Why Is My Ex Trying To Get A Reaction Out Of Me?

Most of the time, exes (dumpers and dumpees) leave each other alone after the breakup. They go completely separate ways and mind their own business.

But every now and then, some exes feel wronged or unhappy about the way their relationship has ended, so they take justice and revenge into their own hands and do something to get a reaction out of their ex.

They do it to get back at their ex, but most importantly, to prove to themselves and others that they matter. Knowing that they possess the power to make their ex react validates and empowers them—and helps them get over the pain and self-perceived injustice.

A quick way for exes to get a reaction out of each other is to:

• say and do things that hurt each other
• post pictures that incite envy or jealousy
• purposely deny feelings and diminish the value of the relationship
• evoke pleasant and unpleasant feelings of nostalgia
• play mind games

If you’re wondering, “Why is my ex trying to get a reaction out of me” this article will reveal the thoughts behind your ex’s actions and tell you what kind of kick your ex gets out of it.

Just keep in mind that the article is written from a female perspective and that it applies to both genders equally.

Why is my ex trying to get a reaction out of me?

The reason why your ex is trying to get a reaction out of you is very simple. Your ex no longer receives your validating love and care the way he used to (the nice way), so the only way left for your ex to receive it after the breakup is through force.

This way, your ex gets to see that you care about his words and actions and feel stronger (more in control) of his life. Your reaction (whether it’s positive or negative) reassures your ex that he still plays a somewhat important role in your life and tells him that you haven’t forgotten about him yet.

It also conveys to him that you’re emotionally attached to him, regretful of your behavior, or emotionally weak (vulnerable).

Believe it or not, but many people love seeing those who wronged them suffer. They love it so much because they have an eye for an eye mentality and want justice.

If someone hurts them, they immediately want to hurt them back. Doing so evens the score, tells them that they’re not hurting alone, and above all, relieves their pain.

The feeling they get is similar to how victims feel when someone mistreats them and goes to jail. They feel a mixture of anger, contempt, and vengeance all coming to an end.

Their hearts finally get closure—which empowers them with relief and helps them move on with their lives.

So next time your ex tries to get a reaction out of you by trying to hurt you, confuse you, or make you curious about him, remember that your ex has a hidden motive.

Your ex is trying to get a reaction out of you because he’s hurting and is trying to recover from the breakup the way that he best knows how.

How to respond to an ex who tries to bring a reaction out of you?

If your ex is trying to bring a reaction out of you, the best thing you can do for yourself as well as your ex is not to react badly. You can’t expect your ex to stop tempting you to respond to him if you continue to fall for your ex’s self-empowering tricks.

You have to be smarter than that.

Choose not to respond poorly to your ex’s provocations and do what the wisest, maturest person you know would do. Respond politely and ask your ex to stop reaching out to you.

You can do so by choosing the response that suits your case:

• Hi [name]. It’s good to hear from you. I’ve decided to leave the past behind, so I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t reach out to me anymore. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I hope that you understand and that you’re okay with it.
• Hey. I know that you’re angry and you have every right to be. I would be too if I were you. Do you think it’s possible for us to call a truce and bury the hatchet? I suggest that we stop talking for a few months, get some distance from each other, and then see if we can be cordial.
• Hi. I’ve noticed that the breakup’s hurt you and that you feel a variety of mixed emotions. I’m sorry about that. I think it’s best that we stop communicating for a few months to process the separation. We need some time to ourselves. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk to you again. Take care.

Keep in mind that asking your ex to stop luring you into a response doesn’t mean that you should reach out to your ex first and tell him that he mustn’t contact you ever again.

Far from it.

All it means is that you should stop your ex from stringing you along and protect yourself whenever your ex directly contacts you. In other words, you should only respond to your ex if your ex actually contacts you.

So stay aware of your thoughts and emotions and don’t fall for your ex’s:

• social media baits (I’m happy to be single/with someone else posts)
• lies about the relationship and your behavior
• trash talk and revealing your flaws and secrets
• words and actions that hurt you

What to do if your ex keeps trying to get a reaction out of you?

Your ex will most likely stop trying to get a reaction out of you the moment you sympathize with him, acknowledge his pain, and kindly ask him to leave you alone.

He may not like that you’re leaving him behind, but he’ll see that you mean no harm and decide not to hurt you. He won’t see a reason to because you’ll soothe your ex’s anger or anxiety.

You’ll calm your ex down.

But if your ex doesn’t calm down despite showing him that you’re concerned about his well-being, then words alone likely won’t work on your ex. He won’t have the strength to be reasoned with, so the only thing you can do is to wish him well and ask him not to reach out.

Next time he reaches out and gets angry with you, do the same. Wish your ex well and tell him that you both need some space.

There’s no need to block your ex if he continues to reach out to you because that will likely provoke your ex. It could make your ex so angry or so hurt (depending on whether he’s the dumpee or the dumper) that he visits you in person or does something on social media that you don’t like.

Know that many people commit suicide because their exes stop responding to them or treat them poorly. That’s why you don’t want to ignore your ex and carry death on your shoulders for the rest of your life.

You really don’t.

So respond to your exes whether the relationship ended peacefully or poorly. They may not have been the best partners, but it’s the least they deserve as human beings.

The only time you should ignore a person is when he or she endangers you and your loved ones.

Your ex will stop wanting to get a reaction out of you!

If you’re responding to your ex in a friendly manner whenever he reaches out, it’s only a matter of time before your ex recovers from the shock of the breakup and stops wanting to bring a reaction out of you.

He’ll get over your behavior, heal from the pain, and fill the void you’ve left in his heart. Time will make sure of it. You can be certain of that.

So be patient with your ex and choose not to make your ex and yourself feel worse than you have to feel.

Nobody has to suffer. Especially not if you understand that your ex is desperate for recognition and that he’ll soon feel better whether he wants to or not.

Your ex will recover. And when he does, he’ll stop caring about your reaction and leave you alone once and for all.

How long before your ex leaves you alone?

It will likely take your ex a few months before he pulls himself together and stops seeking your attention. How fast he regains composure really depends on his personal strength, how much you hurt your ex, and how much false hope you give to him.

For example, if you tell him that the breakup is completely his fault or that your relationship is only on a short break, you’ll indirectly increase his suffering. You’ll keep him emotionally dependent on you for recognition (a positive reaction or some kind of good news) and keep his breakup wounds open.

So try not to give hope to your ex. Don’t encourage him to stay friends with you either. Follow the indefinite no contact instead and let your ex heal.

It doesn’t matter if you’re the dumpee or the dumper. If your ex is trying to bring a reaction out of you, he’s clearly not happy about the breakup. He’s overwhelmed with negative post-breakup emotions and now needs time to deal with them at his own pace.

It’s your moral responsibility to help your ex in whichever way you can. You may not like it and you may not want to, but the very least you can do is to help your ex.

He was someone special to you after all.

Breakups bring out the worst in people

I’d like to reiterate that treating your ex with dignity is an absolute must. He deserves as much respect as you and any other person.

So talk to your ex if he wants to talks to you and leave him alone if he wants to be left alone. Be adaptable and keep in mind that your ex will have good and bad days.

If you catch him on a bad day and see or hear him get angry with you, sympathize with him and offer him your help.

Tell him that you understand he’s hurting and that you wish you could make him feel better. Once he sees your caring, calm attitude, he’ll probably calm down quickly anyway. You won’t even have to do much.

But if he doesn’t calm down and insults you instead, then the last thing you want to do is to take his abuse. Simply say that you’re stepping back until he’s calmed down and that he can message you when he’s ready to talk again.

If your ex continues to throw insults at you after that, you might think that there’s nothing left for you to do but to block your ex.

The truth is that there’s one more thing you can do. You can deal with it by temporarily refusing to respond (pay attention to him). Parents sometimes use this technique on their children when their children are throwing a tantrum.

Bear in mind that only the most immature exes say cruel insults after their ex has shown care and sympathy.

If your ex is one of them, wait for your ex to calm down (it shouldn’t take him more than a few hours). And once he’s calmed down and apologized, explain to him why it’s best that you don’t talk to each other for a while and wish your ex the best of luck.

My experience with an ex who tried to manipulate me after the breakup

Many years ago, I dated a girl for a few months and decided to break up with her because I couldn’t connect with her.

I told her that I’d been hoping my feelings for her would increase, but because they didn’t, I had no choice but to end our relationship and give both of us an opportunity to be happy.

Now, my words might sound nice to a person reading them, but the truth is that they didn’t have anywhere near the kind of nice effect on my ex that I wanted them to have.

My ex didn’t seem to care that I’ve spent days devising a perfect breakup line. All she cared about was how the breakup was going to affect her.

That’s why she immediately responded by begging and pleading and telling me why we belong together. Not only that, but she also threatened to kill herself and told me that no one is ever going to love her again.

This put an immense weight on my shoulders. I knew that many dumpees experience suicidal thoughts, but luckily, most don’t actually go through with it. Most dumpees slowly deal with separation anxiety and start feeling better after a few weeks.

But I couldn’t risk it, so I kept talking to the girl even after the breakup despite wanting to run for the hills and never see her again.

She didn’t get angry with me and insult me, but she did make me feel extremely uncomfortable at times. Just like most dumpees, she wanted love and recognition—and as a result, made me feel smothered.

No matter what I said and did, it wasn’t enough because she wanted to meet up and get back together. But because I remained firm with my decision and talked to her whenever she reached out, she eventually detached and pulled away.

She found her own strength and passion for life—and started enjoying life again. All I did was make sure that I didn’t do anything to increase her fears and anxiety.

So whenever your ex tries to get a reaction out of you, remember that your ex wants your attention to feel better about himself. He wants to feel valued and understood.

Did this article answer the question, “Why is my ex trying to get a reaction out of me?” What do you think about exes who show their true colors and act mean after the breakup? Share your thoughts and ideas below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.