Will I Ever Get Over My Ex?

If you’re in a lot of pain, wondering if you’ll ever get over your ex, the answer is yes, you will get over your ex. It might take another few months or a year or two even, but eventually, you’ll process the breakup and get your happy self back. The longer you go without interacting with your ex, the better you’ll feel and the less you’ll need your ex to be happy.

Right now, you probably still idealize your ex and ask yourself how you could ever let go of someone who makes you feel such strong emotions. You think if not obsess about your ex day and night and struggle to focus on your hobbies, goals, and meaning.

Rest assured that you won’t always think and feel this way.

Your opinion of your ex and your feelings for him or her will change when you detach and become more rational and self-loving. As you distance yourself from your ex, you’ll stop seeing your ex as a person who can love you and save you from the pain you’re in. Instead, you’ll start seeing your ex as someone who can disrupt your peace and give you unnecessary hope and pain.

Give it more time and you’ll notice that your ex was far from perfect and that you’ll be okay with or without your ex.

Breakups are extremely difficult occurrences. Not only must you forget all your ex’s promises, nice words, positive traits, and good memories, but you must also learn to give yourself what your ex failed to deliver or no longer provides. This means you must establish your own goals, become okay with your own company, and fall back in love with the person you are.

You must improve your thinking/behavioral patterns and flaws but mostly, figure out how to boost your self-esteem without your ex.

Don’t do this by signing up for a dating app and dating/sleeping with someone else. Another person won’t boost your self-esteem. He or she will boost your ego and make you crave your ex’s affection more when the euphoria phase wanes and forces you to compare the new person to your ex.

To get over your ex, you must learn to accept the breakup and love yourself more than your ex. You must have a little bit of blind faith and be open to detaching, healing, and growing. If you’re open to these things, you’ll understand that the dynamics between you and your ex have changed and that nothing you say and do will change your ex’s mind and allow you to heal and feel better.

Unfortunately, you’ll have to give up on healing with your ex’s help (by getting back together and feeling accepted and loved). You’ll have to consider other (longer) paths to recovery. These paths may be harder, but they’re the only paths available to you after your ex has dumped you and shown you he or she doesn’t want to be with you.

The long and hard paths have some advantages though. They teach you how to control negative emotions and urge or force you to outgrow your pre-breakup self. If you diligently work on yourself, you won’t just let go of your ex. You’ll also let go of bad habits, unhealthy thinking/behavioral patterns, and things that hold you back from becoming the best version of yourself.

Personal development is an important part of the breakup process. The things you improve will be of tremendous help to you as they’ll encourage you to dissociate yourself from the old you and help you forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. The more you grow and like yourself, the less you’ll blame yourself for your ex’s reactions, decisions, and lack of feelings.

So embrace the pain and reflect on your shortcomings. Think about your flaws (don’t blame yourself for them) and promise yourself not to make the same mistakes again. If you do this long enough, you’ll love the new you rather than despise yourself.

Consider the breakup a golden opportunity to make some healthy changes. If you don’t make any changes now that you’re hurting and probably willing to do anything to be with your ex, you won’t make them later either. You may feel demotivated to work, do chores, and talk to people, but you should still feel incentivized to mature and impress your ex.

It’s okay to want to grow for your ex. It’s okay to want your ex to notice all your changes and improvements. Most dumpees initially work on themselves to reattract their. Eventually, though, they see that they like who they’ve become and the lives they’ve created and that they don’t need their ex to move forward with their lives.

They just need to stay positive and busy.

So will you ever get over your ex? Absolutely! You’ll get over the dumper as long as you at least partially want to get over him or her. A part of you has to understand your worth as a person and want to recover emotionally.

If you want your ex out of your system, you’ll feel less dependent on your ex every week. Slowly, you’ll process rejection, get used to pain, become happy without your ex, and wonder why you even cried and obsessed over your ex so much.

It may be too soon for you to ask such questions, but give it time and your obsession with your ex will wane. It will eventually disappear because you’ll get busy with your life, recover emotionally, and like how far you’ve come.

Your ex’s lack of attention and affection won’t bother you anymore because you’ll understand who you are and what you’re worth.

In this post, we’ll talk about whether you’ll ever get over your ex. We’ll teach you how to love yourself more than your ex and get over your ex in the quickest time possible.

Do all dumpers get over their ex?

Almost all dumpees (99.9% of them) get over their ex. They eventually heal and see their ex doesn’t deserve their time and feelings.

The only ones who don’t get over their ex are the ones who refuse to follow the breakup rules (also known as the rules of no contact) and acknowledge their powerlessness. Such people stay in denial and try to reason with their ex for years.

They keep showing up at their ex’s house unannounced, sending their ex gifts and letters, and making other desperate breakup mistakes. By forcing their ex to reject them, they continue to reopen their wounds and stay hung up on their ex for ages.

They don’t even want to consider a life without their ex because they’re terrified of any other reality than the one they envisioned with their ex.

They’re convinced their ex is the best they ever had and ever could have—and that they need to “fight” for their ex’s love. Desperate dumpees mistake romantic movies, books, and songs for reality and pester their ex for as long as their ex allows them.

And their ex allows them until he or she ignores/blocks them, changes his or her number, or gets a restraining order against them. Most dumpers don’t tolerate dumpees’ disrespectful behavior for very long (if at all). Most dumpers get tired of their ex’s begging very quickly and tell or show their ex to take a hike.

But other than the most emotion-driven, control-hungry, and boundary-disrespecting dumpees, most dumpees eventually get over their ex. They process separation anxiety, fear of abandonment and fear of the unknown, (childhood) insecurities, and self-esteem problems and leave their ex in the past.

They heal emotionally and realize their ex can’t help them in positive ways anymore. That’s when they open their hearts up to new romantic possibilities and start dating new people.

It’s not about whether you’ll ever get over your ex but how you’ll get over your ex. What will you need to change and do to stop feeling anxious and desperate for your ex’s love and recognition?

The first thing you’ll need to do is cut your ex out of your life. You can’t expect to detox from someone who broke your heart by keeping in touch with him or her and acting like you’re friends. Friendship with exes is seldom possible. Most of the time, it’s the worst thing a dumpee can agree to as it gives him or her false hope and triggers obsessive thoughts.

To get over your ex quickly (or as quickly as possible), you must refuse friendship and start no contact. No contact means no communication of any sort with your ex. This includes texting, calling, liking your ex’s posts, opening stories, and any direct or indirect communication with your ex.

By all means, say hi to your ex out of politeness if you run into your ex—and your ex looks receptive, but don’t engage in meaningless conversation and try to meet up for coffee. Don’t agree to it even if your ex invites you out him/herself. You shouldn’t learn new things about your ex’s life, especially the things that give or kill your hope.

If you learn that your ex has a new partner and/or is struggling emotionally, you’ll analyze your ex’s new life like a crazy person and stay obsessed with your ex. It’s better to completely shut your ex out of your life and prevent your ex from messing with your head.

If your ex is active on social media, unfollow your ex as well.

Do everything in your power to avoid hope, pain, and intrusive thoughts. You’ll have fewer emotional setbacks and feel less dependent on your ex if you stop interacting with your ex and receiving updates on your ex’s post-breakup life.

If you’re depressed, highly anxious, and feel that you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health therapist. He or she may prescribe you medication or give you the emotional support you need to get through the storm.

Make sure to also spend time with friends and family. You’ll get over your ex quicker if you surround yourself with people you trust and get along with. Your loved ones will help you stay busy and keep your mind off your ex.

Exercising will also help. So get plenty of daily exercise.

There’s a lot you can do to get over your ex. Just get active and tell yourself you’ll get over your ex as long as you want to get over your ex and do the right things. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t detach from an ex you stopped interacting with.

Everybody can get over an ex. Even those who made a lot of breakup mistakes and annoyed their ex for weeks or months. Such dumpees may need longer to process additional rejections, but they can get over their ex provided they take the breakup seriously and act as if their ex doesn’t exist.

With that said, here’s a recap of what dumpees can get over their ex.

I know it’s hard. You’re constantly wondering if this pain will ever end so you can live your life normally. Rest assured that the pain will end. And when it does, it will feel very liberating. You’ll feel relieved because you’ll no longer obsessively think about your ex and want your ex to save you.

You won’t need your ex’s saving because you’ll be in control of your emotions and have better people to spend time with.

When will I get over my ex?

It’s impossible to predict when you’ll get over your ex because every dumpee’s recovery time is different. The ones with the highest self-esteem recover in months whereas the ones with the least breakup experience and self-love need a year or longer.

Their recovery time also depends on their attachment and coping mechanisms and the length of the relationship.

A 10-year relationship tends to take longer to process than a 1-year one. That is unless the dumpee has partially detached prior to the breakup and changed his or her opinion of the dumper. For example, if a dumpee emotionally or physically cheats and gets dumped, he or she tends not to suffer as much because he or she has lost feelings and found someone new to date.

The intensity of the relationship also matters. Intense, unhealthy, and codependent relationships often take longer to process because dumpees must learn to rely on themselves for happiness and healing. They must forget about their ex’s help and seek help elsewhere.

If you had a volatile relationship with your ex, it will probably take a year and a half to get your ex out of your head. It could take even longer if you lacked self-esteem and purpose in life.

But if you had a normal (healthy) relationship and loved yourself sufficiently, then expect to get over your ex in 8 months or so.

This also depends on what you do in your free time. If you shut yourself in, look at your ex’s pictures and conversations all the time, and tell yourself what a great person your ex is, you’ll probably stay hooked on your ex for over a year. You’ll struggle to get over your ex due to the lack of willpower and proper breakup behavior.

So avoid looking at old photos and checking up on your ex. The sooner you push your ex out of sight, the sooner your ex will get out of your mind.

Make sure to also deal with your ex’s breadcrumbs. Don’t let your ex reach out and confuse you. If you hear from your ex, tell your ex you need space and that you wish him or her the best of luck. Breadcrumbs are extremely dangerous as they set you back emotionally and prevent you from moving on.

You’ll get over your ex when you’ve fully accepted the breakup, stopped idolizing your ex, rebuilt your self-esteem, and convinced yourself there are many better people to date. It may take a while for you to recover, so be patient with yourself and keep moving forward as if you’ve already gotten over your ex.

I know it sucks to feel brokenhearted, but eventually, you’ll regain your emotional independence and perhaps even prefer your new ex-free life. Thanks to your ex, you’ll like the person you’ve become and the life you’ve created.

Are you still wondering if you’ll ever get over your ex? How long has it been since your ex left? Share your break story in the comments section below the post and we’ll get back to you shortly.

However, if you prefer to talk 1-on-1, sign up for Magnet of Success private coaching. We’ll do our best to help you feel less anxious and eager to reconnect with your ex.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.