withdrawal and that there’s a chance our ex will not come back even if we do no contact and play by the book.

But you probably already know that.

Nothing and nobody can guarantee that our ex will come back with no contact or any other method because most of the reconciliation is out of our control. It’s in our ex’s hands because he’s the one who developed a certain negative opinion of us and decided to self-prioritize.

Our ex grew cold, disinterested, resentful, mean, and unrecognizable—and if we try to change the way he feels or acts by getting closer to him, our presence alone pressures him and brings out the worst in him. That’s when we get to see how our ex feels about us and suffer all over again.

This means that as dumpees, all we can do is let our ex focus on his post-breakup needs and focus on ours. When we do that, we can achieve 3 important things.

1. Avoid disagreeing with our ex and annoying him.
2. Avoid ruining our post-breakup image (the way our ex perceives us).
3. And make sure our ex doesn’t hurt us again.

So if you’re trying to figure out if no contact will work if your ex lost feelings for you, know that it’s not a guarantee. But just because it’s not a guarantee, it doesn’t mean that some other method will have a higher chance of success.

The reason why no contact is your best course of action is that for your ex to love you, he needs to respect you. And to respect you, he needs to see that you respect yourself (care less about him than you do about yourself). It may seem strange that an ex will like you more when you don’t pay any attention to him, but that’s just the way breakups work.

Human beings respect others when others respect themselves.

Have you ever wondered why celebrities tend not to get involved with non-celebrities and superfans? The quick answer is that they don’t have much in common with them and don’t find them attractive. They feel too revered by them and therefore, look for connections with people who have a good public persona just like them. Those people are respected by others and know how to live life similarly to them.

Your ex-boyfriend probably isn’t a superstar, but the same principles apply. He won’t find you attractive if you don’t know your worth and treat yourself with dignity and respect. Self-respect is the first and most essential thing you need to make your ex care enough to reach out and check up on you.

Without it, your ex likely won’t message or call you. He won’t do it because he’ll think:

1. You’re not worth the trouble.
2. It’s not safe because you’ll beg for another chance, ask for closure, or do something he’s not emotionally ready for.

So remember. No contact isn’t some sly technique that will trigger your ex’s separation anxiety and make your ex run back on impulse. It’s a method to heal and show your ex you respect yourself more than he could ever imagine.

Here are a few examples of when no contact can work after the breakup.

I’ve seen no contact work on all kinds of dumpers. I’ve seen it affect short-term and long-term exes, abusive exes, cheaters, depressed/BPD/narcissistic exes, and exes who went above and beyond to destroy their ex’s reputation.

Sometimes no contact attracts good people, and other times, it attracts the worst kinds of dumpers who fall back into the same old patterns.

I’m not trying to give you hope and make you wait for your ex. I’d just like you to understand that the majority of dumpers lose feelings after the breakup regardless of their reason for breaking up and that their return has very little to do with their dumpee.

The dumpee’s self-respect and the quality of the relationship they had with the dumpee are important, of course. But so are the (bad) things that happen to dumpers after the breakup.

Will no contact work if I’m starting it late?

Whether the breakup happened yesterday or half a year ago, it’s never too late to start no contact. No contact will help you distance yourself from the problem (your ex) and heal your wounds. And when it heals your wounds, it will also prevent you from repeating or making the typical breakup mistakes that repel your ex.

I can’t promise you that no contact will work on your ex (help you reconcile) if you start it late, but I can almost guarantee that doing what you’re doing now won’t help at all. This is because you’ll continue to show you’re greatly dependent on your ex emotionally and that you’d rather keep your ex to some degree than lose him completely.

To achieve the best results possible, you have to take the biggest risk. You have to break the pattern of communicating with your ex and take a shot in the dark. It’s hard to do that after talking to your ex for a while or after agreeing to stay friends.

But you have to keep in mind that you can’t lose your ex more than you’ve already lost him. You can only get friend-zoned (if your ex still talks to you) or push your ex away (if you continue to bother your ex).

Either way, you lose his romantic respect and destroy any sense of urgency for your ex to get back with you before you move on and find someone else.

You need to understand that the fear of losing you forever helps the dumper want you back. And so does not knowing what you’re doing and how you feel about him. So don’t think it’s too late to start no contact after weeks or months.

The most important thing is that you pull away and start feeling better.

When you do, you’ll stop feeling this overwhelming urge to reconnect with your ex. And that’s when you’ll be able to rationally decide whether friendship is something you even want. Just let me tell you that when you’re ready to be friends, you may not want to be friends at all. You may think it’s not worth getting involved with your ex again and that there are plenty of better-suited people to be friends with.

From what I see, at least 80% of dumpees who do no contact stay away from their dumper forever. They build up their self-esteem and power and realize their ex had flaws too, which is why they focus on moving on and enjoying their life.

So as long as you’re wondering, “Will no contact work if he lost feelings for me,” know that it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the breakup occurred. As long as you have feelings for your ex, no contact will help you recover from the breakup and make you realize you’ve got better things to worry about than an ex who doesn’t see the value you bring to the table.

Can my ex come back if I don’t do no contact?

Anything is possible. Some dumpees get back together with their ex because they beg and plead. But such dumpees usually get another chance with their ex only because their ex still has feelings for them and doesn’t really want to leave the dumpee.

He just wants to flex his muscles and control the dumpee.

Needless to say, such couples almost always break up again and eventually stop seeing each other. They just aren’t ready to resolve their differences and learn to appreciate each other.

Anyway, if you want your ex back, you’re going to have a hard time doing that by staying in touch with your ex. Not only will you likely get on your ex’s nerves (if you initiate conversations), but you’ll also watch your ex do things you don’t approve of.

Those things include:

• dating other people
• engaging in new/unhealthy activities
• avoiding breakup topics
• refusing to tell you the truth
• posting hurtful things on social media
• telling you about his new life

If you don’t do no contact, you could become someone your ex confides in. And that could string you along and delay your healing for months. Maybe longer if your ex unknowingly gives you false hope.

So if you have the option not to dig your own hole, don’t dig it. Go no contact instead as it’s only a matter of time before you see that no contact was one of the best decisions of your life.

If you’re still not sure about it, though, you need to know that contacting your ex could make your ex resent you, ignore you, block you, or do something even worse. You could even annoy your ex so much that he starts spreading rumors about you and makes you sound like an obsessive ex-girlfriend.

That’s because the longer you pester your ex about the things you want, the more respect you lose in his eyes and the less he appreciates your company and wants to be with you.

So protect your dignity and everything else you can lose by staying away from your ex. Spend more time with your family, focus harder on school or work, get physically active, and do the things you previously enjoyed (even if you lost the passion for them).

These things will help you detach and make you see that chasing someone who abandoned you makes no sense. Running after your ex is not just disrespectful to you, but it’s also a complete waste of time and the opposite of what your ex needs to want to speak to you and get back with you.

Your ex needs to find reasons for developing feelings

Most dumpees want to help their ex find reasons to fall back in love, but dumpees who try to help more often than not, end up shooting themselves in the foot. Instead of making their ex see their good points, they completely disregard their ex’s need for space and make their ex see their bad points.

This is how they make their ex crave space and force their ex to act in ways they’re not used to seeing their ex act.

If you don’t want your ex to hurt you, you must understand what your ex needs after the breakup (what emotional stage he’s in) and what he needs to fall back in love with you.

If you think he just needs more of you, you’re never going to reattract him. You’re going to suffocate your ex and cause him to resent you (or resent you more if he already does). So before you try to win him back, convince yourself that your ex doesn’t want what you want.

Your ex is going through the dumper stages and needs nothing but space and time. These two things make your ex feel relieved and happy and will allow your ex to process the breakup at the speed that feels natural to him.

When he finally processes it is when he’ll have the emotional space he needs to become curious, nostalgic, and want to communicate with you again.

Just keep in mind that when your ex is ready to talk to you, he’s not necessarily ready to get back with you. It’s much more feasible that he just wants to communicate about non-relationship matters.

Matters such as the weather, politics, sports, pets, and your family’s well-being. In that, case you need to know how to respond, so you don’t encourage your ex to keep reaching out and hurting you for unimportant reasons.

The only times you should allow your ex to communicate with you is when you have kids with him or when your ex makes it clear he’s made a mistake and that he wants to see you/want you back.

And your ex will want that when he experiences enough inconveniences to become nostalgic and want what he used to have.

So if you’re still thinking about whether no contact will work if your ex lost feelings, know that it’s impossible to be sure. All you can do is maximize your chances of reconciliation by following the rules of no contact, avoiding breakup mistakes, and hoping that your ex gets himself into some kind of trouble.

Do you think no contact will work on an ex who lost feelings? What do you think the best strategy is? Post your thoughts in the comment box below.

However, if you need our help analyzing the breakup and devising a breakup plan, sign up for 1-on-1 breakup coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.